Hearing BJ's attempt at pronouncing Einstein's name, Mick's eyebrows rise and his mouth twitches as he tries to keep from laughing. He would never make fun of BJ, nor would he want his son to think he was - it was just a little humorous, listening to the mispronunciations.
Finally smiling as BJ gets it, he nods. "Yeah, he was kinda a cool guy, wasn't he?" He takes a bite of his food, chewing it thoughtfully. "So what kind of fractions did you do?" It was his routine to ask BJ about school in the evenings - something he'd started to help the boy retain what he was learning. Some days were tough, but he seemed to be getting better at remembering what he'd learned, and Mick still believed Rosetta teaching him was the best option.
Feeling Katie's hand, Hunter returns the squeeze before glancing at her to catch her eye, just to receive the kiss on his cheek. He smiles a little, glad she wasn't embarrassed by him or anything. "Thanks."
As the meal progressed, conversation was kept light, sprinkled with
laughter. It was warm... cozy... almost comforting in an odd sort of
way. At least to Hunter. Mick and Rosetta were so very nice - it was so
obvious they loved each other and their family. Even when Mick had to
chide BJ about talking with his mouth full or interrupting a
conversation, it was done gently. Katie was treated like a daughter and
Hunter could tell they loved her as much as she loved them. They were
more than an aunt and uncle to her.
It was because of
such an atmosphere that when Hunter realizes he's staring at his plate,
he surprises himself. All of a sudden he felt as though he were in a
terrible mood - but for absolutely no reason whatsoever. He was having a
very relaxing time and everything was so nice. Why then, did he
suddenly feel on edge and...almost cranky?
Lifting his eyes, he does his best to smile and join back in the conversation, but for some weird reason, it was difficult.
Eventually
as everyone is finished eating, Rosetta and Katie leave to clear the
table, while BJ trots off somewhere - Hunter thought he said something
about finding another truck, but he wasn't sure. Left alone with Mick,
he clears his throat and rubs his thumb over a water stain on the table.
Maybe his lingering awkwardness was because it had been too long since
he'd been in an atmosphere like this. The closest thing he could
remember was maybe Kyle's family back when he'd taken refuse at their
house. An image of his angry father flashes in his mind and he swallows
hard. He again hears his mother's voice on the phone, telling him that
his father would not allow him to come back home. She hadn't even fought
for him. Finding a couple boxes of his belongings on the step had made
the whole thing final. But this... here... with these people.... this is
what he'd missed out on, even when he'd been at home. Before he'd left.
And maybe he hadn't even realized it until now.
Feeling a
wave of emotions hit, Hunter stands and grabs his crutches. Avoiding
Mick's eyes, he aims for the door. "Excuse me... I need some fresh
air."
Mick watches him leave, studying the young man's
behavior. He wondered if he knew what was wrong, but wasn't sure.
Waiting a few minutes, he eventually rises as well and follows Hunter's
route out the door. As suspected, he finds Hunter on the porch just
leaning on the railing, looking out at the ranch. The lights from the
dining hall shone out onto the driveway, and chatter and laughter could
be heard. The sky was dim as the sun set, and some of the horses
nickered restlessly out in the pasture.
Hunter hears the
door but doesn't turn around. He wasn't surprised Mick had followed him.
After all, he'd been rather rude. "I'm sorry," he apologizes quietly.
"Every once in a while, a room gets too small."
Mick
chuckles and joins him at the railing, also letting his eyes roam the
ranch. "Eh... Sometimes I get that way too. I was just concerned perhaps
we'd offended you."
"Oh no... no not a bit." Hunter
shakes his head. "On the contrary, this is great. It's been a long time
since... well..." He shrugs. "Since I've been around a happy family I
guess."
Mick nods slowly. Another piece of the puzzle was slowly taking shape. "Does it bother you?"
Hunter
really isn't sure. Is that why he felt like hitting something, or
crying when everything around him was perfectly fine? His subconscious
seems to know that answer, and he speaks before he even thinks about it.
"I guess I'm still angry with my parents for not giving me the same
thing." Once the words were out in the open, his eyebrows raise
slightly. "And... I guess that's the first time I've said that out
loud."
Mick lets a pause linger for several moments. He
knew that Rosetta and Katie would know well enough not to interrupt,
even if they didn't know what was going on. "Hurts... doesn't it?"
Hunter
sighs. "Yeah... yeah, I guess it does. I always thought I'd gotten over
it. Moved on. Then I come here, years later, and wham... that's all
I've been able to think about."
Mick smiles. "Funny how that happens. Sometimes we don't know what we really missed out on until we see it other places."
"Yeah." Hunter's eyes drop as he adjusts his weight on his crutches. "Shouldn't matter though. I should be over it."
"No
matter how old a man is... he still has a hole in his heart shaped like
loving parents." Mick gives Hunter a sidelong glance.
Hunter
huffs a sigh. "Feels like a curse to someone like me." He shrugs
lamely. "Ya know... until I came here... I hadn't thought much about
before I moved out from my parents. They weren't abusive. They weren't
mean. I had everything I needed. But there was just... something
missing." He turns to finally look at Mick. "I watch you and BJ and...
and I don't remember having that kind of relationship with my dad. It
was all about shutting up and growing up. I mean... anything I was
interested in - like my karate - he just thought was stupid. Never came
to any of my events or tournaments or anything. When I'd bring a medal
home, it was a pat on the back if I was lucky, then conversation about
how my grades were doing in school." Pausing, Hunter can feel a
melancholy settling over him. "I guess I just never realized what I was
missing. And all these years I've just... tried to ignore it, I guess."
He gives a scoffing laugh. "Not that any family is perfect. I probably
don't have anything to complain about."
"I'm not so sure
about that." Mick folds his arms as his eyes search the sky for the
first stars. "No family is perfect, but... I'd never say your situation
was nothing, simply by how it's shaped you."
"How do you mean?"
"Looking for acceptance in all the wrong places is a classic sign of home neglect."
Hunter
finds himself looking away again. He thinks of all his trips to the bar
and hanging out with the wrong crowd. It sent a pang to his heart.
"That wasn't until years later though," he argues.
"After you felt rejected for the second time."
Hunter blinks.
Mick
glances at him. "You think if you'd had a family to go to when Break
Out ended, you would have had such a hard time? Do you think you would
have had such a hard time losing the girl to your best friend, if you
hadn't felt the sting of rejection time and time again before that?"
Hunter
blinks again. How did Mick know about all of that? He'd never told him.
Katie? Even she didn't know everything. "How...?"
Mick
shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. The pieces are there though, and
they do make a logical picture if you take the time to put them
together. But sometimes putting them together is painful because we're
forced to relive everything."
Hunter leans his head
against one of the posts. He could easily be upset with this
conversation, but for the first time, the pain felt... relieving, in a
way. "Most of my problems stem from my family, don't they?" he asks
quietly.
"Probably. Your parents can't be blamed for your choices - you've made those. But maybe they make a little more sense now."
"I was fine for years, though. Up until Break Out, I was... well, my life was good."
"So?
You'd recovered enough to survive and keep things on an even keel. When
you felt betrayed by your friend, then lost your livelihood, it was too
much to handle. Who else had nowhere to go?"
Hunter
shrugs. "They all had somebody they could go to to stay with or get help
until figuring out what to do next. Me... I just started wandering."
"Kinda felt like getting kicked out of the house all over again, didn't it?"
A
lump rises in Hunter's throat. He'd never even thought about that
before but now... putting it that way... it sure did make sense.
"Wow..."
Mick reaches over to give Hunter's shoulder a
pat. "Sometimes these little discoveries aren't easy... but in the long
run they help us figure out ourselves so we can improve and become the
people we want to be, rather than allowing the past to control us.
Discovering why we've behaved the way we have... sometimes it helps us
let go of those things that hinder us."
Let go.
There it was again. A new burning question rises within Hunter. Some
might not see the connection, but he felt it. "Have you always... I
dunno... trusted God like you do now?"
Mick chuckles. "I wish I could say yes, but no. I rode the fence for a very long time."
"What made you finally decide to... well, give your life to Him I guess."
"I was tired of my nightmares."
Hunter was taken aback. "Nightmares?"
"Mm-hmm."
Mick nods. "I think God was getting tired of me riding that fence, so
He provided me with some very frightening nightmares to remind me what
it would be like if I died without Him. Scared the tar out of me, but I
still fought it until I'd finally had enough. I knew the truth, I knew
what He was trying to tell me and... I finally gave up fighting. He was
bigger than me and I knew good and well that His way was better than
mine. I've struggled since then with a few things but... I've never
forgotten those nightmares either. Some people might think that a bit
weird, but..."
"Not me." Hunter shakes his head. "At least you knew what yours were about thought."
Mick cocks his head. "I think you know what yours are about too. Maybe you just haven't been willing to see it yet though."
Hunter
bites his lip and looks out at the ranch yard again. "I..." He stops,
feeling a bit silly, and scared for some reason. "When I fell in the
river, I... I heard a voice." He'd told no one about this until now. Not
even Katie.
"What did it say?"
"It said to
let go. I thought it was literal - well, it was, in a way 'cause
apparently when I relaxed, I was able to get unstuck from where my leg
had caught on a log. But... I guess I can't help but believe it was
figurative too."
"What do you think you're supposed to let go of?"
Hunter shrugs. "I don't know. My past? I don't know what else to do that I haven't already."
"Hmm..."
Mick thinks for a moment, giving Hunter time to process. "Maybe it's as
simple as letting go of that anger you were talking about."
Hunter
looks at him, studying his face in the dim light. Was it as simple as
that? And yet it really wasn't all that simple. Was that what this was
all about? Was that the real reason for him coming here in the first
place? To discover he still had harbored hurt and anger against his
parents, and to realize he needed to let it go so it would stop
affecting his life like it had been? He'd never even connected those
things until now. Even his love of racing was connected - he knew that
was something his father would have hated. It was as if he'd chosen that
life out of spite. His bar visits were lame attempts to feel accepted - his drinking an attempt to forget and fit in to a crowd he didn't even like.
His anger towards Kyle was just a coverup for feeling rejected and
betrayed all over again. It was all... connected. "Maybe."
Mick smiles and nods to the door. "What say we go see if
dessert's ready? Rosetta wouldn't let me see what it was earlier, and
I'm dying to find out."
Hunter manages a grin and nods. "Okay." Following Mick back
inside, he did feel somewhat better. He had a lot of thinking to do, and
a lot of things to figure out but... perhaps he finally felt as though
he at least had a starting point now.
Getting inside and seeing Rosetta and Katie still in the kitchen,
he comes up behind Katie on his crutches, leaning his head over her
shoulder to give her cheek a kiss. "Miss me?"
Mick grins and catches Rosetta's eye, giving her a little nod. It
was a good night. Maybe there had been a bump along the way, but he
felt it was a necessary one, and hoped that hitting it would not hinder,
but rather help. His prayers for Hunter would continue. "Okay so...
where's this mystery dessert I wasn't supposed to know about hmm?"