Noting the change in Chuck's eyes and tone, Susanne was almost sorry she'd asked. She really did want to know what had happened though... she wanted to understand him more and find another piece to the mysterious puzzle.
As she listens, she nods a little, assuring she was paying attention. Though her hands fidget with her water glass, her eyes remain on him. Hearing that Erica wasn't who Chuck had first thought made Susanne's heart hurt just a little. It was something like that she was so afraid of - finding someone and giving them her heart, only to find out later they weren't who she'd thought.
Interrupted by the waiter, she places her order but quickly turns her attention back to Chuck. Learning just what Erica had done and the lies she'd told, Susanne's eyes show sympathy. What a horrible, horrible thing for someone to do. "Oh, Chuck..." Her voice was soft and caring. "I'm so sorry." Now it was obvious why he wouldn't have dared choose another woman all these years. If it had been her, Susanne was pretty sure she would have vowed never to love again.
The strange thing was, after that bad experience and after all these years, out of the blue, he'd chosen her? Why? Why did he want to form a relationship, let alone so quickly? Why would he rush into this after everything he'd gone through? And her, of all people. He didn't even know her. Surely there were plenty of other women who would catch his eye more than she...who were better suited for him.
She opens her mouth to question him, but it seemed he'd already read her mind. Almost stunned by his words, she can only listen and soak in all he says. Somehow, for some reason, he really did see more in her than anyone else. The things he'd observed... what went on inside of her... he was right. Sometimes she did want someone to protect her, even if she was capable on her own. She did try to be true to herself and not wear a mask. She did want to branch out so badly and be loved. He had seen further into her in two days' time than others who had known her all her life.
Quite unexpectedly, tears spring into her eyes and she looks down to see his hand. She hesitates at first, then slowly slides her hand over to meet his, her fingertips coming to rest on his palm. Still looking down, a tear rolls down her cheek. "No one's ever said they thought I was pretty. No one's ever said any of those things to me before." She'd craved words like those for years, but no one had ever been there to offer them.
She swallows hard and sniffs, feeling a might silly, but unable to help it that her emotions were all topsy-turvy. "When... when I was a little girl, I remember trying so hard to get my dad's attention. I knew he loved me, and he was a good man. But when all I wanted was for him to say I was pretty or... or just give me a hug when something went wrong... it just..." She shrugs. "...Never happened." Her toughness had formed long before she'd joined TJY.
Her gaze remains glued to the table, now unable to look up at Chuck. "In school, I was always the one without a date. My friends would always convince me to go to the dances anyway and try to socialize... I got used to sitting in the corner alone. And after that..." Another tear falls and she wipes it away with the back of her other hand. "...No man ever took notice of me. I... I figured I was being selfish and... and I needed to just accept the fact that I'd... I'd always be alone."
Her fingers tremble slightly in his grasp and she finally finds the courage to look up at him again. her voice is but a whisper now. "Being with you is terrifying." Her eyes glisten with all of her mixed feelings. "You make me feel like a princess but... but that's what scares me. I'm afraid I'll let myself like it too much and get used to it, only to have it end. And then I'll be alone again but even more lonely because I'll have tasted what I've always really wanted."
Kip isn't surprised when Karla joins him. He lets her link arms with him, though his hands stay tucked in his pockets and his eyes remain on the sidewalk. Her question makes him shrug. "I dunno."
A few more steps and he sighs. "Yeah... I'm always okay." Again, he falls quiet for the length of one block. Eventually, he takes his hand from his pocket and intertwines his fingers with hers. "If it's not one thing with me, it's another, isn't it? First I'm doing a lousy job with the band and so we figure out my problem with all that. Now that that's going right, they're all against me again just because I want to see my dad. Maybe I shoulda just quit when I had the chance. At least then I wouldn't have them all breathing down my neck all the time."
"I bet painting would be a good hobby for you," Justin agrees. "Someone told me once that there's a little bit of an artist in all of us." He quirks an eyebrow. "I think I'm the exception. All I can draw are stick figures and you don't want to see what I make out of modeling clay." He grins teasingly. "Thankfully, the only artwork my job requires is paint splotches."
Finishing up the meal, Justin cleans his plate - evidence that he'd told the truth that he liked Beth's cooking. With a full stomach and good conversation, he was feeling a little more relaxed too, and enjoying the evening.
"Don't forget you get to choose which movie to watch from the ones I brought."
A cold, wet nose on his hand makes him look down quickly and he smirks at Danitza before scratching her head. "Was I talking to you? Hmm? Do you think I'd let you pick a movie? I'd be watching 101 Dalmatians twenty-four/seven if that was the case."
Clueless, but sensing her master's good mood, Danitza wags her tail and nuzzles into his hand, licking his fingers.
"Naw, now, come on. I told you to stay in the living room."
She looks up at him and gives a quiet little whine.
"Well why didn't you say so?" Justin stands up and stretches, glancing to Beth. "I gotta take her out. I'll just be a minute." He ends up taking both dogs out on their leashes but it doesn't take long before he's back inside, slipping his shoes off again and having the dogs lie down in the living room once more.
11/22/10
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment