Even Worse

Justin enters the bedroom slowly... cautiously. He didn't particularly want to be here at all, but for his mother's sake, he had come. The news that Jared had regained his memory had been a bit of a surprise, and Justin had no idea how this would affect him. Despite having had lunch plans with Beth, he'd canceled and come here instead to see what was really going on. His mother had said Jared was terribly depressed about the past - was it true?

"Jared? Can I come in?"

Jared's eyes move briefly to the door before returning to the ceiling.

Receiving no response, Justin approaches the bed, taking the one chair and moving it closer to sit down. Studying his brother's still form, his first impression was that what his mother said was true. But really? Having known his brother before, it was just hard to believe that Jared would be depressed over anything, let alone his own past actions. "So... I hear you got your memory back."

Jared's fingers toy with his bedspread. "I did."

"Mm-hm. Guess I figured you might be a little more excited than this."

Jared's eyes grow even dimmer. "Excited? About realizing what kind of person I am?"

Justin leans back in his chair, honestly surprised. Was that really... remorse he saw? "Well why not?"

Jared's gaze finally moves over to look at his brother. The brother he had hurt so many times in so many different ways. The brother he'd been jealous of almost all his life. The brother he had despised. "I bet you like this, don't you?"

"What?"

"Finally watching me suffer. Bedridden. Miserable. Hating myself for who I've been."

Justin sighs deeply and glances down at the floor for a moment. He couldn't help his human side that wanted justice, even if he did feel pity for his brother. Though he'd doubted his mother's observations, he knew now she'd been correct - Jared was visibly depressed about regaining his not-so-pure memory. And in a way... Justin was glad. It was the first time he hadn't seen Jared proud of his dirty deeds. "I guess I can't deny finding some sort of twisted pleasure in seeing you actually miserable about things you've done."

Jared's eyes move back to the ceiling. "Yeah well... I know now why you hate me so don't feel obligated to come anymore. I get it now."

At this point, though having only been there a couple minutes, Justin did feel like getting up and leaving. He didn't know what to say or do. He knew he should feel more compassion than he did, but it was difficult after all Jared had put him through in the past. If Jared was actually feeling badly about all his wrongdoings, then he deserved every bit of it. Yet Justin also knew that wasn't a very Christlike attitude. "I don't hate you." He gets to his feet, giving in to his flight from conflict. "I just wish the past hadn't happened like it did." Returning the chair to its place, he knew this had been a very short visit, but without knowing what else to say, he should go before getting into an argument or making things worse.

Watching his brother leave, Jared's heart hurt. "Justin?"

Justin stops at the door and looks over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I'm... I'm sorry." Jared's voice wavers. "For everything."

Justin nods slowly before turning back around and closing the door softly. 

Left alone once more, a tear trickles down Jared's face. It was his own fault he was so lonely. It was his own fault he had no friends. It was his own fault no one had shown up or cared after his accident. He'd hoped perhaps it was a fluke or that people just didn't know about it. But he knew now it was all him. So much bad and so little good. And this... all this... it was all just a consequence. Even his accident in the first place - it wouldn't have happened, had he not been at that woman's house. But he'd just been giving in to temptation to satisfy himself like always.

Closing his eyes, he just wanted to fall back asleep so the hours would pass quickly. That's all the days had to offer anymore. Just hours that needed to pass. 

"...Did he talk to you?" Lydia kneads the dough on the counter after sprinkling a little more flour over it. 

Justin leans on the peninsula behind her and snitches a couple chocolate chips from the bowl. "A little." 

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know." Justin shrugs. "I guess that's up to him." 

Lydia pauses her work on the cookies and turns around. "But what do you think?"

"I don't really know." 

"But you must think something about-"

"I said I don't know!" Justin straightens up and runs a hand over his face, sorry for snapping at her. "Yes, you're right, he's apparently depressed, now remembering what a jerk he was." 

"Justin!" 

"Well he was!" Justin throws up his hands. "You know it as well as I do. He was a jerk and worse, and now he's paying for it by finally seeing it too. It's about time he felt sorry for all the stupid stunts he's pulled. The lies, women, and who knows what else. I'm sorry, but I just..." He pauses to sigh. "I guess I don't  feel all that badly for him. He's just gonna have to work through this and find his own peace."

Lydia's eyes lower and she turns back to the unbaked cookies. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to upset you." 

Feeling badly, Justin comes up to her and rests his arm over her shoulders. "You didn't. I'm just having a hard time forgiving him and I'm mad at myself for it." He leans over and kisses her head. "It'll work out somehow. There's just not a whole lot I can do right now." 

Lydia nods and pats his hand. "I understand. I should not have expected you to do anything. You are just so good with people, I thought..."

As her sentence trails off, Justin shakes his head. "I know. But I'm not the one for this job," he explains gently. "Just give it time, okay?" 

Whether time would actually heal any wounds or not, that's all they had. And the hands of the clock traveled...

Turning from the oven where bread was being baked, Lydia wipes her hands on her apron and heads for the door. Odd. She wasn't expecting any visitors today. 

Opening the door and seeing Grace, her eyes light up and a smile forms on her face. "Grace! Come in, come in." She ushers her inside, wondering why she was here. Lydia knew Jared hadn't called her - she'd asked him about that just yesterday and he'd given her a firm reason why. So seeing Grace now was a surprise. 

"I am so happy to see you." Lydia's smile remains. "What are you doing here though?" 

In the bedroom, Jared lay on his back, unable to sleep at this time of day. His television was off, and lunch sat cold on his nightstand. Hearing the knock at the door, his ears listen. He could hear his mother's voice, but everything was too muffled. Maybe it was one of the ladies from church. Or maybe Justin. Although he doubted it. This past week, the days all seemed to just meld into one, leaving Jared in an even worse state of depression. He had nothing to do but think of the past, and none of it was good. In just a week, his legs had grown weaker and he'd also lost weight from not eating. But it would take quite a boost for him to even care. He might not have a death wish, but he wouldn't mind if he left this world either. Yes... the world could do without someone like him. The only positive thing that ran through the back of his mind were Grace's last words to him, and his mother's words of love. Yet even they seemed...distant.

"...So, that's that." Justin straddles the chair backward in Beth's kitchen as she prepares supper. The whole thing had been too much to explain over the phone, so he'd waited until making up for their canceled date. As it ended up with conflicting schedules, it had taken a few days until they were able to see each other again.

"I guess maybe I'm having a harder time forgiving Jared than I thought," he admits. "Now that he actually feels bad for the past, I just don't know what to do with that." 

Sighing, he shakes his head. He didn't particularly like being the topic of conversation, but Beth had seemed rather quiet still since the restaurant incident, so Justin didn't mind doing most of the talking. It just so happened that this subject wasn't the easiest.

Heaving a sigh, Hunter takes Katie's hand. "Yeah, I suppose..." Trying to get himself up off the ground proves more difficult than anticipated, and he needs both Katie's hands. Finally on his feet and back on his crutches though, he rolls his eyes. "Next time, we make out on the couch... it's easier to get up." 

Grinning, he reaches over and plucks a couple blades of grass from Katie's hair. "There. No one will be the wiser."