7/18/10

Key

Again, Justin simply sits quietly as he listens. It had been a hard thing for him to learn a few years back - how to be still and allow the other person their space. But once he realized its value, he now used the silences to not only give someone else time to reflect and speak, but it gave him more time to study them and decide the best things to say in return.

Beth's three things did not come as a surprise. She had loved her parents and loved her sister very much, even if the past had been rough. It wasn't strange that she would wish for everything to be reversed, and she wasn't alone with those feelings.

Justin reaches over and takes a napkin from its holder, folding it this way and that as it kept his fingers busy while he thought. His eyes now drift down, allowing Beth her comfort zone.

"Sometimes... it's hard to be happy when what really makes that happen is seeing those we love being happy first." He puts another crease in the napkin. "But sometimes..." He pauses, doing his best to speak words of comfort but not be the councilor she didn't want. "...the trick is finding what brings us happiness, or rather, joy, outside of those things. And sometimes... it means going deeper within ourselves."

Still fiddling with the napkin, he pauses, taking a sip of coffee and remaining very casual. "You know, for a long time after my dad died, all I wanted was him to be back again. I missed him, for a while I blamed myself, and I missed hearing him laugh. I was just a kid, but looking back, I can see that I was bound and determined not to be happy without him around. And then..."

He gives a little shrug as his fingers remain busy. "...then one day it hit me that there really was no way he was going to come back. So I had a choice. I could be miserable without him, or, I could dig deeper and be happy again. I thought about what he would want for me and I knew that he wouldn't want me to be miserable. So... I slowly started collecting things that made me happy... inside... things I found I liked to do. And soon... I realized that what really produced happiness was simply living. To be who God made me to be. I found that I gained joy in helping other people. I like to fish. I find happiness with taking care of my dogs. But..."

He squints a little as he makes another fold in the napkin. "...it's different for everyone. The one thing that remains the same though is the decision to be happy. It's a state of mind... a decision... not something that must be based on circumstances. I can find an old man who lives under a bridge who is happy just because he takes life one day at a time and he is satisfied. But find someone who seems to have everything and they might be miserable."

Pausing, Justin slides the napkin towards Beth. It was now folded down into the crude shape of a butterfly. "The key is allowing ourselves out of the cocoon that binds us and learning to spread our wings, even when it's a long ways to the ground."

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