Cruel mixture

Seeing Chuck coming over to her, Susanne shrank back a little further. As he appeared in the doorway, she swallowed hard and could hardly look up at him. Her cheeks burned so badly, she though for sure she must be as red as a tomato. That thought simply made it worse.

Her eyes move down to the CD for a moment. He'd out it together... for her? He wanted her to have a CD of him singing? Her? Too timid to take it yet, her gaze moves up to meet his eyes and her insides seemed to melt all over again.

Terror coursed through her veins - but it wasn't a fear of him. No, she was not scared of him in the least. She was simply scared of her own feelings and things she'd never experienced before. It was something she wanted so badly yet was so afraid of at the same time - a cruel mixture of fear and longing.

Searching Chuck's eyes, her own well up with tears - she was sorry for hanging up on him, overcome with feeling so special, and now she was embarrassed on top of it. They'd had fewer dates than she could count on one hand. Yet those soft brown eyes were eyes that she felt like she'd known all her life. She'd told him he didn't want him anymore, but he'd showed up anyway... to sing to her... to treat her like no one else ever had: like a princess.

His request to tell him to his face that she wanted him to leave hangs in the air and her lower lip quivers. She'd been so determined on the phone. But looking up at him now, it was impossible to repeat what she'd said to him. "I... I can't."

Backing away, she turns around and wipes her eyes with her sleeve. "You're the only man that can make me feel like an idiot and it isn't even your fault." Keeping her back turned, she folds her arms and stares at the wall. She'd told Chuck before that being with him terrified her. But did he really realize how true it was? "I don't.... I don't know how to have a friend like you." Her voice quivers as a new tear rolls down her cheek. "You're all I can think about, but when you ask me out, I want to cower in the corner and say no." She sniffs. "I'm not used to living in a fairytale. I just... I don't know if I can do this. I'll end up ruining the whole thing and I'll just make you unhappy." Not to mention, what if it really didn't work out? What if she started to depend on having him around and then they'd have to part? What then? And yet, would she be having so much trouble now if Darlene hadn't been all up in arms?

Poor Chuck. The last time they'd been out, she'd been convinced she could do this. She'd had a great time and she'd given him the impression that she was willing to give this a try. And now... now she was telling him that she was backing out. What must he think of her? She was probably confusing the tar out of him - she didn't mean to though. It was just all these stupid feelings getting in the way.

Covering her face with her hands, she groans. She didn't deserve to be in a fairytale anyway. She was positively the most absurd woman on the planet. She had no idea what was wrong with her - she never acted like this. Flipping back and forth between saying yes and no and leading Chuck on just to turn him away. "Just shoot me now," she mumbles. "Just shoot me and leave me wallowing in my miserable no-life...life."