Home soon

Moving from her squating position and sitting down on the grass Grace didn't care if she got wet and dirty, it didn't bother her and being with Jared it was more important anyways. Letting him lean his head on his arms Grace moves her own arm over and around his shoulders offering him a little comfort.

   "It has to hurt or we would never learn right from it."

Letting out a small sigh Grace couldn't help but feel bad for Jared. He had it pretty rough right now and she wondered if she was helping him. She'd like to think she was but really there was no way to surely tell. He's been changing again slowly for the best so that was a small sigh, she just hoped it continued.

   "The numbness will soon go away if you let it. Slowly you have to let go, and than you will feel a tingle, and feeling will return. You just can't give up on yourself, because I sure haven't."

Taking her free hand and moving it slowly down Jared's arm and lets her fingers meet his. Playing with them for just a moment finally she locks them together. Sitting there in the rain just holding it hand. Today she'd let him sit there as long as he wanted. They didn't need to work on his legs, the beating rain did that for him.

To: Hunter
From: Katie

Ha...did you tell him you already
have a few cars? I be that would make
him even more jealouse. Oh and
Wendy she'd probley kill you for 
letting him buy your bike.

To: Hunter
From: Katie

Ohhh...let me know how the ride
goes tomorrow? Just don't push it
ok? I want you to come home soon!

Numb

Getting such a quick response from Katie, Hunter smiles. He was glad that they could keep in touch even though he'd had to stay here longer. Her simple words of affection helped him... ride out the storm. 

To: Katie

From: Hunter

Mmm... I can feel you in my arms

right now. :) 

Angel said I can try a short ride

tomorrow if I behave. Kinda sore

tonight so giving it a good rest. Will

have to see how long it can stand

the pressure tomorrow. Clint keeps

telling me I ought to buy a car after

selling the bike - to him. lol I told 

him no. lol

Jared's ears pick up the sound of the back door but he doesn't move. It might be his mom. It might be Grace. It didn't matter. 

He more sensed than heard someone's soft steps approach and he could feel Grace's presence before he actually saw her out of the corner of his eye. He still remains unmoving, his gaze glued to the yard... or was it beyond the yard to something only he could see? 

Her question finally brings about a small nod. Yes, he did like the feel of the rain. But he wished it could wash away the insides of things like it did the outside. And it couldn't. It just wasn't that simple. 

Only now might one notice that it wasn't just rain that ran down his face. Tears streaming down from his eyes were well-hidden beneath the mask of raindrops. But rain wouldn't create the redness of his eyes or the slight tremble of his lower lip. 

Leaning to the side, slowly, slowly, his head comes to rest on Grace's shoulder. "Why does it have to hurt?" His voice wasn't much more than a whimper. "I can feel the rain on the outside, but... but on the inside it's numb."

Surrender

Continuing to listen to the commotion in the hall Misty closes her eyes. She wished there was a way to block everything out, a way to put ones self into another realm and make this go away. She did deep down still love Carson, but she wouldn't go back to him, she couldn't he'd done to much for her to even think about trusting him again. No...she was moving on and doing what she must to take life back. Far to long she'd lived like this.

As Carson starts to bang on the door Misty gives a jump as her eyes open and she focuses on Alec for a long moment. She'd never been scared of Carson before, or wished for him to just leave but this time it was different. Maybe it was the desperation she could hear in his voice that made her wonder what would he do to get to her to talk.

When Jason comes back into the room Misty turns to look at him before looking back to the cards. She new they might talk about what happened at some point and that was ok but right now she really didn't want to talk about it.  She just wanted to go back to what they were doing. Her blood pressure was already high enough.

   "Never give up, never surrender...We are totally going to make a come back on you Alec."

Picking up her cards again Misty looks down at them shifting a few things around and moving a few other things into position to go with certain other things. She was ready to kick some butt.

Sitting out on the porch and enjoying the fresh air Katie pulls out her phone feeling it vibrate. Seeing the text she can't help but smile. He always had perfect timing, and never missed. Or maybe it was simply Katie always loved hearing from him.

To: Hunter
From: Katie

I've really have missed you too. I'm
sitting out side right now and just 
enjoying the night air. It's not like at
the ranch but whats worse is your 
not here too.

Katie gives another smile as she stretches her legs out.

Yay, I am missing you something 
horribly. The nights are boring and
I kinda wish I was still at work. 
Can't wait to get your hugs and kiss
soon. When does Angel think you
can ride again?

Following Lydia to the back door Grace stands and just looks out it for a long moment. She was trying to deiced if she thought of Jared sitting out in the rain. It could mean any different things but each went around one. At least he had found the ambition to go out, and do it on his own. Looking back to Lydia she smiles and gives a pat to her arm.

   "When a bird has a broken wing we don't shelter them from at least trying when there strength returns because if we do they will never try again. Even if it was to hurt itself it needs to spread it's wings and try. He's gonna be ok Lydia, I promise."

Pushing open the back screen door Grace steps onto the porch before down to where Jared was. She was getting drenched but she didn't seem to care. The rain was warm, and it felt good, soon the air would turn cold, and a warm rain like this would be a little harder to find.

Squatting down next to Jared Grace smile just letting her own eyes winder the back yard taking in a few things she really hadn't noticed before. It was a nice yard and very spashes. She couldn't help but wonder who kept it up for her but that was a question for another time.

   "I like the rain, it feels nice and its a good reminder that never the dirtiest of objects can be washed away one way or another. Do you like how the raid feels too?"

Like a Storm

It was quiet enough that Carson could hear Misty's response to Jason, and his head starts to pound again. This was a nightmare. From the very beginning he'd known - been sure - that once he could explain everything, he and Misty would be okay. He had done all of this to save her life! Didn't she understand?! 

Jason purses his lips and turns around to face Carson through the screen door again. "You got the divorce papers?" 

Carson felt he might throw up. "Of course not. I just want to talk to Misty, that's all. Ten minutes. Five, if that's all I can get." 

"I'm sorry." Jason had never seen Carson look this bad - he looked like death warmed over, while desperation showed in his dark eyes. He hadn't even looked this bad way back when he was just starting to try and make a life for himself - back when smoking, drinking and women were still normal routines. "You need to leave now." 

"I can't," Carson hisses. "Don't you understand? Didn't she tell you that-"

"She told me you claim everything was just an act. Regardless, this is her choice, Carson. Personally I'd like to belt you one for being so stupid. But personal feelings aside, Misty doesn't want to see you, and I suggest you leave now before I have to use force." 

Carson didn't know if he was more angry or hurt - neither felt good. His heart had been tearing in two for so long, and now it felt like Misty was applying the final yank to finish the job. Not only being rejected, but after he had poured his soul to her in his letter... it hadn't been all that long since he'd left... was all of her love gone? Was all hope gone? Was there truly nothing left after all he had done to keep her and the baby safe? Tears spring into his eyes, and he's too exhausted to hide them. "Don't do this, Jason," he begs. "Please. I just want to see her... talk... that's all. Please." 

"It's not my choice." Jason's tone remained firm. He really didn't know what to think about Carson right now - whether he still thought he was a jerk, or a brave protector instead. But it didn't matter. He was going to respect Misty's wishes. She didn't need any more stress, especially in her condition. The day had been hard enough without this. "Turn around and go home," he advises. "For Misty's sake." 

"This is for Misty!" Carson wasn't sure when he'd felt more desperate. "I'm her husband, dang it! I have to work this out! I have to make it right!" 

Though Carson's voice was raised, Jason doesn't flinch. "I'm sorry," he repeats. Taking hold of the door, he slowly shuts it. 

No! No, this couldn't happen! Carson knew he shouldn't have bent to the Agency's demands... he knew he should have asked for help... he knew he shouldn't have kept Misty in the dark. But it was over! He had apologized and begged her forgiveness. He had told her the truth - the truth that he still loved her with all his heart and he had never cheated on her at all and never would! Why was she still rejecting him? 

"Misty!" He bangs his palm on the door. "Let me talk to you!" 

Jason hadn't yet taken two steps away from the door and he whirls back around to whip the door back open again. "Are you insane?!" 

Carson is breathing heavily and his shoulders drop. "Yes. I'm insanely in love."

"Then for goodness sake, don't risk Misty's health by causing her more grief."

A tear runs down Carson's cheek and his tone softens. "How can the man who loves her more than life cause her grief?" 

Jason wished he had an answer, but he didn't. "Carson... I'm telling you for the last time to leave. If you don't, I will call for backup and you'll do no good from behind the door of a holding cell." 

Backing up a step, Carson winces as a sharp pain shoots through his chest. This was all such an incredible mess. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It just wasn't. Swallowing hard, he finally turns around. He didn't want to be hauled in. Jason was right - getting in trouble was no way to help the situation. There was too much at risk. But...

Stepping off the porch, he looks over his shoulder one last time. Misty was only feet away... and he couldn't even see her. Hanging his head, he trudges to his car and finally leaves. 

Jason makes sure the car is out of sight before he shuts and locks the door again. Sighing deeply, he takes a moment to regroup, giving Trooper a pat on the head before he returns to the living room. He was angry, upset, sad... and he didn't know what to do. He was stuck in the middle, letting Misty have his heart while her husband was trying to come back. Had all of this been a mistake? One look at Misty reminded him why he was here. She needed someone. Whether for another week or forever, Jason knew he couldn't leave her - not like this. Not unless she wanted Carson back, and it was obvious that she didn't. 

Easing down on the couch, he sets his gun aside before leaning over and giving Misty's cheek a kiss. Even if he wanted to talk through what had just happened, he knew her well enough to know that she'd rather let things be for a while. "Okay, so... where were we?" 

Alec picks up on the hunt to ignore the interruption, and he scoffs. "I was winning, that's where we were." Somewhere deep down though, he felt a strange new sensation of pity for his brother. This whole scene was all too familiar - but he'd been the one banging on the door, begging to see the one he loved. And today... he still loved her. Was Carson's heart pure? He just didn't know. But he didn't like seeing Misty upset, so he'd remain still and just be here for whatever she needed. And right now, it was good to have an extra pair of eyes here at the house. 

Looking over his hand of cards, he nods. "Yeah... you two might as well give up now."

"...So how do you keep this place running anyway?" Hunter leans on the pasture fence chewing on a long stem of grass. He and Mick had just finished up the last of the barn chores after supper in the dining hall and were about ready to call it a night. Well, at least Mick was. Hunter was planning on returning to the scene of action for a card game with Clint, Jeff, Jade, Dan, and whoever else dared to challenge the crazy bunch. 

Mick rests his arms on the top rail and looks to where the sun had disappeared below the horizon a while ago, leaving strips of bright orange and pink. "What do you mean?"

"Well... financially. You've got enough help around here to keep things running but... how does it stay afloat?" 

"A little sweat and a lot of faith." Mick chuckles. His eyes study the clouds while a sigh escapes. "It's not as easy as it used to be," he admits. "I'll blame the economy for that. We used to have clients here constantly. Now they trickle in one or two at a time. I think a lot of it is because we're so far out. Gas prices rise and people can't afford to come here. We haven't raised our prices, but we can't lower them either." He shrugs. "I still give riding lessons - that helps. We wheel and deal with horses. Mainly buying then selling at a profit. That helps. We have the auto shop - although Clint has been more bored than busy lately." 

Hunter nods slowly. "I was kinda surprised to see the shop here at all. I mean, an hour away from town, people really bring their vehicles here?"

"Used to. Mainly nearby ranchers or travelers, but we'd get some business from town too. But... last couple years as gas prices have gone up, we've lost a lot of business."

"Somebody said you used to have more hired help too."

"Mm-hmm. Used to have a handful of ranch hands. Now though, most of it's just the family and a few others."

"Like Dan?"

Mick chuckles. "Well, he's about as close as you can get to being a family member, but he started out as an extra hand, yeah." 

Hunter grins. He knew Dan and Jade were engaged, but regardless, the man was treated as part of the family, no doubt. "You get donations and stuff too, right?"

"Yeah. Again, not as much as we used to, mostly because we have fewer clients. But, we do have a few particular individuals who believe in our work and who regularly support us as they can. We haven't qualified for any grants the last couple years though so... things have been tight." 

"What..." Hunter bites his lip, feeling he'd asked too much already. But Mick's raised eyebrows prompts him to continue. "What happens if finances don't get any better?" 

"Well... that's a good question. Right now, we're riding on a lot of faith. But there is more we can do. We could sell off more of our stock - that would give us fewer horse mouths to feed. We could pursue taking on more riding students. Eric's been talking about doing a little more truck driving - that makes a pretty penny on long runs."

Hunter nods thoughtfully. "I keep hearing about people you've helped..."

Mick tilts his hat back on his head and turns around to gaze over the ranch yard that was bathed in the dim light of dusk. "Many people were helped before I even got here. I was gone from here for many years - my return was relatively recent when thinking of how long this family has been linked together. It's mainly due to Rosetta's hard work and love for people. She's counseled many people here. The rest of us have learned and also been taught how to handle people and help them deal with life. Sometimes we've had people who need a lot of help and their family brings them and they stay for several months. We've had people who just need to come and take a break." He gives Hunter a sidelong glance. 

Hunter bites his lip but a small grin does emerge. 

"Sometimes we've had troubled kids here who just need love to get them back on the right track... Like Katie."

Hunter quirks an eyebrow. "She told me a little about being unhappy at home and coming to live here, but I guess I don't know the details."

"I guess that would be a story for her to tell." Mick's eyes twinkle. "And if I'm not mistaken, you two will have quite enough time together for many stories." 

Hunter chuckles and lets his eyes wander over the pasture. "Yeah... I hope so." 

"Hope?" 

"Mm..." Hunter shrugs. 

Sensing something odd in Hunter's tone, Mick cocks his head. "You don't sound so sure. Things alright with you and Katie?"

"Oh yeah, they're great. Just... thinking about when I go back... how things will be."

"Well how do you think they will be?"

"I dunno." Hunter looks down, picking at a splinter on the fence rail. "That whole thing with Jason just never has set right with me, I guess." 

Mick isn't quite sure he understands, but he starts to get the picture. "You... think Katie still loves him, don't you?" 

It takes Hunter several seconds to answer. "Yeah. I don't know why. She hasn't said anything and she's dying for me to get back home. It's just... this thing in my gut, I... I don't know." He shrugs lamely. "It's probably just my imagination."

Mick gives Hunter's shoulder a pat. "A woman's heart is like a storm. You can fight it all you want, but you're always at its mercy." 

Hunter gives him a wry grin. "That's reassuring." 

Mick laughs softly. "Ride it out, Hunter... just ride it out."

To: Katie

From: Hunter

Ive missed u all day long. It seems

strange... I feel like I have become

a part of this ranch. Yet I am 

longing to return to NV so I can 

see u. 

Hunter lies back on his bed, wincing a little as he turns his leg. It was late - quite late after the card game. But he still felt wide awake. Katie was probably in bed, but... he just wanted to send her a text anyway.

I hope ur day has been a good one.

Pretend I have given u a goodnight

hug and kiss. You'll get a real one

soon. ;) Its one day closer to me
getting on my bike. :)  
 

It was raining a steady rain that had been coming down since early morning. The scent of wet earth permeated the air, spreading a clinging dampness. 

"...He knew you were coming, but I could not get him to stay in the house." Lydia guides Grace through the house to the back door. "He did not want my help. He was very quiet and I was worried about him. Now I am worried he will get sick but he will not come inside and I can't move him by myself." 

On the back deck was an empty wheelchair by the steps. And down the steps and into the yard several feet sat Jared, fully clothed and soaking wet, sitting in the grass with his back to the house as the rain continued to pour. 

Lydia looks to Grace with worry. "He made it without help, but I am afraid he is going to hurt himself."

Paper

Having the card game going on was nice. There was laughing, and sharing just a nice time for all three of them. Everyone was on pins and needles not really knowing what was going to be going on the next few nights all hoping it would go without incodint. Everything had been good so far and Misty was thankful for that. Now it was just relaxing, trying to keep minds from wondering, and having fun.

Hearing the door bell and Trooper's bark that followed Misty gives a jump. They hadn't been expecting anyone, the pizza had come and been eaten, now no one else should be there. Looking from Alec to Jason her eyes follow as he moves to the door.

As Jason opens the door Misty can't hear much but she can make out Carson's voice and can feel herself bristle. Maybe Jason would tell him to go away, Maybe Jason would make sure he left. But as he backs away and lets her know Misty lets out a small sigh. She was thankful Jason wasn't trying to control her but this was one moment she wished he had.

   "If he dosn't have papers in his hand, I don't want to see him. Now hurry up and get back here Jase so I can kick Alec and your butt some more at this game."

She meant it too. She'd already said it in her letter she was going going against on that. There was nothing else Carson could say that would cause her to change her mind. She just wanted him to leave her alone.

Couldn't be

Seven o'clock. Carson wanders through TJY feeling even worse than he had this morning. He'd tried to take a nap several times today but the attempts had failed. He'd left the restaurant in Ryder's hands all day while he'd had no rest from trying to figure out how to fix this whole mess. The only thing that had kept his hopes up all day had been knowing that when Misty got his letter, he'd be hearing from her. They'd need protection, but at least they'd be in on it together from here on out. Surely she'd believe his story - it all made sense, and if Reese believed him, anybody else would for sure. At this point, he was just waiting and trying to plan in the meantime. A phone conversation with Reese had confirmed that he'd have the Elite's help if he wanted it, and at this point, since things had fallen apart so quickly Carson knew it was the only smart thing to do. 

Headed for Reese's office, Carson was just as glad that many people had already gone home for the day. He hadn't seen Misty's car in the lot either - maybe she'd gone home already too and was reading his letter now. He checks his cell phone again just in case.

"Carson?"

He stops just ready to knock on Reese's door, turning to see Susanne. "Yeah?"

She offers him a small smile. She had no idea what was going on, but there had been a strange tension in the air all day. Misty had looked a mess earlier, and seeing Carson now, he looked awful. It wasn't Susanne's place to judge though so she'd avoided trying to figure it all out. Carson had been so scarce lately though, that it was strange seeing him now. "Um... I'm supposed to give this to you." 

Looking at the outstretched envelope, Carson eyes it for a moment before taking it. Seeing Misty's handwriting, his stomach does a flip. What was this? A response to his letter already? But she wasn't even here. "Thanks..." Forgetting about Reese for now, Carson retreats to an empty cubicle out on the main floor.

Filled with hope, Carson unfolds the note. He wondered why she wouldn't have just called him instead, but he pushes aside that question. It was quickly evident that this was indeed a response to his letter from earlier today... but it didn't hold the tone he'd expected. 

The first few lines start to chip away at his hope. And by the time he reached the second paragraph, his stomach was in knots. She was starting a new journey? Going back to what they used to have wasn't possible? The reminder of the unsigned divorce papers was like a knife in his heart. But there was one thing that was worse... her signature. She was already taking back her maiden name. Her earlier rejection was nothing like this, and Carson's heart crumbles all over again.

Feeling lightheaded, Carson realizes he'd forgotten to breathe. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. It wasn't supposed to happen like this at all. He didn't understand. If she believed him why did she not want him back? If it had all been fake, why was she hanging onto all those other things? He knew that he'd hurt her and humiliated her by his actions, but... but it had all been untrue! And other people would understand too. They wouldn't blame her - she wasn't a fool at all. And had she... had she truly lost all love for him already? 

Carson's chest feels tight and he tries to breathe more slowly, realizing that his pulse was racing and his head pounding. No... no this couldn't happen. She didn't understand. He had to make her understand... 

Completely ignoring why he'd come here in the first place, Carson retraces his steps back outside. By the time he reaches his car, he was fighting off a wave of dizziness and has to pause before getting into his car. Once the strange sensation passes, he heads across town... 

...Pulling up to the curb and parking, Carson exits his car. Lights were on in the house and Jason's pickup was here along with Misty's car. Not exactly what he wanted, but no surprise. At least Jason was doing his job.

Stepping up on the porch, his old habit of just going right on inside tries to take over but he stops himself. Instead, he rings the doorbell and waits. 

Inside, a card game was going on in the living room. Perhaps it was a lame attempt to relax and get minds off more serious things, but at least it was an attempt. After hearing about Carson's story, but Jason and Alec really weren't sure what to think or feel, but seeing how Misty was, neither had voiced their opinions yet. For now, Jason sat with Misty on the couch while Alec sat on the floor, all three involved in their game... until the doorbell rings. 

Trooper's woof makes Alec jump, and Jason rises quickly from the couch. Picking up his sidearm from the table at the end of the couch, he throws Misty a quick look. "I'll go see who's here." He might be her boyfriend, but he also knew he still had a job to do, and he took it seriously. 

Getting to the door he urges Trooper to remain calm but watchful. Keeping his  gun ready, he opens the door cautiously. Seeing Carson, he's not only surprised, but irritated. "What do you want?" 

Carson bristles, but bites his tongue. "I want to see Misty." When Jason does move, he adds, "Please." 

Jason sighs deeply. Leaving the screen door closed and latched he backs up only a few feet to look into the living room. Misty had had such an upsetting day already... but he knew that he couldn't dictate her choices. "Misty... it's Carson. He wants to see you."

Next time

Letting out a small sigh and watching Carson get into his car and drive away Katie just stands there for a long moment. Her heart really did go out to him and it made the problems he'd had, or the issues with becoming friends with Jason again just didn't matter compared to what Carson was going through. She just hoped he'd be ok and really he wouldn't do anything he'd regret. 

Giving a shake of her head and a sigh Katie turns around and heads back inside. Getting to the main floor and going back to her cubicle to finish out her day. Things would work out like they always did or Katie could only hope. 

Misty wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping but when she'd woke up she didn't feel any better now than she had before. She felt stressed, and he head was pounding so hard. So she'd deiced to call it a day and just head home to relax and try to distress a little bit. Letting Rick know she was leaving early and would finish her work tomorrow, she let Jason know too. Reassuring him she was ok but just needed to go home. They promised to see each other later tonight.

Getting to the house and seeing the note Misty raises and eyebrow before taking note to the hand writing. She could tell Carson's hand writing anywhere. She could never explain to someone why it was just..like a finger print and she new it was his. Giving a sigh she takes the note from the door and walks inside.

Looking around and not seeing Alec he was probley out, or in the shed cleaning it out some more. Soon it would be finished and it would be his own apartment. She was happy for him, that it gave him something to fill his time with. On top of that she was happy he wasn't around right now. She looked and felt like a mess not really the way she'd want him to see her.

Making some tea for herself and sitting at the kitchen table Misty just looks at the letter for a long moment. Did she really want to read it? Was what he had to say really that important? She could start reading it, and if it was something she didn't want to anymore she could just stop and throw it out. Why she though she owed Carson at least that she didn't know.

As Misty eye's scan the letter a new anger, hurt, a new pain hits her heart. If was Carson said was true she felt bad for him, how much pain he must have been in and how tortured it must have been but at the same time he lied to her. He lied, deserted, deseved and lacked trust in being able to do it together. Was one worse than the other, or where they the same, and offered the same amount of punishment.  How could Misty forgive Carson still? He wanted to start over...like nothing happened? With a new trust? How many second try did he want? If he hadn't learned trust now...would he ever?

   Carson,
       If what you said was true than we have a new problem, you lied, you failed to trust, and you make it look like you were being unfaithful. Is that any better than really doing it? I would have to say the answer is no. You made me look like a fool, humiliated me, and you caused me a great deal of pain because you didn't trust me, your friend or the people who could help. How do you expect me to believe you're innocent when there is no trust?

    There is no starting over, building a trust because its something we have faced before. If you haven't learned to trust the good guys now, how do I know you ever will? Forgive you...maybe in time but right now no, go back to how we use to be...thats not possible.  My new journey has started, and I am learning to love and live again without looking over my shoulder, and wondering what's going to happen next.

   If you need to contact me again than let it be with the papers that still need to be signed because that is the only time right now I see myself talking to you, seeing, or interacting with you.

           Misty M.

Misty tears stain the paper but she new she had to send it anyways. Carson needed to understand and not try to keep contacting her. She still didn't want anything to do with him, she still was angry with him and this was not something that could be swept under the carpet.

Placing her note into an envelope and heading back to TJY Misty moves quietly across the floor. She didn't know if Carson was there or not but she didn't want anyone to notice. Getting to Susanne's desk she hands the note to her with Carson's name on the front. She would know to give it to him. Leaving again Misty heads back home. Now she would relax or at least try.

My arms ache...

Feeling quite helpless, Jason doesn't know what he can do. Standing slowly, he pulls a blanket up over Misty and leans down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Okay. You just sleep." 

Though he wanted to stay with her, he knew that letting her be by herself for a little while was probably best. There were things that she would have to think through on her own without his help, no matter how hard that was for him. 

Once back in his office, Jason calls Reese to ask what was really going on, but is simply informed that the case is on a "need to know basis" and right now nothing else would be shared. It was frustrating and Jason didn't understand why he couldn't know what was happening with Carson, but he knew better than to argue. He'd just have to sit tight and be there for Misty.

Carson nods numbly, just remaining quiet for a few moments so he could regain control. Katie was so kind - a true friend. Just her believing in him was enough to keep him going a little bit longer. 

Finally lifting his head, he turns to see her face. "Thanks, Katie... At this point I don't know what you can do." Another sigh surfaces. "I guess talk to Reese about protection for Misty. He and Con are the only other ones who know the truth at this point - I want it that way until I get a chance to tell Misty so she doesn't find out from someone else." He'd write the letter today. Yes, today. Before any more time passed. 

"I know all this can be sorted out... I know it can." Maybe he was just trying to convince himself that despite everything the pieces could be put back together and life could go on. Regardless, the Agency was still a very real threat at this point. If they didn't already know that he'd talked, they would soon, and several lives were in danger. 

"I'll see you around." Carson moves to get in his car, pausing just another moment. "Stop by Mom and Pop's any time," he offers quietly. "There's another pizza on the house waiting for you."

A few minutes later, he was driving away, first heading to the restaurant, changing his mind, and going to the apartment instead...

"Carson, is that you?" 

Carson tosses his keys aside and heads for the living room. "Yeah," he calls back to Jaz. Rummaging through some magazines, he finally finds some paper, then hunts a little more to find a pen. Going to the little kitchen, he sits at the table and stares at the blank page. 

"Hey..." Jaz comes in cautiously. "What's going on? When you called last night, it didn't feel right. Were you really on a case?"

Carson shakes his head, still lost in thought over what he wanted to write. 

"Well then..." Jaz sits down too, trying to read his face but just growing more confused. "What is it? Why didn't you come home? Is something wrong?"

"Mmhmm." His pen hovers over the paper. "Truth's out." 

"What? You told them?"

"I had to."

Panic crosses Jaz's face. "Well what do we do? The Agency is going to find out. We can't just sit here and let them come kill us! And what about Misty?!" 

Carson glances up at her without much emotion. "Unless you have a bright idea, how about giving me time to think? I don't know what we're going to do. I don't know if we're in any more danger now than we have been from the beginning - we're all just lab rats, you know that." He sighs and shakes his head. "If they stick to their word, they'll go after Misty first, and Reese has Jason on guard duty with her. She's as safe as she can be for now, without locking her in a holding cell."

Jaz swallows hard, fear still in her gaze. "What are you doing now?" 

"Writing a letter to my wife... since she won't let me talk to her." 

"You mean Reese knows but Misty doesn't yet?"

"Not yet. But she will now, and it'll be from me." Carson leans forward and starts to write, ignoring Jaz until she quietly leaves him alone. 

Once finished, Carson folds the letter and puts it in an envelope, leaving the apartment and heading across town. When Misty would get home tonight, she'd find the letter taped to the door. And he prayed she would open and read it.

Dear Misty,

Not many warriors can be brought down by a mere look. A glance. A fleeting sigh. I guess I'm one of the few. Unfortunately, the reason I've been bruised in battle is no one's fault but my own. I have been brought to my knees in the midst of war and I'm lying helpless on the battlefield, waiting to see the face of the one that can hush armies by her mere presence. You.

There are things my heart longs to say... longs to scream. Please hear me. I need to tell you what has really happened. I can only pray that you read my words and know that this is the truth. Never would I ever have broken your heart the way I did unless your life depended on it - and it did.

The day I received word that your life was in danger was the day that changed everything. From that moment forward, I was no longer a whole man. I was ripped apart, torn in two different directions. It was the Agency's desire to see us suffer - I guess they won. They wanted me to have an affair - or at least look like it - they didn't care which - and leave you. They wanted to see me suffer through it and see you suffer through it. It was just another laboratory experiment for the purpose of Medridge's pleasure. I was told that if I did not comply to their demands, that you would die.

Maybe I am weak. Maybe I let my heart take over my head. Maybe my love is what ultimately caused me such great fear. But whatever the cause, I could not bear the thought of living without you. Watching you suffer. Watching you die. Perhaps I was being selfish. I could not stand even imagining losing you. Therefore - I gave in to the Agency's demands.

There were days I took my anger out on you. I came home drunk. I embarrassed both of us by gaining suspicions that I was cheating on you. And I felt utterly despicable. My anger was not towards you, or family or friends - it was towards the Agency and my inability to fight back. I did not come to you drunk that night - it was only an act to encourage the ruse that I was straying. And I never, ever cheated on you.

Jaz DeMoy is as much a victim in this entire scheme as you and I. That may not be easy to understand or accept, but it is the truth. Yes, she and I had had a relationship years ago when we were both working for the Agency. But since you and I stood together and repeated vows of marriage, I have upheld my faithfulness to you. Jaz was forced into the Agency's plans just as I was. She was chosen to be the "one" with whom I should have the "affair." She did not want to comply. She did not wish the plan on either you or me. But her fear was what pushed her to agree. Her life was threatened and she knew she had no protection. Yes, she and I have been sharing an apartment. But I beg of you to believe me when I say that there was never anything between her and me. I never wanted her. I clutched my love for you so tightly that nothing would ever even turn my gaze. I spat temptation in the face and turned my back on the devil's schemes. I was faithful before I left our home and I have been to this day.

My plan from the beginning was to find out who, under Medridge, was in charge of this action against us. I planned to research, find him/them and take them down. I knew that I needed to make it look as though I was beginning to stray from you - in order to keep them happy. But I thought I could find the answers and solve the case before I was forced to take any more drastic measures. It didn't happen. I was outwitted and was not able to find who I was looking for. I was not able to grasp the upper hand as I scrambled for facts and evidence. Nothing worked. I was always one step behind, juggling my research, work, appearing as though I was faltering, and trying to hold our marriage in tact at the same time. Every time I held you in my arms and kissed your lips and looked into your eyes, I wanted to tell you so badly what was going on. I was tormented with wanting to tell you the truth and being caught with the fear of losing you. It was too much. I know that now. I was arrogant to think that I could take it on alone. But by the time I realized that, it was too late. The damage had been done.

Because I failed to take down the enemy, they applied more pressure and I was forced to leave you. I didn't want to. I hated it. I hated myself. All I could think about was how I was breaking your heart, and, in turn, it broke my own. Driving away, all I could do was cry. I was in too deep to tell you. To explain. To try and make it right. The note on the table... was written with an Agency man standing over me to ensure I went through with the plan. He knew where you were and how to get to you. I feared for your life more than anything else.

When you told me that same day that you were carrying our child, I was placed in a state of shock. All I wanted was to hold you and tell you how proud I was of you. Seeing your anger knocked me down to a level I've never been. To watch you walk away left me with a gaping hole where my heart once was. I ran after you. I got all the way outside to shout your name and stop you. To tell you the truth. To beg you to forgive me. To tell you it would be okay. To ask of you another chance. To not watch you go through this alone. I was a mere half second from crying out when I was punched in the face and forced back inside. The Agency was there. And they had heard everything. They knew about the baby and now had one more thing to keep me under control. Now not only was your life threatened, but our baby's as well. If I would have fought them and something would have happened to you - I never would have been able to forgive myself and I would have fallen on my own blade to end such shame and misery. I had to keep fighting. I had to please the Agency while still trying desperately to solve the case and find out who I needed to take down.

It never happened. I lost you. I lost friends. I lost family. I lost hope. I lost my heart. I lost a piece of my sanity. Watching you find comfort with another man - I would have preferred to die a thousand deaths. Watching you gain hope and reassurance in another man's arms - I would have preferred to be hung on the gallows for all the world to see. Yet it was my fault. I had forced you away. I was the cause of everything. My actions. My love. My pride. My fear. How could I have expected anything else? How could I blame you for seeking shelter in another? I couldn't.

I tried so hard to win. And in the end, it was the accusation of my involvement with the Agency that forced the truth to the surface. And now we lie in danger, awaiting a cruel death unless we find those responsible.

"Her eyes like fire dissolve the expanse between two souls, her heart ablaze in the heat of battle. Like the wind she strikes, not to harm but to conquer - a force which demands respect from the very enemy she defeats - the untouchable heart of another world."

I am that other world. And I have been conquered. I am bound to you, the victor, by dedication, by vows, by love. I would rather be tortured and killed than go on living without my heart that belongs to you. You have given me love. Purpose. A reason to live. Without you, I would be but a shell, encasing anger and hate. But you broke through to me. You tore down my walls and loved me despite my flaws. You taught me what true love and forgiveness mean. You showed me how to live.

I know that I hurt you. I misled you and lied to you. I broke your trust in me as your husband and friend. I broke your heart. And for all that, I am utterly and completely sorry. I never meant for those things to happen. I was only trying to save your life and our child's life. I want to be with you. I want to return to you and start again. I want to start fresh with a new understanding of trust and openness. I need you, Misty... and I'm on my knees begging you to understand the truth, forgive me and allow me back in your life. 

I anxiously await hearing from you so that we may begin a new journey - one on which I will never make the same mistakes. My arms ache to hold you.

With all my love,

Carson

Opening Chad's letter in the privacy of the hayloft, Rosalyn grins at the first few lines. She could just see the teasing glint in his eye, and wished they were together so she could come back with a witty remark. 

Reading on, a new lump rises in her throat. She'd been afraid that he'd be able to tell something was wrong. She should have waited a day or two to write him back instead of while she was still upset. 

Hearing that he'd had a bad week she wishes she could give him a hug. She didn't know what had happened, but it sounded as though they had lost at least one animal. If so it must truly hurt a heart as big as Chad's. 

Reaching the poem, a smile spreads on her lips. Did he write his own? Did he copy them down? She didn't care either way, because he took the time to say those words directly to her. And they did make her feel so good. 

Dear Chad,

You even read between the lines of my letters - a sign that I should keep writing because you truly care. Yes, I am okay. I always am. It wasn't dishwater that stained my last letter, but don't let it cause you worry. Sometimes I feel as though my life were on a rollercoaster - and sometimes the low spots seem oh so low. Then I remember you. And you make me smile, even from miles away. 

And that's all she would say about that. She needn't worry him about how her father felt or the stress she was under to keep the letters a secret - even more so now than before. Chad needn't be concerned about that now. He might never come here again anyway. If he didn't, then there was no point in her causing bad feelings. And if he did, they'd deal with it then. 

I'm sorry that work has not been pleasant for you recently. I don't know what happened, but it must have been hard for it to have made you sound so sad. Never apologize for venting to me. People's lives are made up of the good and bad both. If I were to only want to hear of the good, it would not only be selfish, but unrealistic without concern for you. I love hearing about your life - whether it's good or bad. The good is what makes me smile. The bad is what makes me know you as a real person. 

The days at the ranch have felt long lately. There is little activity and even fewer guests. No one speaks of finances, but I think things could be better. There used to be filled bunkhouses almost constantly, especially during the summer. Now it is one or two clients at a time, perhaps, then weeks in between. On one hand, it's nice to just be our family. On the other hand, I know it's hurting the income. I've heard talks of Eric driving truck again, or of Clint taking on work somewhere else. Times are changing. I suppose that is one thing that is always a given in life.  

I must flee my shelter in the hayloft now, before I'm missed. Tonight is beef stew and it's my turn to cook. And yes, you should be jealous. Did I mention apple pie for dessert? 

Rosalyn

Angel in the Night

As Jason moves slowly to the bed Misty doesn't resist though she doesn't realize Rick is there either. Her mind was to many other places to even have sensed someone else had entered the room. She couldn't remember a time when she'd been this upset before...if ever.

   "Thank you..Jase...for just being there."

And she was thankful he was there for comfort her. She didn't cry in front of many people and if she had know Rick was in the room she wouldn't have been. Jason though was the one person she would. He's seen so many sides of her already than this was just another one added to the list.

Finally after sitting there for a little while Misty's sobs slow and she pulls her feet up on the bed. Tucking them under her Misty breaks away from Jason a little bit and lays down on the bed. Rolling over on her side she wraps her arms around her giving a sniff.

   "I'm just going to rest for a little bit. Don't let me sleep to long ok?"

As Carson turns around Katie can feel the sting to her heart for Carson. She wasn't surprised that  Misty wouldn't listen for Carson but she still felt very badly for him. She new how she was feeling with the whole Jason thing so for Carson it must be ten times as bad. 

   "Oh Carson, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how it must feel."

 Coming up to Carson Katie lets out a small sigh. Hearing him say over and over again if Misty new the truth everything would be ok she wondered if it really would be. There was so many things to factor into this whole thing it was hard to really know what anyone would do.

   "A letter is always good. Sometimes describing something though words on paper is easier."

Laying a hand on Carson's shoulder Katie gives it a gentil rub stepping along side him. He was a pretty strong person to be able to do this on his own, but at the same time that was a bad thing. Doing it on his own is what got him into this mess even if he thought he was doing the right thing. 

   "If you need help with anything just ask ok? I'll do everything I can to help."

My dear Rosalyn,

   I'm happy you liked the flowers. I wasn't sure if you had a favorite kind, and I was hoping you weren't allergic. Hearing that you liked them, and were not allergic makes me pleased. I really would hate to have you go into an allergy attack and than have everyone out to get me.

   With your last letter I couldn't help but notice some water drops on the paper, and smudged letters. Were you trying to do dishes and write to me at the same time? Really though...are you ok? Not being close it's hard to really know and the only thing let tells me is your words, or making observations on different things. I do hope your well though, and if not I'd be there in a heart beat.

   Ah...I will never stop than till I win your heart completely. Even after that I will not stop, I will always show you how much you mean to me and how much I enjoy being around you. It's important to never let that spark die, to always keep it burning and to never falter on reminding the one you love just how special they are. And you my deep Rosalyn are very special and never let anyone tell you anything else.

   Work has been rough the last few days. Some days are good and filled with many things in witch one has conquered, and other days we are not to lucky. This week has been filled with unlucky days and its never easy losing something you are trying to save or protect. Mark tells me "You win some, you lose some." I know he is trying to make me feel better but it still hurts just the same. After this job ends I think I am going to take some time off. Just regroup, recover, and gather my senses. 

   Well, now it is my turn to end the latter that I could continue to write. But I have to get back to the job and continue to do my best. If the end of this letter has been sad, I am sorry, I did not mean to leave on that kind of not. Just sometimes even I need to just vent. I hope you did not mind. Till the next letter, tonight I know the moon awaits me.

   Forever and Always,
        Chad.

 

You're my angel in the night 
You're everything i think of
everything i dream of.
Yours is the voice i hear when
The moon steals the day.  

Yours is the voice
I hear when the sun sneaks
in to warm me.
When my heart aches with lifes pains,
you are my angel.

I never expected someone like you.
Someone kind and loving as you.
You snuck into my life like a true
angel in the night.
Loving you is the only thing that
brought me this far.

Because your my angel in the night.

I know

As Misty comes to him, Jason is quick to wrap his arms around her. Her tears made his heart hurt, but he understood. "Shhh.... it's okay..." He hugs her tight, his hands rubbing her back gently. In a way, he was almost glad she was crying. She was so good at bottling up the things she felt - swallowing the pain to move on. Though Carson should not have come in here, it was good that Misty was able to cry and let out some of what she was feeling.

"It's alright," he croons softly, kissing the top of her head. Oh, if he could just take all of her pain away.

Seeing someone out of the corner of his eye, he turns his head quickly. It was Rick with a look of question and worry on his face. Jason gives a slight shake of his head to not ask questions. He'd explain later.

Rick gestures to the bed, encouraging Jason to take her where she could sit down.

Taking the hint, Jason guides Misty over to the bed with him, prompting her to sit next to him as he kept his arm around her shoulders, still holding her close. "It's all gonna be just fine," he tries to comfort.


Having just reached his car, Carson spins around at the sound of Katie's voice. Her question creates a look of frustration on his face. "I don't know." He throws up his arms. "Right about now, getting my shotgun to blow a few brains out of people's heads sounds just about right. Either that or blowing my own out for being so stupid."

Leaning back on his car, he crosses his arms angrily. "Misty wouldn't even give me the time of day. She wouldn't even talk to me! Then Jason comes in all high and mighty - the hero in shining armor to tell me to leave my wife alone." He scoffs. "Arrogant jerk."

Even in his anger though, he was broken... defeated. And he sighs heavily, shaking his head. "I just need to find a way to tell Misty what really happened. Then things will be okay. I know if she knew the truth, she and I would be okay again. I know she'll understand why I did what I did, and that it was to save her life." His eyes are filled with desperation. "Maybe if she won't see me, I can write a letter instead. I don't want Reese to tell her - I want it to be me. It's only right. I just..." Be bites his lip as his voice becomes softer. "I miss her so much... And when I saw her today I couldn't even give her a hug." He swallows hard. "But when she finds out the truth, it'll all be okay. I know it will. I just need to figure out how to tell her."

Turning around, Carson leans his arms on the top of his car, bending his head down on them to hide his face. He was so tired. He was running on pure adrenaline with no sleep to keep him going. His mind was stuck on Misty, when he should be thinking about his next move with the Agency, now that they would surely figure out he'd told the truth.

"I have failed at every single thing in my life," he mumbles. Tears sting his eyes, so he doesn't lift his face. "All I wanted to do was protect her... that's all..."

Over again

Misty stands tall and gives a look that she is not amused though there was much hurt in her eyes. She didn't want to listen to what Carson had to say, she didn't want to let him talk she just wanted him to go away and leave her alone. There was so many things running through her head, so many emotions ran wild she didn't know what to feel.

About to open her mouth and tell him to leave once again Misty stops as Jason steps into the middle. Part of her felt re leaf he was there, and she felt a little safer now. But at the same time she hated dragging him in the middle anymore than he was. She was thankful though that he defended her honor.

Watching and listing Misty was on edge again just hoping and praying that Carson would leave and no fight would break out. She really didn't need that right now, and with the baby she didn't need the stress. Hearing Carson say that everything that had happened over the last month was a lie Misty couldn't help but perk her ears up just a little bit. She wasn't sure if she believed that and if she did there was a whole new issue about lie. She didn't care though...she just didn't.

Once Carson was gone Misty lets out a sigh and steps back a little bit leaning against the counter. Was she ok, she didn't know how to answer that. She felt shaken and upset, the rest of the day would not be easy to considerate.

  "I...I don't know Jase. He startled me and than he wouldn't leave. Thank you for stepping in when you did. I'm not sure what he wanted but I just didn't want to listen to anymore lies, and whatever else."

Taking a few steps forward Misty just falls into Jason's arms as tears streamed down her face. She couldn't help the tears that streamed out of her eyes. Just letting herself continue her shoulders shook as she just continued to let it out. She'd been so strong and she thought the pain was gone. But now it was like the wound had been ripped open all over again.

Movement catch Katie's eye as she looks up to see Carson speeding across the main for and Reese stopped behind. She wasn't sure what happened or what was going on but the look in Carson's eye worried her. She couldn't let him go and do anything crazy.

Standing Katie makes her way after him just leaving her work for the moment. She would come back to it but right now this was a little more important. Continuing out of the main floor and heading out into the parking lot. Looking around she spots Carson and goes over to him.

   "Carson...wait...whats going on? What are you going to do now?"

Katie's face had worry all over her face. She didn't want Carson to do anything stupid, not now, now when he had the help he needed. She just didn't want to see him go and get himself killed, not one of her best friends.

Alright

One look from Misty was enough to twist Carson's gut. Her eyes were so angry, and was that...fear? Fear of him? Never before had he seen that look. Opening his mouth to try and explain after her abrupt news that she was indeed busy, he is quickly cut off by her bitter words. She... didn't even want to hear anything he had to say. She wouldn't even stand there and let him talk? Without even knowing what was so important that he'd come to see her? She was that hurt and angry?

Stunned for just a moment, he can feel his heart starting to break all over again. He'd come so far. He knew if she just heard the truth, things would be okay again. If she just knew why he'd done what he had and that it was all a lie, it would be alright. They could work things out, he just knew it.

Taking a short step forward, he was too desperate to follow her order to leave. "Misty, I-"

"Carson, what do you want?"

Carson's head whips around in surprise at Jason's sudden entrance into the infirmary. I... I'm just trying to talk to Misty." He stands a little straighter. "It would be nice if we had a bit of privacy for a few minutes."

Jason was already frowning, not even liking Carson's presence at all. Folding his arms, he looks to Misty, instantly seeing the anger on her face. He didn't need to ask - he knew that she wanted nothing to do with whatever it was Carson wanted. He also knew she could handle herself quite well, but since he was here, he wasn't going to just leave her either. "I think your days of privacy with Misty are over," he counters.

Carson couldn't believe it. First Misty, now Jason. "Look, I just want to-"

"Out." Jason points to the door. "You're upsetting my girlfriend."

Carson felt as though he'd just been kicked in the gut - hard. He knew Jason and Misty had been dating, but he was still married to her! Misty was still his wife, whether Jason liked it or not! As his jaw tightens, his eyes narrow, anger flashing in his eyes. "Don't cross me, Jason," he hisses. "I've stood back and let you do whatever you wanted with my wife, but don't press your luck. It's over."

By now, Jason could feel his own temper rising, and he looks down at Carson, not afraid or intimidated. "You have no right to tell us what to do. You lost that right the day you walked out."

"But it was a lie!" Carson raises his voice. Desperate to say what he needed, he takes another step closer to Misty, wanting to talk to her, not Jason.

Just as quickly, Jason moves to place himself between Carson and Misty, his arms still crossed. "Everything's a lie with you." His tone was steady and cold. "Now I'm warning you... leave."

Carson's eyes glisten with hurt, angry tears, though he doesn't let them spill over. His emotions were off the charts and he didn't know what to do or what to say. If he could just get through to Misty... it would all be okay. But it was apparent that right now he didn't have a chance. Not with Jason there. He knew he had no right to be angry with Jason for dating Misty - for all practical purposes, she was free. But it was all based on a lie! They had to know the truth!

Swallowing hard, Carson finally backs off. Looking around Jason to Misty, for a moment, the anger washes away, leaving only sorrow and a deeply wounded gaze. Turning slowly, he trudges out of the infirmary.

Jason lets out the breath he'd been holding as his muscles relax. He had no idea what Carson was talking about - referring to something being a lie. But he didn't really care either. Turning around, he looks down at Misty before reaching out a gentle hand to rest against her cheek. "You okay?"


Carson heads down the hall, his head bent, his pace fast. He had to get out of here. He had to figure out how to fix this.

"Hey."

He stops for a moment to look over his shoulder at Reese who was trying to catch up to him. "What?"

"Did you talk to her?"

"No." Carson grits his teeth. "She didn't want to talk to me. Told me to leave and so did Jason."

Reese sighs, but he understood both sides. "You want me to tell her?"

"I will." Carson didn't know how, but he'd do it. "This is something I need to tell her myself."

"Okay. I'll respect that. Where are you going now?"

"To get my life back." Carson spins on his heel and continues his route.

"What about protection?" Reese calls after him. But he received no response. He'd just have to form a plan later about how the Elite would handle this situation.

Getting to the main floor, Carson's eyes drift over the cubicles before landing on Katie's. Seeing her working, he moves to leave, pausing just a moment as she looks up and he catches her eye. And his glance is one of pure brokenness. Looking down again, he heads for the door and out into the fresh air, aiming for his car.

Unless

Moving around the infirmary Misty was very uncomfortable in many ways today. Last night was filled with little sleep, tossing and turning. Her back was killing her today and so were her legs. Rick had said it was going to get worse before it got better. She had a bunch of work to do though that wasn't just desk work so she could at least move around.

Not even realizing anyone had stepped into the room with her Misty gives a jump and turns around quickly at Carson voice. Just looking at him her heart races but not out of love, her heart races with anger, fear, and why he would bother coming here at all thinking she would want to talk to him.

   "Yes, I am busy..."

Misty stands tall crossing her arms across her chest. She wouldn't be defeated or busted down. She was proud of herself, and standing on her own. What he wanted now, or what was so important she didn't care. 

   "But unless you here to finally sign the papers you were served, I don't want to talk to you at all so you can just turn around and leave...now!!"

  

Chad Mason

Alec wanted to ask more questions, but Misty chances the subject fast enough, that he knows this is not a topic up for discussion. As much as he wanted to try and figure out what was really going on, it was obvious that both Misty and Jason weren't willing to delve into it right now.

"I'm not really hungry," he admits. "I'll just get back to my couch." He was truly highly uncomfortable, not only with Jason staying the night, but especially that monster of a dog. He wasn't petrified like he used to be, but he still didn't like it. Just because he knew now that Trooper wouldn't kill him didn't mean that he was best friends with him.

Jason smiles at Misty and aims for the kitchen, slinging his arm around her shoulders as he goes. "Personally, I could use a snack." His mind was still going too fast for him to sleep, and he'd like to keep Misty company for a while anyway...

...The night seemed long with sleep remaining light and ears picking up every little sound. Nothing happened though, and by morning even though bones were weary and eyes were still tired, there was relief that there had been no incidents.

Heading to work, nerves were just a little high, not knowing what would be found at TJY or what would be discussed about Carson. Remaining home Alec was a bit on edge, keeping his eyes and ears open even wider than normal as he spent the day alone like usual.

"Okay, let me get this straight." Only Reese and Carson were in the interrogation room this morning, though they were accompanied by a thermos of coffee. "Jaz showed up. She told you that the Agency wanted you to pretend to have an affair with her so it would wreck your marriage and ruin your life. If you didn't play along, they'd kill Misty."

Carson blows on his coffee then takes a slow sip. He hadn't slept all night and it showed. He needed a shave and there were dark circles under his eyes. He really had appreciated Katie the evening before though. Whether she knew it or not, it helped for him to know she was on his side. "Right." He was glad Reese was tracking as well as he was, after the hodgepodge conversation last night. "Do you believe me?"

"I don't know." Reese sighs. "I just don't know, Carson." He taps his pencil on his notepad and looks at everything he'd jotted down. It added up. But so did Pete's theory. "How could you do it? If this is true... if you loved Misty that much... how could you leave her and lie to her and let her think you'd found another woman?"

Carson's jaw muscles work on his inner tension as he remembers driving away from home that morning...

...Unable to look in his rearview mirror, he drives, leaving behind everything he loved. It wasn't until several blocks later that he is forced to pull over into an empty lot. If he didn't, he'd risk having an accident, unable to see through his tears. Resting his head on the steering wheel, sobs of anguish come forth - his cries to never be heard by anyone else. No one would see his shoulders shake or see the eyes of this man whose heart was breaking...

...He stares into his coffee cup. "It wasn't easy. It wasn't supposed to happen at all."

"What do you mean?"

"From the first day Jaz showed up, I started forming a plan. I knew I could find these guys and bring 'em down. If I did it myself, they wouldn't be the wiser and Misty wouldn't be in danger. Jaz knew that was my plan and she was willing to help. That's why I'd been researching back here... I was trying to find leads and figure out which guy would be heading up this Agency tactic. Medridge is behind it all, of course, but there's always someone in charge of a mission. And if I could figure out who it was and take him out... then I'd be in the clear and I would have won the game."

Reese nods slowly. "So what happened?"

"It took longer than I thought." Carson gives Reese a sorry sort of glance. "I couldn't act like things were 'normal' and investigate at the same time so it took me longer and it wasn't as easy as I thought. It was my plan to lay the foundation of lies with Jaz... you know, just make people suspicious. That would keep the Agency happy for a while and I wouldn't have to do anything drastic. But..." He takes another sip of coffee, his hand shaking slightly. "...but time passed... I'd built up the lies too well... the Agency pushed... and I had to make the step I never planned on making." He shrugs. "I wasn't as good as I thought. I guess at that point, I figured even if I did leave Misty, I'd still have enough time to find the head guy before anything more drastic happened."

"Like a divorce?"

Carson scoffs. "Yeah. I guess I..."

"What?"

"I dunno. I guess I didn't think she'd jump on it that quick."

"Maybe you forgot to factor something into your equation."

"What's that?"

"This wouldn't have been the first time."

Carson's sigh is a weary one. "I know. I banked on a lot of things this time around. And just about everything fell through. Nothing has gone the way it was supposed to."

Reese clears his throat, trying to stay on track. "So... you were being watched the entire time?"

"Almost..."

...The crash of pots and pans echoed through the restaurant. Carson's arm slams into the second stack, sending more dishes flying. A growl comes from his throat but it was a cry of pure torture. It was after hours. No one was here to hear him. Falling to his knees, he rocks as the tears stream down his face. He couldn't even find the words to pray...

"...There were a few moments alone, but not enough to change anything."

"Mm-hmm." Reese makes another note. Silent for several moments, he finally shakes his head. "I just can't understand why you wouldn't come to us first. Or at least let Misty in on things. Why? Why couldn't you tell her, of all people?"

Carson quietly contemplates his answer. "I guess this was one time in my life when I was too scared to counter the Agency like that. Maybe it doesn't seem like it would be true, but it is. I was terrified - I still am - that Misty would be hurt, that all I wanted to do was play along until I could solve it. I convinced myself that everything would be okay... that I was still in control... I was just pretending to bend to the Agency's demands. And I guess... I guess I was so scared of messing it up, that I knew somehow the Agency would figure it out if Misty knew the truth. So I kept it to myself."

"If I recall, there was at least one night you went home drunk."

Carson scoffs. "I wasn't drunk."

"No? That's certainly not what I heard. I got somebody who saw you staggering down the sidewalk from the Bullseye and a witness later who saw you barely make it up your porch steps you were so wobbly."

"It was a ruse." Carson's eyes glisten. "I was supposed to make it look real. So... I did. I went to the Bullseye... ordered a beer. I ran into somebody on purpose and spilled it all over myself. Sat there long enough to make myself reek, then I left. Jaz picked me up outside Mom and Pop's... I wanted to be sure there were witnesses. Back at her place, I rinsed my mouth out with whiskey, sat around for long enough for Misty to be suspicious, then I went home. It was beautiful acting..." Carson's teeth grit together as anger boils within him. "Just beautiful."

Before he realizes it, he's clenched his fist and the styrofoam cup is unable to withstand the pressure. Cracking in two, its sides give way to spill coffee all over the place. Carson hurls a curse before biting his tongue and standing up to grab some napkins.

Reese watches him closely. Was this man telling the truth? Or was it an elaborate lie? He really was having a hard time deciding. Pushing aside his notepad, he looks to Carson as a friend instead of an interrogator. "How did you follow through, knowing that a baby was on its way?"

Carson finishes mopping up the mess and sits back down, not liking this line of questioning. It hit too close to home. He shrugs. "You know I never wanted kids."

Reese squints. "All this time, I haven't been able to tell if you've been telling the truth or not... but that's about as close to a lie as you've come."

Carson shrugs...

..."A baby?" Jaz's eyes widen. "Really?"

"So Misty says." Carson paces the apartment living room, his face pale and his pulse racing. "She's pregnant, Jaz... pregnant. My wife is pregnant with our child and I just left her!" He throws up his hands. "What sort of a man does that?!"

"A man who doesn't want her hurt." Jaz looks at him with sympathy. "It'll be okay... somehow, it will work out."

Carson stops pacing and looks at her as tears form in his eyes but do not fall. "I'm going to be a father again... Do you know what that feels like? I've... I've had Mackenzie but... but I never saw her as a baby... never saw her grow up. I have a chance to redeem myself... to pass on something worthwhile. My family's been screwed up for generations and now I have the opportunity to reverse that."

"I thought you didn't want kids."

"I didn't." Carson furrows his brow. "There's lots of reasons I still don't. But that doesn't mean I'd turn my back on my own flesh and blood. That doesn't mean that I'd leave the kid high and dry. That doesn't mean that I would reject what God has brought from Misty and me, 'cause we were careful enough that it's gotta be His plan. And that certainly doesn't mean that I couldn't..." He chokes up. "...couldn't love them." Turning his back on Jaz, he heads down the hall to the bathroom where he slams the door shut on the world.

"... I'm not fond of the idea of raising a kid in this kind of life... two parents who have been in the Agency and who are still involved in dangerous work. Raising a kid at all isn't appealing to me." Carson bites his lip. His eyes instinctively wander to the door, knowing that just down the hall, Misty was there... Misty... his wife... the woman who was carrying their child right now. "I guess I could still leave Misty because I still thought on some level I was in control and it would be over soon, then everything would be okay again."

Reese studies him for an intense moment. "But you do want that child, don't you?"

Carson looks down at his hands. "I want Misty and the baby... with all my heart."

Reese sighs deeply and leans back in his chair. "What am I gonna do with you, Carson?"

Carson's eyes snap up. "Don't you believe me?"

"I... think I do. I'm not sure why. You know that we could come up with any number of theories to support the idea you're with the Agency. But you know me - I'm always giving people chances, even when I shouldn't."

"So you're not... you're not gonna hold me, are you?"

"No. No, I won't. If you're telling the truth, there's no reason. If you're lying, I want to give you more rope so you hang yourself." Reese pauses. "But if it really is the truth... then there's someone you need to tell, and you need to do it soon...."

...Carson cautiously glances into the infirmary, seeing Misty working alone. A chill runs down his spine. Entering quietly, he takes a few steps, but doesn't dare come closer than that. "Misty?" He knew he looked terrible. He knew she hated him. He knew that she never wanted to see him again. But he needed this chance. He needed her to hear the truth so they could put the pieces back together again.

"I know you're probably busy but... can we talk? It's really important."

Delivery vehicles weren't all that rare, however, a long, narrow box with picture of flowers on the outside was rare. After signing for the package since he was the only one around at the time, Sparky looks the box over, finally finding Rosalyn's name. He quirks an eyebrow, reading it again to make sure. Not that she didn't deserve flowers - he just didn't know of anybody special in her life at this point. Maybe it was somebody from church, or even a family member though.

Shrugging off his curiosity, he heads for the barn where he knew his niece had been grooming TNT after she'd gone for a ride this afternoon. "Heeeeey, Rosalyn," he calls. "Package for ya!"

She wasn't the only one in the barn, so she isn't the only one to look around the corner at Sparky either. Seeing the box, her eyes widen. "For me?"

"Mm-hmm." He grins and hands her the box.

Setting aside the horse brushes Rosalyn accepts the package and checks the address just to make sure it's really for her. Who would have sent her flowers? Feeling people's eyes she looks up to find not only Sparky, but several others as well. She smirks, rolling her eyes. "What? Never seen a person get a package before?" Wandering to the stack of hay bales, she sets the box down to carefully open it. Finding the roses, she sucks in her breath. Roses. For her. Roses...

Her heart starts to beat faster as for the first time, she wonders if this is from Chad. Finding the note inside, she unfolds it slowly. Reading his words, she was filled with warmth. He... really did want to pursue a relationship. His letters... really did mean something. This gift... these flowers... they were the answer to her questions in her previous letter.

"So?"

Rosalyn jumps not having realized Eric had approached. "So what?"

"Who are they from?"

She throws him a smirk before tucking the note in her pocket. "None of your beeswax."

"Ooooh must be a guy."

"Oh, hush." Rosalyn pulls out the beautiful bouquet, unable to help the smile on her face as she breathes in their sweet scent.

Eric grins but leaves her be. "Alright, fine. But if it's a guy, he's just making the rest of he male population look bad."

Rosalyn giggles. In her opinion, Chad did that in more ways than just flowers. "Maybe if you bought that lady of yours flowers, you wouldn't look bad anymore."

Eric's cheeks flush, but he smiles sheepishly as he backs off with a little bow. "Touché."

"Ahh, and what do we have here?"

Rosalyn turns to see her father, and she immediately wishes that she'd taken this box to the house to open instead of here. "Um... just... just some flowers is all." She tucks them back in the box so she can carry them somewhere else where she would find a vase.

"Oh yeah?" Jim smiles and wanders closer. "Do you have an admirer we don't know about?"

Rosalyn forces a smile and shakes her head. "Do flowers have to come from an admirer?"

"Mmm, roses do." He nods, unable to help but tease his daughter a little bit. He was naturally curious to know if there was a guy who was sweet on her, and seeing Rosalyn blush proved that it was more than just a thoughtful gesture from someone insignificant. "So come on," he prompts. "Who are they from?"

"A friend." She closes the box and tucks it under her arm.

Realizing that she was really didn't want to tell him, Jim's guard goes up. "Aw come on now. You can't even tell your own dad?"

She smiles sweetly but shakes her head. "For me to know."

Jim squints at her, not satisfied with that answer. Why did she act like she wanted to get out of here so fast? He knew that she was probably a little embarrassed from the teasing, but there was something more here. He was her father - he could tell when she was avoiding talking to him. "And for me to find out," he counters. "Come on... who sent them?"

Seeing that look in her father's eye, Rosalyn knew that no matter what she said, he'd push the issue. She could lie. She could tell him it was someone from church, or something. But she knew she wouldn't be able to bring herself to lie to him. No... she couldn't go that far. And maybe... maybe since Chad had been gone a while, her father wouldn't be quite as opinionated about the whole thing. Maybe he wouldn't even care at all.

Holding her head high, she forces out a new smile. "Chad Mason."

Jim furrows his brow, not recognizing the name. Chad Mason... Chad... Then his eyes widen. "As in... the Chad who was a guest here with Katie's other friends?"

"Mm-hmm."

Jim cocks his head, now growing suspicious of the man who'd been here. "And what is his purpose in sending you flowers?"

Rosalyn swallows hard but maintains her poise. "To let me know he likes me, I suppose."

"Likes you? But he doesn't even know you." Jim's eyes narrow slightly studying his daughter's red face. "He hasn't even seen you since he left here... has he?"

"No." That much was true.

"Then... why is he sending you flowers all of a sudden?"

Rosalyn picks at the mailing label on the box, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow her. She knew what was coming. She just knew it. But she had to tell the truth. "Because we've been writing to each other," she finally admits. "Ever since he left."

Jim's eyes widen. "Writing to each other? Why?"

Rosalyn's face grows even hotter. Her father had seen her kiss Chad goodbye, but he probably didn't know about the passionate makeout sessions they'd had. "Well because we became friends while he was here." Her eyes move to the barn floor. "You know that."

Jim's jaw tightens. "So you mean to tell me that you've been continuing a relationship with him since he left here? After I talked with you about that? After I warned you not get involved with him?"

Tears wanted to surface, but Rosalyn holds them back. "Yes," she answers softly.

Jim sighs deeply and shakes his head. "I honestly thought you were smarter than that, Rosalyn." His tone is stern. Loving, but stern. "We discussed this very issue when he left. I honestly can't believe that you deliberately kept up correspondence with him after I warned you. And it doesn't take a genius to figure out that your letters weren't just as casual pen-pals either - not and have him send you roses."

Rosalyn slowly lifts her eyes to see her father's upset gaze. "He's a good man," she argues quietly. "And I..."

Jim waits, folding his arms. "You what? Like him?" The silence spoke for itself and he shakes his head again. "Rosalyn... Hun..." He reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't let all of this go to your head. He may be nice and a flatterer, but don't let that fool you into thinking it's more than that. You need to let it go. Flowers are pretty, but don't let it blind you. Chad Mason is not someone you should be pursuing. Take my word for it as your father... okay?"

Rosalyn's grip had tightened around the box and she nods - the only thing she could do while her emotions churned uncontrollably.

"Okay." Jim gives her shoulder a squeeze before offering a smile. "You're my favorite daughter, you know that?"

She smirks. "I'm your only daughter."

"Exactly." He bends to kiss her on top of the head before he lets her go and walks away.

Standing in the barn aisle Rosalyn realizes that she's now alone. The others had probably scattered as soon as they'd realized Jim was upset. She was just as glad. She was angry, hurt, embarrassed and sad...

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, Rosalyn looks to her nightstand where the bouquet was neatly arranged in a vase with water. The roses had opened up even more since earlier and she could smell them even from here.

Dear Chad,

The roses are beautiful. Thank you so very much. You're the first man with whom I shared a kiss, and the first man to send me flowers. Consider yourself very special in my book.

As a tear falls onto her paper, Rosalyn groans and takes a corner of her shirt to soak it up before it ruined her letter. Sniffing, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. Her lower lip trembles though, and another tear splatters onto the words she'd just written.

Leaving it be, she leans over to curl up on her side and just allow herself to cry for a while. She had felt so special. So warm and cared for. And then cold water had been poured all over those feelings. Was she really such a fool? Was her father right? But she did like Chad. She did trust him. He was... just...

She sighs deeply as more tears come. He was just Chad. And she missed him.

I'd like to shrink myself down so small that I could slip between the petals of a rose and wrap myself in its softness. To awaken to its sweet scent and bath in the warmth of its deep crimson color. To rise as the petals reach for the sun. To find myself transported on the wind into a land so far from here that I should even forget from where I came. But not forget the rose, my cherished haven of peace. 

Rosalyn's pen hovers above the page. She had cried herself to sleep, awakening a couple hours later with the desire to finish her letter. She hadn't intended on writing these words, but they were her feelings tonight. Chad knew she sometimes felt trapped - he wouldn't find her musings strange at all.

Until you prove to me you are insincere, I feel I will not tell you to stop your pursuit. You've given me something to look forward to. A new kind of purpose. A feeling of being wanted. I'd be a fool to turn that away. Your kind gesture of sending me flowers has answered my questions quite well. And though I still can hardly believe that you still wish to pursue someone like me, I can't deny that it has touched me deeply. 

Thank you, Chad. I would write more but my days are all the same, compared to yours. Unless you want to hear of the beds I've made or the dishes I've washed. 

I hope you are still well, and I look forward to seeing you again. 

Awaiting your next letter,

Rosalyn