Hearing people come into her room Misty couldn't help but jump a little. She had heard, but it really hadn't registered much people were coming in there to see her. So many things floated in her mind, and it was hard to tell if this was all really, real or not. Carson's words bounce off her, and she doesn't even take notice for a moment his hand went into hers as she just looks past him at the others for a long moment.
Registering that Carson was there Misty looks back to him. Her eyes seemed so cold, so dim. Her sadness, her angry it was all his fault. If he hadn't had been dumb and messed up none of this would of happened.
"It's not ok, nothing will ever be ok now and no one is safe. It wont ever be safe with stupid people who only thing of themselves in the world. It wont be safe with The Agency around, and its the good people who always suffer the most. It's the good people who don't deserve to be alone, who always end up that way!"
Misty moves her hand from Carson's as some tears fall from her eyes. If it had only been several months ago she would of welcome him there, she would of thrown her arms around him and cried on her shoulder. But now she didn't want him to be. He just reminded her of what she would never have, her family was destroyed, ripped apart, and the only one she could point fingers at was him.
"Please leave...I don't want you here, and I dont want your charity. I'd rather have no one here at all, than someone who pretends to care."
1/20/15
1/12/15
Painful Assurance
As Misty’s scream filled the hospital hallway, actions of friends and family were faster than those of the nearby nurses. It wasn’t just another person in that bed – it was someone loved by more than one.
It was Wyatt and Carson both who made it to the doorway first, but one of them had to give. Their eyes locked, but Carson’s stare was strongest. “We’ve been over this once, mate,” he hissed. “Don’t make me repeat myself.” Entering Misty’s room, he left Wyatt behind, along with Reese and Alec, who stayed put. Not because they wanted to, but out of simple respect. And all, including Alec, were ready to intrude, should Carson’s presence not be wanted…
The day before…
Carson had just finished his morning run and was starting to get things going in the restaurant. Though not open until later, there was plenty to do every day before any customers arrived. The day felt…off kilter somehow. Not that any day was really all that great anymore, but today there seemed to be an unexplainable gloom hanging in the air – one that just made Carson’s mood all the more sour.
Hearing the bell on the front door, he sighed. This is why he always kept it locked until Thirteen or Aerith were supposed to come – couldn’t customers read the closed sign?
He emerged from the kitchen, ready to state his open hours, but seeing Alec, he stopped short. This was odd. “Hey…” Confused, he neared, immediately put on guard by the look on his brother’s face. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. “Alec?” His approach was made more cautious. “What’s wrong?”
Alec swallowed hard. He obviously couldn’t hide the raw emotions in his eyes. “I thought I should come in person instead of call.”
Carson’s pulse quickened. “Alec…what happened?”
“Look, can we sit down?”
Carson took his brother by the shoulders. “What. Happened? Is it Mac? Misty? What?”
Alec chewed on the inside of his lip, perhaps a little sorry he’d volunteered for this. But he knew it was still best. And he also knew Carson would prefer hearing it straight. “Someone broke into the house last night.”
Carson’s hands dropped from Alec as his eyes widened in panic. “Is Misty okay?”
“She will be. But she was hurt.”
“How bad? Where is she?”
“She’s at the hospital. She…” Alec’s words trailed off as Carson was already on his way to grab his keys, and he rolled his eyes. “She was knifed. In the throat. She lost a lot of blood, but JT says she’s gonna pull through.”
Carson was already back and aiming for the door, but as he opened it, he stopped short and turned to look back at Alec again. A new and horrible thought had struck. “The baby…” His words were but a whisper.
Alec’s jaw tightened. The answer just wouldn’t come. All he could do was shake his head. “I’m so sorry.”
Tears sprang into Carson’s eyes, and he had to take a moment just to absorb the shock. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to scream, pass out, get sick, or all three. He’d thought his heart could not hurt more, but he’d been wrong. Never had there been a pain anything like this – so deep that it went past pain into a numbness of his very soul. A single tear etched a trail down the side of his face. “Who was it?”
A chill ran down Alec’s spine, hearing the icy cold question. “We don’t know. But the Agency would be an awfully good guess.”
Carson took a deep breath to regain control, and he nodded. “You want to ride with me back to the hospital? Or maybe you should drive?”
“I shouldn’t. I’m still kinda dizzy.”
“Wait…are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just got conked on the head. I’ll be alright. Prolly shouldn’t drive though til I stop seeing double.”
“Right.” Carson finally stepped outside. His legs didn’t feel like he was even moving, but somehow…somehow he’d make it…
Carson had been met with opposition upon getting to the hospital. Though he still did some work for the Elite, he avoided the office as of late, due to all the ill feelings against him. Most relationships had not been mended, though he would always be grateful for the few that had forgiven him. Like Katie. But today, he was wanted by very few. Reese had been unhappy but respectful, while Wyatt had threatened to send him packing. Jason had not been thrilled with his presence, but was tolerant. Anyone else kept their distance. Carson ignored most, unwilling to leave. The sight of Misty lying in that bed was almost too much to bear, and more tears were shed than anyone else knew about. If only he could have been there for her. To protect her. And their child. Their child that now, they would never know. The child whom he had grown to love and look forward to, even if he’d never told anyone. The future was now even foggier than it had ever been before…
…Entering Misty’s room once again, Carson was by her bed in just three strides. “Misty?” His hand automatically went to grasp hers gently, his other palm brushing her cheek. “Hey…shh… it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Jason’s head snapped up quickly enough to give away the fact that he’d just been startled by Katie’s appearance. He’d been so lost in thought that he hadn’t even noticed anyone walking by, let alone her stopped at his doorway.
His eyes were tired, reflecting his heart that was pained with the recent events. Though he’d broken up with Misty, he still cared, and he was still saddened things had turned out like they had. He had a different kind of sorrow – it had not been his child she carried, nor had he had the hopes and dreams tied up in a future with the baby. His pain was simply that of watching his friend suffer.
“Hmm?” It took a moment to get his mind on task, and he finally shook his head. “Oh. Yeah, okay. I didn’t expect we’d find much. Thanks.”
Katie’s invitation took him a little by surprise, but ever since their recent chat over coffee, things seemed to have been better between them. Easier. Less stressed.
He let his eyes land on hers and linger there for a moment or two. She knew he was having a hard time with all this, and he appreciated her insightfulness…even if she couldn’t feel his emotions.
Blinking, he cleared his throat while he stood. “Fresh air sounds good, and I was planning on stopping by the hospital to see if anything had changed, so…yeah. That’d be great.” He grabbed his jacket and joined Katie in the hall. There would be no other witness to the wayward route of his hand – old habits died hard… as did the motion of his hand towards Katie’s shoulder. He caught himself before it reached its destination though, and he inwardly cringed before shaking it off. “Lead the way, driver.”
It was Wyatt and Carson both who made it to the doorway first, but one of them had to give. Their eyes locked, but Carson’s stare was strongest. “We’ve been over this once, mate,” he hissed. “Don’t make me repeat myself.” Entering Misty’s room, he left Wyatt behind, along with Reese and Alec, who stayed put. Not because they wanted to, but out of simple respect. And all, including Alec, were ready to intrude, should Carson’s presence not be wanted…
The day before…
Carson had just finished his morning run and was starting to get things going in the restaurant. Though not open until later, there was plenty to do every day before any customers arrived. The day felt…off kilter somehow. Not that any day was really all that great anymore, but today there seemed to be an unexplainable gloom hanging in the air – one that just made Carson’s mood all the more sour.
Hearing the bell on the front door, he sighed. This is why he always kept it locked until Thirteen or Aerith were supposed to come – couldn’t customers read the closed sign?
He emerged from the kitchen, ready to state his open hours, but seeing Alec, he stopped short. This was odd. “Hey…” Confused, he neared, immediately put on guard by the look on his brother’s face. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. “Alec?” His approach was made more cautious. “What’s wrong?”
Alec swallowed hard. He obviously couldn’t hide the raw emotions in his eyes. “I thought I should come in person instead of call.”
Carson’s pulse quickened. “Alec…what happened?”
“Look, can we sit down?”
Carson took his brother by the shoulders. “What. Happened? Is it Mac? Misty? What?”
Alec chewed on the inside of his lip, perhaps a little sorry he’d volunteered for this. But he knew it was still best. And he also knew Carson would prefer hearing it straight. “Someone broke into the house last night.”
Carson’s hands dropped from Alec as his eyes widened in panic. “Is Misty okay?”
“She will be. But she was hurt.”
“How bad? Where is she?”
“She’s at the hospital. She…” Alec’s words trailed off as Carson was already on his way to grab his keys, and he rolled his eyes. “She was knifed. In the throat. She lost a lot of blood, but JT says she’s gonna pull through.”
Carson was already back and aiming for the door, but as he opened it, he stopped short and turned to look back at Alec again. A new and horrible thought had struck. “The baby…” His words were but a whisper.
Alec’s jaw tightened. The answer just wouldn’t come. All he could do was shake his head. “I’m so sorry.”
Tears sprang into Carson’s eyes, and he had to take a moment just to absorb the shock. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to scream, pass out, get sick, or all three. He’d thought his heart could not hurt more, but he’d been wrong. Never had there been a pain anything like this – so deep that it went past pain into a numbness of his very soul. A single tear etched a trail down the side of his face. “Who was it?”
A chill ran down Alec’s spine, hearing the icy cold question. “We don’t know. But the Agency would be an awfully good guess.”
Carson took a deep breath to regain control, and he nodded. “You want to ride with me back to the hospital? Or maybe you should drive?”
“I shouldn’t. I’m still kinda dizzy.”
“Wait…are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just got conked on the head. I’ll be alright. Prolly shouldn’t drive though til I stop seeing double.”
“Right.” Carson finally stepped outside. His legs didn’t feel like he was even moving, but somehow…somehow he’d make it…
Carson had been met with opposition upon getting to the hospital. Though he still did some work for the Elite, he avoided the office as of late, due to all the ill feelings against him. Most relationships had not been mended, though he would always be grateful for the few that had forgiven him. Like Katie. But today, he was wanted by very few. Reese had been unhappy but respectful, while Wyatt had threatened to send him packing. Jason had not been thrilled with his presence, but was tolerant. Anyone else kept their distance. Carson ignored most, unwilling to leave. The sight of Misty lying in that bed was almost too much to bear, and more tears were shed than anyone else knew about. If only he could have been there for her. To protect her. And their child. Their child that now, they would never know. The child whom he had grown to love and look forward to, even if he’d never told anyone. The future was now even foggier than it had ever been before…
…Entering Misty’s room once again, Carson was by her bed in just three strides. “Misty?” His hand automatically went to grasp hers gently, his other palm brushing her cheek. “Hey…shh… it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Jason’s head snapped up quickly enough to give away the fact that he’d just been startled by Katie’s appearance. He’d been so lost in thought that he hadn’t even noticed anyone walking by, let alone her stopped at his doorway.
His eyes were tired, reflecting his heart that was pained with the recent events. Though he’d broken up with Misty, he still cared, and he was still saddened things had turned out like they had. He had a different kind of sorrow – it had not been his child she carried, nor had he had the hopes and dreams tied up in a future with the baby. His pain was simply that of watching his friend suffer.
“Hmm?” It took a moment to get his mind on task, and he finally shook his head. “Oh. Yeah, okay. I didn’t expect we’d find much. Thanks.”
Katie’s invitation took him a little by surprise, but ever since their recent chat over coffee, things seemed to have been better between them. Easier. Less stressed.
He let his eyes land on hers and linger there for a moment or two. She knew he was having a hard time with all this, and he appreciated her insightfulness…even if she couldn’t feel his emotions.
Blinking, he cleared his throat while he stood. “Fresh air sounds good, and I was planning on stopping by the hospital to see if anything had changed, so…yeah. That’d be great.” He grabbed his jacket and joined Katie in the hall. There would be no other witness to the wayward route of his hand – old habits died hard… as did the motion of his hand towards Katie’s shoulder. He caught himself before it reached its destination though, and he inwardly cringed before shaking it off. “Lead the way, driver.”
A Moment's Wish...
Somewhere caught between asleep, and waking Misty could hear talking. Words being thrown around her like lost, answer, saving, and baby. None of it made sense to her as she tried to wake herself a little more. Was this all just a dream, and none of this real. The last thing she remembered was hearing someone in the house. Shadows, falling, the smell of blood, and the fear that rushed over her. What had happened...
The next day...
Feeling the warmth of the morning sun on her face Misty rotates her head to the side and smiles watching Carson laying next to her fast a sleep. She liked watching him sleep sometimes. He seemed so at peace, and calm. It was one of the best ways to wake up.
Looking back up at the ceiling Misty smiles, but soon it fades as a sharp pain coursed through her body shocking herself away. As her eyes open the sun light was gone, and she was in a white room, a hospital room. Her body hurt all over, slowly memories come back to her about what had happened, about the attack.
Slowly bring her hand up to her neck Misty feels the bandages wrapped around her. How bad was it? Letting her hand fall from her neck it rests on her stomach. In only another split moment a wave of fear rushes over Misty. Her baby! There was no need for anyone to tell her, for she already could tell herself by the empty feeling she felt. The next thing to follow was a blood curdling scream, and than sobs. How could this happen....why could this happen? This was the one good thing she had left and now like everything else it was gone. Her baby was gone, and she didn't even know why, the only thing she new and she felt was sadness, hurts, more hurt than all over her body injuries combined, her hear was shattered, and for a moment Misty wished she hadn't lived either.
Leaning back in her desk chair Katie lets out a long sigh. The last few days had been deadly quiet at work and everyone new why. Nothing seemed the same anymore, hurt, sadness...it was so thick someone could cut it with a knife. Misty was family to everyone at work, all so close and now...one of there family members had been hurt almost beyond repair, and no one new what to do. This wasn't something that could be fixed. Psychical Misty would get better, but mentally Katie didn't think it would be so easy.
Sitting forward again Katie runs her hands over her face and lets out a long sigh. She'd been working almost all night to try and fit what had happened together and why. But every ally she looks up came to a dead end. This was just another sick game played by The Agency but still it seemed different some how.
Looking over her shoulder at the light on in Jason's office Katie new thats where he was. She felt bad for him too and couldn't imagine how he was feeling through this all as well. It was hard on everyone but Jason and Misty were so close even if they were just friends again. Getting up she heads that way and knocks gently on the door before poking her head into his office.
"Hey J. I just got done looking through those old files Reese had me on and I came up with more dead ends. He just told me to let you know whenever I found anything or not."
Pausing for a second Katie just studied Jason and her heart sank a little even more. It was hard to actually read him, but still she could just tell by looking at him it was hard.
"I was thinking of going to see Misty, I didn't know if you wanted to tag along. Figured maybe you could use a little time away from work, and fresh air too."
The next day...
Feeling the warmth of the morning sun on her face Misty rotates her head to the side and smiles watching Carson laying next to her fast a sleep. She liked watching him sleep sometimes. He seemed so at peace, and calm. It was one of the best ways to wake up.
Looking back up at the ceiling Misty smiles, but soon it fades as a sharp pain coursed through her body shocking herself away. As her eyes open the sun light was gone, and she was in a white room, a hospital room. Her body hurt all over, slowly memories come back to her about what had happened, about the attack.
Slowly bring her hand up to her neck Misty feels the bandages wrapped around her. How bad was it? Letting her hand fall from her neck it rests on her stomach. In only another split moment a wave of fear rushes over Misty. Her baby! There was no need for anyone to tell her, for she already could tell herself by the empty feeling she felt. The next thing to follow was a blood curdling scream, and than sobs. How could this happen....why could this happen? This was the one good thing she had left and now like everything else it was gone. Her baby was gone, and she didn't even know why, the only thing she new and she felt was sadness, hurts, more hurt than all over her body injuries combined, her hear was shattered, and for a moment Misty wished she hadn't lived either.
Leaning back in her desk chair Katie lets out a long sigh. The last few days had been deadly quiet at work and everyone new why. Nothing seemed the same anymore, hurt, sadness...it was so thick someone could cut it with a knife. Misty was family to everyone at work, all so close and now...one of there family members had been hurt almost beyond repair, and no one new what to do. This wasn't something that could be fixed. Psychical Misty would get better, but mentally Katie didn't think it would be so easy.
Sitting forward again Katie runs her hands over her face and lets out a long sigh. She'd been working almost all night to try and fit what had happened together and why. But every ally she looks up came to a dead end. This was just another sick game played by The Agency but still it seemed different some how.
Looking over her shoulder at the light on in Jason's office Katie new thats where he was. She felt bad for him too and couldn't imagine how he was feeling through this all as well. It was hard on everyone but Jason and Misty were so close even if they were just friends again. Getting up she heads that way and knocks gently on the door before poking her head into his office.
"Hey J. I just got done looking through those old files Reese had me on and I came up with more dead ends. He just told me to let you know whenever I found anything or not."
Pausing for a second Katie just studied Jason and her heart sank a little even more. It was hard to actually read him, but still she could just tell by looking at him it was hard.
"I was thinking of going to see Misty, I didn't know if you wanted to tag along. Figured maybe you could use a little time away from work, and fresh air too."
Suffering
Making sure there were no more threats, nor anyone nearby the house as a witness, the one dark figure slowly weaved in and out of the shadows, waiting for his partners to reappear. But when he heard the muffled sounds of a commotion inside, he waited no longer.
Entering the house, he was quick to see one of his partners groaning at the bottom of the stairs, along with Misty, who was also lying in a heap, bleeding and not moving.
"What happened?! Are you insane?!" The only response he received was word that Joe was dead, upstairs, and this whole thing had apparently been an accident. And an ugly one at that.
Kneeling next to Misty, he felt her pulse, finding it weak. "She fell down the stairs? We were supposed to bring her alive! Idiot!" His backhanded whack to his buddy emphasized his statement. "She's prolly gonna bleed to death, and who knows about the baby now?! There's no way I'm dragging her along - we'll just have to report the incident and hope we don't get shot ourselves for lousing this up."
Not bothering to really even check to make sure the other guy was alright, he hurried up the stairs to sling the dead body over his shoulder - they would not be leaving that kind of evidence. And besides, if they had their dead partner when returning to base, that would be the proof that something had gone terribly wrong. Maybe they could even say that Alec had been in the house. Yeah. That would work.
"Come on." Once back downstairs, he aimed for the door. "Let's get out of here before Alec comes to. With any luck, this chick will be dead by the time he does, and that'll at least be one more agent out of our hair."
Outside, Alec wasn't sure how long he'd been out, when his senses finally returned. His head was throbbing, and things were rather blurry, but he managed to pull himself to his feet. What on earth had happened? Who had attacked him, and why? Then a new thought struck him. "Misty." He squinted to the dark house, just as his ears picked up the sound of squealing wheels. "Oh, no... Misty..."
Stumbling half-blindly to the back door, Alec caught himself on the porch railing, almost falling over from dizziness. "Misty!" Where was she? Had she been attacked too? Making it inside, he fumbled for the light switch. Able to see a little better, it was only after he'd rounded the corner that he spotted Misty on the floor. "Misty? Can you hear me?" He knelt quickly by her side, the sight of all the blood making his stomach churn. He'd grown numb to blood - but not when it belonged to someone he cared about.
Realizing she'd been cut on the throat, he pressed his hand to the wound, trying to slow down the bleeding. "No, no, no...." This couldn't be happening. "Misty, come on... don't do this. Not now. Stay with me." Finding a pulse - though weak - was a small bit of relief, but he knew he needed to act fast.
Daring to leave her just for a moment, he grabbed the cordless phone and was right back at her side with his hand to her wound again. Blood was smeared all over his hands and clothes, and he didn't even know if all the blood on the wall down the stairs was Misty's or someone else's. For all he knew, someone else was still here, but he couldn't risk leaving her to search.
His thumb dialed 911. What happened after that would forever be a foggy memory of an incoming emergency team, an ambulance ride, blacking out, waking at the hospital, seeing Misty wheeled down the hall, and being forced to the ER himself for care...
..."I'm fine, just lay off, will you?" Alec swatted at the nurse's hand and slid off the bed.
"You need a bandage on that," she scolded. "And sit down before you fall down - again."
Alec swayed unsteadily as the room spun, and he held onto the rail at the foot of the bed to keep from keeling over. Mild concussion. So what? He was fine. He already had a few stitches in his scalp - that was good enough.
The nurse's arms went around him to force him to sit back down on the bed, and she looked at him sternly. "Your friend is in the O.R. with the best care possible - there is nothing you can do for her, so you might as well take care of yourself right now."
Alec finally relented, his eyes falling as the nurse returned to cleaning around the stitches on the back of his head, and applying a small bandage. "Have you heard how she is?"
The nurse sighed. "Not good." She set a gentle hand on his shoulder. "But they're doing all they possibly can..."
..."Alec?"
Having eventually given in to resting, Alec was lying on the bed now, staring at the ceiling. A visitor though, startled him, and he looked quickly to the door. "Reese. Wondered when you'd get here."
Reese was dressed haphazardly in an old pair of jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt, his hair rather a mess, indicating he'd been in bed. "Yeah, I hurried as fast as I could. What on earth happened?"
To say this was awkward would be an understatement, but this was too important to dwell on that factor. Alec pulled himself up to sit a little straighter, trying to get his brain to think straight. "I'm really not sure. I just happened to get up at an odd time and got ambushed soon as I stepped out of my shed. When I came to, I went in the house and found Misty at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious and her throat slit. I called 911, and when the team arrived, they swept the house and no one else was there, but they said it looked like someone else had been upstairs, but there's really no telling what actually happened til someone can go through and look for prints and test the blood." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"This shouldn't have happened. I should have heard someone there sooner. I should have stayed in the house. Something. Anything. I should have been more careful about protecting her."
Reese cocked his head. "You really do care, don't you?"
It had been a long time since Alec had seen Reese. Getting kicked out of the apartment the Elite had provided had been the last interaction. And that seemed like a lifetime ago. "Of course I do." Alec let his eyes drop. "She's...family." He shook his head. "This...getting ambushed...I should have listened to my senses. They never should have gotten as far as they did. Misty, she..." His sentence dropped off as he struggled to control his emotions. "She's in bad shape because I let my guard down."
"No one could have predicted this." Reese moved closer to the bed. His eyes were filled to the brim with worry, but blame was absent. "Were you in on this?"
"What? Of course not!" Alec hadn't even considered being under suspicion himself. "Do you really think I was?!"
"No...I don't." Reese's tone was oddly stern. "My point is, you cannot take the blame for this. There's no way you could have known something like this would happen. If -"
He was cut off by JT's entrance into the room. "Reese? Alec?"
Reese turned quickly. "I didn't know you were working tonight."
"Well, I wasn't." JT set his hands in his pockets. "But I'm on call for any Elite patients." He looked between the two men grimly. "I just came from working on Misty."
"And?" It wasn't an employer's concern coming through, but rather an uncle's worry.
"And...she's alive." JT's voice was not very positive. "She lost an awful lot of blood." He looked to Alec. "You probably saved her life by seeing to her wound and calling 911 as fast as you did."
Alec swallowed hard. He didn't feel anything near to a hero at this point. "Is she gonna live?"
"I think so." JT nodded. "I can't be a hundred percent sure, and she's gonna be in ICU for a while, but...if I was a betting man, I'd say she'll pull through. It's just gonna take some time for her body to recover."
Reese's mind had already jumped one step farther. "And...the baby?"
JT pursed his lips before he finally shook his head. "The baby didn't survive."
Alec felt like his soul was being suffocated.
"I think it was the fall," JT continued. "The paramedics said she'd fallen down the stairs. Aside from the loss of blood and the emotional stress, I'd say that the nature of the fall is what caused trauma to the baby. By the time Misty arrived here...there were no life signs and nothing we could do. This adds to Misty's physical condition, but the worst of that is over."
Reese leaned his hands on the foot of the bed, his stare glued to the floor. "Physically. But not emotionally."
JT's nod was solemn. "Agreed." He looked to Alec. "You're free to go any time, but my advice is to take it easy for a couple days, and if you experience any ill effects like bad headaches, dizziness or vomiting, come back in - otherwise, you should be safe to leave." He gestured to the hallway. "You can see Misty for just a brief few minutes if you like, though it'll be a while before she regains consciousness."
"Thank you." Reese straightened and shifted his gaze to the ceiling. Once JT was gone, the silence was overwhelming. He eventually looked back down to Alec, and was surprised to see the young man's eyes held tears just beneath the surface. "You alright?"
Alec shook his head. "No. But I'm far better than Misty." He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He'd been so excited. That little baby was going to be his niece or nephew. And Misty...though unexpected, Alec knew she's been looking forward to being a mother. Preparing for it. Getting excited about it. And now...it had been ripped from her grasp. Everything else had fallen to pieces - this had been the one precious thing still good. And now it was gone. "This is gonna kill her."
Reese was quiet for another few minutes. "Yes. It is. But I have confidence she will pull through. She's tough. And this is one of the hardest things she'll ever face...but she'll survive. I know it."
Alec knew he was right. Misty wasn't the first to go through this. But it didn't make it any easier, and Alec hurt the most for her. "Who's going to tell Carson?"
Reese pursed his lips. "I will, unless you feel it would be better coming from you."
Alec nodded. "I'll tell him. I'll stop by and see Misty, then I'll head his way." By now it was early morning. "He'll be at the restaurant already."
It wasn't long before many others from the Elite had been called, including Katie, whom Reese called himself. They had not lost Misty, but this was a hard blow for all of them. It was a big issue that the baby was lost, and it was a big issue that someone had gotten this close and had attacked again - with no clue as to why.
Entering the house, he was quick to see one of his partners groaning at the bottom of the stairs, along with Misty, who was also lying in a heap, bleeding and not moving.
"What happened?! Are you insane?!" The only response he received was word that Joe was dead, upstairs, and this whole thing had apparently been an accident. And an ugly one at that.
Kneeling next to Misty, he felt her pulse, finding it weak. "She fell down the stairs? We were supposed to bring her alive! Idiot!" His backhanded whack to his buddy emphasized his statement. "She's prolly gonna bleed to death, and who knows about the baby now?! There's no way I'm dragging her along - we'll just have to report the incident and hope we don't get shot ourselves for lousing this up."
Not bothering to really even check to make sure the other guy was alright, he hurried up the stairs to sling the dead body over his shoulder - they would not be leaving that kind of evidence. And besides, if they had their dead partner when returning to base, that would be the proof that something had gone terribly wrong. Maybe they could even say that Alec had been in the house. Yeah. That would work.
"Come on." Once back downstairs, he aimed for the door. "Let's get out of here before Alec comes to. With any luck, this chick will be dead by the time he does, and that'll at least be one more agent out of our hair."
Outside, Alec wasn't sure how long he'd been out, when his senses finally returned. His head was throbbing, and things were rather blurry, but he managed to pull himself to his feet. What on earth had happened? Who had attacked him, and why? Then a new thought struck him. "Misty." He squinted to the dark house, just as his ears picked up the sound of squealing wheels. "Oh, no... Misty..."
Stumbling half-blindly to the back door, Alec caught himself on the porch railing, almost falling over from dizziness. "Misty!" Where was she? Had she been attacked too? Making it inside, he fumbled for the light switch. Able to see a little better, it was only after he'd rounded the corner that he spotted Misty on the floor. "Misty? Can you hear me?" He knelt quickly by her side, the sight of all the blood making his stomach churn. He'd grown numb to blood - but not when it belonged to someone he cared about.
Realizing she'd been cut on the throat, he pressed his hand to the wound, trying to slow down the bleeding. "No, no, no...." This couldn't be happening. "Misty, come on... don't do this. Not now. Stay with me." Finding a pulse - though weak - was a small bit of relief, but he knew he needed to act fast.
Daring to leave her just for a moment, he grabbed the cordless phone and was right back at her side with his hand to her wound again. Blood was smeared all over his hands and clothes, and he didn't even know if all the blood on the wall down the stairs was Misty's or someone else's. For all he knew, someone else was still here, but he couldn't risk leaving her to search.
His thumb dialed 911. What happened after that would forever be a foggy memory of an incoming emergency team, an ambulance ride, blacking out, waking at the hospital, seeing Misty wheeled down the hall, and being forced to the ER himself for care...
..."I'm fine, just lay off, will you?" Alec swatted at the nurse's hand and slid off the bed.
"You need a bandage on that," she scolded. "And sit down before you fall down - again."
Alec swayed unsteadily as the room spun, and he held onto the rail at the foot of the bed to keep from keeling over. Mild concussion. So what? He was fine. He already had a few stitches in his scalp - that was good enough.
The nurse's arms went around him to force him to sit back down on the bed, and she looked at him sternly. "Your friend is in the O.R. with the best care possible - there is nothing you can do for her, so you might as well take care of yourself right now."
Alec finally relented, his eyes falling as the nurse returned to cleaning around the stitches on the back of his head, and applying a small bandage. "Have you heard how she is?"
The nurse sighed. "Not good." She set a gentle hand on his shoulder. "But they're doing all they possibly can..."
..."Alec?"
Having eventually given in to resting, Alec was lying on the bed now, staring at the ceiling. A visitor though, startled him, and he looked quickly to the door. "Reese. Wondered when you'd get here."
Reese was dressed haphazardly in an old pair of jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt, his hair rather a mess, indicating he'd been in bed. "Yeah, I hurried as fast as I could. What on earth happened?"
To say this was awkward would be an understatement, but this was too important to dwell on that factor. Alec pulled himself up to sit a little straighter, trying to get his brain to think straight. "I'm really not sure. I just happened to get up at an odd time and got ambushed soon as I stepped out of my shed. When I came to, I went in the house and found Misty at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious and her throat slit. I called 911, and when the team arrived, they swept the house and no one else was there, but they said it looked like someone else had been upstairs, but there's really no telling what actually happened til someone can go through and look for prints and test the blood." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"This shouldn't have happened. I should have heard someone there sooner. I should have stayed in the house. Something. Anything. I should have been more careful about protecting her."
Reese cocked his head. "You really do care, don't you?"
It had been a long time since Alec had seen Reese. Getting kicked out of the apartment the Elite had provided had been the last interaction. And that seemed like a lifetime ago. "Of course I do." Alec let his eyes drop. "She's...family." He shook his head. "This...getting ambushed...I should have listened to my senses. They never should have gotten as far as they did. Misty, she..." His sentence dropped off as he struggled to control his emotions. "She's in bad shape because I let my guard down."
"No one could have predicted this." Reese moved closer to the bed. His eyes were filled to the brim with worry, but blame was absent. "Were you in on this?"
"What? Of course not!" Alec hadn't even considered being under suspicion himself. "Do you really think I was?!"
"No...I don't." Reese's tone was oddly stern. "My point is, you cannot take the blame for this. There's no way you could have known something like this would happen. If -"
He was cut off by JT's entrance into the room. "Reese? Alec?"
Reese turned quickly. "I didn't know you were working tonight."
"Well, I wasn't." JT set his hands in his pockets. "But I'm on call for any Elite patients." He looked between the two men grimly. "I just came from working on Misty."
"And?" It wasn't an employer's concern coming through, but rather an uncle's worry.
"And...she's alive." JT's voice was not very positive. "She lost an awful lot of blood." He looked to Alec. "You probably saved her life by seeing to her wound and calling 911 as fast as you did."
Alec swallowed hard. He didn't feel anything near to a hero at this point. "Is she gonna live?"
"I think so." JT nodded. "I can't be a hundred percent sure, and she's gonna be in ICU for a while, but...if I was a betting man, I'd say she'll pull through. It's just gonna take some time for her body to recover."
Reese's mind had already jumped one step farther. "And...the baby?"
JT pursed his lips before he finally shook his head. "The baby didn't survive."
Alec felt like his soul was being suffocated.
"I think it was the fall," JT continued. "The paramedics said she'd fallen down the stairs. Aside from the loss of blood and the emotional stress, I'd say that the nature of the fall is what caused trauma to the baby. By the time Misty arrived here...there were no life signs and nothing we could do. This adds to Misty's physical condition, but the worst of that is over."
Reese leaned his hands on the foot of the bed, his stare glued to the floor. "Physically. But not emotionally."
JT's nod was solemn. "Agreed." He looked to Alec. "You're free to go any time, but my advice is to take it easy for a couple days, and if you experience any ill effects like bad headaches, dizziness or vomiting, come back in - otherwise, you should be safe to leave." He gestured to the hallway. "You can see Misty for just a brief few minutes if you like, though it'll be a while before she regains consciousness."
"Thank you." Reese straightened and shifted his gaze to the ceiling. Once JT was gone, the silence was overwhelming. He eventually looked back down to Alec, and was surprised to see the young man's eyes held tears just beneath the surface. "You alright?"
Alec shook his head. "No. But I'm far better than Misty." He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He'd been so excited. That little baby was going to be his niece or nephew. And Misty...though unexpected, Alec knew she's been looking forward to being a mother. Preparing for it. Getting excited about it. And now...it had been ripped from her grasp. Everything else had fallen to pieces - this had been the one precious thing still good. And now it was gone. "This is gonna kill her."
Reese was quiet for another few minutes. "Yes. It is. But I have confidence she will pull through. She's tough. And this is one of the hardest things she'll ever face...but she'll survive. I know it."
Alec knew he was right. Misty wasn't the first to go through this. But it didn't make it any easier, and Alec hurt the most for her. "Who's going to tell Carson?"
Reese pursed his lips. "I will, unless you feel it would be better coming from you."
Alec nodded. "I'll tell him. I'll stop by and see Misty, then I'll head his way." By now it was early morning. "He'll be at the restaurant already."
It wasn't long before many others from the Elite had been called, including Katie, whom Reese called himself. They had not lost Misty, but this was a hard blow for all of them. It was a big issue that the baby was lost, and it was a big issue that someone had gotten this close and had attacked again - with no clue as to why.
1/7/15
Fear
It was a restless night like most nights had become for Misty. So the little sleep she did get was anything but sound. Hearing a creek caused Misty to strain and listen. It was more than likely Alec moving around the house but something seemed off. The weight of the steps were different and almost as if there were two sets. A wave of fear washed over her and it was that moment she new all was not well.
Slowly reaching over into her night stand Misty grabs the knife that she kept there close by. Trying to let her eyes adjust to the darkness was proving to not work so well in her groggy state and the shows of two figures go over looked. Before Misty can even react a hand covered her mouth and two people were leaning over her.
Trying to get out of the situation she was now in Misty acts fast and brings the knife that was still in her hand up. Hearing the first thug yell Misty new she'd hit her mark. She didn't know where, or how bad but she'd at least did some kind of damage. Bringing her hand around Misty takes a stab at the next thug except harder. Hearing him yell, a low gargle, and than his buddy yell Misty new that was a bulls eye. Jumping out of bed Misty runs for the door. Feeling someones hard around her ankle Misty falls with a thud. A million things ran though her mind, not only was her life on the line but so was her unborn child and it made her heart thump even more. Reacting again Misty brings her free leg up Misty takes a swift kick to the thugs face.
Scrambling to get up again Misty trys to catch her breath before letting out a short yell for help. With any luck Alex would be awake still and hear. If they didn't expect him than maybe they could grain the upper hand. She was really in no condition to be fighting, or fending off anyone. Taking to long Misty feels a hand around her wast and the bland of a knife to her neck.
"You killed Joel. That was probley the last thing you wanted to do. I don't think our ride is going to be as comfortable as expected now."
Feeling a tear run down her face Misty didn't know what to do next. Sharp pains coursed through her body, and her mind ran a million miles an hour.
"Let me...go."
She could act tough but inside she was scared, and it had been a long time since she had felt this way. Being pushed forward twords the steps Misty had no idea where they were going, or what would happen next. Trying to escape again could kill her, but not resisting, and going where ever would more than likely end with her dieing as well. Either was it was a risk, but getting away seemed like a better one.
Bringing her food up behind her Misty kicked the thug in the worse place possible. Feeling the knife slip across her throat Misty new she'd been cut, but how deep she didn't know. Worse was the feel of falling forward and no ground coming. Grasping for anything to stop herself from falling Misty pulls the thug down the steps with her. Hitting hard on a step on her side, but she couldn't catch herself as she hit her head on the next step, and kept falling, before she even reached the bottom her whole body had gone numb. From loss of blood already, to head trama and the worst of all was not feeling any pain at all just laying there pool of her own blood that was only growing larger by the minute, the thug she'd dragged with her dead in a slump.
Slowly reaching over into her night stand Misty grabs the knife that she kept there close by. Trying to let her eyes adjust to the darkness was proving to not work so well in her groggy state and the shows of two figures go over looked. Before Misty can even react a hand covered her mouth and two people were leaning over her.
Trying to get out of the situation she was now in Misty acts fast and brings the knife that was still in her hand up. Hearing the first thug yell Misty new she'd hit her mark. She didn't know where, or how bad but she'd at least did some kind of damage. Bringing her hand around Misty takes a stab at the next thug except harder. Hearing him yell, a low gargle, and than his buddy yell Misty new that was a bulls eye. Jumping out of bed Misty runs for the door. Feeling someones hard around her ankle Misty falls with a thud. A million things ran though her mind, not only was her life on the line but so was her unborn child and it made her heart thump even more. Reacting again Misty brings her free leg up Misty takes a swift kick to the thugs face.
Scrambling to get up again Misty trys to catch her breath before letting out a short yell for help. With any luck Alex would be awake still and hear. If they didn't expect him than maybe they could grain the upper hand. She was really in no condition to be fighting, or fending off anyone. Taking to long Misty feels a hand around her wast and the bland of a knife to her neck.
"You killed Joel. That was probley the last thing you wanted to do. I don't think our ride is going to be as comfortable as expected now."
Feeling a tear run down her face Misty didn't know what to do next. Sharp pains coursed through her body, and her mind ran a million miles an hour.
"Let me...go."
She could act tough but inside she was scared, and it had been a long time since she had felt this way. Being pushed forward twords the steps Misty had no idea where they were going, or what would happen next. Trying to escape again could kill her, but not resisting, and going where ever would more than likely end with her dieing as well. Either was it was a risk, but getting away seemed like a better one.
Bringing her food up behind her Misty kicked the thug in the worse place possible. Feeling the knife slip across her throat Misty new she'd been cut, but how deep she didn't know. Worse was the feel of falling forward and no ground coming. Grasping for anything to stop herself from falling Misty pulls the thug down the steps with her. Hitting hard on a step on her side, but she couldn't catch herself as she hit her head on the next step, and kept falling, before she even reached the bottom her whole body had gone numb. From loss of blood already, to head trama and the worst of all was not feeling any pain at all just laying there pool of her own blood that was only growing larger by the minute, the thug she'd dragged with her dead in a slump.
12/24/14
In the Night
Though watching Ashlee leave, Eric’s ears still listened to Stacy. “Could’ve fooled me. That was ‘bout as close to a cold shoulder as I could’ve gotten.” It bothered him that Ashlee was being so offish, but he tried to shrug it off. “Maybe she’s just tired.” Was that really it? Or had he unintentionally done something really wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d messed something up.
He polished off his lasagna and sighed deeply. He was full. He was satisfied. He was exhausted. His eyes found Stacy’s, and he smiled. “Well, if no one will go on a midnight ride with me…maybe I can find somebody to at least go for a walk…”
Rosalyn read Chad’s text message for the third time, the tears still rolling slowly down her cheeks. She lay on her bed, but was still fully dressed, boots still on. She’d left Clint a while earlier and instead of eating supper, she’d gone to be by herself again. Chad’s message had arrived at least an hour before, but she still had yet to answer him. She missed him. But she couldn’t allow her emotions to be public. She had to keep them all inside, locked away tight, for fear of making her life – and anyone else’s here – worse, due to her own father’s temper.
Her eyes scanned Chad’s words. She hated believing that he was really genuine – that his care for her was true. She hated hoping in something that couldn’t possibly be reality. Yet, if he really weren’t genuine, surely he would have given up by now. She was being beyond difficult – if all Chad wanted was a good time, he had a whole lot of easier opportunities than her.
Eventually, her fingers found their way to her phone’s keyboard.
To: Chad
From: Rosalyn
You’re such an eloquent clown, and I miss you so. Surely your travels aren’t as grand as they sound – my
imagination likes to exaggerate. But I suppose even the greatest dream is worth dreaming, even if when I wake up, I find it gone.
Maybe pretending this was all real really was foolishness, but it did bring a smile to her face. And right now, a smile was what she longed for. Maybe it really was her imagination that there was something real between her and Chad, but at this point, all she had were dreams.
I’m sorry if it’s seemed I’ve been ignoring you. I’ve just been busy.
There was no point in making Chad worry or feel bad about her current situation.
I’d dearly love to someday join you on your travels and see what you do. It sounds fascinating.
“Well, I could think of a few things to ask for,” Jared teased. “But this will do quite nicely.” He grinned and tried to readjust his weight, but his muscles didn’t cooperate, and he sighed. “Ya know… one of these days, I’m gonna get awfully tired of not being able to do what I wanna do.” Though he rolled his eyes, it was impossible to hide in his gaze the fact that deep down he really was incredibly frustrated and teetering on the edge of depression, even though he pasted on a smile and acted like he was doing just fine. He had made incredible progress since the accident, but even so, the time it was taking did nothing to help his impatience.
“I feel bad for my mom,” he admitted. His voice had grown quieter with the sudden change of subject. “She shouldn’t have to take care of me like a kid – she already did that for enough years when I was growing up. But here I am… Now that I actually don’t want to mooch, I have to. Go figure.” He tossed Grace a wry grin. “Maybe it’s some form of sadistic poetic justice.”
He nudged her arm again with his foot. “But I suppose there are some perks.”
Alec rolled over again for the umpteenth time, his eyes staring into the darkness of his cozy shed. His life had changed so much. First a boy searching for acceptance in all the wrong places. Then a young man trapped by Agency talons. Later a man with no heart, hungry only for that which made him feel more powerful than those around him. Then he’d been caught that fateful night at Scott’s. He’d been shown a completely different world. Someone had cared.
He rolled over again. Ryan had been the first to break through his barriers. He’d wanted freedom so badly, and she’d understood, yet kept him grounded at the same time. Life had become a whole new struggle between right and wrong – what he wanted, and what he was learning was true. He’d messed up. A lot. He’d lost the trust of the only woman he’d ever really loved. And he’d gotten snatched up by the Agency again, forced to do their will, and in the process, he’d successfully severed ties with love permanently. Only after all the pain and all the rejection of others had he finally broken. But lessons were learned far too late.
He threw his blanket off and huffed a frustrated sigh. Misty had been the only one with any care still left, and he would be forever grateful. Slowly, slowly, he was starting to mend other relationships he had so carelessly demolished. But some would never be built back up again. And on nights like tonight, it still hurt. From a boy who knew no love, to a man who had tasted and lost. He wasn’t sure which was worse.
Growling, he slid down from the sleeping space in his shed and pulled on his jeans. He couldn’t sleep. Maybe a walk in the night air would clear his head. As he went for his door though, movement outside his window caught his eye. Immediately, his whole body tensed, and reflexes sent him ducking out of sight. His better senses told him it was probably the neighbors dog, but his hairs standing on end warned him otherwise. And again, he felt the sense that something tonight was not right.
Weaponless, he cautiously opened the shed door. His eyes scanned the yard, but he saw nothing. Maybe it really had been his imagination. One step forward though, and all he knew was that he’d been struck on the back of the head. But no amount of will power could keep him from slumping to the ground and losing consciousness.
Inside the house, were two more figures that moved along the shadows, finding their way silently from room to room, speaking only in whispers. Not finding their prey, they made their way carefully upstairs. With only two rooms to search, it was easy to finally find what they were looking for.
Leaning over Misty’s bed, one of the tall men dressed in black and wearing a ski mask slipped a hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming when she awoke. “Rise and shine, princess,” he sneered. “You’re coming with us.”
He polished off his lasagna and sighed deeply. He was full. He was satisfied. He was exhausted. His eyes found Stacy’s, and he smiled. “Well, if no one will go on a midnight ride with me…maybe I can find somebody to at least go for a walk…”
Rosalyn read Chad’s text message for the third time, the tears still rolling slowly down her cheeks. She lay on her bed, but was still fully dressed, boots still on. She’d left Clint a while earlier and instead of eating supper, she’d gone to be by herself again. Chad’s message had arrived at least an hour before, but she still had yet to answer him. She missed him. But she couldn’t allow her emotions to be public. She had to keep them all inside, locked away tight, for fear of making her life – and anyone else’s here – worse, due to her own father’s temper.
Her eyes scanned Chad’s words. She hated believing that he was really genuine – that his care for her was true. She hated hoping in something that couldn’t possibly be reality. Yet, if he really weren’t genuine, surely he would have given up by now. She was being beyond difficult – if all Chad wanted was a good time, he had a whole lot of easier opportunities than her.
Eventually, her fingers found their way to her phone’s keyboard.
To: Chad
From: Rosalyn
You’re such an eloquent clown, and I miss you so. Surely your travels aren’t as grand as they sound – my
imagination likes to exaggerate. But I suppose even the greatest dream is worth dreaming, even if when I wake up, I find it gone.
Maybe pretending this was all real really was foolishness, but it did bring a smile to her face. And right now, a smile was what she longed for. Maybe it really was her imagination that there was something real between her and Chad, but at this point, all she had were dreams.
I’m sorry if it’s seemed I’ve been ignoring you. I’ve just been busy.
There was no point in making Chad worry or feel bad about her current situation.
I’d dearly love to someday join you on your travels and see what you do. It sounds fascinating.
“Well, I could think of a few things to ask for,” Jared teased. “But this will do quite nicely.” He grinned and tried to readjust his weight, but his muscles didn’t cooperate, and he sighed. “Ya know… one of these days, I’m gonna get awfully tired of not being able to do what I wanna do.” Though he rolled his eyes, it was impossible to hide in his gaze the fact that deep down he really was incredibly frustrated and teetering on the edge of depression, even though he pasted on a smile and acted like he was doing just fine. He had made incredible progress since the accident, but even so, the time it was taking did nothing to help his impatience.
“I feel bad for my mom,” he admitted. His voice had grown quieter with the sudden change of subject. “She shouldn’t have to take care of me like a kid – she already did that for enough years when I was growing up. But here I am… Now that I actually don’t want to mooch, I have to. Go figure.” He tossed Grace a wry grin. “Maybe it’s some form of sadistic poetic justice.”
He nudged her arm again with his foot. “But I suppose there are some perks.”
Alec rolled over again for the umpteenth time, his eyes staring into the darkness of his cozy shed. His life had changed so much. First a boy searching for acceptance in all the wrong places. Then a young man trapped by Agency talons. Later a man with no heart, hungry only for that which made him feel more powerful than those around him. Then he’d been caught that fateful night at Scott’s. He’d been shown a completely different world. Someone had cared.
He rolled over again. Ryan had been the first to break through his barriers. He’d wanted freedom so badly, and she’d understood, yet kept him grounded at the same time. Life had become a whole new struggle between right and wrong – what he wanted, and what he was learning was true. He’d messed up. A lot. He’d lost the trust of the only woman he’d ever really loved. And he’d gotten snatched up by the Agency again, forced to do their will, and in the process, he’d successfully severed ties with love permanently. Only after all the pain and all the rejection of others had he finally broken. But lessons were learned far too late.
He threw his blanket off and huffed a frustrated sigh. Misty had been the only one with any care still left, and he would be forever grateful. Slowly, slowly, he was starting to mend other relationships he had so carelessly demolished. But some would never be built back up again. And on nights like tonight, it still hurt. From a boy who knew no love, to a man who had tasted and lost. He wasn’t sure which was worse.
Growling, he slid down from the sleeping space in his shed and pulled on his jeans. He couldn’t sleep. Maybe a walk in the night air would clear his head. As he went for his door though, movement outside his window caught his eye. Immediately, his whole body tensed, and reflexes sent him ducking out of sight. His better senses told him it was probably the neighbors dog, but his hairs standing on end warned him otherwise. And again, he felt the sense that something tonight was not right.
Weaponless, he cautiously opened the shed door. His eyes scanned the yard, but he saw nothing. Maybe it really had been his imagination. One step forward though, and all he knew was that he’d been struck on the back of the head. But no amount of will power could keep him from slumping to the ground and losing consciousness.
Inside the house, were two more figures that moved along the shadows, finding their way silently from room to room, speaking only in whispers. Not finding their prey, they made their way carefully upstairs. With only two rooms to search, it was easy to finally find what they were looking for.
Leaning over Misty’s bed, one of the tall men dressed in black and wearing a ski mask slipped a hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming when she awoke. “Rise and shine, princess,” he sneered. “You’re coming with us.”
Wind....
Looking up at Alec Misty gives the best smile she could thought she new it was not much. Laying her hand over top of his she lets out a small sigh. He was a good guy, and he was trying his best to make her happy, and try to put a little smile on her face. She hated how low she felt, she hated how much hatred she felt, and she hated not being herself. No matter how hard she tried though the truth remained she was angry, she was hurt, and she hated one person for it.
"Ok Alec. Thanks for the subs tonight, they tasted good. Try and get some rest. At least one of us needs to be alert tomorrow when Mackenzie gets here."
Letting her hand drop from Alec's Misty looks down at her hardly eaten sub. She'd taken a few bites before feeling full. It had tasted good like she said but hungry just didn't seem to hit her tonight.
Once Alec was gone Misty finally moved from the couch and went to the kitchen. Wrapping up what was left of her sub she placed it in the fridge with the other left overs. She'd either eat it later, or Alec would and that was ok with her. At least nothing went to wast.
Looking out the window in the back Misty just stairs at the light the flickers in Alec's shed. She wanted to pull herself from this darkness but it was so hard and she felt so lost and helpless. She hated Carson loved Jason, was mad at Jason, despised Carson. A vicious circle of emotions she wish she didn't have.
Pushing off the counter Misty makes her way up stairs. She was tired, drained of emotions and all she wanted to do was sleep now. Mac would be here tomorrow, and she wanted to try at least for the childs sake to act a little happier than she was now. Maybe a little extra rest would help her feel better in the morning.
Giving a small smile Ashlee went back to poking at her food. Eating a little more she finally pushed the plat away before excusing herself. She just didnt feel that hungry. She really did want to go riding tonight, but something stopped her. Maybe she sould talk to Eric about it but something just held her back.
Watching her daughter leave Stacy felt as confused as Eric looked. She didn't understand what was going on with that girl, and when she tried to ask her last all she got was a quick nothing and a subject change.
"I don't know what is going on with that girl. I thought for sure she'd be happy you were home. She missed you something horrible while you were gone."
To: Rosalyn
From: Chad
When the warm wind blows it feels like your breath on my skin...
And when the stars twinkle it reminds me of your eyes...
For everywhere I look I am reminded of you...
Everywhere I go I think I hear your voice and turn my head.
My wind, My sun, My flower!
I haven't heard from you in a few days and I hope all is well.
Still travailing but that should come to and end soon. At least
for a few week before we finish our tour. I wish you could
be here. I know you'd love it as much as I do. One day you
will have to come, and be free!!!
With Every Emotion in my head, Chad!
Grace just shakes her head as she listened to Jared ramble. She didn't mind it though it was better than being quiet, or depressed. She rather liked his silly babble. It made her smile and laugh.
"I think sitting here for a few moments sounds rather nice. It's not to bad of a afternoon. I've got some of the best company to chat with. I mean really...what more could you ask for?"
"Ok Alec. Thanks for the subs tonight, they tasted good. Try and get some rest. At least one of us needs to be alert tomorrow when Mackenzie gets here."
Letting her hand drop from Alec's Misty looks down at her hardly eaten sub. She'd taken a few bites before feeling full. It had tasted good like she said but hungry just didn't seem to hit her tonight.
Once Alec was gone Misty finally moved from the couch and went to the kitchen. Wrapping up what was left of her sub she placed it in the fridge with the other left overs. She'd either eat it later, or Alec would and that was ok with her. At least nothing went to wast.
Looking out the window in the back Misty just stairs at the light the flickers in Alec's shed. She wanted to pull herself from this darkness but it was so hard and she felt so lost and helpless. She hated Carson loved Jason, was mad at Jason, despised Carson. A vicious circle of emotions she wish she didn't have.
Pushing off the counter Misty makes her way up stairs. She was tired, drained of emotions and all she wanted to do was sleep now. Mac would be here tomorrow, and she wanted to try at least for the childs sake to act a little happier than she was now. Maybe a little extra rest would help her feel better in the morning.
Giving a small smile Ashlee went back to poking at her food. Eating a little more she finally pushed the plat away before excusing herself. She just didnt feel that hungry. She really did want to go riding tonight, but something stopped her. Maybe she sould talk to Eric about it but something just held her back.
Watching her daughter leave Stacy felt as confused as Eric looked. She didn't understand what was going on with that girl, and when she tried to ask her last all she got was a quick nothing and a subject change.
"I don't know what is going on with that girl. I thought for sure she'd be happy you were home. She missed you something horrible while you were gone."
To: Rosalyn
From: Chad
When the warm wind blows it feels like your breath on my skin...
And when the stars twinkle it reminds me of your eyes...
For everywhere I look I am reminded of you...
Everywhere I go I think I hear your voice and turn my head.
My wind, My sun, My flower!
I haven't heard from you in a few days and I hope all is well.
Still travailing but that should come to and end soon. At least
for a few week before we finish our tour. I wish you could
be here. I know you'd love it as much as I do. One day you
will have to come, and be free!!!
With Every Emotion in my head, Chad!
Grace just shakes her head as she listened to Jared ramble. She didn't mind it though it was better than being quiet, or depressed. She rather liked his silly babble. It made her smile and laugh.
"I think sitting here for a few moments sounds rather nice. It's not to bad of a afternoon. I've got some of the best company to chat with. I mean really...what more could you ask for?"
12/18/14
All I Can Promise
Ashlee’s response threw Eric for yet another loop. What young girl wouldn’t jump at the chance for an adventurous midnight horseback ride? Let alone one who was as horse crazy as Ashlee?
“Oh. Okay.” He shrugged, not sure what else he could say. He wasn’t going to push it if she didn’t want to ride. Maybe she really wasn’t feeling well. Or maybe he really had done something unintentional to put her on edge around him. He shot Stacy another glance though, questioning the strangeness of it all. He wanted to believe nothing was wrong, but his gut said otherwise.
“I’ve got a couple days before I hit the road again…but if you change your mind about tonight, you’ve got til midnight. ‘Course, if you wait that long, you’ll prolly hafta wake me up. These old bones ain’t gonna last much longer than that.” He smiled, but it felt rather pointless. It was a strange sensation – suddenly not knowing if he’d done something wrong, or if there was another reason for Ashlee’s distance.
He turned his focus back to finishing his meal, and engaging in conversation with a few others, including Stacy. It was good to be home, despite Ashlee’s odd behavior.
Clint shrugged on his jacket and let the shop door fall shut behind him before he trudged across the driveway. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go grab something to eat or just go home. He knew Wendy and Chase were with everyone else for supper tonight, but as of late, it wasn’t unusual for Clint to just go his own way and connect with them at home later.
Passing by the main house though, a lone figure on the porch swing caught his eye. He wasn’t one to interfere – if someone wanted to be left alone, he had no problem with that. And yet… Caring more than he might admit, he stepped up on the porch before sinking down next to his sister. Neither spoke for what seemed a very long time, until Rosalyn finally broke the silence. “How ya doing?”
“I’m alright. You?”
“I’m fine.” She tucked her hands in her jacket pockets and kept her eyes on the darkness surrounding the ranch. She’d eventually come back from the orchard and retrieved her jacket from inside, but no one had seemed to notice, and she was okay with that.
It was quiet again except for the soft creaking of the swing as Clint’s foot gently maneuvered it back and forth. A slow sigh eventually seeped out though. “You happy?”
“No. …You?”
“No.”
There was another long stretch of silence.
“What are we gonna do about it?” Perhaps Rosalyn really didn’t expect an answer, but it was a question that felt heavy tonight.
“I dunno.” Clint shrugged. “Keep on living, I suppose.”
Rosalyn pursed her lips as she thought. “At least you’ve got a family.”
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “If not for them, I’d be long gone.”
“If Dad wasn’t such a jerk, would you say the same thing?”
Clint thought for a long moment. “Yeah.”
“What changed?”
“Me.”
It was quiet again. Rosalyn leaned over to rest her head on her brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry things aren’t turning out like you wanted.”
“They’re sure not. Can’t change it now, though.”
“Aren’t you and Wendy okay?”
“Yeah.” Clint kept the swing’s gentle pace. “Some days I feel too tied down. But I wouldn’t give her or my kid up…I love them more than life…which is why I’m still here.”
Rosalyn fell silent as a tear trickled down her cheek to soak into Clint’s jacket. Once more, the darkness provided the hushed atmosphere until Clint decided to speak again. “You miss him?”
“Yeah.” Rosalyn sniffed. She didn’t have to ask who her brother meant. Chad was on her mind every day. “I thought I could ignore it…but I can’t. And I don’t even know if it’s real. But I can’t even find out because I’m stuck here.”
Clint’s heart ached with a mix of sadness and anger. “Are you really?”
Jared’s lips curled into a somewhat sly grin as Grace came and joined him. With his one leg now resting on her lap, he moved his bare foot to nudge her arm playfully. “Goofing off is always more appealing than work – you should know that by now.”
He scrunched up his nose a little bit though. “But yeah, I guess I sorta maybe did more than I was supposed to.” He waved a hand in the air. “But I couldn’t stand it any longer. I am so….so….SO tired of seeing the insides of those walls, I think I might be starting to go just slightly insane.” His eyes widened. “Or maybe more than slightly. Maybe a lot. Who’s to tell? A crazy person doesn’t usually know how crazy they really are, do they?”
He let his eyes fall on hers. “They say ignorance is bliss though, so if you really think I’m losing it, don’t tell me. Unless I’m like annoying crazy. Then you can tell me. But let me down easy when you do.”
He bit his lip to stop his ramble. “Sorry. Too much coffee. All I want is to get –” He cut his sentence short, as another wave of his arm was too much, causing a sharp spasm in his back. His whole body tensed, and he cringed, holding his breath until it had passed. “…out of here…” He let the air out of his lungs slowly before giving her a sheepish grin. “Or not. Can I just…not move for a minute or two?”
Bree’s question sent a pang to Gunner’s heart. She wasn’t out of line. It was a perfectly appropriate thing for her to ask after what he’d done. The pain came from his own guilt – guilt that he’d messed up badly enough for her to worry about it happening again. He couldn’t blame her for this hurt he felt.
A deep breath preceded a sigh just as deep before he tightened his hold on Bree. Pulling her as close as he could, he let her head rest on his shoulder, and closed his eyes as he drank in this feeling…this feeling of holding in his arms the only one he’d ever cared for like this.
Though silence reigned for several minutes, his voice did finally surface. “I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes,” he answered quietly. “I can’t promise that I won’t want to run away, or that I’ll never fail you.” A tear made its way to the surface, and he closed his eyes, fighting these mixed emotions.
“I can’t promise I won’t mess up, or even that I won’t do anything stupid to hurt your feelings,” he continued shakily.
“All I can promise is that I’ll try. I’ll try to be the man you deserve. I’ll try to focus on what’s really important. I’ll try to do all that’s humanly possible never to lose your love.”
He drew back a little and kissed her forehead. “You are the most important person in my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I…know I ran away…but nothing made sense again til I started thinking of you. I just…need to remember that more quickly when I hit rough spots.”
Finally in a little more control over his feelings, he tilted his head so he could see Bree’s face again. “I’m…ready…to admit I’ve got a problem. I want my life back. I want to go back to work…and I want things to be okay between us.”
“Eh…I dunno.” Jason shrugged. He was leaned back in his office chair with his feet up on his desk, surrounded by work, but allowing a break to talk to his friend. Besides, it was almost time to go home anyway.
Con hadn’t been seen much at all at the Elite office lately, but with Reese having left him at least ten phone messages, he’d finally relented and come in to see what he wanted – not that he didn’t already know, but so far he’d stood firm in his decision not to return to his job here. “So you haven’t talked to her since?”
“Oh…yeah. Some. I mean, we’re getting along okay I guess. She said she’s not mad at me – just hurt, and I can’t blame her for that. It’s still kinda awkward, but I guess I’m hoping we can end up being good friends again. I miss having her to talk to.”
“Give it time,” Con assured. He stretched out his legs as he sat in the extra chair. “Misty’s going through more than just you breaking up with her.”
“Yeah. She’s on a major warpath with Carson, especially since he’s the reason for my decision. All that just makes me feel worse, though.”
“Do you still feel you made the right choice?”
“Yeah.”
“Then don’t take on extra guilt. You can’t control what happens to her or what decisions she will make.”
“I just want to help. So I walked away. Makes a whole heap of sense.”
“You walked away from a deeper relationship, not from being a friend. Right now, it’s in her hands. You’re doing all you can.”
Jason slowly nodded. He was grateful for Con’s council, as always. “Thanks. At least Alec doesn’t seem too upset with me. We’ve been texting, and while I don’t think he understands, he respects my decision, so we’re cool. I hadn’t expected that, so I’m glad for it.”
“I haven’t been to Mom and Pop’s in ages. How’s Carson?”
“Not good, but that’s all I know. You’re not the only one who hasn’t been there in ages. After everything went down, most of his friends walked away – understandably so.”
Con sighed. “Yeah. It’s sad though. How close are they to getting the divorce?”
Jason scoffed. “Who knows? Carson still hasn’t signed the papers. Unless something changes, Misty may never be free. Even after seeing how alone she is now without me, he hasn’t relented.”
“Think Carson is being mean or just stubborn in his efforts?”
“I really don’t know.” Jason’s eyes dropped. “But…as much as part of me would like to say he’s just being mean…my gut says he’s sincere. I think he’s fighting tooth and toenail to keep Misty in his life.”
“Well…can’t blame him for that.” Con cocked his head. “And you and Katie?”
“What?” Jason’s gaze flew up. “What do you mean?”
Con chuckled. “Nothing. Just wondered if you were getting along, that’s all.”
“Oh. Yeah…yeah, I think we are. I think maybe…she and I can be friends again.” Jason nodded. “And…I’m looking forward to that.”
“Good. Well, if you –”
“Jason?” Reese’s voice over the intercom interrupted Con. “Is Con still in your office?”
Jason threw his friend a grin. “Yeah.”
“Conrad, are you ever going to come see me like your promised? I gotta get going in twenty minutes.”
Con lifted an eyebrow. “Did he just tell me to come see him?”
Jason nodded. “Yeah. You’ve got twenty minutes before you can get out of here.”
Alec crumpled up his napkin and finished off his Pepsi before looking to the other end of the couch at Misty. He’d brought subs home for supper after work for a treat, but now that the meal was over, it was his routine to go to his own place out back. He sighed, his eyes remaining on Misty. “Well…I guess I’m gonna go hit the sack early.” It had been a long day, and as of late, there had been little to discuss between them. Every day, he wished he could help more, but there was simply nothing he could do. He hated the tension. He hated how things had gotten so messed up with Carson, and then Jason, too. Though a little time had passed, the pain lingered, and all Alec could do was watch Misty try to find her way through it all.
He reached over and set a hand on her shoulder. Things felt...strange tonight, and he wasn't sure what it was. It was almost as if a storm was coming, but he couldn't put his finger on it. “If you need anything…let me know, alright?”
“Oh. Okay.” He shrugged, not sure what else he could say. He wasn’t going to push it if she didn’t want to ride. Maybe she really wasn’t feeling well. Or maybe he really had done something unintentional to put her on edge around him. He shot Stacy another glance though, questioning the strangeness of it all. He wanted to believe nothing was wrong, but his gut said otherwise.
“I’ve got a couple days before I hit the road again…but if you change your mind about tonight, you’ve got til midnight. ‘Course, if you wait that long, you’ll prolly hafta wake me up. These old bones ain’t gonna last much longer than that.” He smiled, but it felt rather pointless. It was a strange sensation – suddenly not knowing if he’d done something wrong, or if there was another reason for Ashlee’s distance.
He turned his focus back to finishing his meal, and engaging in conversation with a few others, including Stacy. It was good to be home, despite Ashlee’s odd behavior.
Clint shrugged on his jacket and let the shop door fall shut behind him before he trudged across the driveway. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go grab something to eat or just go home. He knew Wendy and Chase were with everyone else for supper tonight, but as of late, it wasn’t unusual for Clint to just go his own way and connect with them at home later.
Passing by the main house though, a lone figure on the porch swing caught his eye. He wasn’t one to interfere – if someone wanted to be left alone, he had no problem with that. And yet… Caring more than he might admit, he stepped up on the porch before sinking down next to his sister. Neither spoke for what seemed a very long time, until Rosalyn finally broke the silence. “How ya doing?”
“I’m alright. You?”
“I’m fine.” She tucked her hands in her jacket pockets and kept her eyes on the darkness surrounding the ranch. She’d eventually come back from the orchard and retrieved her jacket from inside, but no one had seemed to notice, and she was okay with that.
It was quiet again except for the soft creaking of the swing as Clint’s foot gently maneuvered it back and forth. A slow sigh eventually seeped out though. “You happy?”
“No. …You?”
“No.”
There was another long stretch of silence.
“What are we gonna do about it?” Perhaps Rosalyn really didn’t expect an answer, but it was a question that felt heavy tonight.
“I dunno.” Clint shrugged. “Keep on living, I suppose.”
Rosalyn pursed her lips as she thought. “At least you’ve got a family.”
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “If not for them, I’d be long gone.”
“If Dad wasn’t such a jerk, would you say the same thing?”
Clint thought for a long moment. “Yeah.”
“What changed?”
“Me.”
It was quiet again. Rosalyn leaned over to rest her head on her brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry things aren’t turning out like you wanted.”
“They’re sure not. Can’t change it now, though.”
“Aren’t you and Wendy okay?”
“Yeah.” Clint kept the swing’s gentle pace. “Some days I feel too tied down. But I wouldn’t give her or my kid up…I love them more than life…which is why I’m still here.”
Rosalyn fell silent as a tear trickled down her cheek to soak into Clint’s jacket. Once more, the darkness provided the hushed atmosphere until Clint decided to speak again. “You miss him?”
“Yeah.” Rosalyn sniffed. She didn’t have to ask who her brother meant. Chad was on her mind every day. “I thought I could ignore it…but I can’t. And I don’t even know if it’s real. But I can’t even find out because I’m stuck here.”
Clint’s heart ached with a mix of sadness and anger. “Are you really?”
Jared’s lips curled into a somewhat sly grin as Grace came and joined him. With his one leg now resting on her lap, he moved his bare foot to nudge her arm playfully. “Goofing off is always more appealing than work – you should know that by now.”
He scrunched up his nose a little bit though. “But yeah, I guess I sorta maybe did more than I was supposed to.” He waved a hand in the air. “But I couldn’t stand it any longer. I am so….so….SO tired of seeing the insides of those walls, I think I might be starting to go just slightly insane.” His eyes widened. “Or maybe more than slightly. Maybe a lot. Who’s to tell? A crazy person doesn’t usually know how crazy they really are, do they?”
He let his eyes fall on hers. “They say ignorance is bliss though, so if you really think I’m losing it, don’t tell me. Unless I’m like annoying crazy. Then you can tell me. But let me down easy when you do.”
He bit his lip to stop his ramble. “Sorry. Too much coffee. All I want is to get –” He cut his sentence short, as another wave of his arm was too much, causing a sharp spasm in his back. His whole body tensed, and he cringed, holding his breath until it had passed. “…out of here…” He let the air out of his lungs slowly before giving her a sheepish grin. “Or not. Can I just…not move for a minute or two?”
Bree’s question sent a pang to Gunner’s heart. She wasn’t out of line. It was a perfectly appropriate thing for her to ask after what he’d done. The pain came from his own guilt – guilt that he’d messed up badly enough for her to worry about it happening again. He couldn’t blame her for this hurt he felt.
A deep breath preceded a sigh just as deep before he tightened his hold on Bree. Pulling her as close as he could, he let her head rest on his shoulder, and closed his eyes as he drank in this feeling…this feeling of holding in his arms the only one he’d ever cared for like this.
Though silence reigned for several minutes, his voice did finally surface. “I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes,” he answered quietly. “I can’t promise that I won’t want to run away, or that I’ll never fail you.” A tear made its way to the surface, and he closed his eyes, fighting these mixed emotions.
“I can’t promise I won’t mess up, or even that I won’t do anything stupid to hurt your feelings,” he continued shakily.
“All I can promise is that I’ll try. I’ll try to be the man you deserve. I’ll try to focus on what’s really important. I’ll try to do all that’s humanly possible never to lose your love.”
He drew back a little and kissed her forehead. “You are the most important person in my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I…know I ran away…but nothing made sense again til I started thinking of you. I just…need to remember that more quickly when I hit rough spots.”
Finally in a little more control over his feelings, he tilted his head so he could see Bree’s face again. “I’m…ready…to admit I’ve got a problem. I want my life back. I want to go back to work…and I want things to be okay between us.”
“Eh…I dunno.” Jason shrugged. He was leaned back in his office chair with his feet up on his desk, surrounded by work, but allowing a break to talk to his friend. Besides, it was almost time to go home anyway.
Con hadn’t been seen much at all at the Elite office lately, but with Reese having left him at least ten phone messages, he’d finally relented and come in to see what he wanted – not that he didn’t already know, but so far he’d stood firm in his decision not to return to his job here. “So you haven’t talked to her since?”
“Oh…yeah. Some. I mean, we’re getting along okay I guess. She said she’s not mad at me – just hurt, and I can’t blame her for that. It’s still kinda awkward, but I guess I’m hoping we can end up being good friends again. I miss having her to talk to.”
“Give it time,” Con assured. He stretched out his legs as he sat in the extra chair. “Misty’s going through more than just you breaking up with her.”
“Yeah. She’s on a major warpath with Carson, especially since he’s the reason for my decision. All that just makes me feel worse, though.”
“Do you still feel you made the right choice?”
“Yeah.”
“Then don’t take on extra guilt. You can’t control what happens to her or what decisions she will make.”
“I just want to help. So I walked away. Makes a whole heap of sense.”
“You walked away from a deeper relationship, not from being a friend. Right now, it’s in her hands. You’re doing all you can.”
Jason slowly nodded. He was grateful for Con’s council, as always. “Thanks. At least Alec doesn’t seem too upset with me. We’ve been texting, and while I don’t think he understands, he respects my decision, so we’re cool. I hadn’t expected that, so I’m glad for it.”
“I haven’t been to Mom and Pop’s in ages. How’s Carson?”
“Not good, but that’s all I know. You’re not the only one who hasn’t been there in ages. After everything went down, most of his friends walked away – understandably so.”
Con sighed. “Yeah. It’s sad though. How close are they to getting the divorce?”
Jason scoffed. “Who knows? Carson still hasn’t signed the papers. Unless something changes, Misty may never be free. Even after seeing how alone she is now without me, he hasn’t relented.”
“Think Carson is being mean or just stubborn in his efforts?”
“I really don’t know.” Jason’s eyes dropped. “But…as much as part of me would like to say he’s just being mean…my gut says he’s sincere. I think he’s fighting tooth and toenail to keep Misty in his life.”
“Well…can’t blame him for that.” Con cocked his head. “And you and Katie?”
“What?” Jason’s gaze flew up. “What do you mean?”
Con chuckled. “Nothing. Just wondered if you were getting along, that’s all.”
“Oh. Yeah…yeah, I think we are. I think maybe…she and I can be friends again.” Jason nodded. “And…I’m looking forward to that.”
“Good. Well, if you –”
“Jason?” Reese’s voice over the intercom interrupted Con. “Is Con still in your office?”
Jason threw his friend a grin. “Yeah.”
“Conrad, are you ever going to come see me like your promised? I gotta get going in twenty minutes.”
Con lifted an eyebrow. “Did he just tell me to come see him?”
Jason nodded. “Yeah. You’ve got twenty minutes before you can get out of here.”
Alec crumpled up his napkin and finished off his Pepsi before looking to the other end of the couch at Misty. He’d brought subs home for supper after work for a treat, but now that the meal was over, it was his routine to go to his own place out back. He sighed, his eyes remaining on Misty. “Well…I guess I’m gonna go hit the sack early.” It had been a long day, and as of late, there had been little to discuss between them. Every day, he wished he could help more, but there was simply nothing he could do. He hated the tension. He hated how things had gotten so messed up with Carson, and then Jason, too. Though a little time had passed, the pain lingered, and all Alec could do was watch Misty try to find her way through it all.
He reached over and set a hand on her shoulder. Things felt...strange tonight, and he wasn't sure what it was. It was almost as if a storm was coming, but he couldn't put his finger on it. “If you need anything…let me know, alright?”
12/13/14
Leaving Again...
Just feeling Gunner's around her again Bree melted. She's missed his touch and she missed the safety she always felt in his arms. For a moment she wondered if she had ever told him that before. She's definitely have to sometimes.
Hearing the Gunner wasn't kidnapped or hurt Bree let out a thankful sigh but at the same time it made her slightly more irritated. She'd never want anything bad to happen to Gunner, but if he had been than she wouldn't have a reason to be mad at him right now. It was such a mix of emotion that only a few tears came out in the place of anything else.
"Nothing in life is easy. There is much term oil, hate, and no one is sure of anything. Every time it gets hard...will...will you run away?"
Bree looks up into Gunner's eyes. It was an honest question that she wanted to know. She couldn't handle someone always running away. When things got to hard turning there back and disappearing. She wanted what she always thought Gunner would offer her. The man that would stand with her no matter what, though the good, the hard, the doubt, and the fear. Maybe it was selfish to want that, but in her own mind, having a partnership, a life that was forever was something like this. It was a simple question, but a hard question all in the same.
Ashlee gives a small smile at Eric's comment. She always liked helping him with the stalls, and so many other things around the barn. It could be the work she liked, the horses she likes, or just spending some quality time with Eric she liked even more.
"I like doing that kind of stuff...but it's just not the same with out you around."
Poking at her lasagna Ashlee finally takes a bite. Thinking about Eric's question about riding tonight. She missed it, and she'd love to do it and yet there was this feeling that held her back from jumping at it.
"I'm kind of tired tonight. It's been a long day. Maybe tomorrow or something we can...if your not leaving again."
Stacy throws her own confused look to Eric. It was strange Ashlee didn't jump at going riding. She herself wondered what was wrong, and if she should be worried.
Pulling up to the house Grace gives a small smile. It was nice to see Jared sitting outside, thought he really wasn't meant to be doing to much on his own yet, it was good to see he had the will to try. Getting out of her car and slipping the keys into her pocket Grace walks up the steps and leans against the railing on the porch.
"So I could ask if you had help getting out here but I think I already know the answer. I do admit though it's nice to be greeted out here by you."
Moving closer Grace lifts Jared's leg gently before sitting down and than resting the leg in her lap once again. Giving him a glance, and a small smile she gives her head a little shake. She might not always understand Jared, but that was the best part of knowing him.
"I'm wondering if we should do your exercises today or goof off since it looks like you started without me already."
Hearing the Gunner wasn't kidnapped or hurt Bree let out a thankful sigh but at the same time it made her slightly more irritated. She'd never want anything bad to happen to Gunner, but if he had been than she wouldn't have a reason to be mad at him right now. It was such a mix of emotion that only a few tears came out in the place of anything else.
"Nothing in life is easy. There is much term oil, hate, and no one is sure of anything. Every time it gets hard...will...will you run away?"
Bree looks up into Gunner's eyes. It was an honest question that she wanted to know. She couldn't handle someone always running away. When things got to hard turning there back and disappearing. She wanted what she always thought Gunner would offer her. The man that would stand with her no matter what, though the good, the hard, the doubt, and the fear. Maybe it was selfish to want that, but in her own mind, having a partnership, a life that was forever was something like this. It was a simple question, but a hard question all in the same.
Ashlee gives a small smile at Eric's comment. She always liked helping him with the stalls, and so many other things around the barn. It could be the work she liked, the horses she likes, or just spending some quality time with Eric she liked even more.
"I like doing that kind of stuff...but it's just not the same with out you around."
Poking at her lasagna Ashlee finally takes a bite. Thinking about Eric's question about riding tonight. She missed it, and she'd love to do it and yet there was this feeling that held her back from jumping at it.
"I'm kind of tired tonight. It's been a long day. Maybe tomorrow or something we can...if your not leaving again."
Stacy throws her own confused look to Eric. It was strange Ashlee didn't jump at going riding. She herself wondered what was wrong, and if she should be worried.
Pulling up to the house Grace gives a small smile. It was nice to see Jared sitting outside, thought he really wasn't meant to be doing to much on his own yet, it was good to see he had the will to try. Getting out of her car and slipping the keys into her pocket Grace walks up the steps and leans against the railing on the porch.
"So I could ask if you had help getting out here but I think I already know the answer. I do admit though it's nice to be greeted out here by you."
Moving closer Grace lifts Jared's leg gently before sitting down and than resting the leg in her lap once again. Giving him a glance, and a small smile she gives her head a little shake. She might not always understand Jared, but that was the best part of knowing him.
"I'm wondering if we should do your exercises today or goof off since it looks like you started without me already."
10/23/14
Too Adventurous
Being embraced by Bree, Gunner’s arms wrapped tightly around her, just holding her close. “I’m okay,” he assured quietly. “I’m okay.” He moved to the chair and sat down, pulling her down in his lap where he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry I worried you.”
He withdrew just far enough to rest his forehead against hers as his hand gently stroked her cheek. “I didn’t get kidnapped or hurt or anything like that.” His head hurt. His body hurt. His heart hurt. But it was by no one else’s doing. “I just…I was gone… from myself… from everybody.”
It took a moment for him to go on. Though things seemed a little clearer now, and though Father James had helped him think through some of his issues, he knew it was still going to be a long road. He could feel within his battered heart that he couldn’t just fix and forget all he’d been through.
“I…was wrong. To just take off.” His eyes fell from hers as he fought his raging emotions. “I lost track of myself… I lost all track of time. I…I don’t even know if anybody tried to call me or anything. But I know I worried you, and I’m sorry.”
Now that he was here trying to explain all this to her, his guilt increased. It all sounded so self-centered, no matter how far out of his mind he’d been. How desperate. How broken. He swallowed hard before settling back in the chair so he could see Bree’s face highlighted by the sun that had almost disappeared below the horizon. He loved her so much…yet his heart was overshadowed by so much pain.
“After talking to Hope and your uncle…” He was sure by now Bree knew all that had happened at the office. “…I just… I couldn’t handle it. So…I ran to the first place that gave me peace after the accident. And…” He shrugged. “I don’t remember everything. It’s all kind of a fog. I didn’t mean to disappear. It just…happened.”
He bit his lip and dared a new glance at her eyes. His own were so weary…so full of desperation to fight the darkness that was trying to hard to overtake him. “A friend helped me think straight again, and…I came back here. To you. ‘Cause you’re the most important thing in my life. Not the past.”
Ashlee hadn’t been riding? Eric was surprised to hear that one. And who on earth would be grumpy? Save Jim, but he wasn’t around much anyway. Eric squinted at the young girl, noting her lack of happy smile, and the fact that Stacy had to prompt her to say anything else. He’d thought she wasn’t upset with him since she’d come to eat, but now he wasn’t so sure, and her last comment threw him for an even bigger loop.
He blinked and shook his head. “Fun stuff? With me around?” he teased. “Since when did mucking out stalls and sorting tangled tack become so entertaining?” He took a small bite of lasagna, but also threw Stacy a confused glance. Was he the only one that sensed Ashlee’s strange behavior? Maybe the girl had just had a bad day or wasn’t feeling well. For all he knew, at her age she could be hormonal, and he wasn’t going to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole. Something seemed more off than that, though, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe she just needed something to cheer her up.
“Tell you what…” He lowered his voice and glanced around as if making sure no one was listening before leaning in closer to Ashlee. “I’m in the mood for a midnight ride tonight, if your mom will let you. It’s a perfect night to see the stars. That is…if you want to.”
In reality, he was exhausted from being on the road, his body ached, and he knew he needed to get some good sleep. But if Ashlee agreed to go riding with him, then at least he could eliminate guessing if she were upset with him.
“Wait, wait, shouldn’t you –”
“I’m fine. It’ll –”
“But you should wait.”
“Just give me a couple minutes.”
“You shouldn’t be –”
“Oh, quit worrying.”
Lydia sighed and threw her hands up in the air before she turned to head back to the kitchen. “You are as stubborn as your father.”
Jared smirked and shook his head. Yeah…he probably was. And his mother was right – he probably shouldn’t be trying this on his own. But he was going stir crazy, stuck between his wheelchair and bed all day every day. Even though he saw Grace a couple times a week and got out of the house, he was still confined. She’d come over for supper a few times again too, but, like always, he was still stuck in the house. Getting out and about was just too much hassle yet – other than that one time he went to that church picnic…which…had been interesting. At least his arm was out of a sling now. He’d been back in the hospital for a few days the week before after getting sick again and dealing with some more lingering effects from the accident. One of these days, he hoped he’d never have to see another surgeon again.
Still standing in his bedroom doorway, dressed in an old t-shirt and jeans, he looked down at his legs and the two new crutches strapped to his forearms. His fingers gripped the handles a little more tightly. He’d stood on his own plenty of times lately – he could get himself around a bit…right? He hadn’t tried this yet with Grace…and he really wasn’t supposed to be moving around so much after last week’s surgery…but he was bored out of his mind.
Ever so slowly, he inched his feet forward, one at a time, leaning heavily on his crutches for support. Making it down the hallway, he stumbled a few times, but managed to catch himself against the wall and keep on going until he’d reached the front door. Though still in his bare feet, he continued his route out onto the front porch. He’d made it. All by himself. And the fresh air felt oh so good.
It took a little doing, but he managed to ease himself down into the porch swing before setting the crutches aside. He couldn’t remember enjoyed just being outside before all this had happened. He’d always been so busy…so intent on his next job or next trip or next scheme. He’d never taken the time to just…be. Not until recently. Until all he had was time. And Grace. She was…the warmth of sunshine itself.
A painful muscle spasm in his back made him stiffen and cringe until it passed. Well, that’s what he got for being too adventurous. The doctors had warned him to be careful as he increased his activity.
He slipped his cell phone from his pocket and maneuvered with his thumb to find Grace’s last text message that said what time she was coming today. Maybe he’d just stay out here until she came.
He withdrew just far enough to rest his forehead against hers as his hand gently stroked her cheek. “I didn’t get kidnapped or hurt or anything like that.” His head hurt. His body hurt. His heart hurt. But it was by no one else’s doing. “I just…I was gone… from myself… from everybody.”
It took a moment for him to go on. Though things seemed a little clearer now, and though Father James had helped him think through some of his issues, he knew it was still going to be a long road. He could feel within his battered heart that he couldn’t just fix and forget all he’d been through.
“I…was wrong. To just take off.” His eyes fell from hers as he fought his raging emotions. “I lost track of myself… I lost all track of time. I…I don’t even know if anybody tried to call me or anything. But I know I worried you, and I’m sorry.”
Now that he was here trying to explain all this to her, his guilt increased. It all sounded so self-centered, no matter how far out of his mind he’d been. How desperate. How broken. He swallowed hard before settling back in the chair so he could see Bree’s face highlighted by the sun that had almost disappeared below the horizon. He loved her so much…yet his heart was overshadowed by so much pain.
“After talking to Hope and your uncle…” He was sure by now Bree knew all that had happened at the office. “…I just… I couldn’t handle it. So…I ran to the first place that gave me peace after the accident. And…” He shrugged. “I don’t remember everything. It’s all kind of a fog. I didn’t mean to disappear. It just…happened.”
He bit his lip and dared a new glance at her eyes. His own were so weary…so full of desperation to fight the darkness that was trying to hard to overtake him. “A friend helped me think straight again, and…I came back here. To you. ‘Cause you’re the most important thing in my life. Not the past.”
Ashlee hadn’t been riding? Eric was surprised to hear that one. And who on earth would be grumpy? Save Jim, but he wasn’t around much anyway. Eric squinted at the young girl, noting her lack of happy smile, and the fact that Stacy had to prompt her to say anything else. He’d thought she wasn’t upset with him since she’d come to eat, but now he wasn’t so sure, and her last comment threw him for an even bigger loop.
He blinked and shook his head. “Fun stuff? With me around?” he teased. “Since when did mucking out stalls and sorting tangled tack become so entertaining?” He took a small bite of lasagna, but also threw Stacy a confused glance. Was he the only one that sensed Ashlee’s strange behavior? Maybe the girl had just had a bad day or wasn’t feeling well. For all he knew, at her age she could be hormonal, and he wasn’t going to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole. Something seemed more off than that, though, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe she just needed something to cheer her up.
“Tell you what…” He lowered his voice and glanced around as if making sure no one was listening before leaning in closer to Ashlee. “I’m in the mood for a midnight ride tonight, if your mom will let you. It’s a perfect night to see the stars. That is…if you want to.”
In reality, he was exhausted from being on the road, his body ached, and he knew he needed to get some good sleep. But if Ashlee agreed to go riding with him, then at least he could eliminate guessing if she were upset with him.
“Wait, wait, shouldn’t you –”
“I’m fine. It’ll –”
“But you should wait.”
“Just give me a couple minutes.”
“You shouldn’t be –”
“Oh, quit worrying.”
Lydia sighed and threw her hands up in the air before she turned to head back to the kitchen. “You are as stubborn as your father.”
Jared smirked and shook his head. Yeah…he probably was. And his mother was right – he probably shouldn’t be trying this on his own. But he was going stir crazy, stuck between his wheelchair and bed all day every day. Even though he saw Grace a couple times a week and got out of the house, he was still confined. She’d come over for supper a few times again too, but, like always, he was still stuck in the house. Getting out and about was just too much hassle yet – other than that one time he went to that church picnic…which…had been interesting. At least his arm was out of a sling now. He’d been back in the hospital for a few days the week before after getting sick again and dealing with some more lingering effects from the accident. One of these days, he hoped he’d never have to see another surgeon again.
Still standing in his bedroom doorway, dressed in an old t-shirt and jeans, he looked down at his legs and the two new crutches strapped to his forearms. His fingers gripped the handles a little more tightly. He’d stood on his own plenty of times lately – he could get himself around a bit…right? He hadn’t tried this yet with Grace…and he really wasn’t supposed to be moving around so much after last week’s surgery…but he was bored out of his mind.
Ever so slowly, he inched his feet forward, one at a time, leaning heavily on his crutches for support. Making it down the hallway, he stumbled a few times, but managed to catch himself against the wall and keep on going until he’d reached the front door. Though still in his bare feet, he continued his route out onto the front porch. He’d made it. All by himself. And the fresh air felt oh so good.
It took a little doing, but he managed to ease himself down into the porch swing before setting the crutches aside. He couldn’t remember enjoyed just being outside before all this had happened. He’d always been so busy…so intent on his next job or next trip or next scheme. He’d never taken the time to just…be. Not until recently. Until all he had was time. And Grace. She was…the warmth of sunshine itself.
A painful muscle spasm in his back made him stiffen and cringe until it passed. Well, that’s what he got for being too adventurous. The doctors had warned him to be careful as he increased his activity.
He slipped his cell phone from his pocket and maneuvered with his thumb to find Grace’s last text message that said what time she was coming today. Maybe he’d just stay out here until she came.
10/18/14
Only a little bit
Letting the breeze just blow through her hair Bree sat, thinking, but not enough to remember what about. Maybe it was the time she'd spend with Gunner, maybe it was her time as a child with JT, or maybe it was a mixture of both. They were the only family Bree had, the only family she cared to remember, and they were everything to her. Where things got so messed up she didn't know, and why she couldn't help Gunner was a whole nothing thing.
Hearing the floor creek Bree doesn't open her eyes. It was more than likely her Uncle back from his date. She'd lost track of time so maybe it was later than she thought. But her eyes stayed closed, she was tired of facing the world, and worrying.
At the house of Gunner's voice though Bree gives a jump and opens her eyes a small smile spreads across her lips, though her eyes were still filled with worry. Standing quickly and throwing her arms around his neck Bree burys her face into him. He smell the same, the same like she had remember.
"Gunner....we were so worried. Are you ok? What happened? Were you kidnapped? Hurt..."
Bree gasps for air as she hugs Gunner a little tighter. She didn't want to let go for fear he'd be gone. To just have her arms around him again it felt so nice and she'd missed him so much.
Finishing her own drink Katie looks down at her cup before up again. Giving a soft smile and squinting her eyes a little she chuckles to herself. It had been a long time since anyone said she was a hero. It was kind of nice, and reminded her of better days.
"Happy I could help. Even if it was only a little bit."
Placing some money on the table for her drink and a tip Katie stands putting her jacket on and putting her hair out and letting it fall where it wanted. Her hair was staring to get long again and she hadn't decided if she wanted to cut it again or not.
"Have a good night J, and dont beat yourself up to much. Just give Misty some time, she'll come around."
Sitting down with her mom and Eric Ashlee felt a little strange for the first time. She understood what Clint was talking about, but still it was hard, that feeling in her heart, a sadness that Eric was just going to go away again. She missed him more than anyone new, he was the only farther, and father like figure in her life, and she'd grown attach to that.
"No no riding. I don't like to when your not here. Everyone else is to grumpy."
Looking down at her food Ashlee takes a bit before looking back up again and giving a half smile to her mom, than Eric. She felt at a loss, not sure what to talk about. Nothing much was really going on, and she wasn't riding.
Stacy takes not to her daughter strange behavior as she took a sip of her coffee. She thought for sure she's be excited to see Eric come home, but something just seemed off and she wasn't sure what or why.
"You've been helping Dylan more with his chores haven't you? That's always exciting."
Ashlee gives a small shrug.
"Yeah, I guess. Nice to hang out with someone. Other than that not much really to talk about at the moment. All the fun stuff happens when your here Eric."
Hearing the floor creek Bree doesn't open her eyes. It was more than likely her Uncle back from his date. She'd lost track of time so maybe it was later than she thought. But her eyes stayed closed, she was tired of facing the world, and worrying.
At the house of Gunner's voice though Bree gives a jump and opens her eyes a small smile spreads across her lips, though her eyes were still filled with worry. Standing quickly and throwing her arms around his neck Bree burys her face into him. He smell the same, the same like she had remember.
"Gunner....we were so worried. Are you ok? What happened? Were you kidnapped? Hurt..."
Bree gasps for air as she hugs Gunner a little tighter. She didn't want to let go for fear he'd be gone. To just have her arms around him again it felt so nice and she'd missed him so much.
Finishing her own drink Katie looks down at her cup before up again. Giving a soft smile and squinting her eyes a little she chuckles to herself. It had been a long time since anyone said she was a hero. It was kind of nice, and reminded her of better days.
"Happy I could help. Even if it was only a little bit."
Placing some money on the table for her drink and a tip Katie stands putting her jacket on and putting her hair out and letting it fall where it wanted. Her hair was staring to get long again and she hadn't decided if she wanted to cut it again or not.
"Have a good night J, and dont beat yourself up to much. Just give Misty some time, she'll come around."
Sitting down with her mom and Eric Ashlee felt a little strange for the first time. She understood what Clint was talking about, but still it was hard, that feeling in her heart, a sadness that Eric was just going to go away again. She missed him more than anyone new, he was the only farther, and father like figure in her life, and she'd grown attach to that.
"No no riding. I don't like to when your not here. Everyone else is to grumpy."
Looking down at her food Ashlee takes a bit before looking back up again and giving a half smile to her mom, than Eric. She felt at a loss, not sure what to talk about. Nothing much was really going on, and she wasn't riding.
Stacy takes not to her daughter strange behavior as she took a sip of her coffee. She thought for sure she's be excited to see Eric come home, but something just seemed off and she wasn't sure what or why.
"You've been helping Dylan more with his chores haven't you? That's always exciting."
Ashlee gives a small shrug.
"Yeah, I guess. Nice to hang out with someone. Other than that not much really to talk about at the moment. All the fun stuff happens when your here Eric."
9/2/14
Return
JT mustered up a small smile for Bree. “I’d kill him first. Then you could slap him.”
It seemed a slight amount of humor was the only way to cope at this point, even if it felt rather lame. But even though they both wanted desperately to do something – anything – the Elite was doing all they could, leaving them with simply waiting and worrying…
The lights were dim. But not in a scary way. It was more of a warm, soothing light, easy on the eyes and comforting to the soul. The air was just as welcoming, with a scent that would tell any keen mind that they were in an older atmosphere, but it was only because of aged wood, not a lack of upkeep. Mixed in was the sweet smell of candles burning, which also contributed to the glowing light.
Gunner closed his eyes again and curled in a little tighter on the cot. His head hurt too much to lift off the pillow, and the rest of his body ached just as much. Then his nostrils caught a new scent. One that awakened his stomach.
"You're fighting your body's desire to rise and nourish itself. It's a losing battle, unless you wish to fade into an eternal sleep before your time."
Gunner reopened one eye. "Who's to say it's not my time?" His voice was hoarse - a sign he'd used it little the past few days.
"Does the Lord wish his children to give up on the life he's given them? Or worse yet, cause their own death through such means?"
It took several moments but Gunner finally rolled over onto his stomach. He propped his chin up with his pillow and looked off the end of the cot to Father James, who sat at a small table with a steaming bowl of soup. "If he gave me this life, he can have it back."
Father James offered a soft smile. "Was it he who willed the events in your life, or was it the fault of people who make mistakes?"
"Like me?"
"I didn't say that." Father James gestured to the soup. "Come. Eat. You’ve been in bed for two days and it's time to get up."
Gunner didn't want to move. "I'm not hungry."
"You’re gonna lie to me now?"
"I'm not. I don't want to eat."
"Ah. Now that's different. But you need to anyway. So come on. Or I'll remove you from that cot myself."
An ever-so-slight grin seeped onto Gunner's lips. "You always did bully me around."
Father James chuckled. "Only because your hard head needed it."
Gunner sighed deeply and finally sat up. Everything hurt from head to toe, and he groaned. "You sure I didn't already die?"
"Mmm...no, I'd say you've got an awful lot of life left in you."
Despite Gunner’s desire to stay put, he knew he couldn’t. Eventually, he’d have to rise and face the day. Face life again. A few minutes later, he had joined Father James at the table in the small living quarters off the back of the aged but grand structure of beautiful woodwork and stone workmanship. Even he had to admit that the soup tasted good and was helping clear his mind.
Father James leaned forward in the table just studying his younger friend. Gunner had stumbled in a couple days prior, sick with stress and spilling his heart about all that had been happening. It had been late that night when he'd finally fallen asleep, and for two days had only slept, too worn out for anything else.
Gunner ate in silence until he’d reached the bottom of the bowl and set it aside. “Gonna kick me out today?”
“You know I won’t ever kick you out. But I must admit, I’m concerned for those who I’m sure are worried about you.”
“I know.” Gunner’s eyes fell to the table. “I just…I dunno.”
“You know exactly why you’re avoiding those you’re closest to.”
“I do?”
Father James grinned. “I don’t want to sit here all day, so I’ll spell it out for you. Those you’re closest to make you feel most vulnerable – which is normal. But in your vulnerability, you have less control, and the less control you have, the more upset you get.”
Gunner’s eyes remained down. “So…”
“So you’ve got to learn to let go of the need for control. Whether or not you still question the past, blame yourself or not, the past is beyond your control, as are facts you face now. If you can quit trying to control everything, you’ll find that peace you’re looking for… and you’ll be able to face those you love without fighting your vulnerability.”
Gunner was silent for several moments. “Well, alrighty then.”
Father James chuckled. “What? No snippy comeback?”
“I’m too tired.” Gunner set his head down on his arms. “I don’t remember ever being so exhausted.”
“It’s the stress. You’re so strung out, your body can’t function beyond survival. Another reason you need to get this thing under control.”
“By not controlling it,” Gunner mumbled.
“Right.” Father James’ smile returned. “I knew you’d catch on quick.”
Gunner managed a scoff. “Thanks for your confidence.”
“I do have confidence in you, Brent. I always have. Ever since you first came into this church searching for answers, just as you are now.”
“I wish I was still searching for the same thing.” Gunner’s voice was muffled in his arms as he refused to lift his head again. “At least I wouldn’t have the knowledge that my entire wasted life was no one’s fault but my own.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Father James took hold of his shoulder. “Aside from your control issue, you need to let go of your unnecessary guilt. It’s a burden you were not meant to bear. So don’t. Truth or not, let it go. You have to live for your future, not the past.”
Gunner growled in frustration and finally lifted his head. “When I was released from the hospital, all I had was a stuffy, dishonest lawyer to help me. Coming here was a last ditch effort to find some sort of meaning.”
“And did you find it?”
“Yeah. And things made sense til I started questioning what really happened with my parents.”
“The truth you found here has not changed. The power and grace of God do not shift from one minute to the next. The things that made sense to you back then – that helped you sort out your life – those things are still there. You’ve just started focusing on the wrong things.”
“I’ve never left my faith…”
Father James shook his head. “Just because someone doesn’t abandon their belief in God, doesn’t mean they are walking the correct path. Any number of people can say they believe in God, and even have faith in Him. But if they don’t live a life according to His will, they might as well not believe at all.”
He stood and took the empty bowl to a nearby sink. “I’m not saying you walked away from your Christian life or were destined for Hell. But I do think your priorities have been readjusted to the point that you need to get things back in order. Your past is very important to you. I can’t imagine waking up one day and not remembering anything. But your future is what counts. That’s where the life God has given you is. That’s where your fiancé is. That’s where everyone who loves you is. And that’s where your purpose is, should you choose to fulfill it.”
Gunner folded his arms and rested his chin on them, lost in thought as Father James talked. It wasn’t a whole lot different than some of the things Hope had told him. He’d just been unwilling to listen. Or maybe he was just so tired today that he didn’t have the strength to argue anymore…
…It was early evening, and the fog over Gunner’s mind had finally lifted – at least enough that he was able to function again outside the care of Father James for now, and enough to drive. They’d talked all day, and though his spirit was still heavy, at least he had some goals, one of which was being brave enough to return to life again.
He dared a glance at his cell phone as he drove – the first look in days – only to find it completely dead, the battery having long since run out. He imagined there were many messages he’d missed. He knew Bree too well to think she’d just ignored his absence, especially since it had been several days. And while he didn’t think he was important enough to be missed by too many people, he knew in his heart that he’d worried Bree, and he was sorry. He was sorry about a lot of things.
It didn’t take long to reach his destination. His temporary home. Parking out on the curb, he took a moment to just look at the house. And he knew he’d be staying here longer than he liked. But he knew he needed the help. The support.
Moments later, he was inside, but saw no one. It seemed JT was gone, but Bree's car was here. After a brief search, he realized she was out on the back porch. And for a few seconds, he just watched her from behind the glass door. She looked so peaceful, sitting in the evening breeze. And he felt even sorrier for abandoning her like he had.
Slipping silently outside, he approached quietly...carefully. He eased down in the chair next to hers, his tired eyes taking in the setting sun. "Forgive me?"
Jason grinned and shook his head. “I’m glad. Otherwise, I’d be in a heap more trouble than I already am.”
He downed the rest of his coffee and stared at the empty cup. He didn’t really want to call an end to their time here…he’d…enjoyed it. As badly as he felt about everything with Misty, there was a little more peace now. A little more hope that things would be okay.
“Well…I suppose I ought to get home to my pup before he tears my house to shreds.” He looked at Katie once more, his expression a soft one. “Thanks…for being my hero once more.”
Eric was busy enough laughing, talking and eating that he didn’t notice Ashlee until she’d made it to their table. He glanced up quickly, a little surprised after his earlier encounter with her, but just as fast, a new smile appeared.
“Well of course you can sit here.” He pulled out the chair next to him and threw her a wink. “It’s never too late.”
He still had no idea why Ashlee had been so cool with him earlier, but he felt better now that she’d joined them. At least she must not be mad at him like he’d feared.
“So…” He took another bite of garlic bread. “What have you been up to since I left? Been keeping up with your riding?”
It seemed a slight amount of humor was the only way to cope at this point, even if it felt rather lame. But even though they both wanted desperately to do something – anything – the Elite was doing all they could, leaving them with simply waiting and worrying…
The lights were dim. But not in a scary way. It was more of a warm, soothing light, easy on the eyes and comforting to the soul. The air was just as welcoming, with a scent that would tell any keen mind that they were in an older atmosphere, but it was only because of aged wood, not a lack of upkeep. Mixed in was the sweet smell of candles burning, which also contributed to the glowing light.
Gunner closed his eyes again and curled in a little tighter on the cot. His head hurt too much to lift off the pillow, and the rest of his body ached just as much. Then his nostrils caught a new scent. One that awakened his stomach.
"You're fighting your body's desire to rise and nourish itself. It's a losing battle, unless you wish to fade into an eternal sleep before your time."
Gunner reopened one eye. "Who's to say it's not my time?" His voice was hoarse - a sign he'd used it little the past few days.
"Does the Lord wish his children to give up on the life he's given them? Or worse yet, cause their own death through such means?"
It took several moments but Gunner finally rolled over onto his stomach. He propped his chin up with his pillow and looked off the end of the cot to Father James, who sat at a small table with a steaming bowl of soup. "If he gave me this life, he can have it back."
Father James offered a soft smile. "Was it he who willed the events in your life, or was it the fault of people who make mistakes?"
"Like me?"
"I didn't say that." Father James gestured to the soup. "Come. Eat. You’ve been in bed for two days and it's time to get up."
Gunner didn't want to move. "I'm not hungry."
"You’re gonna lie to me now?"
"I'm not. I don't want to eat."
"Ah. Now that's different. But you need to anyway. So come on. Or I'll remove you from that cot myself."
An ever-so-slight grin seeped onto Gunner's lips. "You always did bully me around."
Father James chuckled. "Only because your hard head needed it."
Gunner sighed deeply and finally sat up. Everything hurt from head to toe, and he groaned. "You sure I didn't already die?"
"Mmm...no, I'd say you've got an awful lot of life left in you."
Despite Gunner’s desire to stay put, he knew he couldn’t. Eventually, he’d have to rise and face the day. Face life again. A few minutes later, he had joined Father James at the table in the small living quarters off the back of the aged but grand structure of beautiful woodwork and stone workmanship. Even he had to admit that the soup tasted good and was helping clear his mind.
Father James leaned forward in the table just studying his younger friend. Gunner had stumbled in a couple days prior, sick with stress and spilling his heart about all that had been happening. It had been late that night when he'd finally fallen asleep, and for two days had only slept, too worn out for anything else.
Gunner ate in silence until he’d reached the bottom of the bowl and set it aside. “Gonna kick me out today?”
“You know I won’t ever kick you out. But I must admit, I’m concerned for those who I’m sure are worried about you.”
“I know.” Gunner’s eyes fell to the table. “I just…I dunno.”
“You know exactly why you’re avoiding those you’re closest to.”
“I do?”
Father James grinned. “I don’t want to sit here all day, so I’ll spell it out for you. Those you’re closest to make you feel most vulnerable – which is normal. But in your vulnerability, you have less control, and the less control you have, the more upset you get.”
Gunner’s eyes remained down. “So…”
“So you’ve got to learn to let go of the need for control. Whether or not you still question the past, blame yourself or not, the past is beyond your control, as are facts you face now. If you can quit trying to control everything, you’ll find that peace you’re looking for… and you’ll be able to face those you love without fighting your vulnerability.”
Gunner was silent for several moments. “Well, alrighty then.”
Father James chuckled. “What? No snippy comeback?”
“I’m too tired.” Gunner set his head down on his arms. “I don’t remember ever being so exhausted.”
“It’s the stress. You’re so strung out, your body can’t function beyond survival. Another reason you need to get this thing under control.”
“By not controlling it,” Gunner mumbled.
“Right.” Father James’ smile returned. “I knew you’d catch on quick.”
Gunner managed a scoff. “Thanks for your confidence.”
“I do have confidence in you, Brent. I always have. Ever since you first came into this church searching for answers, just as you are now.”
“I wish I was still searching for the same thing.” Gunner’s voice was muffled in his arms as he refused to lift his head again. “At least I wouldn’t have the knowledge that my entire wasted life was no one’s fault but my own.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Father James took hold of his shoulder. “Aside from your control issue, you need to let go of your unnecessary guilt. It’s a burden you were not meant to bear. So don’t. Truth or not, let it go. You have to live for your future, not the past.”
Gunner growled in frustration and finally lifted his head. “When I was released from the hospital, all I had was a stuffy, dishonest lawyer to help me. Coming here was a last ditch effort to find some sort of meaning.”
“And did you find it?”
“Yeah. And things made sense til I started questioning what really happened with my parents.”
“The truth you found here has not changed. The power and grace of God do not shift from one minute to the next. The things that made sense to you back then – that helped you sort out your life – those things are still there. You’ve just started focusing on the wrong things.”
“I’ve never left my faith…”
Father James shook his head. “Just because someone doesn’t abandon their belief in God, doesn’t mean they are walking the correct path. Any number of people can say they believe in God, and even have faith in Him. But if they don’t live a life according to His will, they might as well not believe at all.”
He stood and took the empty bowl to a nearby sink. “I’m not saying you walked away from your Christian life or were destined for Hell. But I do think your priorities have been readjusted to the point that you need to get things back in order. Your past is very important to you. I can’t imagine waking up one day and not remembering anything. But your future is what counts. That’s where the life God has given you is. That’s where your fiancé is. That’s where everyone who loves you is. And that’s where your purpose is, should you choose to fulfill it.”
Gunner folded his arms and rested his chin on them, lost in thought as Father James talked. It wasn’t a whole lot different than some of the things Hope had told him. He’d just been unwilling to listen. Or maybe he was just so tired today that he didn’t have the strength to argue anymore…
…It was early evening, and the fog over Gunner’s mind had finally lifted – at least enough that he was able to function again outside the care of Father James for now, and enough to drive. They’d talked all day, and though his spirit was still heavy, at least he had some goals, one of which was being brave enough to return to life again.
He dared a glance at his cell phone as he drove – the first look in days – only to find it completely dead, the battery having long since run out. He imagined there were many messages he’d missed. He knew Bree too well to think she’d just ignored his absence, especially since it had been several days. And while he didn’t think he was important enough to be missed by too many people, he knew in his heart that he’d worried Bree, and he was sorry. He was sorry about a lot of things.
It didn’t take long to reach his destination. His temporary home. Parking out on the curb, he took a moment to just look at the house. And he knew he’d be staying here longer than he liked. But he knew he needed the help. The support.
Moments later, he was inside, but saw no one. It seemed JT was gone, but Bree's car was here. After a brief search, he realized she was out on the back porch. And for a few seconds, he just watched her from behind the glass door. She looked so peaceful, sitting in the evening breeze. And he felt even sorrier for abandoning her like he had.
Slipping silently outside, he approached quietly...carefully. He eased down in the chair next to hers, his tired eyes taking in the setting sun. "Forgive me?"
Jason grinned and shook his head. “I’m glad. Otherwise, I’d be in a heap more trouble than I already am.”
He downed the rest of his coffee and stared at the empty cup. He didn’t really want to call an end to their time here…he’d…enjoyed it. As badly as he felt about everything with Misty, there was a little more peace now. A little more hope that things would be okay.
“Well…I suppose I ought to get home to my pup before he tears my house to shreds.” He looked at Katie once more, his expression a soft one. “Thanks…for being my hero once more.”
Eric was busy enough laughing, talking and eating that he didn’t notice Ashlee until she’d made it to their table. He glanced up quickly, a little surprised after his earlier encounter with her, but just as fast, a new smile appeared.
“Well of course you can sit here.” He pulled out the chair next to him and threw her a wink. “It’s never too late.”
He still had no idea why Ashlee had been so cool with him earlier, but he felt better now that she’d joined them. At least she must not be mad at him like he’d feared.
“So…” He took another bite of garlic bread. “What have you been up to since I left? Been keeping up with your riding?”
8/30/14
Slap Him
Standing by the window Bree just looked out it. She didn't know where Gunner was, if he was ok or not, She didn't know anything. She'd left him at least 25 if not more voice mails pleading him to call her, or just text and say he was ok. At this points she'd take anything at all just to stop the worry.
Hearing her Uncles voice Bree turns around and wraps her arms around herself. She had hoped that there had been new yet there was no surprise there wasn't. Walking away from the window and sinking down on the couch she lets out a long sigh.
"I wish I'd just know where he was and know he was ok or something. How could he do this to us? Doesn't he know we would be worried sick?"
She hadn't slept, hardly eat anything, and didn't go to work. Gunner was her life, he meant everything to her and without him she felt lost. She could only pray he was ok, and soon he'd show himself.
"Good thing hes not here, I'd slap him."
"It wasn't just you J. I did lots of things wrong too."
Feeling Jason's hand on top of hers for a second it took Katie back but she didn't pull her hand away. The warm feeling was nice. It had been a long time since she'd felt that warmth and thought she could never explain it, it was different than any other touch it was Jason's touch, and though they might be romantically involved anymore but there was still warmth.
Once Jason lets go of her hand Katie gives a smile to him before finally looking down at her cup. Jason was never at good saying he was sorry so maybe this was his way. It was straight to the point with no words at all but fill with much meaning.
"I'm almost one hundred percent sure she will forgive you, just like I have. It's in our blood and our hearts to not hold on to anything for to long."
Thinking about Clint's words Ashlee fiddles with a wrench on the table. She wasn't surprised he'd figured out what was going on. And his words told that he was indeed smart. She let what he said sink in, and it did make sense. But still it seemed easier said than done to let go of the fear. But maybe she could at least try.
"I'm going to get going, maybe try to eat a little. Thanks Clint."
Setting the wrench down Ashlee turns and heads for the door. Stopping once there she turns and looks back at Clint for a moment. With a small smile she speaks softly.
"Hey Clint..? You don't stay away to long either ok? Life is to short after all."
Disappearing through through the door Ashlee makes her way to the mess hall. Once getting there she peeks though the window a moment. Seeing her mom laugh makes her smile a little too. She liked seeing her mom laugh. If her mom trusted Eric with her heart, than why couldn't see. Maybe it was the still lingering question of why He had to leave again if he was so happy.
Finally stepping away from the window Ashlee enters, and walks over to the table with her mom and Eric. Her limbs in her belt look she looks between them both before questioning.
"Can I sit here too if its not to late?"
Hearing her Uncles voice Bree turns around and wraps her arms around herself. She had hoped that there had been new yet there was no surprise there wasn't. Walking away from the window and sinking down on the couch she lets out a long sigh.
"I wish I'd just know where he was and know he was ok or something. How could he do this to us? Doesn't he know we would be worried sick?"
She hadn't slept, hardly eat anything, and didn't go to work. Gunner was her life, he meant everything to her and without him she felt lost. She could only pray he was ok, and soon he'd show himself.
"Good thing hes not here, I'd slap him."
"It wasn't just you J. I did lots of things wrong too."
Feeling Jason's hand on top of hers for a second it took Katie back but she didn't pull her hand away. The warm feeling was nice. It had been a long time since she'd felt that warmth and thought she could never explain it, it was different than any other touch it was Jason's touch, and though they might be romantically involved anymore but there was still warmth.
Once Jason lets go of her hand Katie gives a smile to him before finally looking down at her cup. Jason was never at good saying he was sorry so maybe this was his way. It was straight to the point with no words at all but fill with much meaning.
"I'm almost one hundred percent sure she will forgive you, just like I have. It's in our blood and our hearts to not hold on to anything for to long."
Thinking about Clint's words Ashlee fiddles with a wrench on the table. She wasn't surprised he'd figured out what was going on. And his words told that he was indeed smart. She let what he said sink in, and it did make sense. But still it seemed easier said than done to let go of the fear. But maybe she could at least try.
"I'm going to get going, maybe try to eat a little. Thanks Clint."
Setting the wrench down Ashlee turns and heads for the door. Stopping once there she turns and looks back at Clint for a moment. With a small smile she speaks softly.
"Hey Clint..? You don't stay away to long either ok? Life is to short after all."
Disappearing through through the door Ashlee makes her way to the mess hall. Once getting there she peeks though the window a moment. Seeing her mom laugh makes her smile a little too. She liked seeing her mom laugh. If her mom trusted Eric with her heart, than why couldn't see. Maybe it was the still lingering question of why He had to leave again if he was so happy.
Finally stepping away from the window Ashlee enters, and walks over to the table with her mom and Eric. Her limbs in her belt look she looks between them both before questioning.
"Can I sit here too if its not to late?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
