Misty's stare might as well have driven a stake right through Carson's soul, because that's what it felt like. There was a new coldness there. An anger. A hatred. Blame. And Carson knew that all those things were not aimed at the Agency, but at him. He would have tried to convince himself otherwise, but there was one factor that tipped him off. In that stare, one thing was lacking. There was absolutely no trace of love for him left. He had been living on pure hope that somewhere, deep down, a love for him still lingered, even if it were small. But in this moment right now, non existed.
He straightened and swallowed hard, finding it difficult to think of any words. He wanted to comfort her. Mourn with her. Care for her. And none of it - absolutely none - was possible.
Having her pull her hand from his, his eyes fell. He automatically started to reach for her again, but stopped. Though it took all of his willpower not to, he knew that at this point, his touch was not welcome. And apparently, neither was his presence. All he wanted to do was help and be there for her, and all she wanted was for him to leave. It didn't make sense and it didn't feel right. But it was fact.
Slowly, Carson stood, though his eyes lingered on the woman he was losing. "Okay." His voice was but a whisper. "But it's not charity. I do care. And I do love you, even if you don't believe it." Oh how he just wanted to lean down and kiss her cheek. That's all. But instead, he turned and walked away. There was more than sorrow on his heart though. More than anguish. A burning flame had begun - one of anger. One of rage. Rage against the Agency. Rage against those who refused to understand him. Rage against circumstances beyond his control.
By the time he reached the hall, adrenaline was already surging through his veins. There were more people there now. Jason and Katie had joined the others. And it was Jason on whom Carson's fiery gaze landed first.
Jason wasn't sure all that had happened just now, but he truly was sorry about the circumstance and was hurting for Misty. The look on Carson's face was not easily interpreted, but Jason even felt genuine sorrow for him as well. The first words were the only words he could think of, after a slight nod hello. "I am so sorry."
There wasn't any hesitation. Or if there was, no one noticed or even heard the curse that slipped out from under Carson's breath. For in the next moment, he had hauled back and with true aim, sent a punch directly into Jason's mouth. Taken so by surprise, Jason didn't even block or move out of the way, taking the full brunt of Carson's swing. Knocked off balance, he stumbled back into the wall, putting a hand to his already-bleeding mouth.
Before Carson could even move another inch, Alec grabbed his arm and Reese stepped between him and Jason. "What in blazes do you think you're doing?!"
Carson's glare shifted to Reese as he yanked his arm loose from Alec's grip. "Aw, rack off."
"Hey!" Reese was not about to let this one go, and gave Carson a hefty whack on the chest to keep him in line. "We let you be here because I thought you were going to keep control of yourself."
"You...you let me be here?" Carson's eyebrows rose, and he blinked. "Let me?" He pointed to Misty's room. "That is my wife in there!" Tears sprang into his eyes. "I lost a child today too, or does that not count?" His voice started to crack, but he kept himself in check. "I have lost everything. My friends, family, my wife, and now my child. And all anyone can do is keep pushing me away because they think they know better than me." The fire in his eyes glowed hot. "Hang all your condolences and sympathies. None of you want me here anyway."
Shoving his way past Reese, he ignored all the others, and aimed for the nearby waiting room. He let the door fall shut behind him, and was glad to find the room void of other people. Sinking down in a chair, he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, and buried his head in his hands. His body shook with adrenaline as he fought against his rage, his sorrow, his confusion and his misery. Never before had he faced this kind of trial, and he didn't know what to do. And never had he ever felt so alone. Being a part of the Agency...that had been better than this.
Back out in the hall, Jason wiped his bloody lip with his sleeve, and rolled his tongue around his teeth to make sure they were all still in tact. "Dang... I swear he's got knuckles made out of steel."
Reese was still frowning. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I've had worse." Jason rolled his eyes. "I don't want to see Misty like this though - it'll just upset her."
Wyatt shook his head. "You two get into something recently or what?"
"No." Jason knew better. As much as he wanted to lash out at Carson's actions, he just couldn't. "I'm just an easy target after everything that's happened." He glanced at Katie. "Guess I need to work on my timing. Or my evading skills." He wiped his lip again. "Maybe both."
1/21/15
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