Better Off

Confusion continues to bind Tal's heart and mind as he listens to Ryan. He believed her when she said she loved him. He believed this was what she wanted. But what he didn't know was whether or not she still loved Alec too, and if that would come back to haunt him all over again. 

Drawn into a kiss, he's reminded of Ryan's sweet affection. Her fingers running through his hair send little tingles down his spine, and she pulls away too soon in his opinion. With his forehead resting against her, he studies the depth of her eyes. Would he ever be able to understand all he saw in her gaze? Quiet for several moments, his hand rises to caress her face. Words couldn't really express what he was feeling right now anyway. Initiating another kiss, he pulls her back close, wrapping his arms more tightly around her while one of his hands rubs her shoulder lovingly. Deepening the kiss, he allows his passion to show, just letting the minutes tick by. 

Eventually though, he winds down the exchange with several softer kisses before finally pulling away again. Closing his eyes, he takes a moment to catch his breath, just wishing this was all there was... that nothing had interrupted their feelings... that nothing had disturbed what they shared. But... it had. 

"I want you with all my heart," he whispers. "But that's why this hurts. I just don't understand. I wish I did, but I don't." 

Opening his eyes again, there is torture in his gaze. A battle. Fear versus love. "You're everything to me and I don't want to let you go. I've just never fought something like this before and I'm not sure how."

Misty's comforting touch and soft words chip away at the walls Alec's heart was trying so hard to rebuild. Remaining quiet for several moments, he battles within himself - speak and risk an overflowing of emotions, or close up and let the hard shell return. 

Finally opening his eyes just a little, he shifts his gaze to the side at Misty. Still silent, he sits up just to shift his weight and lean his head on her shoulder. Closing his eyes again, he sighs deeply. "I was stupid... that's what happened." His voice was quiet... defeated. "Somehow, I guess I fooled myself into thinking I could get back what I most wanted." 

He pauses to swallow hard, fighting his rampant emotions. "I was surprised Ryan said she forgave me." He hadn't told Misty of all the encounters he'd had with Ryan lately. "I knew I didn't deserve it. I was even more surprised at her smile. That same smile I used to see. All of a sudden, there was this little bit of hope... that even if it didn't make sense, I might be able to get back at least part of what I'd ruined." 

Once more, he opens his eyes, just to stare into the dimly lit living room, leaving his head on Misty's shoulder. "Eli warned me to back off. He said I was upsetting Ryan. But... I didn't want to be bullied. I wanted to find out for myself what Ryan wanted. So... today, I... well, I went to see her at the shop." He stops again, trying to remember if there was something he'd missed... something he'd misread in Ryan. "She didn't seem to know about Eli and said she was fighting between loving me and hating me. I figured it was a lost cause, but I... I kissed her anyway. Didn't expect her to return it but... she did. Then she said she looked forward to seeing me again." 

Another sigh surfaces. "Figured that was a good sign. For the first time, I could almost see where just maybe I could get her back. I hadn't been home long, and she called me. Said she meant what she'd told me, but now she wanted me to back off... give her time with Tal before she could be friends with me. Said she couldn't yet let go of the things I'd done." 

Alec felt like a total idiot. Somewhere along the way, not only had he had a lapse in judgment, but he had to have totally misread something. His voice was still quiet as he finishes explaining. "I said okay and that was that. She wasn't mean or anything... I could tell she was upset, but... it was like all that stuff before just didn't mean a thing. Felt like it was all something my mind had made up so I could believe she still had feelings for me." He shrugs lamely. "I guess it just took the wind out of my sails... again. I'd been better off never speaking to her again."

Feeling Chad's tender kiss and his voice, Rosalyn stirs from her sleep. Stretching, she yawns and opens her eyes sleepily, trying to bring Chad's face into focus. Sighing, she gives him a groggy smile. It was nice to see him here. Have him wake her up. He was so sweet. He was...

All at once, Rosalyn realizes where she is. Sitting bolt upright, she looks to the clock on the wall and groans. "I should have been up an hour ago. Jade's gonna kill me." Standing up, she tosses the blanket aside and runs her fingers through her unruly hair, feeling quite a mess without having had her shower yet. 

"I was supposed to start the cinnamon rolls, rearrange the tables, get the orange juice out of... wait, I smell coffee already." Furrowing her brow, she stops and looks at Chad, realizing she'd just been rambling. Biting her lip, she gives him a sheepish grin. "Good morning... Thanks for waking me up." What she really wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and invite a passionate kiss, but she knew she looked a sight, she hadn't brushed her teeth yet and... she'd rather let him take the lead as far as affection went, just to be on the safe side.

Not Only

   "Than don't keep looking over your shoulder, because I am not going to anymore. I am going to move forward..forward with you. There is no way for you to know how I am feeling other than telling you, there are no more actions I can do but showing you my love. But its what I have to give for you, and its what I have to offer."

Sitting in Tal's lap Ryan keep her arms wrapped around him. She didn't know what else to do or say to make him understand it was him she wanted. She had enjoyed there time together, everything they did and the way he made her feel. He was soft, and not scared to be a little rough too. It was a nice balance one Ryan never though she'd like but she did.

   "Please don't look at me like the other girls who have hurt you, because I am not them. I am not going to tuck tail and run. I haven't yet and I am not going too. But I need you to make sure this is what you want too because Tal...you heart is not the only one on the line. Mine is too."

Searching Tal's eyes Ryan leans into him and press her lips against his. letting it linger for a few long moments her hand slips behind his head and her fingers run through his hair before she pulls away and leans her head against his own.

Don't Know

Tal continues to search Ryan's face as she speaks. All of a sudden, his stomach was in knots, and he didn't like it. Her words of love send a tingle down his spine though, and his grip on her hand tightens. "I love you too," he responds quietly. How many times had he thought of that? How many times had he ventured secret thoughts of a future with her? How often had he waited to hear her say she loved him? Yet in this moment, wrapped in these circumstances... it didn't quite feel like he'd imagined it would. 

Forcing a small smile, he turns and keeps Ryan at his side as he begins to walk slowly again. She loved him... yet admitted this was risky. And that was enough to send Tal's heart spiraling down into a pit of fear. It was one thing to take a risk when Alec was being a jerk and she hated him. It was another to take that same risk when she admittedly was having trouble letting Alec go. Tal had taken this risk before... more than he cared to remember. And every other time, he'd wound up falling flat on his face, left with trying to mend a broken heart. Up until tonight, he'd been confident that he and Ryan were different. But even though she was trying to assure him that she wanted him, this whole thing was like one big red flag to him. 

Stopping back where their shoes had been left, he eases down in the sand, pulling Ryan down with him to sit sideways in his lap. His leg wasn't too appreciative, but he ignored the discomfort for now. Wrapping his arms around Ryan, he nestles his head down into her shoulder and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. 

"How do I know that you won't still have feelings for Alec?" he asks softly. "How do I know that I'm not just setting myself up for heartache...again? To have you admit that this is risky... is like telling me you're not even sure this is what you want. I don't know if I can handle that." 

Kissing her cheek lightly, he gives her a squeeze. "You've been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And I don't want to lose you. But if I gotta keep looking over my shoulder to make sure Alec isn't there...I don't know if I can do that."

Fear

Standing and walking with Tal Ryan can feel her heart beating so fast in her chest. She had a bad feeling and wondered if this would be her and Tal's last meeting she hopped not but it was a feeling non the less and as Tal stop and pulls her in front of him Ryan can feel the little hope she had become slowly less. 

   "From the moment you started dating me Tal you new it would be risky, thats not an excuse but its the truth. I'm sorry I hurt you Tal honest to everything I hold close to me I am sorry and maybe its a little more risky...and I can't tell you how to feel..."

Letting out a long shaky sigh Ryan wondered if maybe this is what she deserved. After all she shouldn't have started having feelings for Alec again, even if now she wanted to pick Tal. She was very sorry though and she didn't want to lose Tal.

   "If you need time to think Tal I will give you that but I don't want to lose you. I love you!"

It had been the first time she had ever said that to him, but she meant it with all her heart. And she wanted to make sure Tal new it as well. She didn't want to lose him, not how!

Riskier

Misty's comforting touch and soft words chip away at the walls Alec's heart was trying so hard to rebuild. Remaining quiet for several moments, he battles within himself - speak and risk an overflowing of emotions, or close up and let the hard shell return. 

Finally opening his eyes just a little, he shifts his gaze to the side at Misty. Still silent, he sits up just to shift his weight and lean his head on her shoulder. Closing his eyes again, he sighs deeply. "I was stupid... that's what happened." His voice was quiet... defeated. "Somehow, I guess I fooled myself into thinking I could get back what I most wanted." 

He pauses to swallow hard, fighting his rampant emotions. "I was surprised Ryan said she forgave me." He hadn't told Misty of all the encounters he'd had with Ryan lately. "I knew I didn't deserve it. I was even more surprised at her smile. That same smile I used to see. All of a sudden, there was this little bit of hope... that even if it didn't make sense, I might be able to get back at least part of what I'd ruined." 

Once more, he opens his eyes, just to stare into the dimly lit living room, leaving his head on Misty's shoulder. "Eli warned me to back off. He said I was upsetting Ryan. But... I didn't want to be bullied. I wanted to find out for myself what Ryan wanted. So... today, I... well, I went to see her at the shop." He stops again, trying to remember if there was something he'd missed... something he'd misread in Ryan. "She didn't seem to know about Eli and said she was fighting between loving me and hating me. I figured it was a lost cause, but I... I kissed her anyway. Didn't expect her to return it but... she did. Then she said she looked forward to seeing me again." 

Another sigh surfaces. "Figured that was a good sign. For the first time, I could almost see where just maybe I could get her back. I hadn't been home long, and she called me. Said she meant what she'd told me, but now she wanted me to back off... give her time with Tal before she could be friends with me. Said she couldn't yet let go of the things I'd done." 

Alec felt like a total idiot. Somewhere along the way, not only had he had a lapse in judgment, but he had to have totally misread something. His voice was still quiet as he finishes explaining. "I said okay and that was that. She wasn't mean or anything... I could tell she was upset, but... it was like all that stuff before just didn't mean a thing. Felt like it was all something my mind had made up so I could believe she still had feelings for me." He shrugs lamely. "I guess it just took the wind out of my sails... again. I'd been better off never speaking to her again."

As Ryan starts out with an apology, Tal tilts his head. The news of Alec having been seeing her brought on an expression of surprise. She'd... had encounters with Alec? And hadn't said anything? He tries to keep any reactions at bay, giving her a chance to continue. 

Hearing that Alec had kissed her though makes Tal's blood start to boil. Alec. The man who had almost killed him. The man who had torn Ryan's heart to bits. The man who was a liar and a cheater. He'd gone to Ryan and kissed her. And...she had obviously allowed it. 

Was the displeasure obvious on Tal's face? He didn't know. As Ryan takes his hand, his fingers automatically curl around hers, and he finds his gaze lowering to focus on their hands together. What was she really saying here? There wasn't much explanation really, and he could make up all sorts of assumptions if he wanted to, but she'd never actually said that she'd liked Alec's attention. As she finishes with asking him for forgiveness though, it was quite plain what had really been happening. She really had been battling feelings for Alec, hadn't she? 

Silence. 

Tal's eyes remain focused on their hands. And in that moment, he wasn't quite sure if he would ever understand how Ryan could have even had trouble with something like this. Sure, Alec was an ex-boyfriend. But what about all he'd done to her? What about all he'd done to him? Did it mean nothing that Alec had almost killed him? She could just... let him come around... let him kiss her... and think it was okay? Even though she'd assured Tal that she had asked Alec to back off, the whole thing just wasn't setting right with him. He wished he would have known about Alec seeing her a lot sooner, and he didn't understand why Ryan hadn't told him.

Keeping Ryan's hand in his, Tal stands, pulling her up with him. "Let's walk," he suggests quietly. He needed to move around so he could think. Locking his fingers with hers, he slowly heads closer to the water before turning and aiming down the starlit beach. "Thanks for telling me," he finally speaks again. "I'd been kinda worried that I'd done something wrong. I wasn't sure what was going on." 

What more could he say now? He was a little confused... a little hurt... a little frustrated... but he did still love Ryan for sure. She'd told him the truth... she'd said she was sorry... but was it all really that easy? 

"I'm not really sure what to say," he admits as they walk. "I guess part of me finds it hard to believe you'd let Alec that close to you at all, let alone let him... kiss you. Let alone... fight feelings for him." His hand swings Ryan's a little, not even realizing it was an obvious sign that he was feeling tense and somewhat awkward. "Someone like that..." He scoffs and shakes his head. "Well, maybe it's me that's having trouble with forgiveness. But I guess that's what happens when you get beaten within an inch of your life." Was that bitterness he heard in his own tone? Maybe. But how could Ryan have even had any trouble at all with this? Tal just didn't understand. 

Stopping, he brings Ryan around in front of him so he could see her face in the moonlight. Reaching up his free hand, he cradles her cheek with warm gentleness. "I love you, Ryan. I didn't plan on falling for you, but I did, and now every time I'm near to you, my heart just about leaps right out of my chest." 

His eyes search hers in the darkness, trying not to be upset, but trying to figure it all out. "But I guess it sorta hurts, knowing you had to fight off feelings for the guy that put me in the hospital. I know you loved him, and I get that... but I guess I don't really understand. I know I'm not perfect. I know I don't have anything extraordinary to offer a girl. And goodness knows I've had girlfriends who've dumped me for somebody better. But Alec?"

He sighs as his palm slips from her face, his other hand remaining locked with hers. "I know you said you told him you're with me now... but all of a sudden I feel like leaving my heart with you is a whole lot riskier than I thought, and... I'm not sure what to do with that."