Over again

Misty stands tall and gives a look that she is not amused though there was much hurt in her eyes. She didn't want to listen to what Carson had to say, she didn't want to let him talk she just wanted him to go away and leave her alone. There was so many things running through her head, so many emotions ran wild she didn't know what to feel.

About to open her mouth and tell him to leave once again Misty stops as Jason steps into the middle. Part of her felt re leaf he was there, and she felt a little safer now. But at the same time she hated dragging him in the middle anymore than he was. She was thankful though that he defended her honor.

Watching and listing Misty was on edge again just hoping and praying that Carson would leave and no fight would break out. She really didn't need that right now, and with the baby she didn't need the stress. Hearing Carson say that everything that had happened over the last month was a lie Misty couldn't help but perk her ears up just a little bit. She wasn't sure if she believed that and if she did there was a whole new issue about lie. She didn't care though...she just didn't.

Once Carson was gone Misty lets out a sigh and steps back a little bit leaning against the counter. Was she ok, she didn't know how to answer that. She felt shaken and upset, the rest of the day would not be easy to considerate.

  "I...I don't know Jase. He startled me and than he wouldn't leave. Thank you for stepping in when you did. I'm not sure what he wanted but I just didn't want to listen to anymore lies, and whatever else."

Taking a few steps forward Misty just falls into Jason's arms as tears streamed down her face. She couldn't help the tears that streamed out of her eyes. Just letting herself continue her shoulders shook as she just continued to let it out. She'd been so strong and she thought the pain was gone. But now it was like the wound had been ripped open all over again.

Movement catch Katie's eye as she looks up to see Carson speeding across the main for and Reese stopped behind. She wasn't sure what happened or what was going on but the look in Carson's eye worried her. She couldn't let him go and do anything crazy.

Standing Katie makes her way after him just leaving her work for the moment. She would come back to it but right now this was a little more important. Continuing out of the main floor and heading out into the parking lot. Looking around she spots Carson and goes over to him.

   "Carson...wait...whats going on? What are you going to do now?"

Katie's face had worry all over her face. She didn't want Carson to do anything stupid, not now, now when he had the help he needed. She just didn't want to see him go and get himself killed, not one of her best friends.

Alright

One look from Misty was enough to twist Carson's gut. Her eyes were so angry, and was that...fear? Fear of him? Never before had he seen that look. Opening his mouth to try and explain after her abrupt news that she was indeed busy, he is quickly cut off by her bitter words. She... didn't even want to hear anything he had to say. She wouldn't even stand there and let him talk? Without even knowing what was so important that he'd come to see her? She was that hurt and angry?

Stunned for just a moment, he can feel his heart starting to break all over again. He'd come so far. He knew if she just heard the truth, things would be okay again. If she just knew why he'd done what he had and that it was all a lie, it would be alright. They could work things out, he just knew it.

Taking a short step forward, he was too desperate to follow her order to leave. "Misty, I-"

"Carson, what do you want?"

Carson's head whips around in surprise at Jason's sudden entrance into the infirmary. I... I'm just trying to talk to Misty." He stands a little straighter. "It would be nice if we had a bit of privacy for a few minutes."

Jason was already frowning, not even liking Carson's presence at all. Folding his arms, he looks to Misty, instantly seeing the anger on her face. He didn't need to ask - he knew that she wanted nothing to do with whatever it was Carson wanted. He also knew she could handle herself quite well, but since he was here, he wasn't going to just leave her either. "I think your days of privacy with Misty are over," he counters.

Carson couldn't believe it. First Misty, now Jason. "Look, I just want to-"

"Out." Jason points to the door. "You're upsetting my girlfriend."

Carson felt as though he'd just been kicked in the gut - hard. He knew Jason and Misty had been dating, but he was still married to her! Misty was still his wife, whether Jason liked it or not! As his jaw tightens, his eyes narrow, anger flashing in his eyes. "Don't cross me, Jason," he hisses. "I've stood back and let you do whatever you wanted with my wife, but don't press your luck. It's over."

By now, Jason could feel his own temper rising, and he looks down at Carson, not afraid or intimidated. "You have no right to tell us what to do. You lost that right the day you walked out."

"But it was a lie!" Carson raises his voice. Desperate to say what he needed, he takes another step closer to Misty, wanting to talk to her, not Jason.

Just as quickly, Jason moves to place himself between Carson and Misty, his arms still crossed. "Everything's a lie with you." His tone was steady and cold. "Now I'm warning you... leave."

Carson's eyes glisten with hurt, angry tears, though he doesn't let them spill over. His emotions were off the charts and he didn't know what to do or what to say. If he could just get through to Misty... it would all be okay. But it was apparent that right now he didn't have a chance. Not with Jason there. He knew he had no right to be angry with Jason for dating Misty - for all practical purposes, she was free. But it was all based on a lie! They had to know the truth!

Swallowing hard, Carson finally backs off. Looking around Jason to Misty, for a moment, the anger washes away, leaving only sorrow and a deeply wounded gaze. Turning slowly, he trudges out of the infirmary.

Jason lets out the breath he'd been holding as his muscles relax. He had no idea what Carson was talking about - referring to something being a lie. But he didn't really care either. Turning around, he looks down at Misty before reaching out a gentle hand to rest against her cheek. "You okay?"


Carson heads down the hall, his head bent, his pace fast. He had to get out of here. He had to figure out how to fix this.

"Hey."

He stops for a moment to look over his shoulder at Reese who was trying to catch up to him. "What?"

"Did you talk to her?"

"No." Carson grits his teeth. "She didn't want to talk to me. Told me to leave and so did Jason."

Reese sighs, but he understood both sides. "You want me to tell her?"

"I will." Carson didn't know how, but he'd do it. "This is something I need to tell her myself."

"Okay. I'll respect that. Where are you going now?"

"To get my life back." Carson spins on his heel and continues his route.

"What about protection?" Reese calls after him. But he received no response. He'd just have to form a plan later about how the Elite would handle this situation.

Getting to the main floor, Carson's eyes drift over the cubicles before landing on Katie's. Seeing her working, he moves to leave, pausing just a moment as she looks up and he catches her eye. And his glance is one of pure brokenness. Looking down again, he heads for the door and out into the fresh air, aiming for his car.

Unless

Moving around the infirmary Misty was very uncomfortable in many ways today. Last night was filled with little sleep, tossing and turning. Her back was killing her today and so were her legs. Rick had said it was going to get worse before it got better. She had a bunch of work to do though that wasn't just desk work so she could at least move around.

Not even realizing anyone had stepped into the room with her Misty gives a jump and turns around quickly at Carson voice. Just looking at him her heart races but not out of love, her heart races with anger, fear, and why he would bother coming here at all thinking she would want to talk to him.

   "Yes, I am busy..."

Misty stands tall crossing her arms across her chest. She wouldn't be defeated or busted down. She was proud of herself, and standing on her own. What he wanted now, or what was so important she didn't care. 

   "But unless you here to finally sign the papers you were served, I don't want to talk to you at all so you can just turn around and leave...now!!"

  

Chad Mason

Alec wanted to ask more questions, but Misty chances the subject fast enough, that he knows this is not a topic up for discussion. As much as he wanted to try and figure out what was really going on, it was obvious that both Misty and Jason weren't willing to delve into it right now.

"I'm not really hungry," he admits. "I'll just get back to my couch." He was truly highly uncomfortable, not only with Jason staying the night, but especially that monster of a dog. He wasn't petrified like he used to be, but he still didn't like it. Just because he knew now that Trooper wouldn't kill him didn't mean that he was best friends with him.

Jason smiles at Misty and aims for the kitchen, slinging his arm around her shoulders as he goes. "Personally, I could use a snack." His mind was still going too fast for him to sleep, and he'd like to keep Misty company for a while anyway...

...The night seemed long with sleep remaining light and ears picking up every little sound. Nothing happened though, and by morning even though bones were weary and eyes were still tired, there was relief that there had been no incidents.

Heading to work, nerves were just a little high, not knowing what would be found at TJY or what would be discussed about Carson. Remaining home Alec was a bit on edge, keeping his eyes and ears open even wider than normal as he spent the day alone like usual.

"Okay, let me get this straight." Only Reese and Carson were in the interrogation room this morning, though they were accompanied by a thermos of coffee. "Jaz showed up. She told you that the Agency wanted you to pretend to have an affair with her so it would wreck your marriage and ruin your life. If you didn't play along, they'd kill Misty."

Carson blows on his coffee then takes a slow sip. He hadn't slept all night and it showed. He needed a shave and there were dark circles under his eyes. He really had appreciated Katie the evening before though. Whether she knew it or not, it helped for him to know she was on his side. "Right." He was glad Reese was tracking as well as he was, after the hodgepodge conversation last night. "Do you believe me?"

"I don't know." Reese sighs. "I just don't know, Carson." He taps his pencil on his notepad and looks at everything he'd jotted down. It added up. But so did Pete's theory. "How could you do it? If this is true... if you loved Misty that much... how could you leave her and lie to her and let her think you'd found another woman?"

Carson's jaw muscles work on his inner tension as he remembers driving away from home that morning...

...Unable to look in his rearview mirror, he drives, leaving behind everything he loved. It wasn't until several blocks later that he is forced to pull over into an empty lot. If he didn't, he'd risk having an accident, unable to see through his tears. Resting his head on the steering wheel, sobs of anguish come forth - his cries to never be heard by anyone else. No one would see his shoulders shake or see the eyes of this man whose heart was breaking...

...He stares into his coffee cup. "It wasn't easy. It wasn't supposed to happen at all."

"What do you mean?"

"From the first day Jaz showed up, I started forming a plan. I knew I could find these guys and bring 'em down. If I did it myself, they wouldn't be the wiser and Misty wouldn't be in danger. Jaz knew that was my plan and she was willing to help. That's why I'd been researching back here... I was trying to find leads and figure out which guy would be heading up this Agency tactic. Medridge is behind it all, of course, but there's always someone in charge of a mission. And if I could figure out who it was and take him out... then I'd be in the clear and I would have won the game."

Reese nods slowly. "So what happened?"

"It took longer than I thought." Carson gives Reese a sorry sort of glance. "I couldn't act like things were 'normal' and investigate at the same time so it took me longer and it wasn't as easy as I thought. It was my plan to lay the foundation of lies with Jaz... you know, just make people suspicious. That would keep the Agency happy for a while and I wouldn't have to do anything drastic. But..." He takes another sip of coffee, his hand shaking slightly. "...but time passed... I'd built up the lies too well... the Agency pushed... and I had to make the step I never planned on making." He shrugs. "I wasn't as good as I thought. I guess at that point, I figured even if I did leave Misty, I'd still have enough time to find the head guy before anything more drastic happened."

"Like a divorce?"

Carson scoffs. "Yeah. I guess I..."

"What?"

"I dunno. I guess I didn't think she'd jump on it that quick."

"Maybe you forgot to factor something into your equation."

"What's that?"

"This wouldn't have been the first time."

Carson's sigh is a weary one. "I know. I banked on a lot of things this time around. And just about everything fell through. Nothing has gone the way it was supposed to."

Reese clears his throat, trying to stay on track. "So... you were being watched the entire time?"

"Almost..."

...The crash of pots and pans echoed through the restaurant. Carson's arm slams into the second stack, sending more dishes flying. A growl comes from his throat but it was a cry of pure torture. It was after hours. No one was here to hear him. Falling to his knees, he rocks as the tears stream down his face. He couldn't even find the words to pray...

"...There were a few moments alone, but not enough to change anything."

"Mm-hmm." Reese makes another note. Silent for several moments, he finally shakes his head. "I just can't understand why you wouldn't come to us first. Or at least let Misty in on things. Why? Why couldn't you tell her, of all people?"

Carson quietly contemplates his answer. "I guess this was one time in my life when I was too scared to counter the Agency like that. Maybe it doesn't seem like it would be true, but it is. I was terrified - I still am - that Misty would be hurt, that all I wanted to do was play along until I could solve it. I convinced myself that everything would be okay... that I was still in control... I was just pretending to bend to the Agency's demands. And I guess... I guess I was so scared of messing it up, that I knew somehow the Agency would figure it out if Misty knew the truth. So I kept it to myself."

"If I recall, there was at least one night you went home drunk."

Carson scoffs. "I wasn't drunk."

"No? That's certainly not what I heard. I got somebody who saw you staggering down the sidewalk from the Bullseye and a witness later who saw you barely make it up your porch steps you were so wobbly."

"It was a ruse." Carson's eyes glisten. "I was supposed to make it look real. So... I did. I went to the Bullseye... ordered a beer. I ran into somebody on purpose and spilled it all over myself. Sat there long enough to make myself reek, then I left. Jaz picked me up outside Mom and Pop's... I wanted to be sure there were witnesses. Back at her place, I rinsed my mouth out with whiskey, sat around for long enough for Misty to be suspicious, then I went home. It was beautiful acting..." Carson's teeth grit together as anger boils within him. "Just beautiful."

Before he realizes it, he's clenched his fist and the styrofoam cup is unable to withstand the pressure. Cracking in two, its sides give way to spill coffee all over the place. Carson hurls a curse before biting his tongue and standing up to grab some napkins.

Reese watches him closely. Was this man telling the truth? Or was it an elaborate lie? He really was having a hard time deciding. Pushing aside his notepad, he looks to Carson as a friend instead of an interrogator. "How did you follow through, knowing that a baby was on its way?"

Carson finishes mopping up the mess and sits back down, not liking this line of questioning. It hit too close to home. He shrugs. "You know I never wanted kids."

Reese squints. "All this time, I haven't been able to tell if you've been telling the truth or not... but that's about as close to a lie as you've come."

Carson shrugs...

..."A baby?" Jaz's eyes widen. "Really?"

"So Misty says." Carson paces the apartment living room, his face pale and his pulse racing. "She's pregnant, Jaz... pregnant. My wife is pregnant with our child and I just left her!" He throws up his hands. "What sort of a man does that?!"

"A man who doesn't want her hurt." Jaz looks at him with sympathy. "It'll be okay... somehow, it will work out."

Carson stops pacing and looks at her as tears form in his eyes but do not fall. "I'm going to be a father again... Do you know what that feels like? I've... I've had Mackenzie but... but I never saw her as a baby... never saw her grow up. I have a chance to redeem myself... to pass on something worthwhile. My family's been screwed up for generations and now I have the opportunity to reverse that."

"I thought you didn't want kids."

"I didn't." Carson furrows his brow. "There's lots of reasons I still don't. But that doesn't mean I'd turn my back on my own flesh and blood. That doesn't mean that I'd leave the kid high and dry. That doesn't mean that I would reject what God has brought from Misty and me, 'cause we were careful enough that it's gotta be His plan. And that certainly doesn't mean that I couldn't..." He chokes up. "...couldn't love them." Turning his back on Jaz, he heads down the hall to the bathroom where he slams the door shut on the world.

"... I'm not fond of the idea of raising a kid in this kind of life... two parents who have been in the Agency and who are still involved in dangerous work. Raising a kid at all isn't appealing to me." Carson bites his lip. His eyes instinctively wander to the door, knowing that just down the hall, Misty was there... Misty... his wife... the woman who was carrying their child right now. "I guess I could still leave Misty because I still thought on some level I was in control and it would be over soon, then everything would be okay again."

Reese studies him for an intense moment. "But you do want that child, don't you?"

Carson looks down at his hands. "I want Misty and the baby... with all my heart."

Reese sighs deeply and leans back in his chair. "What am I gonna do with you, Carson?"

Carson's eyes snap up. "Don't you believe me?"

"I... think I do. I'm not sure why. You know that we could come up with any number of theories to support the idea you're with the Agency. But you know me - I'm always giving people chances, even when I shouldn't."

"So you're not... you're not gonna hold me, are you?"

"No. No, I won't. If you're telling the truth, there's no reason. If you're lying, I want to give you more rope so you hang yourself." Reese pauses. "But if it really is the truth... then there's someone you need to tell, and you need to do it soon...."

...Carson cautiously glances into the infirmary, seeing Misty working alone. A chill runs down his spine. Entering quietly, he takes a few steps, but doesn't dare come closer than that. "Misty?" He knew he looked terrible. He knew she hated him. He knew that she never wanted to see him again. But he needed this chance. He needed her to hear the truth so they could put the pieces back together again.

"I know you're probably busy but... can we talk? It's really important."

Delivery vehicles weren't all that rare, however, a long, narrow box with picture of flowers on the outside was rare. After signing for the package since he was the only one around at the time, Sparky looks the box over, finally finding Rosalyn's name. He quirks an eyebrow, reading it again to make sure. Not that she didn't deserve flowers - he just didn't know of anybody special in her life at this point. Maybe it was somebody from church, or even a family member though.

Shrugging off his curiosity, he heads for the barn where he knew his niece had been grooming TNT after she'd gone for a ride this afternoon. "Heeeeey, Rosalyn," he calls. "Package for ya!"

She wasn't the only one in the barn, so she isn't the only one to look around the corner at Sparky either. Seeing the box, her eyes widen. "For me?"

"Mm-hmm." He grins and hands her the box.

Setting aside the horse brushes Rosalyn accepts the package and checks the address just to make sure it's really for her. Who would have sent her flowers? Feeling people's eyes she looks up to find not only Sparky, but several others as well. She smirks, rolling her eyes. "What? Never seen a person get a package before?" Wandering to the stack of hay bales, she sets the box down to carefully open it. Finding the roses, she sucks in her breath. Roses. For her. Roses...

Her heart starts to beat faster as for the first time, she wonders if this is from Chad. Finding the note inside, she unfolds it slowly. Reading his words, she was filled with warmth. He... really did want to pursue a relationship. His letters... really did mean something. This gift... these flowers... they were the answer to her questions in her previous letter.

"So?"

Rosalyn jumps not having realized Eric had approached. "So what?"

"Who are they from?"

She throws him a smirk before tucking the note in her pocket. "None of your beeswax."

"Ooooh must be a guy."

"Oh, hush." Rosalyn pulls out the beautiful bouquet, unable to help the smile on her face as she breathes in their sweet scent.

Eric grins but leaves her be. "Alright, fine. But if it's a guy, he's just making the rest of he male population look bad."

Rosalyn giggles. In her opinion, Chad did that in more ways than just flowers. "Maybe if you bought that lady of yours flowers, you wouldn't look bad anymore."

Eric's cheeks flush, but he smiles sheepishly as he backs off with a little bow. "Touché."

"Ahh, and what do we have here?"

Rosalyn turns to see her father, and she immediately wishes that she'd taken this box to the house to open instead of here. "Um... just... just some flowers is all." She tucks them back in the box so she can carry them somewhere else where she would find a vase.

"Oh yeah?" Jim smiles and wanders closer. "Do you have an admirer we don't know about?"

Rosalyn forces a smile and shakes her head. "Do flowers have to come from an admirer?"

"Mmm, roses do." He nods, unable to help but tease his daughter a little bit. He was naturally curious to know if there was a guy who was sweet on her, and seeing Rosalyn blush proved that it was more than just a thoughtful gesture from someone insignificant. "So come on," he prompts. "Who are they from?"

"A friend." She closes the box and tucks it under her arm.

Realizing that she was really didn't want to tell him, Jim's guard goes up. "Aw come on now. You can't even tell your own dad?"

She smiles sweetly but shakes her head. "For me to know."

Jim squints at her, not satisfied with that answer. Why did she act like she wanted to get out of here so fast? He knew that she was probably a little embarrassed from the teasing, but there was something more here. He was her father - he could tell when she was avoiding talking to him. "And for me to find out," he counters. "Come on... who sent them?"

Seeing that look in her father's eye, Rosalyn knew that no matter what she said, he'd push the issue. She could lie. She could tell him it was someone from church, or something. But she knew she wouldn't be able to bring herself to lie to him. No... she couldn't go that far. And maybe... maybe since Chad had been gone a while, her father wouldn't be quite as opinionated about the whole thing. Maybe he wouldn't even care at all.

Holding her head high, she forces out a new smile. "Chad Mason."

Jim furrows his brow, not recognizing the name. Chad Mason... Chad... Then his eyes widen. "As in... the Chad who was a guest here with Katie's other friends?"

"Mm-hmm."

Jim cocks his head, now growing suspicious of the man who'd been here. "And what is his purpose in sending you flowers?"

Rosalyn swallows hard but maintains her poise. "To let me know he likes me, I suppose."

"Likes you? But he doesn't even know you." Jim's eyes narrow slightly studying his daughter's red face. "He hasn't even seen you since he left here... has he?"

"No." That much was true.

"Then... why is he sending you flowers all of a sudden?"

Rosalyn picks at the mailing label on the box, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow her. She knew what was coming. She just knew it. But she had to tell the truth. "Because we've been writing to each other," she finally admits. "Ever since he left."

Jim's eyes widen. "Writing to each other? Why?"

Rosalyn's face grows even hotter. Her father had seen her kiss Chad goodbye, but he probably didn't know about the passionate makeout sessions they'd had. "Well because we became friends while he was here." Her eyes move to the barn floor. "You know that."

Jim's jaw tightens. "So you mean to tell me that you've been continuing a relationship with him since he left here? After I talked with you about that? After I warned you not get involved with him?"

Tears wanted to surface, but Rosalyn holds them back. "Yes," she answers softly.

Jim sighs deeply and shakes his head. "I honestly thought you were smarter than that, Rosalyn." His tone is stern. Loving, but stern. "We discussed this very issue when he left. I honestly can't believe that you deliberately kept up correspondence with him after I warned you. And it doesn't take a genius to figure out that your letters weren't just as casual pen-pals either - not and have him send you roses."

Rosalyn slowly lifts her eyes to see her father's upset gaze. "He's a good man," she argues quietly. "And I..."

Jim waits, folding his arms. "You what? Like him?" The silence spoke for itself and he shakes his head again. "Rosalyn... Hun..." He reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't let all of this go to your head. He may be nice and a flatterer, but don't let that fool you into thinking it's more than that. You need to let it go. Flowers are pretty, but don't let it blind you. Chad Mason is not someone you should be pursuing. Take my word for it as your father... okay?"

Rosalyn's grip had tightened around the box and she nods - the only thing she could do while her emotions churned uncontrollably.

"Okay." Jim gives her shoulder a squeeze before offering a smile. "You're my favorite daughter, you know that?"

She smirks. "I'm your only daughter."

"Exactly." He bends to kiss her on top of the head before he lets her go and walks away.

Standing in the barn aisle Rosalyn realizes that she's now alone. The others had probably scattered as soon as they'd realized Jim was upset. She was just as glad. She was angry, hurt, embarrassed and sad...

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, Rosalyn looks to her nightstand where the bouquet was neatly arranged in a vase with water. The roses had opened up even more since earlier and she could smell them even from here.

Dear Chad,

The roses are beautiful. Thank you so very much. You're the first man with whom I shared a kiss, and the first man to send me flowers. Consider yourself very special in my book.

As a tear falls onto her paper, Rosalyn groans and takes a corner of her shirt to soak it up before it ruined her letter. Sniffing, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. Her lower lip trembles though, and another tear splatters onto the words she'd just written.

Leaving it be, she leans over to curl up on her side and just allow herself to cry for a while. She had felt so special. So warm and cared for. And then cold water had been poured all over those feelings. Was she really such a fool? Was her father right? But she did like Chad. She did trust him. He was... just...

She sighs deeply as more tears come. He was just Chad. And she missed him.

I'd like to shrink myself down so small that I could slip between the petals of a rose and wrap myself in its softness. To awaken to its sweet scent and bath in the warmth of its deep crimson color. To rise as the petals reach for the sun. To find myself transported on the wind into a land so far from here that I should even forget from where I came. But not forget the rose, my cherished haven of peace. 

Rosalyn's pen hovers above the page. She had cried herself to sleep, awakening a couple hours later with the desire to finish her letter. She hadn't intended on writing these words, but they were her feelings tonight. Chad knew she sometimes felt trapped - he wouldn't find her musings strange at all.

Until you prove to me you are insincere, I feel I will not tell you to stop your pursuit. You've given me something to look forward to. A new kind of purpose. A feeling of being wanted. I'd be a fool to turn that away. Your kind gesture of sending me flowers has answered my questions quite well. And though I still can hardly believe that you still wish to pursue someone like me, I can't deny that it has touched me deeply. 

Thank you, Chad. I would write more but my days are all the same, compared to yours. Unless you want to hear of the beds I've made or the dishes I've washed. 

I hope you are still well, and I look forward to seeing you again. 

Awaiting your next letter,

Rosalyn