Jason's eyes remain closed as he tries to recover, though he knows it will take longer than just a few minutes. He'd experienced much worse, but every time, it just made him a little more tired. He wasn't sure if Katie's question was referring to his mental state or his physical state, but for either one, his answer was the same.
"I will be." He swallows hard as his hand drifts down to brush her cheek then rest on the bed, too tired to move.
I have to be. This is all unreal and I don't know how to feel... but I have to be okay.
"Jason..." Rick gently prompts him. "Can you sit up a little for me? I want you to drink this."
Jason manages to pry open his eyes and he does his best to pull himself up nearer the pillows and prop himself up on an elbow. Seeing a small paper cup held out to him, he accepts it and realizes it's orange juice. Downing it easily, he hands the cup back and lets his head fall into the pillow, trying not to convey any more of his own exhaustion to Katie.
Rick checks his vitals again, making sure the episode was over. "How do you feel?"
"Terrible," Jason mutters. "It's bad enough when I get a build up of negative emotions... now I can't even handle surprises. I really am a walking time bomb."
Rick gives his arm a reassuring pat. "Don't you worry."
"Oh, not worried," Jason retorts. "But now what? Nobody can tell me anything anymore that might upset me because I'll have an episode?"
It was a legitimate question, and unfortunately, Rick didn't have an answer. So instead of trying, he simply moves on to Katie. "How you holding up, Hero?" He checks her eyes and her pulse, making sure that she is doing okay.
Jeff is right there and combs his fingers through her hair in an attempt to soothe her. Though he didn't say so, the look in his eye proved that he was very much bothered by all of this. He knew that Katie and Jason had their tough times but it didn't make it any easier, seeing his daughter like this now. He cared about Jason too, and seeing that torture was just... hard. His eyes drift up to Misty in a look that perhaps asked, Isn't there anything you and Rick can do?
Jason's fingers give Katie's a little squeeze and he squints at her, trying to bring things back into focus. At least this hadn't lasted very long. But that was only because she'd been close by and because he'd received a bit of the antidote. He couldn't help the new frustration that was added to the emotional mix, but his thumb runs in Katie's palm, letting her know that he wasn't angry, let alone with her. At least now his emotions were at a tolerable level, skimmed off by the short eruption. The same feelings remained, just not as severely. Now, he was just worn out.
"I need you to get a hold of Brown for those reports, fax these over to the courthouse and get Gunner back here." Reese slaps a new stack of papers down on Susanne's desk.
She looks up at him bleakly, realizing all the new work he'd just given her. "Gunner was here, he-"
"Well he's not now," Reese retorts. "And I want you to call Wyatt in early and call Pete back too. This place is falling apart and everyone thinks they can just take their sweet time on breaks. It's going to stop." Spinning on his heel, he stalks back to his own office.
Susanne blinks and looks down at the stack of new work. She really didn't know all that was going on. She'd seen Jason taken to the infirmary then Katie come in not looking well, but Susanne knew nothing about what had happened. Apparently whatever it was, was enough to get Reese quite uptight, and that was never good - especially now. They really were low on manpower. They'd been losing agents every month for almost a year now - some had quit, some had been required in Arizona, and some were on indefinite medical leave. TJY was shrinking and there seemed to be nothing anybody could do. Half the cubicles on the main floor were now empty. The numbers Susanne saw reminded her of when she'd started here - the agents were few but fierce. Now, however, they had much more responsibility, so without larger numbers, their tasks were growing harder. And being watched by a board now, they needed to do a good job, lest they lose support and ultimately die.
Shaking her head, her eyes then drift to the clock. She'd just been ready to go outside and wait for Chuck. He would be here any minute. She glances back to her work, disappointment forming in her heart. Standing, she goes for the flowers that had made their home atop one of her filing cabinets. Breathing deeply the sweet scent again, she closes her eyes and remembers the evening before. A small smile forms on her lips. Maybe it was better to just save the memory, as lovely as it was, and not ruin it by prolonging the goodbye that was sure to come.
Opening her eyes, she sees the little paper with Chuck's number sticking out from the bottom of the vase. It was too late to call him now - he was surely on his way, if not here already. And when he arrived without her to meet him, he would leave and she would not see him again.
It was a strange sort of pain that seemed to form in her heart - one that was a longing clashing with logic. Pretending had been fun and Chuck had made her feel better than any man ever had. But who was she kidding? Better to end on a good note. Her heavy workload simply sealed the reasoning that she should not go.
Moving to her desk, Susanne picks up a stack of papers and moves to the fax machine. Her stomach growls and she thinks on the sandwich that was waiting in the breakroom refrigerator. She'd have to go eat it sometime, but right now, Reese was on the warpath and she wasn't going to be caught on break before she'd completed these new tasks.
Justin is turned to leave, but having Dalton speak, he turns back around again, surprised to see the big man rise. A little leery, he isn't so sure he likes this, but he stands still anyway, watchful and looking up at Dalton's eyes, trying to read his intentions. He didn't seem so threatening at the moment... a little softer... perhaps?
Even so, the outstretched hand is another surprise and Justin stares at it for a moment before looking back up at him. Not wanting to pass up the opportunity to maybe finally get past the strange rift, he accepts the gesture and clasps his hand in Dalton's.
"You're welcome. I just wish I could have done more."
Retreating, he nods. "If you ever need anything, or hear that Scott does... I'm in the phone book." Searching Dalton's eyes for several more moments, Justin finally turns back around again to leave.
Ariel grins coyly as she takes a bite of her food and listens to Trey. "Staying at TJY... you have a hit out on you... I really am growing curious as to just who I'm going out with."
She cocks her head and studies him. "What's your story, Trey?" She gestures to her food. "I can't run away at least until I'm finished eating," she teases.
Thirteen's enthusiasm and her bouncing between seemingly random thoughts, at first makes Trent a little more uneasy, but then all he can do is smile then chuckle. Finally leaning back in the couch and relaxing a bit he shakes his head. "There's never anything new going on with me," he muses wryly. "It used to be every day was something new - a grand adventure. Now..." He grins. "I guess I'm just getting old."
Seeming to remember something, he straightens. "Oh, I forgot..." Reaching in his jacket pocket, he pulls out a picture that's just a little tattered around the edges. "Here." He hands it to Thirteen, showing her a small brown and white pinto mare, saddled with him standing next to her. "This is Rosebud - on account of one of her spots looks like a rosebud. Anyhow, I broke her in myself and she's as gentle as a kitten. Next time you come visit... well... if you want to try riding, she's..." He shrugs, a little awkward again. "...well, she's yours if you want her."
Jade giggles and snuggles into Dan, sighing deeply with content. "Mmmm... you're a smooth talker, you know that?"
She grins and lets her head nuzzle into his chest as she turns to see the television again. "It's just some cheesy B movie I found." She laughs. "I haven't even figured out the plot. I think that guy there is a bad guy and then that other one there is the hero and most likely will end up with the girl."
Her arm slides around him to give him a little squeeze. "Kind of like you." She giggles again. "The good guy not the bad guy."
Sparky nods thoughtfully as he takes another spoonful of soup. "Yeah... yeah, I think it's going to be okay. Just..." He thinks for a moment, not wanting to talk about things he shouldn't, but already including Faith in on family matters. "Mick takes the world on his shoulders sometimes I guess. He's always been the leader and always feels responsible for everything, even when he shouldn't."
He pauses, taking a sip of hot chocolate and finally starting to get warm. "I guess some things that happened with Dylan a while back, Mick found out it wasn't Dylan's fault so now he blames himself for not being there or being able to prevent some stuff that happened." He purses his lips, a bit of sorrow flashing in his eyes. "That kid grew up way too fast, Faith. He went through awful, awful things and he's faced it like a man all this time, just forcing himself to move on. He's more like his dad than he thinks."
Sparky turns back to his soup, though it's obvious that much is going through his mind. "I know it'll all work out, but right now I think Mick is just kicking himself for the past."
Though not responding right away, Mick really was listening to Rosetta's words. She wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know, but sometimes it just helped to hear it again. And listening to Rosetta, her worlds always seemed to penetrate a little deeper than anyone else's.
As her arm slips around him, he finally turns to look at her, just gazing into the eyes that had always captured him. His stare was deep, filled with turmoil, yet strength that had always been there, and beyond a doubt, there was love there as well.
Turning a little, he reaches out and tugs Rosetta over to him until she's sitting sideways on his lap and he can wrap his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder. It wasn't often he sought out comfort, but when he did, he knew right where to go.
"I know I'm not alone," he responds quietly. "Thank you."
Just sitting quietly for a few moments, he eventually raises his head and gives her another kiss on the lips. "I love you so much... you never do give up on me, do you?"
He reaches around her to take a sip of coffee then a bite of food, content with keeping her right there on his lap. "Tomorrow I'm going to call Reese... I think it was the Agency with Dylan and I can't just walk away from it."
Once the ball got rolling again, the band would be able to find a permanent place to practice, but until then, Mike had generously offered his basement where JetStream usually practiced as well. While he was at work, it provided the perfect time so it was mid-morning when Kyle and the others gathered. Almost everyone was there and going over their songs, chatting, drinking some coffee and warming up. It was important that they practice the songs that they knew they would perform in concert so that they would know them backward and forward without any glitches.
A mixture of conversation, music and laughter filled the basement. To anyone else, it would seem a wall of sound, but to them, not only was it normal, it was fun.
Kip parks outside along with the other vehicles and sighs deeply. He knew that everyone else was here, including Karla. Though not riding with her, he'd promised he would come. After a good breakfast from Gram, he attempted not to overload on sugar and caffeine, though he did have a slight headache at the moment. He felt a bit of energy trying to seep out, but his uneasiness about practice seemed to override it, making him a bit more calm than normal. It was probably best though - the others would probably appreciate him sitting still for once. Finally getting out of the car, he wanders inside and downstairs, pocketing his keys.
"Heeey, look who's here!" Kyle grins from behind the keyboard. "Kip! How ya feeling?"
Kip's eyebrows rise. How was he feeling? Oh yeah, he was supposed to have been sick. "Oh, um... better." He forces a smile.
"Still look a might pale," Twila teases, coming over to ruffle his hair. "We'll get the blood pumping again though, won't we?"
Kip gives a half-hearted laugh. "Yeah." His eyes wander around until he finds Karla where he ambles over to lean in and give her a light kiss on the cheek. "Good morning."
Theo bites his lip to keep himself from a cheesy grin. "Okay so now that we're all here, are we gonna get this show on the road or what?"
"Not until the albums are done," Russ quips.
"Ha...ha... very funny."
Kyle snickers and plays a few notes. "Alright, how about we start with Compromise?"
"Where's my music?" Erik scrounges around to find it, triumphant in the end. "Aha - thought you'd sneak away, did you?"
Twila leans over closer to Theo. "Do you remember him always talking to his music like that, or is that something new?"
Erik's head rises. "I heard that."
"Heard what?"
"You talking."
"Ahh... now you're hearing voices now, too."
Kip rolls his eyes but can't help his grin and he throws Karla another little look before wandering over to the stand where his bass was. Piece of cake, right? Practice would go well, he'd forget all about what he'd heard the others saying the other day and... who was he kidding? But he'd promised he'd try.
Practice starts up like usual with a few rough spots until they all got going. It was different than practicing with all the high-end equipment at the sound studio, but they were satisfied and did their best with what they had, anticipating something better later on.
About fifteen minutes into practice though, it's obvious that only one band member is struggling. Kip has wound up leaning back against the wall, trying so hard to follow the music on the stand in front of him, but it seemed every time they had to stop or start over, it was his fault. He missed a line, he skipped ahead, he didn't pause when he was supposed to, or he came in too early. Barely into their practice time at all and the frustration was already evident on his face. What he used to be able to ignore and let roll off his back now bothered him to no end. He knew now that he was holding up the others and just couldn't bring himself to laugh about his mistakes like he had before.
Eventually, Kyle is forced to halt the song. "Hold it, hold it..." He keeps himself from sighing. "Maybe we should try another song this morning." A wry grin surfaces. "Maybe it's too early to 'compromise.'"
Twila groans at the bad joke. "Very funny."
Kip could feel the heat on the back of his neck and his eyes find Karla. He knew it was his fault. He wasn't bouncing off the walls, and that helped, but he just wasn't with it. "Maybe you guys should just practice without me," he suggests, shifting his eyes back to the others.
Erik quirks an eyebrow. "That would seem just a tad counter-productive, wouldn't it?"
"Unless I'm the problem." Kip's serious tone causes silence in the basement. He swallows hard, regretting having said something, but it was too late now. "I take that back. I know I'm the problem."
Kyle sighs. "No you're not, Kip. Come on."
"Really? That's not what you thought the other day."
Kyle's heart sinks. Kip knew. That much was obvious, and it was also not good. Silence reigns again without anyone knowing what to say. If Kip had heard them, then they couldn't deny it or get around it. Kyle rests his hands on the keyboard, finding Alice as if asking for her encouragement before he spoke again. "You haven't been sick, have you?"
Kip looks down, gritting his teeth. He shakes his head. "I guess not."
Russ and Theo exchange looks as do Twila and Erik. Kyle glances over to Karla too, guessing that she knew Kip had heard the recent conversation. "I'm sorry, Kip."
Kip's eyes slowly rise, his stomach turning to knots. He was so sure Kyle was going to say he was right and that maybe he should focus on something other than the band.
Kyle moves around his keyboard to approach Kip. Taking the music stand, he moves it back into the corner so Kip had none to use anymore. "I'm sorry," he repeats, "that I didn't pay enough attention from the beginning."
Kip searches his eyes, confused. Pay enough attention to what? To the fact that he couldn't do this? That he wasn't good enough? His shoulders sink a little more and he moves to take the bass strap from his shoulder. Kyle reaches out and grabs his wrist to stop him. "I didn't pay enough attention to realize that you don't need what the rest of us do."
Now Kip was really confused. His eyes find Karla once again, trying to gain some kind of understanding before he's forced to look back at Kyle. "I... I don't understand. I know that I'm failing the rest of you, and I'll just-"
"Stop." Kyle lets him go to hold up his hand. "Now we're going to do this song again. And you're going to play with us."
"Kyle... you took my music away."
"I did."
"I can't do it with the chords right in front of my face, how am I supposed to-"
"Just do it, Kip."
The others exchange glances, confused as to what on earth Kyle was doing.
Kip shakes his head. "I don't understand what you want."
"It's all in here." Kyle taps Kip on the forehead, searching his younger friend's eyes. He was running on pure faith and could only pray he wasn't wrong.
Kip watches Kyle go back to the keyboard then throws a bewildered look at Karla. This was crazy. As the others start to play again though, he stares down at his bass. Closing his eyes, he moves his fingers to the strings and slowly begins to play, hesitantly at first but it gradually smooths out. He could hear it in his head... he knew this song... he knew his part.
Halfway through the song as the music plays and Kyle sings, Twila is the first to glance over to Kip. He wasn't playing what he was supposed to - it was better. He was playing by ear and doing a better job than reading the music that had been written. The notes he played weren't what they'd practiced, but they fit and sounded beautiful.
As the last few notes die away, Kip looks around at the others uneasily, biting his lower lip. Why were they all looking at him in... surprise or... was it that they were pleased, or... something?
Erik shakes his head. "Kip... why didn't you tell us, buddy?"
"Tell... tell you what?"
"That you could play by ear? Dude, that was fantastic."
"I..." Kip shrugs lamely. "Didn't... know?"
Kyle grins. "You've been working so hard at playing it "right" that you forgot how to play from here." He taps over his heart. "If anyone here has talent, Kip, it's you. We don't want to get rid of you, we don't want to tell you to quit and we don't want to leave anybody behind. You're a vital part of this band and all I want from you is your best and nothing more."
Kip can feel an odd mix of emotions bubbling up from below and his fingers fidget with his bass. He swallows hard, not really knowing why his eyes were suddenly stinging.
Twila smiles and looks to Karla, gesturing with her head to have her go to him. "Looks like you're stuck with us, Kip. Now all we have to do is get you to quit bouncing off the walls."
The others laugh and Kip manages a little smile of his own. "Yeah well..." He glances to Karla. "I guess I'm getting some help with that, too."
11/1/10
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