Doubt Yourself

   "When you think of your wife...how does that make you feel?"

Hope is quiet for a moment studying Con's face, but before he can reply she continues.

   "And the though of someone hurting her, or hurting your friends? You feel angry not because you are a monster but the other way around. You get angry because you are scared of losing the people closest to you. It's human nature to get mad, and makes mistakes sometimes this line of work it happens more than others."

Standing Hope comes around her desk and sits down next to Con giving a soft smile. The big man was no monster and no one thought of him that way. He was one of the softest people she new.

   "If you went on a rampage and killed people with no reason. When out right now, and shot anyone who had been Agency, anyone who made you mad in your life just because you could that would make you a monster. But you have people in your life, Misty, Gage, Carson who have become your friends. Killing them...that dosnt cross you mind because you care for them."

Giving Con's arm a pat Hope nodded slightly to her door. Con was a good man. She new it, everyone new it. The only one who didn't was him.

   "When you leave here, take a moment to go say Hi to Katie, how will she greet you? A big hug? enthusiasm, joy? Go see your wife while she works. A hug, a kiss, happiness, a twinkle in her eye? That is where the truth lies...with the people you hold oh so close to you Con. Look to them when you doubt yourself...they would never lie."

Without warning Angel wacks Lane over the back of the head before looking her brother square in the eyes. She wasn't going to let him get away with anything right now.

   "Mississippi you know good and well you are not in anyones hair and this place is never normal."

Her facial expression softened and she just placed a hand on her brothers arm. She might have been hurt, but she didn't hate her brother. He was so important to her.

   "I love you Lane, and I love my nephew. No matter what happened...you mean everything to me and I dont want you to leave right away. You have not failed me...only strayed."

Katie cant help but smile and shake her head. Full of jokes as always. As Jason asks for her imput she couldn't help the little bit of shock that ran through her. She was just Jason would notice it but she was doing her best to recover. She didn't hate he did it just had been a long while.

   "Oh J....I dont think you are endangering anyone at all. We can't put our lives on hold just for Agency nonsense. That's what they want."

Reaching out and patting Jason's hand Katie smiled. He was so thoughtful and she could tell he was worried, but she was confidante things would be ok. Searching his eyes for a moment Katie just wanted him to not be in fear. He needed to have a little fun too.

  "Don't forget I'll be there too. Hawk eyes...I got this!"

   "It's no different that having any other boyfriend."

Searching Kirk's face Sapphire wondered what his motive was here, and what the point of these questions were. She didn't like how he asked them. Acting like she wouldn't be faithful to the Elite, and saying Gage would go back since the Agency. He didn't know him one bit. how dare he.

   "My alliance is to the Elite, and it always will be, so is Gage. He would never go back to the Agency so its not a concern. You shouldn't judge people before you know them for a past that is long gone."

   

   

Failure

Kirk cocked his head at Sapphire's response and just studied her for a moment before easing down in the extra chair. "I can certainly see you all are busy most of the time. It seems to be down to quite a skeleton crew around here. As I understand it, there used to be more players on the team." But that wasn't why he was here. He flipped over a couple pages in his notepad where he had written a handful of notes. 

"So...it must be pretty interesting having an ex-Agency operative for a boyfriend," he mused before looking up at her. "I've had to investigate Gage's story of how he came to be here, and I must admit, I'm impressed with his apparent progress in living among normal society without causing trouble. However..." His brow furrowed. "I have to ask... what would happen should he return to the Agency? That would put you in an awfully hard position, wouldn't it? I mean...I find it hard to believe you would remain a hundred percent loyal to the Elite if you knew Gage would suffer for it. So tell me...what would you do if you found out he was still working for the Agency?" 


Con dropped his gaze again as Hope finished her question, mulling over it for several long seconds. "Maybe," he finally responded. "I mean...of course it feels good to save someone. I just..." 

He clamped his mouth shut as his emotions started to rise without warning, and it took him a few moments to regain control. "I'm just scared of the monster in me." His eyes rose, showing the terror he felt deep down. "When Dalton got hurt on that job I botched, I shot a guy in the back just because I was angry. Maybe he deserved it. But that's what I'm capable of. I've hurt people...badly...with my bare hands, guns, or both. Then with this, doing it so easily, and then feeling like all of a sudden I'm on cloud nine when it's over, I...I can't tell if it's because I did something good, or if it's the monster that's happy." He shook his head. "I didn't know what a deep hole I've been in lately until I felt better and could see it. I don't want to go back there. But I don't want to feed a monster, either, and I don't know what to do."


A smile spread across Jason's face. "Of course. You'd get the best seat in the house no matter what, though." After he'd said it, he quickly diverted his gaze and cleared his throat. "So anyway, yeah. Thanks. And this way, too, I can assure Reese that I'm being looked after."

He ran a thumbnail along the top of the cubicle wall, lost in thought for a moment. "Wyatt thought he saw someone tailing us this morning, coming from my place. No shots though, so...I may have 'forgotten' to tell Reese." He gave Katie a look that combined silliness and guilt. "You don't think I'd be endangering innocent bystanders by going through with the concert, do you?"


Lane's eyes dropped as he was reminded how badly he'd hurt his sister. "I know," he responded quietly. "I just...I've been a failure at everything. Husband, father, brother." He shrugged. "I guess I deserve this." 

He forced a faint smile. "Thanks for looking after Travis anyway, though. I appreciate it. As soon as he's better, we'll get out of everyone's hair and this place can get back to normal again."

Best Seat

Hearing the knock on her door Sapphire looks up. Seeing Kirk standing there she signs internally. He'd been causing quite the stir at the Elite since he had been here and she really had hopped she wouldn't have to deal with him. That though was unrealistic and she new it.

   "I'm not sure why you are asking, I have a feeling in the matter I don't have much of a choice."

She had to at least hear him out and try to get along with him if he was going to be around for a while. Sapphire didn't like it but it was just one of those things. Maybe just maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Giving a nod to the chair in her office. Might as well get this over with. 

   "Around here we are always busy, but I have a little time to talk if you insist."

Hope was surprised when Con knocked at her door but she would never say no to someone who needed to talk. It was good to see him no matter what and to know he got back from his trip safe.

Just listing to Con as he talked Hope took everything in and processed what he said. She felt bad for him that he was feeling good, but so badly at the same time. Honestly she probable would fell the same if it was her. But she wondered if maybe Con was processing it all wrong, and that wasn't his fault it was just how there brains worked sometimes.

   "First off, I am happy that everything worked out well, and things are going good at home again. You and Jamie both deserve it. Sometimes it just takes a little time and having someone who is there with you no matter what."

Hope is silent again for a second as she leans back against her chair and just thinks for a moment. 

   "Do you really think you are happy because you killed someone or maybe could it be because you did something good, you didn't save just one person's life you saved two. "

Searching Con's face for a moment she left her question linger. She herself didn't think it was because oh killing someone he was happy, but rather because he had done something good. Hope new that, but she wanted to try and get Con to see it too.

Looking up at Jason Katie smiles. They had been getting along really good and she was happy about that. She had missed there time together, and there friendship. Even if things were a little awkward she was plugging right alone.

   "Don't let Wyatt hear you say that."

Katie gives a laugh and shakes her head. She didn't know if she was better than Wyatt but she loved doing it, and if Jason thought so than that made her feel good. 

Thinking for a long moment about the concert Katie is taken back for a moment of the good old days.  Concerts had been a big part of her and Jason's life. Even if she was working to protect everyone. Katie remembered when they had first told everyone in the band about working for the Elite. It had been quite the experience to say the least. Realizing she hadn't answered Jason yet and smiles again before replying.

   "Sorry, I got lost in thought about the good old days with the band. I'd love to be your bodyguard for that night. It would feel good to do that again, not to mention good music, and loads of fun. Um...and being the bodyguard means I get the best seat in the house."

As Lane comes back into the room Angel looks up at him with sarow in her eyes. She felt bad the conversation didn't go as planned and Travis was mad. It was clear to see that this was something that didn't happen often.

   "We all have things we mess up on. Just give him some time and things will be ok. You did what you thought was best. Though I do admit I understand where Travis is coming from to an extent."

Playing with the pencil on her desk Angel is quiet for a second. Emotions were a tricky thing sometimes. Trying to work through them, figure out what they meant. 

   "I have to admit I was pretty upset finding out about Travis. Family has always been so important. I wish I could have seen him grow, and known him when he was little. I know you had your reasons, and I cant fault you for that. It just...hurts."

On a roll

Garret bit the inside of his lip, trying to decide whether or not to take Nate up on his offer of lunch. He couldn't deny it sounded good. Really good. "Yeah..okay. Thanks. And as long as Reese doesn't mind, I'm more than willing to look through tapes." After all, that's what he was good at. He wished Aaron was on board with this whole thing...then they'd have two sets of eyes. 


The atmosphere at the Elite today wasn't bad, but tension still hung in the air. After all that had happened yesterday with Garret, the FBI's involvement was growing more and more obvious. Most remained quiet, although a lot of disagreeable whisperings were happening.  

Kirk knocked on Sapphire's cubicle before entering to sit in her extra chair. "Hey, got a minute?" He held a notepad and pen. "Making my rounds but hadn't had a chance to actually talk to you yet, and as long as you're not busy, I'd like to ask you a few things."


"And that's that." Con stood in front of Reese's desk, finished with telling him where he'd left off in Texas. 

Reese nodded with satisfaction. "Good. I'm glad you got the boy out safe and that the ranch is on alert. I'm sorry Xander had to be involved but pretty soon he was going to be exposed anyway."

"Yeah. FBI really being that hard on the Elite?"

"Pretty much. It's only a matter of time." Reese shook his head sadly. "There's nothing we can really do about it either. Technically, I can't blame them. We've always been a vigilante group that plays by our own rules. I understand why they wouldn't approve and they'd want to control us. Doesn't make it any easier though."

"What about people's jobs?"

"Don't know. If we merge with the FBI, maybe we'll all still have jobs. If they disband us, maybe we'll be offered something in law enforcement." Reese quirked an eyebrow. "You're not supposed to know any of this, mind you. You and Nate are the only ones." 

Con grinned a little. "Think none of the others have figured it out?" 

"I think there's a lot of theories, but I don't want to make any kind of announcement until we know for sure what kind of report Agent Young is going to give. I don't want to cause a panic." 

"True." Con sighed. "Well... I'll see ya."

Reese nodded. "Thanks...for helping out, Con. I knew you were the right man for the job." 

Con thought for a moment, but didn't respond. He knew Reese was holding back from asking him again to come back. And for now...that was okay. Wandering across the main floor, he waved to a few people he hadn't seen lately, but instead of heading directly outside, his feet carried him down the hall. Stopping in front of Hope's office, he paused, thinking for several moments. Finally though, he knocked...

...A few minutes later, Con sat in one of the empty chairs, lost in thought. He hadn't planned on talking to her but...he didn't like the way he was feeling, and he didn't know who else to talk to. 

"So...that's how it happened," he finished telling about what had gone on in Texas. "I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I could take charge and actually succeed, let alone save anybody. So I... well, I felt good about it." He paused and looked down at his hands. "I...I feel better than I have in a long time. Like...like I'm actually worth something again but..." He shrugged. "I killed a guy. I'm a sniper. That's what I've always been good at, but... I just... When I came home, things were great with Jamie and me and...and I could tell she was happier with me than she had been in a long time, but..." 

He sighed deeply. "I just didn't expect to feel so good after putting a bullet through someone's head and...it scares me." He finally glanced up at Hope, knowing if she was going to say anything, he needed to look at her to make sure he caught everything. "I don't like feeling good after doing something like that. I feel like there's something wrong with me." 


Jason leaned over Katie's cubicle wall until he got her attention, and gave her a sheepish grin. "Alright, so this weekend...we've got this concert coming up where JetStream is opening for Kyle's band, and... well..." He scrunched is nose a little, unsure how to say what he was thinking. 

"I dunno... we'd love to have you there as always, but if you'd be more comfortable having Wyatt watch my back, I'll work it out with him." He just didn't know how much Katie really wanted to do. It had been almost like old times lately, but he didn't want her to feel too awkward. Concerts had been a big part of their history together and if she felt too weird about it, he didn't want her to have to be there. 

"You're the one with the hawk eyes though," he mused. "You've always been a better bodyguard than him."


Travis just stared at his dad. He was sitting up in bed that evening, his dad in a chair having just told him the whole story - finally, after having pressed the issue all afternoon. He'd learned of the history here. The Agency. Why Lane had never mentioned family. It all sent Travis' head spinning. "You mean to tell me that my life has always been in danger, and you never thought to tell me?"

"No, it wasn't like that," Lane assured. "I was trying to keep you safe. As long as you weren't around here, then there wasn't any danger."

"Which was proven so well just now."

Lane shrunk back a little, his shoulders sinking. "I know I haven't always made the right choices, but I did what I thought was best. I'm sorry. But what's done is done. You're safe, and that's all that matters."

"No, it's not!" Travis' voice rose slightly, though it was difficult. "You've been lying to me my entire life!"

"I haven't lied! It's just... I was trying to keep you safe. It didn't work, I was wrong, and I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?"

"I don't know." Travis looked down at the blanket and played with a loose thread. "How long do we have to stay here?" 

"Until you're on your feet again and we don't think the Agency is coming after you. Then life goes back to normal."

"I don't think it can ever go back to normal." Travis threw his dad an angry look. "Just...I wanna be alone for a while."

Lane opened his mouth to argue, but then stopped. More talk wasn't going to help anything. He sighed and finally stood up and simply went to the other room where Angel was. Looking at his sister, sorrow was in his gaze. "Well, I certainly messed that up. I'm on a roll lately."

Leftovers

Alice can't help but let her smile grow even bigger at Kyles reaction. She new he would be happy, but that doubt had been there. Now getting the confirmation that he was in face excited she couldn't help but beam so bright. Even the can of pop going every where didn't bother at this moment.

   "You know you are pretty amazing yourself. Don't use all that energy up we are going to need it."

She couldn't help but laugh again and hug Kyle tight. This was another new chapter in there life and she was so excited to start it. Kyle was everything she could ever have imaged and more. Life had gone a different path from what she had planned, but she didn't mind. She was right where she should be and was happier than ever.

Giving a laugh at Kyle's comments Alice thinks a moment scrunching her face. Than shaking her head.

   "Well, I feel ok at the moment other than my feet hurt, give that time and I'll need you to hold my hair back in the bathroom."

Alice laughs leaning up to kiss Kyle.

   "In a few weeks I have an ultra sound and I'd really like you to come and meet our baby together. I'll also need you to stay on top of me eating good, and exercising, and when I have a midnight craving for something I'll need you to run and get it for me."

Kissing Kyle again Alice squealed a little the excitement really was overwhelming. Bringing her hand to Kyle's face Alice runs her fingers over his cheek. 

   "I love you Kyle, with all my heart."

   "That makes sense...not using there real names anyways."

Nate didn't say it but he was actually having a lot of fun plotting and thinking with Garret. Paper work was always such a drag and some how he always got stuck doing it. Having someone else though, to help his own brian work made the paper work not seem so bad.

   "I'll have to request tapes than, and we can set up in one of the interrogation rooms. I think you are going to have to take the brunt of the work looking at faces. I can point out fishy looking people, but thats about as far as it goes for me."

Pulling into the parking lot of the Elite Nate hears his stomach grown and can't help but laugh. It was louder than one might think as he remembered he skipped breakfast this morning.

   "Well...I guess my stomach is going to start eating itself if I dont eat soon. Laura packed me some left overs. I'm not sure what it all is but with her cooking you cant go wrong. Would you like to join me? I have enough for two plates and if you dont help me I'll be fat and eat it all myself."

Amazing

Hearing Alice enter the living room, Kyle turns slightly to give her a smile. He hadn't been sure how long she'd be gone, and was just as glad that he wouldn't be alone this afternoon. "Hey there." As she draws close, he shifts to slip an arm around her waist and kisses the top of her head. "Wassup?" 

At the mention of doctors and not feeling well, Kyle immediately stiffened and turned so he could see her face. Worry flooded his eyes. Why hadn't she told him? Stress or not, it wouldn't have mattered to him at all. 

Hearing she was okay, his shoulders relaxed, and then her last words hit his ears. Pregnant. He blinked and just stared at her for several dumbfounded moments. "You're...really?" He backed up a step to put her at arm's length. "I mean...really, really? Pregnant? Like...we're gonna have a baby?" His eyes had grown as huge as dinner plates.

A smile slowly spread across his face and both hands flew into the air. "Woohoo!" What he'd forgotten was that one hand still held his mountain dew...which was now raining onto the living room carpet.

"Oh, oh, not good." He stopped, trying really hard not to bounce, and careful set the now almost-empty can down. As soon as his hands were free though, he wrapped his arms around Alice and spun her around with a laugh, then stopped short, to give her a kiss on the lips. "You are.." He kissed her forehead. "An..." He kissed her lips again. "Amazing woman." 

He paused and hugged her tight, laughing again. "Oh this is so exciting." He pulled back again. "Are you feeling okay? Anything I can do? Or not do? Or...something??" 


Garret simply shook his head at Nate. "Names won't do any good. They never use their real names on stuff like this. The only chance we might have is security tapes and staring at faces. If we spot someone, then we can have Hawks match them up with their alias." 

At least maybe he could help with this. At least maybe it would give him something to do besides stare at four walls. Maybe Reese didn't want him in the middle of the action again yet, but maybe this was a chance to prove he didn't have to kill someone to help out. 

His stomach growled, but he ignored it like he usually did. He hadn't been starved multiple times as a child for nothing. He'd learned early on he could survive a lot longer than he thought. Unfortunately, it was Laura's chicken that his tastebuds suddenly remembered.


Kip’s bedroom walls did very little to drown out any of the loud music being played in the living room. The party had been going on for over an hour, and even though there were just ten people, it was enough to crowd the apartment. Kip had retreated to find his phone, but now as he found it, he also saw another missed call. From Erik. Again. He sighed. He was tempted to block Erik’s number, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that.

Finally, he went to his text messages.

I’m alive.

A reply was quickly returned.

Erik: Are you okay? Where are you?

Kip: Im fine

Erik: Where are you at?

Kip: Somewhere

Erik: Seriously? Are you really okay?

Kip: Im fine. End of story

Erik: Please dont shut me out. Whats up?

Kip: Nothing

Erik: Can I call you?

Kip: Im done with this convo.

He closed the app and aimed back for the living room. He wasn’t going to let Erik bug him or make him feel guilty. He was on his own now and living a different life. He had a new circle of friends. A new lifestyle. Erik wouldn’t approve anyway, so there was no point in trying to strike up a conversation.

Confirmed

Nate was sure his mouth was hanging open a little as Garret told him just how close to this whole thing he was. It was incredible that someone that involved would just leave. He was glad since Garret had become a friend, but it was still amazing. 

   "That would be great if you can help me with that. I don't know faces like you do and just having that extra set of eyes is great."

As the lite turns green Nate starts forward again and the wheels in his head keep turning again.

  "Almost back to the Elite. Reese is going to want us to report in and than I'll call Dr Hawks, and have him send us a list of everyone at the hospital."

Parking the car and sitting there for a second Alice just watched the rain. The forecast said it was going to be nice today, so much for the nice walk she had planned. Oh well rain was just as nice honestly, and now maybe it would be a good excuse to get to snuggle with her. 

Holding her paper work from the doctors Alice tucks it in her purse. She'd told Kyle she had to go out today but didnt tell him anything else. Now she needed to go in and break some new about her doctor visit. She couldn't help but be nervous.

Getting out of the car and running inside she shuts the door behind her slipping off her sneakers and having her jacket up. Setting her purse down she heads into the living room. Seeing Kyle at the window she smiles as the dreary rain pounds outside.

   "Kyle?"

Walking over to him and wrapping her arms around his she draws close just looking out the window for a long moment before turning to him.

  "I...was at the doctors today. I havent been feeling well but didnt say anything because you guys have been so stressed. So I set up an appointment today just to make sure everything is ok."

Searching his eyes she hoped he wasn't upset with her. With the band tour and all going on with Kip she just didnt want to bring anyone down anymore with her not feeling good.

  "Everything is ok, I dont have the flu or anything but there is something else...I...I'm pregnant. It's still pretty early, but it is confirmed."

Alice face held a bright smile but she was still nervous how Kyle would react. They had talked about it once before, but hadnt since than. She felt like he would be happy, but the worry was still there. Searching his eyes she waited for his answer.

Am one

Garret lifted one eyebrow as he sensed the surprise in Nate's tone, and he had to grin just a little. "Maybe I wasn't ever exactly clear about just how far up the ranks I was. There was a chance I would have been Medridge's replacement, once he couldn't handle things anymore. So basically I was trained in...just about everything. And I had access to about ninety percent of case files....and some access I wasn't supposed to have. So yeah... I know an awful lot about what's been going on at the Elite for a while. Maybe not intricate details, but enough." 

He thought for a moment, and nodded. "I don't know for sure about Brookshire, but I..." He glanced at Nate, wondering if he'd believe him. "I can usually smell an Agency plan. I've been with them so long, I know how they think...because I...am one of them." He always would be, wouldn't he? No matter how much he worked with the Elite? 

"So yeah...I'd at least do a clean sweep of the entire staff and see if any red flags pop up. I can help if you want."


… “Hey, Kip…It’s Erik. Look, I know I’ve left like ten voicemails, but I’m worried about you. Please, just call me? Or at least shoot me a text to let me know you’re alive.”

Kip sighed as he listened to the message. It had been at least three weeks since he’d left Gramps and Gram’s. Or was it four? Time just seemed to kind of meld together at this point. He laid back on the sagging couch and just fiddled with his phone absentmindedly.

“Yo, Reggie!” The front door was flung open as his roommate waved a check in the air. “Payday! Wanna go blow it with me?”

Kip rolled his eyes as Todd bounced on the end of the couch. “I gotta work late tonight. Which means I only have a few hours left to catch a nap.”

“Sleep’s overrated! Who roped you into working tonight anyway?”

“Rhonda. But now she’ll owe me.”

Todd scoffed. “Uh-huh. Til she gets tired of working tables and leaves like most people do after being at that hole in the wall for six weeks.”

“The diner’s not that bad.” Kip shrugged. “Pays well…for dishwashing.” It was actually a dump. With bad hours and poor pay. And if it weren’t for Todd, Kip wouldn’t be able to afford an apartment since he got fired from the grocery store. But it’s all he had right now…and it beat the shelter where he’d spent his first week before meeting Todd - who’d been putting up a want-ad for a roommate the same day Kip had walked into the diner looking for work. It hadn’t been the smartest thing to do but…it had turned out…okay.

“Right, right.” Todd rolled his eyes. “You should come down to Zee’s. They’re looking for a new clerk. I could put in a good word for ya.”

Kip shrugged again. Working for the electronics store instead of the diner did have a certain appeal. “Yeah, okay. But in the meantime…let a guy sleep?”

Todd grinned and got up to amble to the kitchen where he retrieved two cans of beer, tossing one at Kip, who caught it. “Drink before sleep. That’s my motto.”

“You change mottos like you change your boxers.” Kip opened the can and took a swig. “But whatever. You’ll just have to put up with me running on an hour’s sleep.” He set his phone aside, opting to ignore Erik’s message…again.


Kyle leaned on the large picture window frame and watched the rain come down outside. The band had been back in town a couple weeks now, and things would be slow for a little while, other than a local event coming up. He took a sip from his can of mountain dew and sighed. He'd heard from Erik...who still hadn't heard from Kip. And it still bothered him. 

He watched the rain leave little trails on the glass. So much for going for that walk today. He'd have to go expend some energy some other way. Alice had been trying to get him away from his keyboard and songwriting for just a little while, and some fresh air would have been nice. Oh, well. He yawned and took another sip of pop. Running up and down the stairs might do.