Though his eyes remained clenched tightly shut, he managed a nod. He heard her. He understood. Unfortunately, the violent mental images continued to bombard him as he sat and rocked, trying desperately to regain control before it became an even worse episode.
It felt like the next few minutes were an eternity before he drew in a shaky breath as his shoulders started to relax, and eventually he was able to open his eyes again. He rested his head on his knees, but turned his face so he could see Hope. A few tears had escaped, though he ignored them. His fluctuating emotions never ceased to embarrass him, but he'd quit trying to hide them. Hope and Justin had seen him cry more than anyone else.
He searched Hope's eyes. Those gentle, caring eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He hadn't been prepared for such a sudden attack. "I wish I could control it. I wish I was stronger."
As Kyle continued to strum his guitar softly and hum, he knew Misty was awake. He remained quiet though, not pressing her.
Still plucking strings, he eventually quit humming and started talking - about anything, really. He talked about the weather, him and Alice, their house, and his recent concerts. He never asked Misty to join the conversation - he just knew she could hear him and he wanted her to feel included.
"...So we just got back from up north. Nothing big but we managed to squeeze in about ten concerts so it's a good start. Tell you what, though, some nights I'm totally worn out. And you know it takes a lot to wear me out." He chuckled. "Wouldn't trade it for the world though. I've sold a few songs, too, so that's generated some extra income. My uncle and aunt still have a lot to do with keeping the band afloat but eventually it would be nice to be independent."
He talked a little while longer about the band, then church, then family. "...So I think Phil is getting serious about Rayne but the dork won't tell me about it. Jen, on the other hand, is bored out of her mind and thinking about a job at a dance studio. I can't decide if it would be good for her, or torture since she still wants to be more active and misses her gymnastics...though she never says so. But I guess that's her choice."
Kyle strummed a little more and finally set aside his guitar. He'd been there quite a while, and though he'd stay all night for her, he knew he needed to get home. By now, the band would have unloaded the equipment and Alice would be waiting supper on him.
"I suppose I should let you be and quit talking your ear off." He stood and stretched with a yawn. He still wouldn't push Misty into talking, though he was just a bit disappointed she hadn't even said hi.
He reached down an gave her shoulder a gentle pat. "You take care, Miss T. I'm sure I'll see you again soon."
Eli took his time lacing up his boots as he got ready for work. He hadn't slept well all night, his mind going too many different directions. It was hard accepting the fact that Alec was suddenly gone. Most recently, Eli had viewed him as an enemy in more ways than one. But his passing brought to mind when they'd actually been friends...pretty good friends, too. Maybe that's what Eli missed the most. It wasn't so much Alec's death in itself, but it was losing that friend all over again. And maybe...maybe there was guilt for not having made amends. Alec had done some pretty bad things, but he'd changed as of late. Eli had seen it. And everyone deserved another chance. Eli knew he couldn't dwell on the past or regrets, but he couldn't deny that this whole thing was just a bit tough.
He stood straight and grabbed his motorcycle keys, just ready to walk out the door, when he heard Ryan up and about. He was glad of that - hearing her crying last night had gotten to him, and he'd been a bit worried about her.
Deciding work could wait, he ambled down the hallway and tapped on her bedroom door. "Hey, Speedy. I'm heading to work... Need anything before I go?"
As Ashlee turned her back, Eric was worried that this conversation might not have been such a good idea. But her words caught him by surprise. Why would she think he didn't really love it here?
What she said next, though, made everything clear. Suddenly, it all made sense. Her desire to have him around. Her getting upset when he was gone. And never had he felt so blind. How could he have so completely missed what was now so obvious?
Tossing the towel aside, he moved around the horse and came up behind Ashlee to gently lay a calloused hand on her shoulder. "Come here," he coaxed, and guided her to a couple hay bales by the barn where he sat down with her. The first thing he did was take his bandana and wipe the tears from her cheek.
"I think I better clear up some misunderstandings," he started. It wasn't easy trying to speak from his heart. "First, I drive truck to help support this place financially. I try to earn money driving so the ranch will survive...and so you and your mom will still be here when I get back. So I guess maybe I have been on the road more lately, but it's because I care. It ain't got nothing to do with avoiding anybody."
He paused, looking Ashlee in the eye. It was a tough topic, but he was man enough, and she was grown up enough to talk it out. "I know you've had it rough without your dad, and I'm sorry you've had to go through that." His voice became stern, though still remained gentle. "But I'm not him. I care a great deal for you and your mom both, and I ain't the type of man who takes things like that lightly. I know it might be hard for you to trust me, but believe me when I say no matter where I go, I will always come back. And that's a promise."
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