Home soon

Moving from her squating position and sitting down on the grass Grace didn't care if she got wet and dirty, it didn't bother her and being with Jared it was more important anyways. Letting him lean his head on his arms Grace moves her own arm over and around his shoulders offering him a little comfort.

   "It has to hurt or we would never learn right from it."

Letting out a small sigh Grace couldn't help but feel bad for Jared. He had it pretty rough right now and she wondered if she was helping him. She'd like to think she was but really there was no way to surely tell. He's been changing again slowly for the best so that was a small sigh, she just hoped it continued.

   "The numbness will soon go away if you let it. Slowly you have to let go, and than you will feel a tingle, and feeling will return. You just can't give up on yourself, because I sure haven't."

Taking her free hand and moving it slowly down Jared's arm and lets her fingers meet his. Playing with them for just a moment finally she locks them together. Sitting there in the rain just holding it hand. Today she'd let him sit there as long as he wanted. They didn't need to work on his legs, the beating rain did that for him.

To: Hunter
From: Katie

Ha...did you tell him you already
have a few cars? I be that would make
him even more jealouse. Oh and
Wendy she'd probley kill you for 
letting him buy your bike.

To: Hunter
From: Katie

Ohhh...let me know how the ride
goes tomorrow? Just don't push it
ok? I want you to come home soon!

Numb

Getting such a quick response from Katie, Hunter smiles. He was glad that they could keep in touch even though he'd had to stay here longer. Her simple words of affection helped him... ride out the storm. 

To: Katie

From: Hunter

Mmm... I can feel you in my arms

right now. :) 

Angel said I can try a short ride

tomorrow if I behave. Kinda sore

tonight so giving it a good rest. Will

have to see how long it can stand

the pressure tomorrow. Clint keeps

telling me I ought to buy a car after

selling the bike - to him. lol I told 

him no. lol

Jared's ears pick up the sound of the back door but he doesn't move. It might be his mom. It might be Grace. It didn't matter. 

He more sensed than heard someone's soft steps approach and he could feel Grace's presence before he actually saw her out of the corner of his eye. He still remains unmoving, his gaze glued to the yard... or was it beyond the yard to something only he could see? 

Her question finally brings about a small nod. Yes, he did like the feel of the rain. But he wished it could wash away the insides of things like it did the outside. And it couldn't. It just wasn't that simple. 

Only now might one notice that it wasn't just rain that ran down his face. Tears streaming down from his eyes were well-hidden beneath the mask of raindrops. But rain wouldn't create the redness of his eyes or the slight tremble of his lower lip. 

Leaning to the side, slowly, slowly, his head comes to rest on Grace's shoulder. "Why does it have to hurt?" His voice wasn't much more than a whimper. "I can feel the rain on the outside, but... but on the inside it's numb."

Surrender

Continuing to listen to the commotion in the hall Misty closes her eyes. She wished there was a way to block everything out, a way to put ones self into another realm and make this go away. She did deep down still love Carson, but she wouldn't go back to him, she couldn't he'd done to much for her to even think about trusting him again. No...she was moving on and doing what she must to take life back. Far to long she'd lived like this.

As Carson starts to bang on the door Misty gives a jump as her eyes open and she focuses on Alec for a long moment. She'd never been scared of Carson before, or wished for him to just leave but this time it was different. Maybe it was the desperation she could hear in his voice that made her wonder what would he do to get to her to talk.

When Jason comes back into the room Misty turns to look at him before looking back to the cards. She new they might talk about what happened at some point and that was ok but right now she really didn't want to talk about it.  She just wanted to go back to what they were doing. Her blood pressure was already high enough.

   "Never give up, never surrender...We are totally going to make a come back on you Alec."

Picking up her cards again Misty looks down at them shifting a few things around and moving a few other things into position to go with certain other things. She was ready to kick some butt.

Sitting out on the porch and enjoying the fresh air Katie pulls out her phone feeling it vibrate. Seeing the text she can't help but smile. He always had perfect timing, and never missed. Or maybe it was simply Katie always loved hearing from him.

To: Hunter
From: Katie

I've really have missed you too. I'm
sitting out side right now and just 
enjoying the night air. It's not like at
the ranch but whats worse is your 
not here too.

Katie gives another smile as she stretches her legs out.

Yay, I am missing you something 
horribly. The nights are boring and
I kinda wish I was still at work. 
Can't wait to get your hugs and kiss
soon. When does Angel think you
can ride again?

Following Lydia to the back door Grace stands and just looks out it for a long moment. She was trying to deiced if she thought of Jared sitting out in the rain. It could mean any different things but each went around one. At least he had found the ambition to go out, and do it on his own. Looking back to Lydia she smiles and gives a pat to her arm.

   "When a bird has a broken wing we don't shelter them from at least trying when there strength returns because if we do they will never try again. Even if it was to hurt itself it needs to spread it's wings and try. He's gonna be ok Lydia, I promise."

Pushing open the back screen door Grace steps onto the porch before down to where Jared was. She was getting drenched but she didn't seem to care. The rain was warm, and it felt good, soon the air would turn cold, and a warm rain like this would be a little harder to find.

Squatting down next to Jared Grace smile just letting her own eyes winder the back yard taking in a few things she really hadn't noticed before. It was a nice yard and very spashes. She couldn't help but wonder who kept it up for her but that was a question for another time.

   "I like the rain, it feels nice and its a good reminder that never the dirtiest of objects can be washed away one way or another. Do you like how the raid feels too?"

Like a Storm

It was quiet enough that Carson could hear Misty's response to Jason, and his head starts to pound again. This was a nightmare. From the very beginning he'd known - been sure - that once he could explain everything, he and Misty would be okay. He had done all of this to save her life! Didn't she understand?! 

Jason purses his lips and turns around to face Carson through the screen door again. "You got the divorce papers?" 

Carson felt he might throw up. "Of course not. I just want to talk to Misty, that's all. Ten minutes. Five, if that's all I can get." 

"I'm sorry." Jason had never seen Carson look this bad - he looked like death warmed over, while desperation showed in his dark eyes. He hadn't even looked this bad way back when he was just starting to try and make a life for himself - back when smoking, drinking and women were still normal routines. "You need to leave now." 

"I can't," Carson hisses. "Don't you understand? Didn't she tell you that-"

"She told me you claim everything was just an act. Regardless, this is her choice, Carson. Personally I'd like to belt you one for being so stupid. But personal feelings aside, Misty doesn't want to see you, and I suggest you leave now before I have to use force." 

Carson didn't know if he was more angry or hurt - neither felt good. His heart had been tearing in two for so long, and now it felt like Misty was applying the final yank to finish the job. Not only being rejected, but after he had poured his soul to her in his letter... it hadn't been all that long since he'd left... was all of her love gone? Was all hope gone? Was there truly nothing left after all he had done to keep her and the baby safe? Tears spring into his eyes, and he's too exhausted to hide them. "Don't do this, Jason," he begs. "Please. I just want to see her... talk... that's all. Please." 

"It's not my choice." Jason's tone remained firm. He really didn't know what to think about Carson right now - whether he still thought he was a jerk, or a brave protector instead. But it didn't matter. He was going to respect Misty's wishes. She didn't need any more stress, especially in her condition. The day had been hard enough without this. "Turn around and go home," he advises. "For Misty's sake." 

"This is for Misty!" Carson wasn't sure when he'd felt more desperate. "I'm her husband, dang it! I have to work this out! I have to make it right!" 

Though Carson's voice was raised, Jason doesn't flinch. "I'm sorry," he repeats. Taking hold of the door, he slowly shuts it. 

No! No, this couldn't happen! Carson knew he shouldn't have bent to the Agency's demands... he knew he should have asked for help... he knew he shouldn't have kept Misty in the dark. But it was over! He had apologized and begged her forgiveness. He had told her the truth - the truth that he still loved her with all his heart and he had never cheated on her at all and never would! Why was she still rejecting him? 

"Misty!" He bangs his palm on the door. "Let me talk to you!" 

Jason hadn't yet taken two steps away from the door and he whirls back around to whip the door back open again. "Are you insane?!" 

Carson is breathing heavily and his shoulders drop. "Yes. I'm insanely in love."

"Then for goodness sake, don't risk Misty's health by causing her more grief."

A tear runs down Carson's cheek and his tone softens. "How can the man who loves her more than life cause her grief?" 

Jason wished he had an answer, but he didn't. "Carson... I'm telling you for the last time to leave. If you don't, I will call for backup and you'll do no good from behind the door of a holding cell." 

Backing up a step, Carson winces as a sharp pain shoots through his chest. This was all such an incredible mess. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It just wasn't. Swallowing hard, he finally turns around. He didn't want to be hauled in. Jason was right - getting in trouble was no way to help the situation. There was too much at risk. But...

Stepping off the porch, he looks over his shoulder one last time. Misty was only feet away... and he couldn't even see her. Hanging his head, he trudges to his car and finally leaves. 

Jason makes sure the car is out of sight before he shuts and locks the door again. Sighing deeply, he takes a moment to regroup, giving Trooper a pat on the head before he returns to the living room. He was angry, upset, sad... and he didn't know what to do. He was stuck in the middle, letting Misty have his heart while her husband was trying to come back. Had all of this been a mistake? One look at Misty reminded him why he was here. She needed someone. Whether for another week or forever, Jason knew he couldn't leave her - not like this. Not unless she wanted Carson back, and it was obvious that she didn't. 

Easing down on the couch, he sets his gun aside before leaning over and giving Misty's cheek a kiss. Even if he wanted to talk through what had just happened, he knew her well enough to know that she'd rather let things be for a while. "Okay, so... where were we?" 

Alec picks up on the hunt to ignore the interruption, and he scoffs. "I was winning, that's where we were." Somewhere deep down though, he felt a strange new sensation of pity for his brother. This whole scene was all too familiar - but he'd been the one banging on the door, begging to see the one he loved. And today... he still loved her. Was Carson's heart pure? He just didn't know. But he didn't like seeing Misty upset, so he'd remain still and just be here for whatever she needed. And right now, it was good to have an extra pair of eyes here at the house. 

Looking over his hand of cards, he nods. "Yeah... you two might as well give up now."

"...So how do you keep this place running anyway?" Hunter leans on the pasture fence chewing on a long stem of grass. He and Mick had just finished up the last of the barn chores after supper in the dining hall and were about ready to call it a night. Well, at least Mick was. Hunter was planning on returning to the scene of action for a card game with Clint, Jeff, Jade, Dan, and whoever else dared to challenge the crazy bunch. 

Mick rests his arms on the top rail and looks to where the sun had disappeared below the horizon a while ago, leaving strips of bright orange and pink. "What do you mean?"

"Well... financially. You've got enough help around here to keep things running but... how does it stay afloat?" 

"A little sweat and a lot of faith." Mick chuckles. His eyes study the clouds while a sigh escapes. "It's not as easy as it used to be," he admits. "I'll blame the economy for that. We used to have clients here constantly. Now they trickle in one or two at a time. I think a lot of it is because we're so far out. Gas prices rise and people can't afford to come here. We haven't raised our prices, but we can't lower them either." He shrugs. "I still give riding lessons - that helps. We wheel and deal with horses. Mainly buying then selling at a profit. That helps. We have the auto shop - although Clint has been more bored than busy lately." 

Hunter nods slowly. "I was kinda surprised to see the shop here at all. I mean, an hour away from town, people really bring their vehicles here?"

"Used to. Mainly nearby ranchers or travelers, but we'd get some business from town too. But... last couple years as gas prices have gone up, we've lost a lot of business."

"Somebody said you used to have more hired help too."

"Mm-hmm. Used to have a handful of ranch hands. Now though, most of it's just the family and a few others."

"Like Dan?"

Mick chuckles. "Well, he's about as close as you can get to being a family member, but he started out as an extra hand, yeah." 

Hunter grins. He knew Dan and Jade were engaged, but regardless, the man was treated as part of the family, no doubt. "You get donations and stuff too, right?"

"Yeah. Again, not as much as we used to, mostly because we have fewer clients. But, we do have a few particular individuals who believe in our work and who regularly support us as they can. We haven't qualified for any grants the last couple years though so... things have been tight." 

"What..." Hunter bites his lip, feeling he'd asked too much already. But Mick's raised eyebrows prompts him to continue. "What happens if finances don't get any better?" 

"Well... that's a good question. Right now, we're riding on a lot of faith. But there is more we can do. We could sell off more of our stock - that would give us fewer horse mouths to feed. We could pursue taking on more riding students. Eric's been talking about doing a little more truck driving - that makes a pretty penny on long runs."

Hunter nods thoughtfully. "I keep hearing about people you've helped..."

Mick tilts his hat back on his head and turns around to gaze over the ranch yard that was bathed in the dim light of dusk. "Many people were helped before I even got here. I was gone from here for many years - my return was relatively recent when thinking of how long this family has been linked together. It's mainly due to Rosetta's hard work and love for people. She's counseled many people here. The rest of us have learned and also been taught how to handle people and help them deal with life. Sometimes we've had people who need a lot of help and their family brings them and they stay for several months. We've had people who just need to come and take a break." He gives Hunter a sidelong glance. 

Hunter bites his lip but a small grin does emerge. 

"Sometimes we've had troubled kids here who just need love to get them back on the right track... Like Katie."

Hunter quirks an eyebrow. "She told me a little about being unhappy at home and coming to live here, but I guess I don't know the details."

"I guess that would be a story for her to tell." Mick's eyes twinkle. "And if I'm not mistaken, you two will have quite enough time together for many stories." 

Hunter chuckles and lets his eyes wander over the pasture. "Yeah... I hope so." 

"Hope?" 

"Mm..." Hunter shrugs. 

Sensing something odd in Hunter's tone, Mick cocks his head. "You don't sound so sure. Things alright with you and Katie?"

"Oh yeah, they're great. Just... thinking about when I go back... how things will be."

"Well how do you think they will be?"

"I dunno." Hunter looks down, picking at a splinter on the fence rail. "That whole thing with Jason just never has set right with me, I guess." 

Mick isn't quite sure he understands, but he starts to get the picture. "You... think Katie still loves him, don't you?" 

It takes Hunter several seconds to answer. "Yeah. I don't know why. She hasn't said anything and she's dying for me to get back home. It's just... this thing in my gut, I... I don't know." He shrugs lamely. "It's probably just my imagination."

Mick gives Hunter's shoulder a pat. "A woman's heart is like a storm. You can fight it all you want, but you're always at its mercy." 

Hunter gives him a wry grin. "That's reassuring." 

Mick laughs softly. "Ride it out, Hunter... just ride it out."

To: Katie

From: Hunter

Ive missed u all day long. It seems

strange... I feel like I have become

a part of this ranch. Yet I am 

longing to return to NV so I can 

see u. 

Hunter lies back on his bed, wincing a little as he turns his leg. It was late - quite late after the card game. But he still felt wide awake. Katie was probably in bed, but... he just wanted to send her a text anyway.

I hope ur day has been a good one.

Pretend I have given u a goodnight

hug and kiss. You'll get a real one

soon. ;) Its one day closer to me
getting on my bike. :)  
 

It was raining a steady rain that had been coming down since early morning. The scent of wet earth permeated the air, spreading a clinging dampness. 

"...He knew you were coming, but I could not get him to stay in the house." Lydia guides Grace through the house to the back door. "He did not want my help. He was very quiet and I was worried about him. Now I am worried he will get sick but he will not come inside and I can't move him by myself." 

On the back deck was an empty wheelchair by the steps. And down the steps and into the yard several feet sat Jared, fully clothed and soaking wet, sitting in the grass with his back to the house as the rain continued to pour. 

Lydia looks to Grace with worry. "He made it without help, but I am afraid he is going to hurt himself."

Paper

Having the card game going on was nice. There was laughing, and sharing just a nice time for all three of them. Everyone was on pins and needles not really knowing what was going to be going on the next few nights all hoping it would go without incodint. Everything had been good so far and Misty was thankful for that. Now it was just relaxing, trying to keep minds from wondering, and having fun.

Hearing the door bell and Trooper's bark that followed Misty gives a jump. They hadn't been expecting anyone, the pizza had come and been eaten, now no one else should be there. Looking from Alec to Jason her eyes follow as he moves to the door.

As Jason opens the door Misty can't hear much but she can make out Carson's voice and can feel herself bristle. Maybe Jason would tell him to go away, Maybe Jason would make sure he left. But as he backs away and lets her know Misty lets out a small sigh. She was thankful Jason wasn't trying to control her but this was one moment she wished he had.

   "If he dosn't have papers in his hand, I don't want to see him. Now hurry up and get back here Jase so I can kick Alec and your butt some more at this game."

She meant it too. She'd already said it in her letter she was going going against on that. There was nothing else Carson could say that would cause her to change her mind. She just wanted him to leave her alone.

Couldn't be

Seven o'clock. Carson wanders through TJY feeling even worse than he had this morning. He'd tried to take a nap several times today but the attempts had failed. He'd left the restaurant in Ryder's hands all day while he'd had no rest from trying to figure out how to fix this whole mess. The only thing that had kept his hopes up all day had been knowing that when Misty got his letter, he'd be hearing from her. They'd need protection, but at least they'd be in on it together from here on out. Surely she'd believe his story - it all made sense, and if Reese believed him, anybody else would for sure. At this point, he was just waiting and trying to plan in the meantime. A phone conversation with Reese had confirmed that he'd have the Elite's help if he wanted it, and at this point, since things had fallen apart so quickly Carson knew it was the only smart thing to do. 

Headed for Reese's office, Carson was just as glad that many people had already gone home for the day. He hadn't seen Misty's car in the lot either - maybe she'd gone home already too and was reading his letter now. He checks his cell phone again just in case.

"Carson?"

He stops just ready to knock on Reese's door, turning to see Susanne. "Yeah?"

She offers him a small smile. She had no idea what was going on, but there had been a strange tension in the air all day. Misty had looked a mess earlier, and seeing Carson now, he looked awful. It wasn't Susanne's place to judge though so she'd avoided trying to figure it all out. Carson had been so scarce lately though, that it was strange seeing him now. "Um... I'm supposed to give this to you." 

Looking at the outstretched envelope, Carson eyes it for a moment before taking it. Seeing Misty's handwriting, his stomach does a flip. What was this? A response to his letter already? But she wasn't even here. "Thanks..." Forgetting about Reese for now, Carson retreats to an empty cubicle out on the main floor.

Filled with hope, Carson unfolds the note. He wondered why she wouldn't have just called him instead, but he pushes aside that question. It was quickly evident that this was indeed a response to his letter from earlier today... but it didn't hold the tone he'd expected. 

The first few lines start to chip away at his hope. And by the time he reached the second paragraph, his stomach was in knots. She was starting a new journey? Going back to what they used to have wasn't possible? The reminder of the unsigned divorce papers was like a knife in his heart. But there was one thing that was worse... her signature. She was already taking back her maiden name. Her earlier rejection was nothing like this, and Carson's heart crumbles all over again.

Feeling lightheaded, Carson realizes he'd forgotten to breathe. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. It wasn't supposed to happen like this at all. He didn't understand. If she believed him why did she not want him back? If it had all been fake, why was she hanging onto all those other things? He knew that he'd hurt her and humiliated her by his actions, but... but it had all been untrue! And other people would understand too. They wouldn't blame her - she wasn't a fool at all. And had she... had she truly lost all love for him already? 

Carson's chest feels tight and he tries to breathe more slowly, realizing that his pulse was racing and his head pounding. No... no this couldn't happen. She didn't understand. He had to make her understand... 

Completely ignoring why he'd come here in the first place, Carson retraces his steps back outside. By the time he reaches his car, he was fighting off a wave of dizziness and has to pause before getting into his car. Once the strange sensation passes, he heads across town... 

...Pulling up to the curb and parking, Carson exits his car. Lights were on in the house and Jason's pickup was here along with Misty's car. Not exactly what he wanted, but no surprise. At least Jason was doing his job.

Stepping up on the porch, his old habit of just going right on inside tries to take over but he stops himself. Instead, he rings the doorbell and waits. 

Inside, a card game was going on in the living room. Perhaps it was a lame attempt to relax and get minds off more serious things, but at least it was an attempt. After hearing about Carson's story, but Jason and Alec really weren't sure what to think or feel, but seeing how Misty was, neither had voiced their opinions yet. For now, Jason sat with Misty on the couch while Alec sat on the floor, all three involved in their game... until the doorbell rings. 

Trooper's woof makes Alec jump, and Jason rises quickly from the couch. Picking up his sidearm from the table at the end of the couch, he throws Misty a quick look. "I'll go see who's here." He might be her boyfriend, but he also knew he still had a job to do, and he took it seriously. 

Getting to the door he urges Trooper to remain calm but watchful. Keeping his  gun ready, he opens the door cautiously. Seeing Carson, he's not only surprised, but irritated. "What do you want?" 

Carson bristles, but bites his tongue. "I want to see Misty." When Jason does move, he adds, "Please." 

Jason sighs deeply. Leaving the screen door closed and latched he backs up only a few feet to look into the living room. Misty had had such an upsetting day already... but he knew that he couldn't dictate her choices. "Misty... it's Carson. He wants to see you."

Next time

Letting out a small sigh and watching Carson get into his car and drive away Katie just stands there for a long moment. Her heart really did go out to him and it made the problems he'd had, or the issues with becoming friends with Jason again just didn't matter compared to what Carson was going through. She just hoped he'd be ok and really he wouldn't do anything he'd regret. 

Giving a shake of her head and a sigh Katie turns around and heads back inside. Getting to the main floor and going back to her cubicle to finish out her day. Things would work out like they always did or Katie could only hope. 

Misty wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping but when she'd woke up she didn't feel any better now than she had before. She felt stressed, and he head was pounding so hard. So she'd deiced to call it a day and just head home to relax and try to distress a little bit. Letting Rick know she was leaving early and would finish her work tomorrow, she let Jason know too. Reassuring him she was ok but just needed to go home. They promised to see each other later tonight.

Getting to the house and seeing the note Misty raises and eyebrow before taking note to the hand writing. She could tell Carson's hand writing anywhere. She could never explain to someone why it was just..like a finger print and she new it was his. Giving a sigh she takes the note from the door and walks inside.

Looking around and not seeing Alec he was probley out, or in the shed cleaning it out some more. Soon it would be finished and it would be his own apartment. She was happy for him, that it gave him something to fill his time with. On top of that she was happy he wasn't around right now. She looked and felt like a mess not really the way she'd want him to see her.

Making some tea for herself and sitting at the kitchen table Misty just looks at the letter for a long moment. Did she really want to read it? Was what he had to say really that important? She could start reading it, and if it was something she didn't want to anymore she could just stop and throw it out. Why she though she owed Carson at least that she didn't know.

As Misty eye's scan the letter a new anger, hurt, a new pain hits her heart. If was Carson said was true she felt bad for him, how much pain he must have been in and how tortured it must have been but at the same time he lied to her. He lied, deserted, deseved and lacked trust in being able to do it together. Was one worse than the other, or where they the same, and offered the same amount of punishment.  How could Misty forgive Carson still? He wanted to start over...like nothing happened? With a new trust? How many second try did he want? If he hadn't learned trust now...would he ever?

   Carson,
       If what you said was true than we have a new problem, you lied, you failed to trust, and you make it look like you were being unfaithful. Is that any better than really doing it? I would have to say the answer is no. You made me look like a fool, humiliated me, and you caused me a great deal of pain because you didn't trust me, your friend or the people who could help. How do you expect me to believe you're innocent when there is no trust?

    There is no starting over, building a trust because its something we have faced before. If you haven't learned to trust the good guys now, how do I know you ever will? Forgive you...maybe in time but right now no, go back to how we use to be...thats not possible.  My new journey has started, and I am learning to love and live again without looking over my shoulder, and wondering what's going to happen next.

   If you need to contact me again than let it be with the papers that still need to be signed because that is the only time right now I see myself talking to you, seeing, or interacting with you.

           Misty M.

Misty tears stain the paper but she new she had to send it anyways. Carson needed to understand and not try to keep contacting her. She still didn't want anything to do with him, she still was angry with him and this was not something that could be swept under the carpet.

Placing her note into an envelope and heading back to TJY Misty moves quietly across the floor. She didn't know if Carson was there or not but she didn't want anyone to notice. Getting to Susanne's desk she hands the note to her with Carson's name on the front. She would know to give it to him. Leaving again Misty heads back home. Now she would relax or at least try.