Riskier

Misty's comforting touch and soft words chip away at the walls Alec's heart was trying so hard to rebuild. Remaining quiet for several moments, he battles within himself - speak and risk an overflowing of emotions, or close up and let the hard shell return. 

Finally opening his eyes just a little, he shifts his gaze to the side at Misty. Still silent, he sits up just to shift his weight and lean his head on her shoulder. Closing his eyes again, he sighs deeply. "I was stupid... that's what happened." His voice was quiet... defeated. "Somehow, I guess I fooled myself into thinking I could get back what I most wanted." 

He pauses to swallow hard, fighting his rampant emotions. "I was surprised Ryan said she forgave me." He hadn't told Misty of all the encounters he'd had with Ryan lately. "I knew I didn't deserve it. I was even more surprised at her smile. That same smile I used to see. All of a sudden, there was this little bit of hope... that even if it didn't make sense, I might be able to get back at least part of what I'd ruined." 

Once more, he opens his eyes, just to stare into the dimly lit living room, leaving his head on Misty's shoulder. "Eli warned me to back off. He said I was upsetting Ryan. But... I didn't want to be bullied. I wanted to find out for myself what Ryan wanted. So... today, I... well, I went to see her at the shop." He stops again, trying to remember if there was something he'd missed... something he'd misread in Ryan. "She didn't seem to know about Eli and said she was fighting between loving me and hating me. I figured it was a lost cause, but I... I kissed her anyway. Didn't expect her to return it but... she did. Then she said she looked forward to seeing me again." 

Another sigh surfaces. "Figured that was a good sign. For the first time, I could almost see where just maybe I could get her back. I hadn't been home long, and she called me. Said she meant what she'd told me, but now she wanted me to back off... give her time with Tal before she could be friends with me. Said she couldn't yet let go of the things I'd done." 

Alec felt like a total idiot. Somewhere along the way, not only had he had a lapse in judgment, but he had to have totally misread something. His voice was still quiet as he finishes explaining. "I said okay and that was that. She wasn't mean or anything... I could tell she was upset, but... it was like all that stuff before just didn't mean a thing. Felt like it was all something my mind had made up so I could believe she still had feelings for me." He shrugs lamely. "I guess it just took the wind out of my sails... again. I'd been better off never speaking to her again."

As Ryan starts out with an apology, Tal tilts his head. The news of Alec having been seeing her brought on an expression of surprise. She'd... had encounters with Alec? And hadn't said anything? He tries to keep any reactions at bay, giving her a chance to continue. 

Hearing that Alec had kissed her though makes Tal's blood start to boil. Alec. The man who had almost killed him. The man who had torn Ryan's heart to bits. The man who was a liar and a cheater. He'd gone to Ryan and kissed her. And...she had obviously allowed it. 

Was the displeasure obvious on Tal's face? He didn't know. As Ryan takes his hand, his fingers automatically curl around hers, and he finds his gaze lowering to focus on their hands together. What was she really saying here? There wasn't much explanation really, and he could make up all sorts of assumptions if he wanted to, but she'd never actually said that she'd liked Alec's attention. As she finishes with asking him for forgiveness though, it was quite plain what had really been happening. She really had been battling feelings for Alec, hadn't she? 

Silence. 

Tal's eyes remain focused on their hands. And in that moment, he wasn't quite sure if he would ever understand how Ryan could have even had trouble with something like this. Sure, Alec was an ex-boyfriend. But what about all he'd done to her? What about all he'd done to him? Did it mean nothing that Alec had almost killed him? She could just... let him come around... let him kiss her... and think it was okay? Even though she'd assured Tal that she had asked Alec to back off, the whole thing just wasn't setting right with him. He wished he would have known about Alec seeing her a lot sooner, and he didn't understand why Ryan hadn't told him.

Keeping Ryan's hand in his, Tal stands, pulling her up with him. "Let's walk," he suggests quietly. He needed to move around so he could think. Locking his fingers with hers, he slowly heads closer to the water before turning and aiming down the starlit beach. "Thanks for telling me," he finally speaks again. "I'd been kinda worried that I'd done something wrong. I wasn't sure what was going on." 

What more could he say now? He was a little confused... a little hurt... a little frustrated... but he did still love Ryan for sure. She'd told him the truth... she'd said she was sorry... but was it all really that easy? 

"I'm not really sure what to say," he admits as they walk. "I guess part of me finds it hard to believe you'd let Alec that close to you at all, let alone let him... kiss you. Let alone... fight feelings for him." His hand swings Ryan's a little, not even realizing it was an obvious sign that he was feeling tense and somewhat awkward. "Someone like that..." He scoffs and shakes his head. "Well, maybe it's me that's having trouble with forgiveness. But I guess that's what happens when you get beaten within an inch of your life." Was that bitterness he heard in his own tone? Maybe. But how could Ryan have even had any trouble at all with this? Tal just didn't understand. 

Stopping, he brings Ryan around in front of him so he could see her face in the moonlight. Reaching up his free hand, he cradles her cheek with warm gentleness. "I love you, Ryan. I didn't plan on falling for you, but I did, and now every time I'm near to you, my heart just about leaps right out of my chest." 

His eyes search hers in the darkness, trying not to be upset, but trying to figure it all out. "But I guess it sorta hurts, knowing you had to fight off feelings for the guy that put me in the hospital. I know you loved him, and I get that... but I guess I don't really understand. I know I'm not perfect. I know I don't have anything extraordinary to offer a girl. And goodness knows I've had girlfriends who've dumped me for somebody better. But Alec?"

He sighs as his palm slips from her face, his other hand remaining locked with hers. "I know you said you told him you're with me now... but all of a sudden I feel like leaving my heart with you is a whole lot riskier than I thought, and... I'm not sure what to do with that."