Memories

Having his sister leave so suddenly and with such a look of anger on her face, Eli calls after her, but she doesn't turn around. Where was she going? Just to blow of steam, or something more than that? He glances back to the bed where his friend lay - so still... so weak... so helpless. It was a sight he wished he'd never remember, yet would be burned in his mind forever. "Hang in there," he whispers. 

Turning and leaving, he follows after Ryan, trying to keep her within his sights. She might just be going to take a drive to the desert and race out her frustrations. Or, she could be following through with her previous statement about Alec. Either way, Eli only wanted to make sure she was okay and didn't do anything stupid. 

Once outside, he sees Ryan take off in her car, and he's quick to mount up his bike. Heading after her, he loses her for a moment or two, then picks her up again, speeding to keep behind her. Sure enough, she was heading to Alec's. 

Not paying attention to much else, Eli suddenly realizes the traffic light was turning red and there were cars coming across the intersection. Hitting the breaks, he skids on the pavement, his muscles straining to keep his bike upright. Barely coming to a stop in time, he plants his feet on the road, growling in frustration. At least he wasn't too far behind Ryan.

Having Ryan force the door open wider, Alec takes a step back. His eyebrows rise slightly, but he was too leery to show surprise. What was she doing? 

Before he can react, Ryan's angry words are hurled in his direction with deadly venom. Unable to get his own word in and never having thought she would get physical, he never even saw the first punch coming. His head jerks to the side and he catches his balance, snapping his eyes back up to her. His gaze was a mixture of shock, anger... and pain. 

Another punch comes and he takes several more steps back, but Ryan still comes. Alec's reflexes screamed at him to react. Every muscle strained to fight back. To throw his own punch. To take down his attacker. But this was Ryan. This was the woman he'd wanted. The woman he'd been trying to get back. How could he hit her?

Another punch from her, and his fist clenches, ready to defend himself with force. But in that same moment, Ryan's words hit him like a dagger to the heart.  

"I hate you." 

And in an instant, Alec is suddenly very far away. He's in the holding cell, being brought a home cooked meal. He's in Ryan's car with her, dreaming of freedom and wishing he could run away with her. He's being handed a gift that he can't understand but treasures. He's on the beach, learning how to have fun for the first time. He's kissing her... holding her... telling her how she had changed his life around. He's falling asleep with her on the couch, having never felt so peaceful and safe. He's meeting her for lunch and laughing at silly jokes or nothing at all. He's learning how to be a friend and accept friendship. He's allowing her to teach him how to live. He's falling in love with her. 

Another hard hit to his arm brings his mind back to the present and his eyes focus in on the same woman who he had spent so much time with. Had become so close to. Had loved. And she hated him. She hated him so much that she was willing to physically beat him. Every tear that streamed down her face was like a new lethal stab, pushing him farther and farther into a place that he did not like. There was guilt here. Pain. Agony. 

And he had brought it all upon himself. He was the one who had caused Ryan to change from the smiling, confident, fun girlfriend, to this hateful, tormented woman. 

It was all. 

His. 

Fault. 

Catching Ryan's last blow before it reaches him, Alec comes to his senses and grabs her shoulders, spinning her around. Like lightning, his arms latch around her in a bear hug from behind, holding her arms to her sides so she could no longer hit him. Locking his muscles, he does not strike, but only prevents her from hitting him further. 

"Let her go, Alec."

Alec's eyes shoot up towards the door. Eli. He doesn't let go yet, with Ryan still struggling hard against him. "You come get her." 

Eli steps into the apartment, his eyes blazing with fire. He'd been standing there for several moments already and had seen enough to know what was going on. Why Alec had not fought back though, was a mystery to him. Approaching with long strides, he remains ready for anything, but doesn't want this fight to continue. Somebody would get very hurt, and even though he wanted to push Alec out the window and watch him fall, he knew that two wrongs would not make a right. 

Prying Ryan loose from Alec's grasp, he holds Ryan closely - tightly. "Calm down, Ryan," he soothes calmly, forcing himself not to use this opportunity to fight Alec himself. "Don't do this... please." 

Alec takes a step back, putting several feet between them. His eyes were dim... hollow. His hands were up, but only to protect himself, lest Ryan come at him again. But his shoulders were bent. His face the face of a man who had been beaten - on the inside.

Feeling Misty's hand on his back, Carson's muscles automatically relax - it never failed. Her touch was magic.

But no, everything was not okay. "Mm-hmm," he mumbles into the pillow.

Finally he rolls onto his back and squints up at her tiredly. He lifts a hand to run a finger down the side of her face lovingly. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

He sighs deeply and lets his hand drop. "I'm just tired I guess. Sorry." He'd said the same thing every night for a week now. Misty was bound to know something wasn't right. It was unusual for him to be this tired and distant for more than a day or two, tops. He'd always told her everything about what was bothering him. But... not this time. And he didn't want her asking either.

"How was your day?" He moves the subject along quickly to avoid questions.

Fight

As Alec opens the door and Ryan searches his face Ryan can feel her temper flare even more. His expression held no remorse, no feeling of being sorry it showed nothing and that made Ryan even more angry just looking at him.

Slamming her hand on the door and opening it all the way Ryan steps into his apartment. Pointing a finger as his chest her anger just poured out. No one hurt someone she loved...EVER! No matter what there history was, no matter what there reason was.

   "What in blue blazes do you think you were doing? Where you that jealouse....that scared...that upset that Tal was more of a man to be able to keep the woman he liked than you..."

Ryan's intent was to yell at Alec, to ream him out but  now as she stood here she wanted Alec to hurt, she wanted him to feel the pain Tal did and before she even new it Ryan's right hand flew up and cracked into the side of Alec's jaw. Another punch followed to his arm pushing him backwads.

   "You almost killed him Alec, and your not going to pay anything for it. Did you think this would make me love you again?"

Another fist was delivered to Alec as tears streamed out of Ryan's eyes. She lost all contentiousness of whatw as going on and what she was doing all that was there was pain, anger, and hate.

   "...did you think this would win me over? You couldn't be farther from the truth...Your the scum of the earth and I hate you."

Ryan's fists moved faster and harder at Alec if they landed on him or not she didn't know nor did her care. 

   "Tal never hurt anyone...He was a good guy and now he might die because of you...and you get to walk around free."

Ryan's words seemed to drowned out by her tears her own fists starting to burn but she didn't care. Seeing Tal laying in that bed, thinking about Alec being free it only drove her feather and she hated Alec had gotten her to that point. The point that would not be easy to come back from.

Hearing the front door open Misty waits for Carson to come into the kitchen. As a few minutes pass She takes a dish towl and whipes her hands off. It was odd Carson didn't come into greet her not even to tell her he was home. 

   "Carson?"

Walking into the living room and seeing Carson on the couch Misty was a little worried. Going over and sitting down she lays a hand on his back and gives it a little rub.

   "Hey Babe...everything ok?"

Little Boy

Eric chuckles and gives Ashlee's cheek a quick brush with his finger. "Good. Right now though, I'm one hungry cowboy so I'm gonna get me something to eat. If you wanna find your mom, she's probably still with Angel, though I'm sure she'll come here next." 

"What's this?" Alec looks up at Reese after having a sheet of paper slapped down on the interrogation table in front of him. 

Reese frowns and folds his arms, remaining standing. "Read it." 

Alec had been in here for over and hour and honestly didn't know why. After he'd been questioned when Eli was here, he'd just been left alone. He'd sat, he'd paced, he'd used the intercom to complain to Hal, but nobody had come. He'd begun to think they'd forgotten about him, when finally Reese had shown up. And now Alec still had no idea what was going on. 

Looking down at the paper, he picks it up to see Reese's handwriting. "Numerous contusions and abrasions," he reads aloud. "Broken jaw and cheekbone... broken leg.... crushed hand..." Alec pauses and swallows hard. He doesn't dare look up. Was this what he thought it was?

"Keep reading," Reese orders sternly. 

"Multiple broken ribs. Punctured lung. Concussion.... fractured spine." Alec stops, refusing to read the last sentence and finally looking up at Reese. "What in the world is this, and why are you keeping me here anyway? What's the deal?" 

Reese slams his palm down on the table so hard it makes Alec jump. "Finish reading," he hisses. 

For the first time since setting foot in TJY that fateful night after attacking Scott, Alec feels a fear of Reese. He obeys. "Chances of survival, 50/50." 

Reese snatches up the paper, folds it in thirds and stuffs it into Alec's front shirt pocket. "You're free to go. But you take this list with you. And you read it again when you get home. And you think about it. And you dream about it. And you live with it. And you pray that the 50/50 chance swings around to better odds." 

Alec stands calmly, even though on the inside everything felt like it was churning and going haywire. "You haven't told me who this is about," he comments dryly. 

Reese glares at him. "I don't have to. You may have beaten the system, Alec Banks, but you get one thing clear right now - I don't believe you're innocent. We may never be able to prove it. And you may walk away a free man because you figured out how to fool us. But everybody pays eventually. Everybody. If you have any speck of a conscience left, I suggest you listen to it  - that is, if you can stand seeing the blood on your own hands." 

Alec had never seen Reese this angry. Nor had he ever felt such a shock of emotions. Earlier today, he'd been walking tall, knowing exactly what he wanted and how he'd get it. And right about now, it felt as though he'd been slammed over the head with a baseball bat. How someone's words could do that, he didn't know. But what he did know was that Reese was right. He was guilty. Whether they could prove it or not. And for some reason he couldn't explain... his triumph didn't feel all that triumphant. 

Walking silently to the door, Alec opens it slowly before glancing over his shoulder. But what could he say? Nothing, lest he admit his guilt and be taken to prison. Perhaps those prison bars were what he feared the most, without even realizing it. Turning, he exits the room and speaks to no one as he leaves TJY...

...Back at his apartment, Alec sits on the floor below the living room window. With his knees pulled up partway to his chest, he rests his arms on them, completely lost in his own thoughts. The paper that Reese had forced on him was resting on the carpet beside him.

The problem with the scene was not that Alec had committed a crime or betrayed someone's trust. It was not that he had lied, hurt someone, or gone mad with jealousy. Though certainly unacceptable in every way, shape and form, it was not those that caused the true problem as he sat staring into space. No... the problem lay within his heart. For it was not the heart of a man raised to be strong, wise and caring. It was not the heart of a man who had been taught the value of loyalty, the differences between right and wrong, or the acceptable ways to control one's heightened emotions. No.... rather, it was the heart of a little boy. A little boy that had not figured out where true happiness resides. A little boy that had become a man before his time. A little boy that felt tormented by feelings of loneliness, insecurity and confusion. What little boy would not fight back with fists against whom he felt was an intruder? What little boy would not react with anger when feeling pushed aside? Or with harmful vengeance against the emotional trauma of jealousy? With hate against that which made him hurt inside his soul?

The problem was not with the man sitting alone in the poor situation he had created. No, the problem was the little boy sitting alone in a world full of chaotic emotions. 

Guilt. Alec tries to swallow the acidic taste in his mouth. Something makes him pick up the paper again. He'd read it five times already. Tal. It was about Tal. Tal was lying in the hospital bed barely alive... and it was all because of him. Why wasn't he happier? Why wasn't he celebrating? They would know now he meant business. They would know now how serious he'd been about getting Ryan back. They would all know that he was one to be feared and respected. ...Right? 

Picking up the nearby phone he'd been allowed to hook up only days before, he dials the number still scribbled on his arm.

"Cutter? Alec." His tone was icy. "What in the world do you think you're doing?!" 

"Whoa, whoa, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the job I hired you to do."

"And? I did it. Or didn't you hear?"

"I heard alright. I heard that Tal's in the hospital half dead because of you." 

"I'm impressed he survived."

"You were supposed to just give him a scare!" Alec raises his voice. "You were supposed to just rough him up a bit! I could have put him in the hospital myself the first time if I'd wanted to!"

"Hey, man, I did exactly what you told me to do. Far be it from me to take my job seriously."

"Seriously?! That's what you call this? You broke bones, Cutter! You almost killed him! It wasn't supposed to happen like that and you know it!" 

"Look, if you're not happy with the job, then I'm sorry. But you better still pay up, or you're gonna be next." 

Alec's eyes narrow. Cutter was a big guy, but Alec could take him down if he wanted to. "That won't be necessary. I'll pay. But don't expect me to ever ask you for anything again, and don't expect me to help your reputation any. I should have known better than to hire a bloodthirsty goon like you." 

Slamming the phone back in its cradle, Alec thinks he might be sick. He blamed Cutter for the severity of the attack. But in reality...it was still his fault. Why didn't he feel good about it?! Why was he feeling guilty??? He didn't understand!

A sudden pound on the door makes him jump. No one ever came here. What could anybody want? He remains silent and listens. If it was someone from the Elite, they would have said so. Nobody else cared to see him. Odd. 

Standing and trudging to the door, his socks scuff on the carpet. He was in no mood for any company - good or bad. Peering through the tiny peephole in the door, his eyes widen and he takes  a step back. Ryan. Ryan was here? Why? A cold chill runs down his spine as he remembers seeing Eli earlier. The anger. The bloodstains. The ire to kill. And the look on Ryan's face now was not much different. 

Alec is tempted to not even answer the door. But what kind of coward was he? Whatever Ryan had to dish out, he could take. Whatever she had to say couldn't hurt him. She might know that it was his doing that got Tal in the hospital, but that still didn't mean she had any proof. And if she was just angry with him, eventually she'd get over it. This was what he wanted, right? 

The fragile naivety of a little boy's heart can often lead to false confidence, lined with pure hope that wrongdoings can somehow turn out right. Yet those hopes can also be quickly destroyed, leaving yet more confusion in a searching soul.

Alec unlocks the doorknob and the deadbolt and slowly opens the door halfway. He stares into Ryan's eyes, his expression blank. It was a blankness that hid the yearning below the surface. "Yes?"

Carson enters the house after a late evening at the restaurant. He needed a shower, but at the moment, he was tired. Slipping off his shoes, he heads straight for the couch. He could hear Misty working in the kitchen - she probably had waited up for him to make sure he got a good meal. He'd usually go in and greet her first... but not tonight.

Hitting the couch, he lies on his stomach and buries his face in a throw pillow.

Pay

Ryan gives a nod to her brother. Somewhere inside she new this wasn't her fault but she couldn't get head to agree with her. She still felt like this was on her shoulder, and if it wasn't for her Tal never would of gotten hurt. She should have known better.

Following her brother into the room Ryan wasn't sure what she expected but it wasn't what she saw. Coming closer to Tal Ryan could feel her heart race and her eyes start to pool a little more. It was so hard to see Tal like this he looked....horrible.

   "Oh Tal..."

Softly Ryan places her arm on his shoulder as she looked down on her. Her anger for Tal increased even more as she continued to look at him. How could anyone do this to someone as sweet as Tal. Alec had no right to get off and if she was the one to teach him a lesson than she would.

   "You hand in there you hear me Tal, you dont give up."

Looking to her brother and than to Tal Ryan shakes her head and whipes a tear away. It was rare for Ryan to cry but she couldn't help it this time around. Turning around from Tal Ryan looks to Eli a flame in her eye. She was beyond upset, hurt, and sad.

   "Alec can't get away with this I wont let him."

Leaving the room there was nothing more she could do here right now so her next destination was Alec's apartment. Exiting the hospital she dosn't look behind her and if Eli was calling to her she had no idea. Her mind was focused on one thing. Getting to her car and hopping in Ryan revs the engin before taking off with a screech. 

...Getting to Alec's apartment Ryan parks her car and gets out seeing his bike parked there he new he was back home now. Getting inside and knocking on the door loudly Ryan stands there the fire in her eyes and her arms cross over her chest.

Looking up once more and seeing what Eric was saying was the truth Ashlee gives a smile. It was nice to know that Her mom and Eric were still friends and he wasn't mad at her. It was a releaf and Eric was so soft about it, it was nice.

   "Thanks Eric that means a lot."

Feeling the tug on her poneytale and hearing Eric still wanted her in the barn in the morning made her eyes light up and she smiled even more.

   "You bet I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for anything."

Still Friends

Eli's own face relayed his worry - he hoped beyond hope that Tal really would be okay. This was so very unfair and wrong. He'd done nothing but be kind, and this was how he'd been repaid. It was despicable. 

Eli turns to stand facing Ryan, taking her by both shoulders and staring at her sternly. "This is not your fault. Not yours, not mine, not Tal's. This is completely Alec's fault and I don't want to ever hear you say it's yours again." 

He didn't know what would happen now. Whether or not Tal survived would determine what kind of reactions would come next. Would Alec pay? He hoped so. But he also knew the Elite's hands were tied. He didn't blame Reese, though he was angry with the system. Something had gone wrong somewhere. 

"Alec will get what he deserves one way or the other. Whether it's now or ten years from now. But in no way shape or form is it your fault, do you understand me?" Eli loses no sternness. He loved his sister to death and would not tolerate seeing her blame herself for something like this. "We did take Alec seriously - we just didn't know how far he'd go. But even if we had, this still might not have been prevented." 

Pulling Ryan in for a tight hug, he kisses the top of her head, never realizing how much like his father he was being. Stubborn. Proud. Loyal. Loving. "It's gonna be okay." His voice had lowered to a softer level. "It's all gonna be okay." 

The minutes couldn't possibly go by any slower. The hours dragged on. Finally, finally, the doctor returns to tell them that Tal had made it through this initial surgery and they'd done what they could on his lung. He'd been moved to a room in the ICU and was not awake, but they could go see him briefly if they wanted. He was far from out of the woods and they were monitoring him closely - right now, it was a 50/50 chance he would survive the night.

Eli leads the way to the room, determined to see Tal for himself. Only when they'd arrived does he give his sister a solemn glance. Though he'd seen Tal in his worst condition in the alley, Ryan hadn't, and this would probably be somewhat of a shock. 

Inside the little room, monitors and machines beeped and whirred. On the bed, Tal lay silently...unmoving. A tube from his mouth ran to a breathing machine, while wires connected him to multiple monitors and an IV rhythmically dripped. The right side of his face was covered in bandages, as well as part of his head. He had been cleaned up, but stitches and bruises could still be seen, and his closed eyes were dark purple and swollen. A neck brace held him immobile. His right hand was bandaged and in a brace, while his leg, under the sheet and blanket, was elevated slightly, wrapped and in a splint. If one did not know what had happened, they quite possibly would not even recognize him. 

Ashlee's apology and the sight of her tears makes Eric's heart crumble. He'd feared she had noticed his offishness, but he hadn't known if she knew about his and Stacy's argument. Apparently she at least knew they'd fought. Tipping his hat back on his head a little, he scoots closer and sets his hand on Ashlee's shoulder. His eyes are gentle and reassuring.

"Let me tell you something... First, you ain't caused any fights. Your mom and I had a bit of a misunderstanding and things probably should have been handled differently - but you didn't do anything wrong, okay?" 

He didn't want her to feel badly - none of it was her fault in the least. "Second... your mom and I had a good talk to day and we're still friends. I'm sorry if I ain't been around as much the last couple days, but I hope we can get back to normal." That was the best he could do without telling her too much. 

"And third..." He leans a little closer. "If I'm ever mad at you - which is nearly impossible - I will always talk to you about it so we can work it out. But as it sits right now, nobody's mad at anybody so there just ain't nothing for you to worry about." 

He lifts his hand from her shoulder, reaching back to give her ponytail a teasing little tug, and he grins. "So tomorrow I better see you in that barn ready to help me out."

He's got to be

Ryan could feel her own blood boil as Eli talks about how once again they said nothing could be done because there was no proof. She new what Eli had done to Alec was wrong but he deserved it and would not scold her brother. Shaking her hear she was about to say something but stops at the dr comes in. Standing with Eli she just listens.

Hearing everything he had to say Ryan couldn't believe the damage that was done to Tal. How could anyone do that to someone so nice? Even if they had been jealous or  mad and now the one who inflicted the harm was getting away scott free? That wasn't far and Ryan new it.

Ryan can feel a tear form in her eye. From anger, hurt, sadness it all mixed together and she wasn't sure what one she was feeling more. Eli's hand in her own was a comfort though she couldn't even imagine what Tal looked like.

   "No he doesn't, if we had just taken what Alec said seriously...this wouldn't have happened Eli. This is my fault."

Ryan would stay till they were able to see Tal than she had something she needed to do of her own. Her mind reeling...she wasn't sure if the whole thing with Tal could of been avoided but she felt guilty about it anyways. She hated Alec for what he did and there was no way he could get away with it. She'd give him a peace of her mind, and let him know there was no way this changed anything with them.

   "He's gotta be ok Eli, he's got to be!"

Looking up from the table Ashlee gives a smile at Eric. She was happy he'd gone to look for her mom after he had been so upset with her. She thought she new the reason but there was so much more she didn't know too. 

   "Thanks Eric for being the one to find my mom."

Glancing down again and running her finger along the table for a second Ashlee couldn't help the small feeling of guilt for making her mom and Eric fight. Looking up again she her eyes held small tears that were trapped behind them. Maybe it was joy her mom was ok, or the fact that she had caused a fight or maybe it was both.

   "I'm sorry I got you and my mom into a fight. I didn't mean for that to happen. I just...I don't want you to be mad at me for it."

Maybe it was the lack of having a father that cause Ashlee to be scared that Eric would not want to spend time with her anymore now. Or that her mom might have been so upset that she said he couldn't be around her but Ashlee hoped that wasn't the case. Over the last few days she new he was avoiding her and it killed her to think they couldn't be friends anymore.