Because it hurt too much. That was why.
Gunner's
shoulders dropped in disappointment. He'd hoped Bree would just settle
back into the couch again so he could watch her sleep...instead of
answering questions. Letting his head fall back into the cushion, he
didn't speak right away. He knew Bree hated his silence, but he wished
he could just pretend everything was fine. Not that that method had
worked very well thus far.
Eventually he turned his head to look over at Bree. There was just enough moonlight coming through the window that he could make out her face. And she looked worried. And hurt.
Reaching
over to her, he ran a finger softly down her cheek. "I'm sorry." His
apology was quiet. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Even
so, he fell silent again, continuing to study her face. Moving back in
the couch, he sat sideways before pulling Bree into his lap, letting her
lean back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her. He'd
rather she not be able to see his face. After kissing the top of her
head, he sighed deeply.
"I remember those nights so
clearly," he whispered. "When you'd come to visit me. Even if they had
me drugged, I still remember. You were my light." He paused, hoping the
churning emotions he felt were not evident in his voice. "And you still
are. If it weren't for you, I..." He swallowed hard. "Well, I'm not sure
I'd have anything worth sticking around for."
He
kissed her head again, leaving his face lingering close to her soft
hair. "Sometimes I think I'm going insane...and sometimes it doesn't
seem so bad if I did. If I went crazy, I might not remember enough to
bother me. Yet I want to remember. Which only drives me closer to the
line. And if I cross it, I might never come back."
His
words had grown listless...confusing. "If I just let go...I'd be free.
But maybe insanity would be more of an imprisonment than my obsessions. I
can't tell."
There were several more moments of silence before he spoke again. "I just need
time to figure it out. That's all...just a little time. And I'll be
fine." He gave Bree a loving squeeze. "I'm okay now. Can we go back to
sleep?"
Rosalyn fingered the dress while her other hand curled into Chad's. She nodded before looking up at his eyes, and forced a smile. "Okay...I'll write too. Mick got pretty good at getting my mail to me. I'm sure he will again so no one else can intercept."
A bit of sadness flickered in her eyes, but she tried to keep smiling. "Drive slow back to the ranch, okay?"
Hearing a vehicle pull into the driveway, Jared set aside his car
magazine and pulled himself up a little straighter in bed. He knew it
must be Grace coming for his therapy. He wasn't feeling all that great
today, but he'd already made up his mind not to give her a hard time.
His outlook on life itself maybe wasn't all that much better,
but...after seeing how determined Grace was not to give up on
him...maybe it had touched him a little deeper than he'd admit.
After
thinking for a moment, he gradually slid his feet over the side of the
bed and sat up. Things were made an awful lot harder by his one arm
being in a sling, but he could do this, right?
Carefully
and very slowly, he managed to stand - though shakily. Once he'd found
his balance, he moved towards the hall, using the dresser to steady
himself. It wasn't pretty, but he did manage to make it to the doorway.
Leaning on the door handle to keep his balance, he waited for Grace,
hoping his effort would show that he was willing to keep trying.
3/24/13
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