Alice's words meant a lot, and Kyle turns his head to kiss her hand tenderly. "I love you too."
Putting an arm around her shoulders, he finally aims for the door. Part of him wanted to stay and make sure that Kip was okay, but he knew he couldn't. Better to leave now and check in tomorrow.
Heading outside with Alice, Kyle aims for her jeep, then lets her go to the driver's side. He was tired and thought it best she do the driving tonight. Once he was in the passenger side, he leans his head back and closes his eyes, sighing deeply. It had certainly been a long day.
Beth's voice breaks through Justin's fog and feeling a little shake to his shoulder rouses him. His eyes open, and for a moment, it's as if he doesn't know where he is. A second ago, he'd been a kid looking forward to his dad getting home, and now...
His eyes roam the room uneasily before he realizes that he'd been dreaming. Looking up at Beth, he tries to not let on that his mind had been so very far away. Unfortunately, where his mind had been just brought back the pain he'd been battling.
Doing his best to ignore it and move on, Justin pulls himself up to sit and tries to understand everything Beth had just said or asked. Seeing the breakfast waiting, his mouth waters. With eating so little the day before, he was hungry. Looking at her again, he didn't know how pale he looked, or that his hair was matted and his clothes all wrinkled. "Um... thank you." He furrows his brow and shrugs lamely. "I'm hot and my head hurts... or cold... both."
Taking the toast, he nibbles on the corner before answering her second question. Thankfully, at least for a few minutes he could think straight. "The dogs... food and water. Food is... um... in the um..." He gestures to the kitchen, struggling to find the right word. "Pantry. Their bowls are um..." He things for another moment. "Outside. By their houses." Nodding, he felt satisfied that he'd said what he needed to.
While she feeds the dogs, he works on the breakfast, enjoying the taste of the well-prepared eggs and toast. Unfortunately, though he finishes most of it, his stomach wasn't yet ready for a meal. Not fifteen minutes after eating, he staggers to the bathroom where it all comes up again. Once his stomach is empty, all he can do is sit on the bathroom floor, leaned back against the wall, and try to regain enough energy to get up again. Sweat trickles down the side of his face and he shivers. More than the physical discomfort, he disliked how blurry his mind felt right now. He just couldn't think straight, and he hated that. One thing he knew though... he wasn't going to be able to get back out to the living room on his own.
"Beth?" he calls weakly. Was she even still here? He had no idea. Shouldn't she be at Brookshire by now with her sister? He didn't even know what time it was though. "Beth?"
Though he might not have shown it, Karla's assurance really did feel good to Kip. It was just an awful lot of pain to go up against, and her words were so few in comparison. They were soft and soothing to his inner wounds, but those wounds were so deep that it would take a lot for any form of encouragement to penetrate.
He leaves his head sunken into his pillow and sniffs once or twice as the tears flow. "Thank you," he whispers. At least one person cared for him. He knew in his head that he had a whole group of friends that did, but convincing his heart was just a little hard right now.
Still so weary and so sore, sleep was inevitable. Crying himself to sleep, he's finally resting quietly, his one hand locked with Karla's. About an hour later, Gram comes in quietly to spread a blanket over both of them, then shuts the door halfway so they can continue to sleep...
...Eight o'clock. Kip's eyes open groggily and he glances around the room, trying to remember where he was. He tenses at first, but then relaxes, realizing he was back home. His swollen eye was still very much so, but he could open it slightly today, though his vision was a bit blurry on that side.
Trying not to yawn so it wouldn't hurt his jaw, he turns over to lie on his back, but even that was sore enough that it didn't feel good. Feeling Karla next to him, he lets his head slide over to her shoulder. The scent of eggs and bacon wafted through the air, proving that Gram had been up for a while and breakfast was waiting in the kitchen. Kip didn't feel like getting up though. He felt like a truck had run him over, and his mood wasn't all that great either.
"Are you getting up?" he mumbles, not knowing what Karla's plans were for the day.
"Gage!" Alec bangs on the apartment door, ignoring the annoyed look of another resident from down the hall. "Gage! I only got five minutes before work, so get your tail up out of bed!"
Gage opens his eyes groggily and rolls off his air mattress, trying to get his bearings. He'd just come home yesterday and was still pretty tired from his hospital stay. He'd convinced Sapphire she could go home though, and he'd slept relatively well all night. Now who on earth was bothering him at seven in the morning and why?
"Gage!"
Alec? Gage groans and forces himself up, trudging to the door in his sweats and t-shirt. Unlocking the door, he looks out in the hall sleepily. "Alec, what do you want?" They weren't exactly the best of friends - having Alec show up was fairly unusual.
Alec holds out a small piece of paper with writing on it. "Here."
Gage furrows his brow, confused as he takes it. "Professor Norton? Wednesday at ten?" He shakes his head. "What is this?"
Alec points to the logo at the top of the notepaper.
Gage tries to wake up as he reads. "Revolution Art Academy? You mean that art school out at the west end?"
"Yeah. You have a job interview with the top dog for a janitor position. Minimum wage and one free art class a week."
Gage blinks. "I don't... understand."
"What's part don't you understand?" Alec throws up his arms. "Job. Interview. Don't miss it."
"But an art class... I don't get it."
"You don't have to. Just go for the interview, alright?"
"But the Academy... that's like... a prestige school. What would they want me for?"
"A j-a-n-i-t-o-r," Alec enunciates slowly. "You know, cleaning floors and windows - that sort of thing. Easy as pie and you might even get to show off your talent."
"But how-"
"Just be there." Alec glances at his watch as he turns to leave. "I gotta go. Gonna be late. Don't forget to go!"
Gage stares after him dumbly before looking back at the paper again. A job interview? Janitor? He could handle that, right? What was with the art classes though? That wasn't something that was offered every day. And how had they found out about him? What had Alec done?
Shaking his head, Gage shuts the door and wanders to the kitchen, putting the note in his refrigerator door. He couldn't very well turn this down - he was out of a job and needed to find something before he was dropped from the Elite program for lack of effort. And he was going to find out just what Alec had done, too.
"Earth to Eli."
Eli blinks as Tal's hand waves in front of his face. "What?"
"I've been talking to you."
"Oh. Sorry." Eli moves from the work bench and back to the car they'd been working on.
Tal smirks and shakes his head. "Where's your head, man? You've been gone for days."
Eli throws him a withering look. "Just a lot on my mind."
"Mmm, sounds like woman trouble to me."
"And how would you know?"
Tal shrugs and grins. "I have a vivid imagination?"
"I'll grant you that." Eli kneels on the garage floor to finish taping around the car door.
"So what's the problem anyway?" Tal assists him with the tape.
"Remember that job offer I told you about?"
"Yeah. You friend Nick in Florida. Truck driving. You seemed pretty stoked about it a few weeks ago."
"I haven't told my sister yet..."
Tal quirks an eyebrow. "She likes having you around, doesn't she?"
"Well, I think so. I mean... I don't think she'd be heartbroken if I left, and I'd feel too big for my britches if I said I thought she'd miss me but... I think she likes having me here, yeah."
"And you don't want to tell her you're leaving because...?" Tal fishes for an answer. "You don't want to hurt her feelings?"
"I guess. I mean, I don't know. After Pops died, the family split and I feel like me being here has kinda glued part of us back together again. I missed out on family those years and I think she did too. I've enjoyed being here and getting to know her again."
"So why are you leaving?"
Eli frowns as he works. "I don't think I am."
Tal sits back a little. "You're gonna pass up the money?"
"I think so. The more I think about it, the more... well... it just feels selfish. I know my sister doesn't need me... that much is obvious, but I don't want to abandon her either. And I know Scarlet can survive without me but... I'm not so sure I wanna risk that either."
"Told you it was woman trouble."
Eli gives his arm a whack, but a little smile does slip through. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." He sighs. "How come walking away from money hurts so much?"
"Because doing the right thing can often be painful?" Tal shrugs. "Turning down money for the sake of people you care about isn't bad. I'd say it's downright honorable." He pauses a moment, seeming to really be deep in thought. "I, um... well... I've been going to church lately, ya know?"
Eli pauses with his tape, not having known Tal was religious at all.
Tal clears his throat. "It's um... well, it's the one Scarlet goes to - I see her sometimes. Anyway, um, they've been talking about how sometimes it's not easy to choose the right path, 'cause like... well, other people might not agree or whatever, or make fun. So... I guess I agree, ya know? Like not everything we do would be popular but... but it might be the right thing to do and that's what counts, right?"
Eli cocks his head, seeing a bit of red in Tal's face. His friend and coworker had never talked about things like this before. "Yeah, that makes sense," he agrees. He continues to study Tal. "Scarlet's invited me to church but I kinda avoided it. I mean, my family used to go to church and all... us kids liked it and we made decisions and got baptized and all that but... I guess... well, things change... after Pops died, things fell apart and we grew away from it."
Tal grins a little. "Ironic, isn't it? The one place that can offer shelter and we back away from it when we're having a hard time? Or God? The One person who can help us and we try to go our own way?" His eyes hold an admittance that perhaps he'd been there too. "You oughtta come sometime just to check it out. Music's good. Sometimes they got food afterward too."
Eli chuckles. "Free food is always good."
"This is very true."
Turning back to the car, Eli shakes his head. "Thanks, Tal."
"For what?"
"Helping me see that staying in Nevada is the right choice."
"...and how do you feel about that?"
Scott sighs and leans back in the chair, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. "It makes me angry," he replies dryly. "And sad." He felt like a robot and his tone matched.
Dr. Hawks smirks a little and shakes his head. "Scott, why do you keep coming to me? Every other day, we have a session and they're always the same. You know what I'm going to ask and you know exactly how you're going to respond. We've memorized everything, yet you still come back." He studies his patient, wondering at Scott's own pattern. "Why?"
Scott's eyes lower and he picks at a thread on his jeans where a hole had formed on the knee. Ever since he'd refused to see Justin anymore, he'd been to see Dr. Hawks, but it wasn't much different than when they'd started out. It was boring, frustrating and getting them nowhere. "Because... if I don't see someone then you'll perceive me as ready to leave and I'll have to go home."
"And you don't want to go home? I thought that was the goal here."
"I... I don't want to anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because." Scott shrugs, his eyes still lowered. "I can't... can't control myself yet."
"You mean the Agency triggers?"
"Yeah."
Dr. Hawks sighs. "Wasn't Justin helping you with that?"
"I guess."
"Well why don't you and I do the same thing?"
It wouldn't be the same and Scott knew it. Dr. Hawks meant well, but Justin was the one that really understood. He was the one that knew the most about the Agency assimilation. Justin knew where Scott's breaking point was, knowing when to start and when to stop, and even the dogs helped. That silly matching game had been the only thing that worked, getting Scott to really start learning how to control the visual triggers. Justin was the one with a connection to Alec, who could also help. Dr. Hawks just didn't understand things like Justin did. Scott shakes his head. "No."
"Why not?"
"It's not the same. I don't want to do that."
"You say you don't want to go home because you can't control the triggers. Yet you don't want to overcome the problem so that you could go home. Why?"
"It hurts." It did hurt. And it was terrifying. Every time Scott could feel himself becoming overwhelmed with Agency information, he was afraid he'd fall prey to it again and never break out of it. He'd come close more than once. So while he knew that Justin's methods were the best and were what he needed, he was still afraid. "I should just forget about ever going home. Lock me up with the rest of your patients here and be done with it. The Agency destroyed me and I'm tired of trying to beat it."
Dr. Hawks sits back and thinks for several minutes. Scott's eating habits hadn't improved much and he was still on the verge of being very physically ill if they weren't careful. He was skin and bones, his clothes just hanging on him. His eyes held no life, and it was obvious that he felt he'd never be able to leave here. Dr. Hawks knew that if they sent Scott home now, he would sit at home, depressed and scared, and would wind up killing himself because he just wouldn't take care of himself like he should. That was the whole reason Hope had brought him here to begin with - was there no improvement?
But there had been glimpses. Dr. Hawks had seen them through Justin - the only person who had been strong enough and wise enough to know what to do and how to do it. His unorthodox methods had been the best in this case. But one move had destroyed it all. And yet... there was still something inside Scott that kept him going. There had to be - otherwise, he would be dead by now, giving up on life completely. There was something that was hanging on by a thread, keeping him from that fatal decision.
"To whom did you promise you would not give up?"
Scott's eyes shoot up. Dr. Hawks had discovered that one thread. Scott swallows hard, feeling his eyes fill and burn. "Hope," he responds quietly.
Dr. Hawks leans forward and rests his arms on his desk. "There's more to not giving up than just remaining where you're at, Scott. Not giving up means to keep fighting. You're in the middle of a war - you have been for a longtime now, and you're getting weak and tired. No man can last forever like this, not even you. If you have promised not to give up, then you need to start fighting back. I know you can - I've seen you do it, but it hasn't been enough."
Scott blinks back a tear. "I don't know how."
"We've been trying to help you, but if you keep refusing it, then we can't do anymore. You're only human, but so are we, Scott." Dr. Hawks tries to be gentle. "Justin did his very best with you and you sent him away."
"He deserved it," Scott states stubbornly. "No one told me about Hope and that's unacceptable."
"It was her request. If there's anyone to blame, it's her."
Scott could feel his anger again. He didn't like anyone blaming Hope for anything. She didn't deserve that, and it angered him that Dr. Hawks would want him to be upset with her rather than people like Justin. At the same time though, there was some truth there. It had been Hope's request. She was the one that had made Scott come here in the first place, and then had hidden her illness from him. He couldn't deny that those things upset him - even if he'd chosen to forgive her, it was still a sensitive spot that hadn't completely healed yet. "I don't care," he mutters. "Justin should have told me."
Dr. Hawks sighs again. "Then what are we supposed to do, hmm?"
"Look, I have nothing to live for. I'm here so you people can fix me, but what's the point? Hope's gone and she's the reason I was hanging on to begin with. So without her, why bother? Why can't you just let me die in peace? At least I'd be in a better place and I'd see Hope again."
"So you're saying that Hope is the only reason to live?"
Scott shrugs.
"What about the things she stood for? What about what she lived for? What about the things she taught you and gave you? What about life itself, Scott? It's not just about Hope - it's not just about living for an individual. It's about living because God gave us each a purpose and if we're alive, it's because He still has plans for us. Fighting this thing for Hope is honorable. But it can't be your only goal. Not if you're serious about getting better. And if you're not serious about it, then there's no point in us continuing these sessions. I'll put you in the permanent care facility if you really want me to, and then you really will be here for the rest of your life." That thought pained Dr. Hawks. He could see past that dim look in Scott's eyes to a fire that had once burned. Scott was intelligent with so much potential and so much to give... to lock him away would be heatwrenching. But if he wasn't willing to fight, there were few options.
Scott stands up and heads for the door, tired of today's session. He knew Dr. Hawks was right, but wasn't so sure he was willing to accept it all just yet.
Watching Scott leave, Dr. Hawks leans back in his chair again, frustrated and at his wits end. Scott was such a unique case in some ways, and in others, he was just like every other human being on the planet - scared and confused.
"Dr. Hawks, you have a call."
He rights himself and tries to get his mind back on track. "Thank you," he replies to the intercom before picking up the phone. "Hello, this is Dr. Hawks."
"Hi, this is Mike Reese."
"Oh, yes. What can I do for you?"
"It's about Hope Garrison. I wasn't sure who to tell, so I figured I'd just go through you."
Dr. Hawk's shoulders sink. "Did she pass?"
"Actually, no. Apparently God's not done with her yet. She rallied and the doctors are shocked but her cancer is gone and she's on the road to recovery."
Dr. Hawk's can hardly believe it. "Wow. That's... that's wonderful news."
"I'm going to go visit her today but, I... wasn't sure who should tell Scott."
"Ah. Yes." Dr. Hawks thinks for a few moments, mulling over the conversation he'd just had. Scott needed to realize there was more to live for than just one person. Though he obviously loved Hope and she was his light, she still might not always be there for him - she could get sick again in a year, and then what? Scott needed to live for more than just her being with him. Would he realize that after today? Only time would tell. "I think... I'm going to hold off on telling Scott for just a little while. If nothing changes, I will, but I'd like to see if it does first. Just... something he and I talked about today."
"Well, I trust your judgment. I just knew I needed to let someone know."
Scott stares out his window and once again he places his fingers on the cool glass. It was like a memory for him... a memory of those first steps with Hope... a memory of those first steps in gaining his life back. Hope...
A tear runs down his cheek. Every day, he dreaded the news that she was gone. He'd promised her he'd fight, but what about after she was gone? What would really be the point then? And yet... how would she want him to act after she died? Would she want him to die too? Would she want him to lose any hope in anything at all? Or would she want him to keep fighting for the sake of life itself? For the sake of finding peace and joy again and maybe even love? Wouldn't she want that for him? He'd been hanging on for her but... when she was no longer here, what then was left?
His eyes rise to the sky where clouds lazily roll by. He couldn't see God's plan and he didn't understand. But if God took Hope away and not him, who was he to argue? Was not God the only reason for which he should live anyway? His faith had dwindled lately... he felt guilty about that. It had just been so hard. But whether he wanted to admit it or not, Dr. Hawks had made him think again today, and maybe... maybe he was right.
The thought of Sapphire crosses Scott's mind. He was angry with her, but at the same time, he missed her. He thought of Dalton... the same emotions existed there. He thought of TJY. There was bitterness there - if it hadn't been for TJY, he never would have been taken by the Agency. Yet part of him longed to return to where he'd always felt he belonged. He thought about God. Had he been selfish all this time, trying to live for what he wanted instead of God?
Another tear runs down his face. He missed people so much. He missed Hope so much. Why would God take everything away form him like that? It wasn't fair. It hurt. But... if he really did want to live, did he need to find more to live for than just Hope, like Dr. Hawks said? Scott's heart knew the answer.
Reese wanders down the hospital hall, a little lost, but finally finding his way to the room at the end. There was a lot of equipment around, but it wasn't quite as scary as the other unit.
Knocking softly, he steps in through the half-open door and glances around. Spotting Hope in the bed, a smile spreads from ear to ear. "Hey, stranger." Approaching slowly, he eases down in a chair and shakes his head. "You better stick around this time, or I'm liable to go mad, along with a bunch of other people."
He grins and tosses her a wink. "It's good to see you, Hope."
12/3/10
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