Being embraced by Bree, Gunner’s arms wrapped tightly around her, just holding her close. “I’m okay,” he assured quietly. “I’m okay.” He moved to the chair and sat down, pulling her down in his lap where he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry I worried you.”
He withdrew just far enough to rest his forehead against hers as his hand gently stroked her cheek. “I didn’t get kidnapped or hurt or anything like that.” His head hurt. His body hurt. His heart hurt. But it was by no one else’s doing. “I just…I was gone… from myself… from everybody.”
It took a moment for him to go on. Though things seemed a little clearer now, and though Father James had helped him think through some of his issues, he knew it was still going to be a long road. He could feel within his battered heart that he couldn’t just fix and forget all he’d been through.
“I…was wrong. To just take off.” His eyes fell from hers as he fought his raging emotions. “I lost track of myself… I lost all track of time. I…I don’t even know if anybody tried to call me or anything. But I know I worried you, and I’m sorry.”
Now that he was here trying to explain all this to her, his guilt increased. It all sounded so self-centered, no matter how far out of his mind he’d been. How desperate. How broken. He swallowed hard before settling back in the chair so he could see Bree’s face highlighted by the sun that had almost disappeared below the horizon. He loved her so much…yet his heart was overshadowed by so much pain.
“After talking to Hope and your uncle…” He was sure by now Bree knew all that had happened at the office. “…I just… I couldn’t handle it. So…I ran to the first place that gave me peace after the accident. And…” He shrugged. “I don’t remember everything. It’s all kind of a fog. I didn’t mean to disappear. It just…happened.”
He bit his lip and dared a new glance at her eyes. His own were so weary…so full of desperation to fight the darkness that was trying to hard to overtake him. “A friend helped me think straight again, and…I came back here. To you. ‘Cause you’re the most important thing in my life. Not the past.”
Ashlee hadn’t been riding? Eric was surprised to hear that one. And who on earth would be grumpy? Save Jim, but he wasn’t around much anyway. Eric squinted at the young girl, noting her lack of happy smile, and the fact that Stacy had to prompt her to say anything else. He’d thought she wasn’t upset with him since she’d come to eat, but now he wasn’t so sure, and her last comment threw him for an even bigger loop.
He blinked and shook his head. “Fun stuff? With me around?” he teased. “Since when did mucking out stalls and sorting tangled tack become so entertaining?” He took a small bite of lasagna, but also threw Stacy a confused glance. Was he the only one that sensed Ashlee’s strange behavior? Maybe the girl had just had a bad day or wasn’t feeling well. For all he knew, at her age she could be hormonal, and he wasn’t going to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole. Something seemed more off than that, though, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe she just needed something to cheer her up.
“Tell you what…” He lowered his voice and glanced around as if making sure no one was listening before leaning in closer to Ashlee. “I’m in the mood for a midnight ride tonight, if your mom will let you. It’s a perfect night to see the stars. That is…if you want to.”
In reality, he was exhausted from being on the road, his body ached, and he knew he needed to get some good sleep. But if Ashlee agreed to go riding with him, then at least he could eliminate guessing if she were upset with him.
“Wait, wait, shouldn’t you –”
“I’m fine. It’ll –”
“But you should wait.”
“Just give me a couple minutes.”
“You shouldn’t be –”
“Oh, quit worrying.”
Lydia sighed and threw her hands up in the air before she turned to head back to the kitchen. “You are as stubborn as your father.”
Jared smirked and shook his head. Yeah…he probably was. And his mother was right – he probably shouldn’t be trying this on his own. But he was going stir crazy, stuck between his wheelchair and bed all day every day. Even though he saw Grace a couple times a week and got out of the house, he was still confined. She’d come over for supper a few times again too, but, like always, he was still stuck in the house. Getting out and about was just too much hassle yet – other than that one time he went to that church picnic…which…had been interesting. At least his arm was out of a sling now. He’d been back in the hospital for a few days the week before after getting sick again and dealing with some more lingering effects from the accident. One of these days, he hoped he’d never have to see another surgeon again.
Still standing in his bedroom doorway, dressed in an old t-shirt and jeans, he looked down at his legs and the two new crutches strapped to his forearms. His fingers gripped the handles a little more tightly. He’d stood on his own plenty of times lately – he could get himself around a bit…right? He hadn’t tried this yet with Grace…and he really wasn’t supposed to be moving around so much after last week’s surgery…but he was bored out of his mind.
Ever so slowly, he inched his feet forward, one at a time, leaning heavily on his crutches for support. Making it down the hallway, he stumbled a few times, but managed to catch himself against the wall and keep on going until he’d reached the front door. Though still in his bare feet, he continued his route out onto the front porch. He’d made it. All by himself. And the fresh air felt oh so good.
It took a little doing, but he managed to ease himself down into the porch swing before setting the crutches aside. He couldn’t remember enjoyed just being outside before all this had happened. He’d always been so busy…so intent on his next job or next trip or next scheme. He’d never taken the time to just…be. Not until recently. Until all he had was time. And Grace. She was…the warmth of sunshine itself.
A painful muscle spasm in his back made him stiffen and cringe until it passed. Well, that’s what he got for being too adventurous. The doctors had warned him to be careful as he increased his activity.
He slipped his cell phone from his pocket and maneuvered with his thumb to find Grace’s last text message that said what time she was coming today. Maybe he’d just stay out here until she came.
