Scott takes in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. Leaning to the side, his head rests on Hope's shoulder.
"I feel like it is the beginning," he mentions quietly. "With me... being the weak one... the one with the problem. I wanted so bad just to... be the strong one, you know? You deserve better... you deserve a man who doesn't need a shrink every five minutes."
Picking at a thread on his jeans, he sits straighter again though his shoulders slouch. "I thought that... you know... once I was better that... that I'd always be better. Then I started having trouble seeing people connected with the Agency. I just... saw all the data that had been put into my brain instead of them for who they were. It was just all.... data. It's hard to explain."
It really was hard to explain... the attempted assimilation wasn't something easily grasped by anyone else, let alone by himself. "I... I started getting more and more angry for what had been done to me. I felt.... violated. Like they took my life without my permission. Like, the Agency is a part of me now and I don't have any control over it. Every time I saw someone who used to be there... Phinox... Carson... Alec... the people I knew the backgrounds on... I just felt... angry. And then..."
Scott scoffs and shakes his head, leaning forward to rest his chin in his hands. "Then my sister decided to date Gage. So... when she wanted me to teach him how to drive, I said sure. And... I warned him to stay away from her... I threatened him. I didn't like myself for it, but I did it. That's... that's why Sapphire and I are having problems now."
He takes a deep breath, giving a little shudder. "Now I'm having nightmares about betraying everyone I love. I had Dalton lock me out of TJY's security just to make sure I couldn't get in and actually do damage. Carson... he said it didn't work that way - that I was still in control but... I'm still scared. I'm just so confused and... look at me. I'm useless with this stuff running around my head and... and..."
His voice starts to quiver just a little. "I don't know how to conquer it."
Finally a smile emerges on Mick's face. His eyes still held some fear or disappointment... something that said he was still not in favor of losing his daughter, but he wasn't going to fight it.
"Just keep making her smile... I like seeing her smile."
Jade wanders into the barn after helping Becky with some dishes and cleaning, and skips past the horse stalls, humming and looking for Dan. Turning the corner, she skids to a halt, seeing both Dan and her father. Her heart skips a beat and her face pales slightly. "Oh, um... I... I... sorry to, uh... interrupt."
Mick lets go of Dan's hand and turns to Jade, quirking one eyebrow. "It's okay... I wasn't strangling him or anything."
Jade didn't know how to react, not knowing whether he was teasing or what.
Mick gives her a little smile and nod. "Don't worry. Just guy talk. And... I'm glad you're here."
"W...why is that?" Jade wanders a little closer, afraid she was going to get the tongue-lashing she didn't get earlier today.
"Because..." Mick cocks his head. "I... walked off before I had a chance to congratulate you this morning."
Jade's eyes widen, suddenly realizing that he wasn't going to yell at them. "You... you approve?"
"Mmm... I'm working on it," Mick admits. "Give an old man some time to get used to the idea, okay? But... I'm not going to get mad at either of you, alright?"
Jade can feel the tears rise in her eyes, but this time they weren't sad tears. Coming closer, she wraps her arms around her dad, burying her face in his chest. "Thank you... thank you."
Mick returns her hug and kisses her head. "I love you, baby... I always will."
Jade draws back and turns around to see Dan, her smile going from ear to ear. Giving a little squeal, she runs into him with a hug, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.
Mick chuckles a little and shakes his head, throwing up his hands. "And it starts."
3/7/10
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