So Stupid

Jason nodded, but didn’t voice his actual thoughts. He’d save them for later. For now, he simply gave Katie a little smile. “Okay. Thanks for being a good sport. Hopefully this thing won’t last too long and Reese will quit being paranoid.” He tapped the top of the cubicle wall. “I’ll touch base later then and we’ll come up with a plan. But I won’t let Wyatt get away without paying.” He tossed her a wink, then waved to Hunter before heading back to his office.

Hunter wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, if anything, but his buzzing phone got him off the hook. Glancing at his text message, he quirked an eyebrow. “Well, it all worked out,” he mused aloud to Katie. “Buddy needs some help working on his car before a race tonight, so I’ll be well entertained.” He stood and stretched tall before coming closer and leaning down to give her a kiss on the lips. “I should let you get back to work. Text me later so I know you got home okay, alright?”


Jared didn’t respond and just pretended to sleep, even though he was quite awake. Half of him wanted Grace to stay and half of him wanted her to leave. But he didn’t have enough gumption to actually tell her to go. He knew she didn’t deserve his bad mood. No one did. But at the moment, this pit of darkness was too deep to see out of.

For the next couple days, not much changed – in his condition or his attitude. The doctors were getting closer to an answer, now saying with more confidence that what had happened had something to do with trauma from his initial accident, but he’d be there for another one or two days just to make sure a new medication was working…

“…Knock knock.”

Jared glanced to his hospital room’s door, his eyebrows lifting slightly at seeing Justin. He hadn’t expected his brother to show up. “Hey.”

Justin wandered in and eased down in a chair close to the bed. “How ya feeling?”

“Oh, you know. Cooped up. Bored. Depressed.” Jared shrugged. “The norm.”

Justin gave him a small grin. At least he was telling the truth – and at least he was talking today. He’d heard that Jared’s conversations lately had been little to nothing, even with Grace. “Yeah. No fun. At least you get more jello. Lime’s your favorite, right?”

Jared eyed him suspiciously. “Yeah.” He cocked his head. “Why…are you here?”

“Because you are.” Justin shrugged. “You’re in a hospital. Aren’t I supposed to visit?”

“That never convinced you to come before.”

Justin bit his lip. Yeah. That was true.

The silence confused Jared even more. He really didn’t feel like doing anything but sleeping right now, but he was bored enough that he’d bite. “Is…something wrong?”

“Naw.” Justin slid down a little further in the chair. “Just…”

Jared waited. “You alright?”

“Uh-uh.” Justin paused, then shook his head. “I guess not.”

More silence. Jared folded his hands on his lap. This was a switch. “I’d try to help, but you’re the shrink, not me.”

“Right, right.” Justin eyed the bedspread instead of his brother’s face. “I guess I…just wanted to come and…”

Jared rolled his eyes. His brother hadn’t even corrected him about calling him a shrink. “Dude. You haven’t been this bad since that debate in high school. Seriously…what’s wrong? I’m too depressed to figure it out myself.”

Justin remembered that debate. He’d totally lost all his nerve – and the competition for his team. “I’m sorry.”

“For…what?”

“For being the same kind of guy I loathe.” Justin picked at a callous on his palm. “The kind of guy who refuses to forgive and doesn’t give a second chance to someone who deserves it.”

Jared’s expression flickered between more confusion, surprise, sadness, confusion again and hope. “I…I know I don’t really deserve a second chance. I don’t blame you for not wanting to be around me. I mean, I tried to make you miserable on purpose. If I were you, I wouldn’t forgive me either.”

“Yeah, well…I’m not you.” Justin finally glanced up at him. “And I really don’t like the way I’ve been acting lately. We’ve never been close, even before Dad died. But I guess behaving like a child doesn’t fit my style.”

Jared’s eyes dropped as his emotions started to churn, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “So…we’re good?”

“No.” Justin shook his head. “But we’re better than bad. And…that’s an improvement.” He stood up and set the chair aside. “I gotta run.”

“Oh. Yeah, okay.” Jared watched him go, but stopped him. “Hey, Justin?”

Justin turned once more. “Yeah?”

“I really am sorry. About everything.”

Justin nodded. “I know. Me too.”

Only when left alone did Jared allow a tear to trickle down his face. Maybe, just maybe, he really would get his brother back. He didn’t want to take that for granted. Yet at the same time, here he was, feeling more stuck than every before, in a mire so thick, he couldn’t move. He hated where he was at. He hated himself. He hated his condition. He just wanted…peace.

Sinking down a little in his bed, he closed his eyes. He hadn’t seen Grace yet today. But then…he wasn’t sure he would. Not after he’d given her the silent treatment the last few days. She didn’t deserve that from him. And again…he just felt stuck in his own misery.


Lots of laughter. Lots of pizza. And Lots of fun. At least for Rosalyn. Having Chad here, despite all of her inner questions, was enough to brighten her spirits more than she could have dared hope. Despite the rather strange circumstances of her and him, and how she came to be here with her two friends, he fit right in, and Lizie and Hannah treated him as they would a brother – especially Lizzie who dished out the teasing as much as she always did.

Eventually as the evening wound down and the pizza was gone though, Rosalyn did want her time alone with Chad, and got it in the way of a walk. Ambling slowly down the sidewalk, she kept herself tucked under his arm, just soaking up everything she could, not knowing how long it would last.

It was only a few blocks to a little park, which was lit up for the evening. Rosalyn rarely came here alone, but with someone else, it was quite peaceful. She sighed deeply, glad she’d grabbed her denim jacket – the air was growing cool for the night.

“So…” She wrapped her arm around Chad’s waist as they slowly walked. “You never really gave me a straight answer about how long you’re staying. I mean, I know your brother’s covering your workload, but that can’t last forever.”


It was one in the morning when Kip quietly entered the house, careful not to wake Gramps and Gram. By now they were used to him getting off work at the wee hours of the morning, whether it was midnight or four o’clock, but he still did his best not to disturb them.

After grabbing a cookie off the kitchen counter, he ambled to his room where he kicked off his shoes and flopped onto the bed. Grabbing his laptop, he decided to check his email before going to sleep. As soon as he spotted a particular email though, all other thoughts fled. His heart raced, and he was tempted to delete it without reading it. But something made him look.

“Heard you were doing well for yourself. Good. You know I can come any time I want, right? Took me a while to figure out where you were, but I found you. Thought I’d leave you be until I needed you though. Don’t worry. I’m still good for a week or two. But I think a trip to Nevada sounds like a good plan. You know, so we can catch up and all that. So I’ll be seeing you. Til our reunion…”

Kip wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at the message, but it was long enough that his laptop went to sleep on its own. His hands were trembling, and his stomach was in knots. Erik had warned him. He’d told Kip to report his father more than once, but he never had. And now…now he was coming here. Kip’s mind replayed their last encounter over and over. How badly he’d been beaten. The time it had taken just to physically recover, let alone mentally… he was still recovering.

Thoughts of sleeping vanished. Kip slipped his shoes back on, and within minutes, he was back outside. Adrenaline surged through his veins, making his muscles shake as he walked down the dark sidewalk. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t. What should he do? What could he do? Should he tell anyone? Just keep quiet? Hope it went away on its own? Why did this have to keep happening? It wasn’t fair. These thoughts and more plagued his mind as he walked. Tears were kept at bay by sheer willpower. It was fear that drove him on as he desperately tried to maintain control over his emotions. Fear of the past. Fear of the future. Fear of his own emotional instability. Soon, he was a long distance from home, having unintentionally reached downtown where there was still activity at a few all-night places. Passing by a particularly noisy club, the doors burst open, and a handful of people came spilling out, talking and laughing and ignoring where they were going.

Getting run into, Kip was accidentally shoved to the side and almost tripped off the curb. “Hey!” he complained. “Watch it.”

“Sorry, sorry.” One of the young women turned around and immediately stopped, her eyes widening. “Kip?”

Kip blinked. “Whitney?”

“Well I’ll be.” Whitney waved to the others. “Go on, guys, I’ll catch up. I got me an old friend here.” She folded her arms and gave Kip a once-over. “Looking good.” She grinned slyly. “I shoulda come sooner.”

Kip bristled. “What…what on earth are you doing here?”

“Here here, or here Nevada?” She ran a hand through her tousled hair. “Just a change of scenery. Actually, my cousin got a lead on a job and invited me along for the ride. So here I am! And so are you. What a small, small world.”

“Uh…huh.” Kip folded his arms, trying to hide that his mind was reeling. How could Whitney be here? This was insane. Everything he’d tried to leave behind was all coming back, and all in one night. What were the odds? This couldn’t be happening. “Well… goodbye.”

“That’s it? After all this time?” Whitney stuck out her lower lip to pout. “We parted on such lame terms. I think it’s fate that brought you around here tonight.” She stepped closer until she was just inches away from Kip. “Don’t you?”

His pulse was pounding. He was beyond upset about his father’s email, his heart was in utter turmoil, all he’d wanted was some fresh air, and now he was face-to-face with someone that had always somehow been one of his greatest, most hated weaknesses. He swallowed hard as he realized he’d been backed up against the brick wall of the club. “I think you’re drunk.”

Whitney laughed and slung her arms around Kip’s neck. “I just can’t seem to stay mad at you. And I’m not drunk. I’m just right.” She leaned her face in until her forehead was touching his. “You haven’t said yet why you’re out here at this late hour.”

Kip reached up to try and pull her hands down. “Just walking. I need to go.”

“Well if you’re just walking, you don’t have a reason to go.” She refused to back away. “I’ve tried harder with you than anyone else, and you’ve always slipped through my fingers. Why is that, hmm?” Without waiting for an answer, she pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss.

Trying to pull away, Kip couldn’t move as the back of his head was against the wall. Emotions writhed within him. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of this. He didn’t want to be tormented by his father. He didn’t want to be followed around by a guilty conscience and memories of constant failures. He wanted to forget. He was so very desperate for a world where his problems no longer existed.

Lost in the same kiss that had seduced him so long ago, Kip’s shoulders finally dropped. He couldn’t fight anymore. He couldn’t fight anything. He was too tired. Too tired of the constant battle. Couldn’t he just once pretend his life was somewhere far away out of sight?

Feeling Kip returning her kiss, Whitney pressed herself up against him and continued the exchange for several very long moments until she finally withdrew. “Mmm…there’s the Kip I used to know.” Her hand slid down his arm until she grasped his fingers. “And there’s no ‘big brother’ to get in the way this time.” She bit her lip and started to pull him down the sidewalk. “Come on. This is too much of a coincidence to ignore. You and I are long overdue for some fun…”

…Kip opened his eyes slowly and squinted in the dim light. Dim or not, it hurt. He licked his parched lips and tried to sift through his mental fog. Maybe he should just go back to sleep. Wait…something didn’t feel right. He blinked open his eyes again and focused on a window he didn’t recognize. Where on earth was he? Confusion woke his mind at a faster rate, and he rolled over onto his back to find he was not in his own bed at all. This was a hotel room bed. And he wasn’t alone.

A whole new kind of panic rose within him as he turned his head. Whitney was still sound asleep. Oh, no…what had he done? As he sat up, his head spun and he felt like throwing up. He managed to maintain control though, and dressed as quickly as he could find all his clothes that were strewn about. He wasn’t even sure all he’d done the night before, but it was pretty obvious he hadn’t been an innocent bystander, and all he knew now was he had to get out of here. He was so…so…so stupid. Why hadn’t he said no? Why hadn’t he walked away? He’d tried, but not hard enough. He’d just wanted an escape…but he was now waking to a nightmare – and one that he couldn’t even fully remember. After locating his sneakers, he tied them quickly, and aimed for the door. Just as he reached it though, the door to an adjoining room opened, and a shirtless guy walked in, yawning. “Hey, Whit, you up?” He spotted Kip and grunted. “Leaving already?”

Kip couldn’t even remember who this was. “Yeah.”

The man grinned. “Too much for you, huh?”

Kip’s hand was on the door handle when Whitney’s voice joined in.

“Hey, keep it down and let a girl sleep,” she mumbled.

“Your boyfriend is trying to leave,” the man teased.

Whitney sat up too fast and winced, putting a hand to her head. “Ugh.” She blinked and squinted at Kip before grinning. “You shouldn’t leave yet. We’re gonna be here another couple days.”

Kip was too sick to care anymore and he turned back to the door without responding.

Getting a signal from Whitney, the other guy stepped between Kip and the door. He was bigger than Kip, and looked down at him with a teasing smile. “I think she’s asking you to stay.”

“Yeah, well I don’t care.”

“You should.” He set a firm hand on Kip’s shoulder. “If I know her, and…I know her quite well, she’s got plans for you today that you don’t wanna miss.”

“It would seem I got enough of her last night,” Kip growled. “Get out of my way.”

The man laughed. “Ooh, ya got spunk. Hey, Whitney, he’s got some energy left after all!”

Out of nowhere, Kip’s mellow demeanor was overtaken by a sudden burst of rage. And without any warning, his fist connected with the other guy’s face.

He staggered to the side before tripping over a chair and falling to the floor. His hand went to his bleeding lip, and he looked up angrily at Kip. “Oh, you’re gonna regret that, kid.”

Just as quickly as the rage had come, Kip felt a new and even greater wave of guilt. That fist… that fist he’d just swung… that was his father’s fist. And he’d just struck out of anger. Just like his father. Before anything else could happen, Kip was out the door. He didn’t even know how to get out of the hotel, but managed to find his way until he was finally outside in the fresh air. He had no idea what time it was, but judging by the light, it was late morning.

It took a while to get back home, and by the time he got there, he was so sick that all he could do was head straight to the bathroom. In the kitchen, Gram was washing dishes when she heard the door. “Kip, is that…” Her voice trailed off as she saw him disappear down the hall. Concerned, she slowly followed his trail to where he was sitting on the bathroom floor, hung over the toilet. “Oh dear… Hun, are you alright?” She knelt next to him and rubbed his back as he threw up again.

Kip just groaned and slid back to lean against the wall, his eyes refusing to look up. Gram sighed deeply. The boy looked terrible, and she couldn’t deny the scent of alcohol on him. Without saying anything, she rose, and was back a few minutes later with a cold, wet cloth and a cup of water.

It took several more times of throwing up before Kip’s body was finished, and by then, he had no energy left to get up. He let Gram help clean him up a little though, but he remained quiet.

Gram sat on the edge of the bathtub and just studied him for several long minutes. “I thought maybe you’d just had an overnight shift at work, but…I’m guessing that’s not it.”

He shook his head.

“Want to tell me about it?”

He shook his head again.

“Gonna tell me anyway?”

Kip swallowed hard as tears sprang into his eyes. He stared at the tiled floor. “I…I don’t even…remember much,” he mumbled quietly.

“Mmhmm.” Gram pursed her lips. “How about starting with what you do remember?”

“I was upset…” He swiped at his eyes, frustrated with the emotions he couldn’t seem to get under control. “’Cause I got an email from my dad. So I went for a walk. Then I…I ran into a girl I used to know.” As his lower lip started to tremble, he stopped.

Gram reached over to pat his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” He finally looked up at her as the tears ran down his cheeks. “I went with her… and… and I don’t know what happened, but there was drinking, and, and other people and…” His face grew hot. “And when I woke up this morning, I…I was in bed with her.” His eyes dropped again. “Not that I remember it, but it’s pretty obvious what I did.” He leaned forward and hid his face in his hands. How could he have been this stupid? He’d done stupid things, but this…it took the cake.

Gram’s voice remained gentle. “Why did you go with her?”

Kip kept his face hidden. “I dunno,” was his muffled response. “’Cause I just… I was too… my dad and… ‘Cause I’ll always be worthless.”

“Hey.” Gram poked him in the ribs with her toe. “You’re not worthless. A little lost maybe, but never worthless. Did you learn anything?”

Kip nodded. “That I’m even more stupid than I thought.”

Gram sighed again. “Well, what are you gonna do about it now?”

He shrugged lamely. “I…I don’t… There’s Karla and…” The tears started again.

Gram rose and coaxed him to his feet to lead him to his bedroom. He was so hung over, that getting anywhere with him was going to have to wait. “Sleep a while, okay? When you wake up, I want you to take a hot shower, I’ll have some food for you, and the world will look differently.”

He didn’t believe her, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. Falling into bed, he checked his phone that he’d left here last night. Thankfully, no one had tried to get a hold of him, and he wasn’t supposed to see Karla until supper tonight. Karla. Oh, Karla. What was he going to do?

…It was several hours later when Kip awoke and had enough nerve to text Karla. But even then, he kept it short.

Rough day. Got sick. Prolly shouldn’t do supper. Sorry :( Gram’s taking care of me. Gonna sleep til work tonight.

At least it was all true. But that didn’t release the enormous knot in his gut.