Connected

Hearing BJ's attempt at pronouncing Einstein's name, Mick's eyebrows rise and his mouth twitches as he tries to keep from laughing. He would never make fun of BJ, nor would he want his son to think he was - it was just a little humorous, listening to the mispronunciations. 

Finally smiling as BJ gets it, he nods. "Yeah, he was kinda a cool guy, wasn't he?" He takes a bite of his food, chewing it thoughtfully. "So what kind of fractions did you do?" It was his routine to ask BJ about school in the evenings - something he'd started to help the boy retain what he was learning. Some days were tough, but he seemed to be getting better at remembering what he'd learned, and Mick still believed Rosetta teaching him was the best option.

Feeling Katie's hand, Hunter returns the squeeze before glancing at her to catch her eye, just to receive the kiss on his cheek. He smiles a little, glad she wasn't embarrassed by him or anything. "Thanks."  

As the meal progressed, conversation was kept light, sprinkled with laughter. It was warm... cozy... almost comforting in an odd sort of way. At least to Hunter. Mick and Rosetta were so very nice - it was so obvious they loved each other and their family. Even when Mick had to chide BJ about talking with his mouth full or interrupting a conversation, it was done gently. Katie was treated like a daughter and Hunter could tell they loved her as much as she loved them. They were more than an aunt and uncle to her.

It was because of such an atmosphere that when Hunter realizes he's staring at his plate, he surprises himself. All of a sudden he felt as though he were in a terrible mood - but for absolutely no reason whatsoever. He was having a very relaxing time and everything was so nice. Why then, did he suddenly feel on edge and...almost cranky?

Lifting his eyes, he does his best to smile and join back in the conversation, but for some weird reason, it was difficult.

Eventually as everyone is finished eating, Rosetta and Katie leave to clear the table, while BJ trots off somewhere - Hunter thought he said something about finding another truck, but he wasn't sure. Left alone with Mick, he clears his throat and rubs his thumb over a water stain on the table. Maybe his lingering awkwardness was because it had been too long since he'd been in an atmosphere like this. The closest thing he could remember was maybe Kyle's family back when he'd taken refuse at their house. An image of his angry father flashes in his mind and he swallows hard. He again hears his mother's voice on the phone, telling him that his father would not allow him to come back home. She hadn't even fought for him. Finding a couple boxes of his belongings on the step had made the whole thing final. But this... here... with these people.... this is what he'd missed out on, even when he'd been at home. Before he'd left. And maybe he hadn't even realized it until now. 

Feeling a wave of emotions hit, Hunter stands and grabs his crutches. Avoiding Mick's eyes, he aims for the door. "Excuse me... I need some fresh air." 

Mick watches him leave, studying the young man's behavior. He wondered if he knew what was wrong, but wasn't sure. Waiting a few minutes, he eventually rises as well and follows Hunter's route out the door. As suspected, he finds Hunter on the porch just leaning on the railing, looking out at the ranch. The lights from the dining hall shone out onto the driveway, and chatter and laughter could be heard. The sky was dim as the sun set, and some of the horses nickered restlessly out in the pasture. 

Hunter hears the door but doesn't turn around. He wasn't surprised Mick had followed him. After all, he'd been rather rude. "I'm sorry," he apologizes quietly. "Every once in a while, a room gets too small." 

Mick chuckles and joins him at the railing, also letting his eyes roam the ranch. "Eh... Sometimes I get that way too. I was just concerned perhaps we'd offended you." 

"Oh no... no not a bit." Hunter shakes his head. "On the contrary, this is great. It's been a long time since... well..." He shrugs. "Since I've been around a happy family I guess." 

Mick nods slowly. Another piece of the puzzle was slowly taking shape. "Does it bother you?" 

Hunter really isn't sure. Is that why he felt like hitting something, or crying when everything around him was perfectly fine? His subconscious seems to know that answer, and he speaks before he even thinks about it. "I guess I'm still angry with my parents for not giving me the same thing." Once the words were out in the open, his eyebrows raise slightly. "And... I guess that's the first time I've said that out loud." 

Mick lets a pause linger for several moments. He knew that Rosetta and Katie would know well enough not to interrupt, even if they didn't know what was going on. "Hurts... doesn't it?" 

Hunter sighs. "Yeah... yeah, I guess it does. I always thought I'd gotten over it. Moved on. Then I come here, years later, and wham... that's all I've been able to think about." 

Mick smiles. "Funny how that happens. Sometimes we don't know what we really missed out on until we see it other places." 

"Yeah." Hunter's eyes drop as he adjusts his weight on his crutches. "Shouldn't matter though. I should be over it." 

"No matter how old a man is... he still has a hole in his heart shaped like loving parents." Mick gives Hunter a sidelong glance. 

Hunter huffs a sigh. "Feels like a curse to someone like me." He shrugs lamely. "Ya know... until I came here... I hadn't thought much about before I moved out from my parents. They weren't abusive. They weren't mean. I had everything I needed. But there was just... something missing." He turns to finally look at Mick. "I watch you and BJ and... and I don't remember having that kind of relationship with my dad. It was all about shutting up and growing up. I mean... anything I was interested in - like my karate - he just thought was stupid. Never came to any of my events or tournaments or anything. When I'd bring a medal home, it was a pat on the back if I was lucky, then conversation about how my grades were doing in school." Pausing, Hunter can feel a melancholy settling over him. "I guess I just never realized what I was missing. And all these years I've just... tried to ignore it, I guess." He gives a scoffing laugh. "Not that any family is perfect. I probably don't have anything to complain about." 

"I'm not so sure about that." Mick folds his arms as his eyes search the sky for the first stars. "No family is perfect, but... I'd never say your situation was nothing, simply by how it's shaped you."

"How do you mean?" 

"Looking for acceptance in all the wrong places is a classic sign of home neglect." 

Hunter finds himself looking away again. He thinks of all his trips to the bar and hanging out with the wrong crowd. It sent a pang to his heart. "That wasn't until years later though," he argues. 

"After you felt rejected for the second time." 

Hunter blinks. 

Mick glances at him. "You think if you'd had a family to go to when Break Out ended, you would have had such a hard time? Do you think you would have had such a hard time losing the girl to your best friend, if you hadn't felt the sting of rejection time and time again before that?" 

Hunter blinks again. How did Mick know about all of that? He'd never told him. Katie? Even she didn't know everything. "How...?" 

Mick shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. The pieces are there though, and they do make a logical picture if you take the time to put them together. But sometimes putting them together is painful because we're forced to relive everything." 

Hunter leans his head against one of the posts. He could easily be upset with this conversation, but for the first time, the pain felt... relieving, in a way. "Most of my problems stem from my family, don't they?" he asks quietly. 

"Probably. Your parents can't be blamed for your choices - you've made those. But maybe they make a little more sense now." 

"I was fine for years, though. Up until Break Out, I was... well, my life was good." 

"So? You'd recovered enough to survive and keep things on an even keel. When you felt betrayed by your friend, then lost your livelihood, it was too much to handle. Who else had nowhere to go?" 

Hunter shrugs. "They all had somebody they could go to to stay with or get help until figuring out what to do next. Me... I just started wandering." 

"Kinda felt like getting kicked out of the house all over again, didn't it?" 

A lump rises in Hunter's throat. He'd never even thought about that before but now... putting it that way... it sure did make sense. "Wow..." 

Mick reaches over to give Hunter's shoulder a pat. "Sometimes these little discoveries aren't easy... but in the long run they help us figure out ourselves so we can improve and become the people we want to be, rather than allowing the past to control us. Discovering why we've behaved the way we have... sometimes it helps us let go of those things that hinder us."

Let go. There it was again. A new burning question rises within Hunter. Some might not see the connection, but he felt it. "Have you always... I dunno... trusted God like you do now?" 

Mick chuckles. "I wish I could say yes, but no. I rode the fence for a very long time." 

"What made you finally decide to... well, give your life to Him I guess." 

"I was tired of my nightmares." 

Hunter was taken aback. "Nightmares?" 

"Mm-hmm." Mick nods. "I think God was getting tired of me riding that fence, so He provided me with some very frightening nightmares to remind me what it would be like if I died without Him. Scared the tar out of me, but I still fought it until I'd finally had enough. I knew the truth, I knew what He was trying to tell me and... I finally gave up fighting. He was bigger than me and I knew good and well that His way was better than mine. I've struggled since then with a few things but... I've never forgotten those nightmares either. Some people might think that a bit weird, but..." 

"Not me." Hunter shakes his head. "At least you knew what yours were about thought." 

Mick cocks his head. "I think you know what yours are about too. Maybe you just haven't been willing to see it yet though." 

Hunter bites his lip and looks out at the ranch yard again. "I..." He stops, feeling a bit silly, and scared for some reason. "When I fell in the river, I... I heard a voice." He'd told no one about this until now. Not even Katie.

"What did it say?"

"It said to let go. I thought it was literal - well, it was, in a way 'cause apparently when I relaxed, I was able to get unstuck from where my leg had caught on a log. But... I guess I can't help but believe it was figurative too."

"What do you think you're supposed to let go of?" 

Hunter shrugs. "I don't know. My past? I don't know what else to do that I haven't already." 

"Hmm..." Mick thinks for a moment, giving Hunter time to process. "Maybe it's as simple as letting go of that anger you were talking about." 

Hunter looks at him, studying his face in the dim light. Was it as simple as that? And yet it really wasn't all that simple. Was that what this was all about? Was that the real reason for him coming here in the first place? To discover he still had harbored hurt and anger against his parents, and to realize he needed to let it go so it would stop affecting his life like it had been? He'd never even connected those things until now. Even his love of racing was connected - he knew that was something his father would have hated. It was as if he'd chosen that life out of spite. His bar visits were lame attempts to feel accepted - his drinking an attempt to forget and fit in to a crowd he didn't even like. His anger towards Kyle was just  a coverup for feeling rejected and betrayed all over again. It was all... connected. "Maybe." 

Mick smiles and nods to the door. "What say we go see if dessert's ready? Rosetta wouldn't let me see what it was earlier, and I'm dying to find out." 

Hunter manages a grin and nods. "Okay." Following Mick back inside, he did feel somewhat better. He had a lot of thinking to do, and a lot of things to figure out but... perhaps he finally felt as though he at least had a starting point now. 

Getting inside and seeing Rosetta and Katie still in the kitchen, he comes up behind Katie on his crutches, leaning his head over her shoulder to give her cheek a kiss. "Miss me?" 

Mick grins and catches Rosetta's eye, giving her a little nod. It was a good night. Maybe there had been a bump along the way, but he felt it was a necessary one, and hoped that hitting it would not hinder, but rather help. His prayers for Hunter would continue. "Okay so... where's this mystery dessert I wasn't supposed to know about hmm?"