Jason chuckles. "Yeah well, I say
creativity is only dangerous when it involves sharp objects or things
that blow up. Anything else is pure art."
Lifting
his pop, he offers a toast. "To your creativity, and the baby's room.
May it not be wild enough to disturb the baby's sleep."
Only
later would Jason realize that he had really enjoyed the evening. He
still felt off kilter. He still had mixed emotions about Katie and he
missed her terribly, while still being angry with her at the same time.
But... slowly, slowly, those emotions began to be less severe, turning
into a dull ache.
It was after hours, but Axel was bent over the car engine, a light
hanging from the open hood. Fingering his wrench, he squints, tinkering
for several minutes. He didn't normally stay up this late working, but
it had been a long day with a long conversation with several other
people, and he'd been in too sour a mood to settle down for the night.
He'd called off his date with Jess and had ignored the two messages on
his answering machine from the band. He figured he'd feel better
tomorrow, but for tonight, he just wanted to keep himself occupied until
he was tired enough to sleep.
Several days ago, things had been fine. He'd
had his suspicions and had even voiced his concerns. But regardless, he
hadn't seen this coming. And now... now he wasn't sure what to think or
believe.
Hearing the garage back
door open and close, he doesn't lift his head. He'd normally check to
see who it was - no one should be here at this hour, and without the
security system on, it wasn't the safest place to be. But somehow, he
didn't have to ask who had come. Somehow, he knew.
Carson
approaches slowly, tucking his hands in his denim jacket pockets. He'd
tried to call Axel several times today but had received no answer and no
call back. It wasn't like his friend and he'd grown concerned... until
he'd found out that Rocky had told Axel what had been going on. Carson
hadn't planned on telling Rocky everything, especially so soon after moving, but when he and Phil had
come to the restaurant for an in-depth Bible study last night, the truth
had come out. Neither one had said much, but Carson hadn't given them a
chance either, hibernating in the kitchen until they'd left.
Now
though, he just wanted to make sure his best friend would still
socialize with him. Coming slowly to Axel, he stops near the car and
waits, unsure how to initiate a conversation.
Axel
feels Carson's eyes but takes his time. Finally straightening, he pulls a
rag from his back pocket and slowly wipes his greasy hands. Eventually,
his eyes rise to see Carson. What he found was not an arrogant man or a
man proud of his actions. What he found was as man who looked like he'd
been beaten from the inside out. But that didn't dissolve the feelings
he had. He eyes Carson for several moments before breaking the silence.
"What do you want?"
Carson's shoulders drop just a
little bit more. "I dunno. I just... when you didn't return my calls, I
called Rocky and he said he'd talked to you." Rocky had also been rather
cold, to say the least, making his disapproval quite obvious. "I...
guess I thought I should drop by."
"Not sure what for."
Axel tries to clean off some grease on his palm but even the towel
won't rub it off. He looks at his hands, battling his feelings as he had
been the whole latter part of the day.
Carson swallows hard. The atmosphere was thick enough to slice with a knife. "I... well are you... I mean we..."
"Look."
Axel stops fidgeting with his rag and looks up again. "If you're
looking for approval for what you're doing, you came to the wrong
place."
"No, I-"
"If you're looking for a shoulder to cry on, you still came to the wrong place."
"It's not-"
"And
if you think I'm just gonna ignore the whole thing..." Axel pauses,
pursing his lips. He knew that Carson was his brother in Christ. He knew
that a sin, no matter how big or small was a sin just the same and that
it was man that labeled rankings from bad to worse. He knew that he had
no right to judge, lest he be judged himself for his own wrongdoings.
But this... he couldn't stand by and let Carson think that he approved
or thought this was fine. To love was his Christian duty - but also was
rebuke. "I'm sorry, Carson. But if you ever wanted for me to lose all
respect for you... you have succeeded."
Carson's head hangs and slowly, he turns around. "Goodnight, Axel. Sorry to bother you."
Watching
him walk away, part of Axel wanted to stop him and talk more about what
had happened. But he doesn't. Hearing the door open and close once
more, he returns to his work on the car until much later when he finally
was weary enough to call it a night.
Jeff wants to
argue with Katie about Angel, but he holds his tongue. He really didn't
want to ruin their day by being negative, no matter how frustrated he
was.
"Alrighty then." He aims Hawk down the trail. "Tallyho."
It took a while to reach the
perfect spot for a picnic, so at least when they did, appetites were
ready, and Jeff was feeling a little less irritated. He avoided talk of
himself, but really, much conversation wasn't needed anyway. Just
spending time with his daughter was nice, whether talking or being
quiet. He did tell her a little of his trip to Jay's, and he did ask her
just a bit about what had happened with Jason. Though upset with
Jason's actions, he encourages Katie to stay at the ranch as long as she
needed, promising he'd be sticking around too, with no plans to leave
town again any time soon.
It wasn't until later
that afternoon that Jeff would excuse himself to his bunkhouse to take a
much-needed nap after the long ride. He didn't want it, but his body
insisted and he didn't want to risk making Katie or Angel any more upset
with him. The nap only came after making sure he saw Ashlee though,
wishing her a belated birthday along with giving her a gift card to the
tack shop in town. He'd planned on taking her and Stacy there himself
but... he didn't make mention of that now. Not after having seen Eric
and Stacy cozying up to each other like they had been. No, for today, a
nap was the only other thing he'd do.
"Justin? It's Ken Truman."
"Oh, hi." Justin
keeps one hand on the steering wheel as he drives towards North Springs.
He was halfway there and hoped Ken wasn't calling to cancel his session
with Mackenzie. Although he'd been dealing mostly with Carson, so
hearing from Ken at all was a bit of a surprise. "What can I do for
you?"
"I... needed to let you know about a change."
Justin wasn't sure he liked his tone, and prepares for anything. "Okay..."
"We were informed that Carson has left his wife and is now living with another woman."
Justin couldn't help his surprise and he spoke without thinking. "What?!"
"We
were surprised too." Ken pauses. "Jeanette and I have discussed it
though, and... we both feel it's not a situation that we want Mackenzie
around. So for the time being at least, we've suspended any visits to
Carson."
Justin's heart sinks. "How's Mackenzie taking it?"
"Not
well. I can't tell if she's more upset with us for not letting her see
him anymore, or more upset with him for leaving Misty."
"Probably both." Justin sighs. "I'm glad to know this though, thank you."
Zach pulls up to
the curb and parks, checking himself once in the mirror. It wasn't often
he had a nice dinner date. Getting out of his car, he straightens his
light green shirt under his black blazer and makes sure it's tucked into
his dress pants.
Making his way to the apartment door, he rings the doorbell and waits, a single daisy in hand for Beth.
The next
couple weeks seemed to pass in a strange kind of blur. It was funny how
the company of one could help heal the wound that another had made.
Regardless, Jason found himself spending many evenings with Misty under
the guise of helping her or keeping her distracted from her own worries.
But in reality, he needed the company just as much. Whether it was
supper or hanging out to watch a movie, having someone just to sit with
who understood what he was going through was nice. And... he hoped he
was doing the same for her. He still hung out with Sandy and the guys,
but they didn't know his history... they didn't understand about Katie.
It was just... different. They were a piece of life Jason needed, but so
was one-on-one time with someone who shared a different kind of common
ground. He didn't want to overstep any bounds or crowd Misty or give
anybody else the wrong idea about his intentions... on the contrary, it
was just nice to spend some time with her to help and be helped.
Alec trudges down the sidewalk, not sure where he's headed. It had
been almost a month since Reese had given him freedom. During that time,
half the mornings he'd woken up with a hangover, he'd been turned down
for five jobs and he was now dangerously close to having absolutely no
money at all. He'd already quit using his motorcycle, unable to pay for
any more gas. Hooking up with a few acquaintances, he'd cashed in all
the favors he could, but that money was already gone and there were no
more favors left. No one wanted to help him when they didn't owe him
anymore.
Finding himself in front of Mom and Pop's, he
glances in the window, stifling a cough. It had been quite a while since
he'd seen his brother. Come to think of it, he wasn't sure he'd seen
Carson since he'd been in court after the Agency incident. He hadn't
seen him... or Dani... or even Mackenzie. Alec might never tell anybody,
but he thought about his family often. He knew they weren't
full-blooded family, and he knew they didn't like him... but deep down,
he'd always had an unexplainable longing to be closer to them. It made
him feel weak so he'd never admit it. But he couldn't help the strange
desire.
Sighing, he looks at the door. It was a long
shot, but maybe he could wash dishes or something to earn a few bucks
until he could find something better. He wouldn't beg... and he knew
Carson didn't trust him... but he was getting pretty close to his wits
end. Entering the restaurant, he finds it quieter than he would have
thought for the noon hour.
Someone coughing makes
Carson glance out of the kitchen. Seeing Alec, he immediately bristles.
Things were bad enough without his lowlife brother coming around. He'd
figured after all the trouble he'd caused, he wouldn't be around here
anymore - figured he'd skip town after being released from the Elite.
Exiting the kitchen, Carson glares at Alec over the counter. "What do
you want?"
Alec hadn't expected a warm welcome, but the
glare made any hope diminish. "Just... decided to drop in." He forces a
grin. "No harm in that, is there?"
"How many times have I told you you're not welcome here?"
"I dunno." Alec shrugs. "I figure every man has the right to change his mind sometimes."
"Well this man hasn't," Carson hisses. "Now get out."
Alec frowns. "It's been how long? And you still hate me. I was just wondering if you needed any help around here."
"Go
find work somewhere else," Carson growls. "You've caused enough damage
other places - I don't need you doing it here too." He was in no mood to
deal with this. Today was the first day Dani had not been here to work
after she'd given him notice. It should seem reason enough for him to
want an extra hand. But not Alec. No.
Alec covers
another cough and shakes his head. "What's got you in such a sour mood
anyway? I'm the one that's been kicked out on his hind end. You still
got a great life."
Carson leans closer, gritting his
teeth. "Then you haven't been listening to the word on the street. Now
get out. Before I get my shotgun."
Alec swallows hard
and slowly backs away from the counter. Maybe this hadn't been such a
great idea. Come to think of it, it had been downright stupid. His
brother would never accept him. "Yeah... okay.... nice to see ya."
Heading back outside, he stops near the curb and looks down the street,
not even knowing where to go next. And what had Carson meant about
implying he didn't have a great life?
Later at his
apartment, Alec found himself where he usually did lately... sitting on
the floor in the corner, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to
talk to, and his mind wandering places he'd rather not go. He'd failed
another job interview today after leaving Mom and Pop's. It had been
hard before to get a job with his record - now it was even harder. And
with no allowance coming in, things weren't looking good. And... he had
no one to turn to... Or did he?
Two hours later, he'd
emptied his memory of phone numbers for guys he'd worked with or had
dealings with in the past. No one wanted a roommate. No one wanted to
help. They were all busy, broke too, or just plain didn't want to have
anything to do with him. And back in the corner of his apartment, any
pride left continued to dwindle.
"Carson? What is that?" Jaz comes up behind him in the apartment after the other man had left.
Carson
closes the door and folds the papers he'd been given before she could
see them. He'd thought this day couldn't get worse. He'd been wrong.
Turning, he shoulders past Jaz, heading for the kitchen.
"What..." Jaz throws up her arms. "Are you going to tell me?"
Carson
continues walking and simply holds up the envelop so she could see
before he disappears around the corner. "I've been served," he calls
over his shoulder.
Jaz
frowns. "Served?" Shaking her head, she follows his route to the
kitchen to find him slouching in a chair at the table. "What are you
talking about?"
Carson
grits his teeth and stares at the envelope. Dani had quit. His best
friend had turned his back. He had heard nothing from TJY for the last
two weeks, even despite his routine late night visits to use the
computers. He was no longer allowed to see his daughter. Faithful
customers at the restaurant who were his friends had stopped coming,
bringing numbers - and income - dangerously low for this time of year.
Alec's visit had done nothing but irritate him. And now this. "That guy
at the door was serving me papers," he finally explains. "Misty wants a
divorce."
...Thunder
rolled across the sky, making the earth tremble. It was another miserable
day. Sitting under the window with his head resting against the pane,
Alec watches the rain run down the glass in uneven streams. It didn't
matter how hard he tried... nothing mattered anymore. He could be good,
he could be bad, and in the end, it just didn't matter.
Coughing,
he winces, his throat feeling like he'd swallowed nails. Digging into
his pocket, he pulls out some change and counts it. Not even enough for
the cough syrup he wanted so badly right now.
Resuming
his stare out the window, his mind wanders to Ryan, like it did so
often. It had been the worst torture ever experienced to not try and see
her. He'd heard that she and Tal were still together, and that Tal was
on the road to recovery. For that, he was actually glad, but a piece of
his heart was still missing.
Alec had tried everything
to survive here, but found himself failing. After so long of fighting
the rules and straining to be free... this is what he got. Freedom. Was
this what it really was? He wonders what would have happened, had he
never been caught that night at Scott's house. Being a servant of the
Agency seemed better than this right now.
Looking out
through the rain, his eyes land on the payphone and he again counts the
change in his hand. He just wanted someone to talk to was all... some
company? There were a few people he hadn't dared try yet... people he
really did miss but hadn't had the guts yet to seek their company. Was
it worth it now?
Fifteen minutes later, he's hunched
over under the small covering of the payphone in another coughing fit.
He'd called the Elite but Dalton hadn't been there. Ty was too busy.
Susanne had seemed sympathetic, but had explained she had a date
tonight.
Shivering, Alec puts in another quarter but only before he realizes he doesn't know Dani's number...
...Hearing
the doorbell, Dani groans. Coming down the hall, she tries to get her
earring on at the same time. At this rate, she'd be late meeting Dalton
for the dinner and movie they'd planned. Who would be stopping by now
anyway?
Getting to the door and opening it, her eyes
fall on a weary, damp, rather disheveled brother. And immediately she's
on edge. "Alec? What on earth are you doing here?"
"Um...
Just stopping by." He covers a cough with his hand. It had been a long
walk, but at least the rain had let up for a while.
"Now's not a very good time."
Alec
bites his lip. She didn't seem happy to see him at all. On the
contrary, she appeared pretty annoyed. Did she feel the same as Carson?
Had he told her about yesterday and put her on guard? "I just wanted
some company," he explains quietly. "Thought you might... I don't know."
He shrugs. "Talk?"
The longer he stood there, the more
Dani's distrust grew. She knew all he'd done. The lies. The cheating.
The trouble. And she wanted nothing to do with him. His appearance and
tone did tug at hear heart, but she ignored it. No, she wouldn't be
pulled in this time. "Sorry, but I have other plans."
Alec's hope vanishes. "Oh."
Dani waits for him to leave but when he doesn't, she starts to close the door as a hint. "I have to go now."
"Yeah...
yeah, okay." He backs away, leaving her alone. He'd really hoped he'd
receive a warmer reception than this but... he shouldn't be surprised.
"Bye, Dani." Trudging back out to the street, just as he reaches the
curb the skies break open and the rain pours down in sheets. Pressing
himself up against a nearby building, it doesn't help much and a clap of
thunder makes him jump. Squinting through the rain, he feels his eyes
grow hot. So this is what freedom really was, huh? He'd thought he'd
been lonely before. It was nothing compared to this. He'd always prided
himself in being able to get whatever he wanted. Now he had no pride
left at all. Was this the way it would always be now? Was this ache in
his heart here to stay? For once... he had nobody to make it feel
better...
...Standing at the bottom of the porch steps,
Alec stares at the closed door that was only feet away. The rain was
still pouring down, but he didn't move. He was soaked from head to toe -
not only from his long walk, but also from having stood here for ten
minutes already. Hunching over in a coughing fit, he leans on the
handrail until it passes, left to shiver as a new chill hits him. Did he
have a fever? He hadn't thought of that. Maybe it would explain his
pounding headache.
He felt stupid. He really didn't
know why he was here. He didn't know why he'd thought of here and had
actually come. He was just setting himself up for another rejection.
Maybe it was his last ditch effort. If Carson's car would have been
here, he would have passed by but... it wasn't. It was late in the
evening, and Alec knew that most nights Carson got home later than this
after closing up the restaurant, so maybe it would be safe for a little
while yet. But... would Misty feel the same as the others had? She'd
been nicer to him than some, so... maybe she would be now? All he wanted
was... someone.
Finally, Alec's feet move and he steps
up onto the porch and to the door. The light coming through the window
almost feels warm as if it beckons to give rest to weary bones. But he
tries not to even hope. Knocking on the door, he waits while dripping on
the welcome mat as he continued to shiver. His sight narrows in on the
painted wood panels, even though it stings. Maybe no one would notice
that the droplets on his face weren't just raindrops. Maybe the redness
in his eyes would be overlooked.
But as the door is
opened, his gaze immediately drops. He couldn't even find the strength
to look up at Misty. "Can I..." Alec's voice cracks and he tries not to
let any more tears fall, but it doesn't work very well. "Can I come in?"
He eventually lifts his eyes enough to see Misty. "I don't want to be
alone and-" A raspy cough slips out and he does his best to stop it.
"...and I don't have anywhere else to go."
Jeff wanders towards the house, pausing as he sees Cindy kneeling in the flowers out front. He hadn't seen much of her the last couple weeks. Even though she was doing better, he worried about her, as did most of the others. "Knock knock."
Cindy looks up quickly, squinting in the evening light. "Oh hey, Jeff. What are you doing all the way out here?"
He shrugs. "Just... taking a walk." In truth, he'd wanted to get away from the ranch for a while. After helping Mick break in one of the horses this morning, he'd been read the riot act by several people for the hard work. He'd been tired, sure, but even more so, he'd been upset at their reaction. He was fine. Just fine. He'd given Angel the anxiety pills back after they bothered his stomach, and his nerves felt as though they were shot, but he didn't care. He just wanted everyone to quit worrying about him.
"I see." Cindy places another flower in a small hole, patting down the dirt. "Well, it's a nice evening for it."
"Yeah..." Jeff leans on the porch railing, just watching her for a moment. "How's Kaylee doing? I saw her yesterday at the ranch running around a hundred miles an hour."
Cindy chuckles. "She was. Yesterday. The day before. And before." She shakes her head as she continues to work. "She's quite the ball of energy. I wore her out today though and she's already inside conked out."
Jeff grins. He'd been watching the little girl and loved seeing her run around chasing butterflies. It made him remember Katie when she'd been that age and he'd visited her as her "uncle." At least he had her as his daughter now. The last couple weeks had been nice. They'd had a few long walks and long talks, and he hoped that she would find herself as she'd started out to do here. He avoided talk of his health - that was a subject he didn't want to discuss. But otherwise, he and Katie conversed freely and it was nice. At the same time though, watching Eric and Stacy had made Jeff realize he still had a chunk of his heart missing, and the ache grew day by day. The last couple weeks truly had been nice... and they'd been difficult too. "Well... if you ever need any help with her or anything... I'm available."
Cindy pauses her work, but keeps her eyes on the dirt. Why had Jeff's tone changed? "Thanks, I appreciate that. Becky usually keeps her occupied when I need a break though."
"I see..." Jeff runs his thumb along the railing. "Well if... if you ever wanted to get away for an evening or something... I'd be glad to take you to town or something.... Dinner maybe?"
Cindy could feel heat coming to her cheeks, even though she knew that Jeff's invitation was surely innocent. But she also knew that everyone here was starting to settle on the fact that Wes was not coming back. And though she still wore her wedding ring, people were starting to consider her a widow. And it hurt... a lot.
Finally turning to look up at Jeff, her expression was not angry, but it was not happy either. His moves on Stacy recently had been obvious. Now that Eric had taken over that territory, Jeff was here instead. "Jeff, it would probably be best if you stopped hitting on the same women you pity."
Jeff straightens, not having expected that. And something inside...hurt. "I'm...I didn't..." He swallows hard. Had he really meant it that way? Maybe... he had. Now though, he was royally embarrassed. "I'm... I'm sorry." He turns to leave.
Cindy cringes, not having meant to hurt his feelings. "Jeff, wait, I..." Too late. He was gone. She sighs deeply and turns back to her flowers. A tear rolls down her cheek and she runs her fingers through the dirt. "Oh, Wes," she whimpers. "I don't know if I can ever let you go."
"Wai-wait... I um...got it I got it..." Grabbing the barstool and
trying to pull himself up, Hunter's foot slips, sending him right back
to the floor into a howling fit of laughter. "How's 'bout you just'n
bring me my my drink down here?" He points at he floor. "It's clean
'nuf."
One of his drunken buddies snickers as he leans
heavily on the bar to keep himself from winding up in Hunter's position.
"I could give ya a...a...a slurpy thingy."
Hunter's eyes widen as he quirks one eyebrow. "A wha? Oh a straw!"
"Yeah yeah, right."
Hunter
starts laughing again and points to the door. "A reaaaaaaly long 'n
right on out to th' curb to put in th' beer truck." Finding the thought
quite funny, he shakes his head, unable to stop his laughter. "Hook me
up, boys! At'sa next hot thing 'n gettin' drunk!"
The
night hadn't started out with the intention to get drunk. It just
seemed the thing to do after earlier events. There had been a good crowd
at the desert race tonight and Hunter had been fired up. It was just
one of those days that he could care less about life, would rather
forget the past, and figured he had absolutely nothing to lose. It was a
day to throw caution into the wind and push the limits, wherever they
might be. It was the kind of a day where Hunter had wanted to rebel
against his innermost thoughts of life, loss and regret.
More
laughter fills the bar and Hunter manages to pull himself up on his
knees, his eyes barely able to see up over the bar. Reaching blindly
with his hand, he finds his beer bottle. Sliding back down to the floor,
he brings the bottle with him, spilling half of it on the way. "Oops."
He grins up at his laughing friend and points to the puddle on the
floor. "Hey look! Th' drinks 'r on th' house!"
There's a
strange pause until one of the guys suddenly bursts out laughing again.
"I got it! The house! Floor... house..." He cackles and stumbles up to
the bar to order another shot of whiskey.
"A toast!" Hunter raises his beer sloppily in the air. "Ta good timesss, beer, an'... an'...."
"Women!"
"Amen." Hunter nods and takes another long swig.
Hunter
was behind. Somehow he'd wound up in fourth place, which was no place
to be for the money that was riding on this tonight. He knew Ryan was in
first place and it burned him up that she'd have him again this week.
It had been three weeks since he'd raced against her and won, and it was
about time for that to change.
Shifting
gears, he pushes his car to the max, despite the upcoming curve. He
could handle it - he hadn't missed this turn yet. And he didn't. The
slide was beautiful. From a distance it would have looked like a
floating cloud of dust. The only thing missing was Hunter's regard for
the other drivers and what his maneuver might cause. With eyes only for
his win, he'd lost sight of the other cars.
No
one was sure exactly what happened after that. The car next to Hunter's
spun out of control as the driver apparently overcompensated to avoid a
collision. Without warning, Hunter's car was hit with just enough force
to send it rolling. Jostled to the point of dizziness, pain shot
through Hunter's skull as his head hit the window, and once his car had
stopped, it took him several moments to regain his senses.
After
that, there had been an explosion. Gripped with fear, Hunter had freed
himself of his own car to sprint for the one on fire where he was met
with several others to help pull the driver to safety. It wasn't long
before the lights of the ambulance had come. Jerry was badly burned and
had a broken leg and arm but was going to be okay. Hunter escaped with
only a bump to the head and a few bruises. And when leaving the hospital
hours later, guilt would be the toughest to recover from. No one blamed
him for the accident, but it was obvious that Jerry was lying in that
hospital bed because he'd made a reckless move. He might not be openly
accused, but he knew good and well that it was his fault. And his
confidence in himself, his choices and invincibility was severely
shaken. An invite to the bar was all it had taken to send him towards
the bliss of drowning out the terror of almost killing another man...
and himself.
"Alright, you, I think you've had enough. How about I take you home?"
Hunter
looks up to squint at the one sober guy in their little group. "Just'n
'cause you the dresernegated droover d'sn't mean I haft-" He pauses
mid-sentence to belch. "...hafta leave when yooooou say so." His
pointing finger sways back and forth.
"Yeah well, I gotta get home and if I'm gonna drive you, we need to leave now, and no, I'm not leaving you here."
"Kay...kay..."
Hunter relents and tries to pull himself up again, only to slide back
down to the floor. Snickering, he shakes his head at his friend.
"An'body gots a truck tow?"
Half an hour later, he was
being dumped into his bed and left for the night. Tomorrow, he would
only remember half of the evening at the bar. His head would pound. And
he'd feel no better...
...Staring blankly at
the kitchen table, Hunter manages another swallow of coffee. Why he did
this to himself, he'd never know. It wasn't worth it and he knew it.
Getting that drunk was stupid, pointless, dangerous and unhealthy. Yet
he'd found himself, once again, with his rowdy friends who just
encouraged him to drink one more...and one more until he'd been so drunk
he didn't even remember coming home. All he knew was he'd woken up with
a giant of a hangover.
It had been a while since he'd
gotten this drunk. Come to think of it... the last time he'd even come
close was the night Katie had arrested him, and that time hadn't been
all that bad. After that... when he'd felt like getting drunk, he'd
called or texted her instead and had wound up with something other than a
beer to keep himself occupied. Maybe somewhere down deep he'd been
searching for someone to keep him from his own stupidity, whether he'd
admit it or not.
Images of the evening before flash in
his mind. Rolling in his car. Seeing an explosion in his mirror. Helping
pull Jerry - burnt and unconscious - from the flaming car. He hadn't
even realized his own head had been bleeding until someone had pointed
it out. The evening would have been a good one, had he not been so
reckless. But he just hadn't... cared. He hadn't cared about risking his
own neck, nor anyone else's. And right about now, it didn't feel good
at all.
Turning back to his coffee, he swallows the
last of it and grimaces. It tasted terrible. Maybe he'd just go back to
bed for a while. He didn't have anywhere to go anyway...
...Straddling
his parked motorcycle, Hunter looks out at the lake, glowing with
colors from the setting sun. He'd bypassed another invite to the bar -
it had taken him all day yesterday to get over his hangover... he really
didn't want another one so soon. Not that coming to the lake alone was
all that great.
Sighing, he folds his arms and just
watches the water. Life. Why was it so depressing? There had been a time
he'd been happy. He'd loved life. He had goals. He had dreams. And
now... ever since that accident with Break Out... everything had become
one murky blur. No matter how hard he tried, it just hadn't gained any
clarity at all. He was as confused and angry today as he was then.
Nothing he did returned to him his dreams. Nothing resolved this aching
guilt for his lifestyle. Nothing allowed him release from the memories
of friends he'd turned his back on.
His recent accident
just added to his muddled emotions. He knew he'd been reckless as of
late, but no one had ever gotten hurt from it. He'd done a lot of stupid
things that had risked his neck, but seeing Jerry like that...
Hunter
didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. For the first time, he was
scared of himself. What if he did something stupid like that again? What
if somebody else got hurt? He'd been acting as if he were invincible -
but he was not, nor were the people around him. How many times had he
gone racing down crowded streets just for a thrill? What if he'd hit
someone? The other night in the desert, his only focus had been on
winning - he'd completely ignored the other cars around him, and had
especially ignored their safety. They all knew the risks. They all knew
that accidents happened. No one blamed him in particular for the
accident. But... it had never happened before. Would he be reckless
again? Would he let his desire to win override safety again? What if
Jerry hadn't survived? Then what?
Sighing, he digs his
cell phone from his pocket. He didn't want to bother Katie. She was
trying to forget about Nevada and her problems. Venting to her would
only cause her more stress. And yet... if there was anybody he wanted to
talk to right now, it was her. She wasn't like his other friends. She talked
to him - not just convincing him to go get drunk like the others. She
was just... special. And even if he wouldn't ever dare say it... he
kinda missed her.
Finally flipping open his phone, he types out a text message.
What up? Hope ur getting some good
relaxing. Me I got myself in a
fender bender. Kinda. Desert race
gone bad. My fault. Other guy will
be ok but not good.
Hunter's
fingers pause above the small buttons as a lump rises in his throat. He
was angry. Angry with himself and angry that he couldn't handle this on
his own. Rubbing his forehead, his fingers run over the bandage,
reminding him of his short hospital visit.
Car's busted. Idk if I'll race when
its fixed tho. Got a bad taste in
my mouth I guess. Dont wanna hurt
somebody else.
Would
she be able to tell what a hard time he was having? He kinda hoped not.
Maybe he shouldn't send this at all. Maybe he should just say hi and
leave it at that. He sighs. Nah... he'd go ahead and send it. It wasn't
that bad and she probably wouldn't read into it enough to be worried
about him.
Anyway... Hope ur smiling cuz ur
even prettier when you do. Ttyl.
After
sending it, he just stares at his phone for a few minutes. It would be
nice to actually talk to her. Maybe he should have just called her. No,
she might be busy or trying not to talk to anybody right now. A text was
better. That way she could more easily ignore it if she wanted to. If
she wanted to call him back she would, but he figured she'd probably
just text since it was easier. She probably had enough going on the way
it was.
