Honesty in the rain

Gage had managed a quick shower and clean clothes by the time Sapphire comes. Wandering in from the kitchen with a mug of coffee in his hand, he greets her with a weary smile. "Hi. Got your message. Sorry."

Easing down on his mattress, he sips his coffee and leans his head back against the wall. He felt like crap, that's how he felt. He was still tired, sore, and he'd pulled something in his back from lifting too much last night. But he wasn't going to complain. He had a job, and he should be grateful that someone had finally been willing to hire him. He'd get used to it. "I'm alright. What time is it anyway?"


Hmmm.

Jason wasn't fully convinced about Alec, especially after recent events with Destiny. But Reese was in charge, and he needed to trust his judgment.

Yeah, I'm glad he's turning around too, I just... I don't know. Guess I just don't trust him much.

He slings an arm around Katie's shoulders and leads the way outside, stopping by his office briefly to grab jackets and helmets. Once on the motorcycle and heading through town, Jason takes a spur-of-the-moment getaway, heading all the way to the lake instead of staying in town for lunch.


Dani taps lightly on Dalton's office door before opening it slowly and stepping quietly inside. Her eyes were a bit tired, though she manages a small smile. It had been a rough few past days. More memories had been surfacing, now that they'd started, and she was feeling emotionally drained and physically tired. Several heart-to-heart talks with Carson had proven her memory correct. She hadn't wanted to cry in front of him, but she had. He'd apologized even though she'd insisted none of it was his fault - he hadn't known back then what all had happened. She thought perhaps she saw his own tears in his eyes, though he did well at hiding them.

She knew she hadn't been great company the last few days, even though she tried. Carson had given her several days off work and she was grateful but lonely. She hadn't planned on coming to see Dalton today, but she knew he usually wasn't doing anything over lunch and she was glad to see him here now.

Closing the door behind her, Dani wanders around behind the desk and without saying anything, she turns Dalton's chair so she can sit sideways on his lap, wrap her arms around his neck and nuzzle her face into his chest. "I missed you," she mentions softly.


A week. Scott looks outside at the darkening gray sky. The view hadn't changed. He was still here. A week didn't mean much to him anymore. The nightmares still came. He'd almost been dragged into the shadows at least twice again. But it didn't matter. Time just all melted together into one mass of some kind of dark pit.

A week. Had Justin given up on him? He wonders. He knew Justin had stopped about five days ago and had left. But since then, he hadn't come at all. Had he finally given up? Scott should have liked that prospect, but something down deep felt guilty... guilty for treating Justin like he had. He felt slightly abandoned. He'd told Justin he didn't want to go through the motions, but... at least he'd had someone to talk to and do things with. This last week had been the loneliest of any time he'd spent at Brookshire. He missed Hope. He missed Justin. He missed his sister. He missed Dalton.

Sighing, Scott lets the curtain fall back into place and turns to wander across his room and to the hall. He didn't feel like doing anything, but if he didn't at least show himself, Jenny would be up worrying over him.

Walking down the hall and to the steps, Scott's feet drag. His eating habits hadn't changed much. Physically, he was withering away, now on a downhill spiral that would be even harder to stop. His eyes were dark, his skin pale. Had the Agency succeeded? He wonders.

Making it to the landing, Scott stops in his tracks.

Justin looks over from where he was leaning on the counter, talking to Jenny. "Well, Scott. I was just ready to come up and see you. Wanna go for a walk?" Yes, he'd been away. Five days away from here completely, and Justin had been ready to return. Recovered from his fall, and maybe a little more ready mentally as well. He'd let Scott be, letting him cool and settle down after finding out a few days ago that their fight had started a backslide. But time was still against them in a race to see who would win - the Agency data, or Scott's strength. Justin had been compiling a lot more information through phone calls with Rick and Alec both and had been analyzing Scott's behavior as well, during his time away. Five days ago, he'd been bull-headed and wanted to conquer this thing immediately. But he had realized Scott wasn't yet ready. Seeing him walk downstairs on his own today - Justin knew he was ready to start again. It might go well - it might end in disaster. But it was time to test the waters again. Failure today only meant another chance would come later.

Scott studies Justin for a moment, not sure what to say. He didn't really want to go for a walk. It was dreary outside. But even having Justin here was better than no one today. He shrugs. "Okay."

"Great. Come on." Justin throws Jenny a little wink and heads for the door, waiting for Scott to join him.

It was muggy outside and only after a few moments of walking, do they hear a low rumble of thunder in the distance. "Why are we outside?" Scott questions. "It's going to rain."

"So?"

Scott puts his hands in his pockets and trudges alongside him down the sidewalk. "We... playing a game or something?"

"No, not today. I still need to take it easy on the rough and tumble for a few more days."

Scott lifts an eyebrow. "Something happen?"

"Yeah, it's called a concussion."

Scott stops walking and looks at Justin quickly. "From.... from me?"

"Uh... yeah" Justin stops with him. "Still angry with me?"

"Maybe." Scott scuffs his toe on the ground. "But I'm... I'm sorry I hit you."

"Well... I forgive you. Just warn me next time, will you?"

"Don't bring my sister and I won't have to warn you."

"You don't want to see her anymore?"

"I didn't say that."

Justin folds his arms. "Then what do you mean, Scott? Or is it that you don't like being in control of when other people want to see you?"

Scott bites his lip, growing defensive. "Did she ask to come, or did you ask her?"

"I asked her if she wanted to come."

"See? I don't appreciate you doing that without my consent."

"Alright. What if I ask her to come tomorrow?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." Scott starts to walk again. He'd missed this? What had he been thinking?

"Is it me?" Justin walks to keep up. "You want someone else, I'll go tell Dr. Hawks right now and I'll take myself off this case."

Scott frowns, not even sure what he wanted. He already knew Justin though. Someone else in the mix would just be a pain. "No... I just don't understand what you want from me."

"I don't want anything from you. All I want is to see you well again and able to control what's going on inside of you so that you can get your life back."

A raindrop falls on Scott's arm as he stops again and turns to face Justin. "It's impossible. I can't do it."

"Yes you can."

"No, I can't! I can't do it."

"You haven't even tried!"

"I have too!"

Justin sighs. "Remember the deck of cards? You gotta be ready, and I understand and respect that, but you're not even willing to try. Do you like being here?"

"Of course not."

"Then why aren't you working with me here?" Justin shakes his head. He could see Scott was growing more and more defensive, but he had to find some way in. He couldn't just let this go. His tone lowers to a more gentle one. "You're wallowing in your own misery, Scott. You've been here long enough now that you've dug yourself into a rut so deep that it's going to take a lot of doing to get yourself back out again. But it's not impossible. Not if you want it bad enough."

Scott swallows hard. He missed his old life. He did want it back, he did. It was just... "I'd rather just die now and not have to go through this garbage," he mumbles.

Justin stops short and looks Scott dead in the eye. "You want to let yourself die just because it's easier? I didn't take you for a coward, Scott. I guess maybe I was wrong."

"I'm not a coward," Scott hisses. "I'm just tired. I'm tired of all this. I can't take it anymore."

"Yes you can!"

"No, I can't! Why does all this have to happen? Why couldn't I have just had my nice normal life? Why was it torn from me? I just want it to go away!"

Another couple raindrops splatter on the ground. Justin points up to the clouds. "It would be just as easy to remove trials from our life as it would be to tell these clouds not to pour their rain. It's going to rain whether we like it or not, Scott." It starts to sprinkle in earnest and he turns to gesture to a couple hurrying inside. "See them? They're scared of the rain. They don't like the feeling of getting wet and they don't want to deal with drying their clothes. They're in too much of a hurry to realize that there is good in the rain."

Scott is still scowling. "But they have the option to go or stay. I don't have an option in my life."

"You yourself pointed out that you do," Justin counters. The sprinkles turn into a light rain, growing heavier by the second. "You have a choice to just let yourself fade away until you die a miserable death, or stand up tall and fight this thing."

"But I'm tired!" Scott repeats desperately.

"We're all tired!" Justin holds out his arms as the rain comes. Thunder rolls, shaking the ground. "But you gotta learn to walk in the rain, not run from it! The rain is going to come whether we like it or not. You got rain in your life and I've got rain in mine. Sometimes it sprinkles and sometimes it storms. But it's up to us to hold our head high and walk through it." He spins, pointing again to someone making a mad dash inside. "See that? That's what you're doing right now. You're tired of getting wet, and you're just gonna run inside and hide. But you know what? It's going to rain again one day. Could be in an hour. Could be a week from now. But it will come again. If you don't learn to walk in it now, you'll always run from it."

He stares through the pouring rain at Scott as they both become soaked, the water dripping down their faces as they blink away the drops. "Walk in the rain, Scott," he begs. "It's going to be uncomfortable and it might even hurt." Another roll of thunder reverberates in the sky. "But you gotta do it."

Scott wipes some rain from his eyes and looks back at Justin, feeling his heart being pulled in two directions. Run. Hide. Stay. Heal. He didn't know what to do or how to do it. He didn't know which was best and which he was willing to do. He didn't know! Spinning on his heel, he heads back to the building.

"Scott, no!" Justin pleads. "Don't keep walking away!" But there was nothing he could do but watch as Scott bends his head and trudges all the way back to the building, disappearing inside.

Justin's frustrated yell is hidden in a crash of thunder. He glares up at the clouds. "What do I keep doing wrong?" he shouts angrily. "This was supposed to be a good day! Why does he keep shutting me out?" A clap of thunder booms and the rain increases. "I don't understand!"

Never had a case been so frustrating. Each moment, he could see and feel Scott on the brink of recovery, just to have it ripped from his grasp. He could see Scott listening and understanding his words. He could see him internalizing the information. What was he missing? What was he doing wrong?

"Are you trying to tell me I can't do this?" he shouts with the lightning. "Then for pete's sake, quit bringing me these stupid opportunities! I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped! Why are You doing this to me?"

Breathing heavily, Justin slowly stops, enveloped by the rain and thunder. His words shouted in frustration had never sounded more selfish. This wasn't about him, or what he was capable of. This was about Scott. This was about what God would do in Scott's life - Justin was just a tool.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, in any case Justin had ever had, he'd gotten too close. He and Scott weren't friends. He didn't know him that well, other than facts in a file. But every time he came and saw the look in Scott's eyes, Justin's heart broke. Every time he saw someone who just needed to turn around... who just needed an extra push... who just needed someone to believe in them, it broke his heart a little bit more. But he couldn't fix it. He never could. Only the person themselves and God could.

Hanging his head, Justin lets the rain keep falling on him, drenching his body and soul. In a way, this case was his last ditch effort to see if he really could help anybody anymore. He didn't do things the way other people did. He was rough around the edges and more blunt than he probably should be. He knew all the rules and often broke them, knowing full well that he was. He'd gotten in trouble for his unorthodox ways more than once. But it was who God had made him... passionate... driven... stubborn. This case with Scott... if he couldn't help, Justin knew it would be his last. Ever since getting fired from his last full-time job as a counselor, he'd picked up cases here and there from his uncle. But if he couldn't help Scott, he would move on.

His attitude softens as he swallows his pride. I'm sorry... I know it's not your fault and I know You have me here for a reason. I just don't know what to do. ...Please help Scott. Help him see there is a way up. Help him realize that the sunshine does still come after the rain. Please... take away his fear that he might live again. Whether it's me who helps him or someone else, please just... heal him.

Justin remains standing as the rain continues to fall. Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes and tilts his head back to let the rain pelt his face. Stretching out his arms, his palms catch the drops as they fall and he spins ever so slowly as inner freedom soars.