2/16/10

Long Night

Looking back to her Uncle Bree gives a little shrug. For a moment she'd had the energy to get up and go after Trent. Trying to offer words that would help, but now...now she was just back to the state she was before.

"Same old same old. I just had something I needed to do."

Looking out the windows again Bree study the stars some more as the melody Jason's played seemed soothing in the background.

Leaning her head into Ryder Thirteen just soaked up his comfort. She wanted to stay up longer incase Trent came back but her eyes wanted so badly to close over the emotional strain. Maybe it was best if she did go to sleep. She new who her father was now, and if he didn't want anything more to do with her at least she could tell people she new him.

"I guess...I should head back to my bunk. Not sure if I want to sleep yet but...maybe just some time alone with you would be nice."

Thirteen tryed to gives Ryder the best smile she could but it was hard. She was more confused now than she had been before. Would things work out? Would her father talk to her again. Letting out a sigh Thirteen stands, waiting for Ryder to walk with her.

Rosetta new her brother felt bad, She didn't want him to. There had been worse things she had delt with even if she acted like this was the end of the world. Its was just everything going on at once, and trying to hold it all together was hard.

Sitting down across from Eric, she scooted over a little so Jeff could join them if he liked too. The night was far from over, and in a way Rosetta was happy about that even if her eyes showed signs of a little tiredness setting in.

"I couldn't go to bed now if I wanted to. There is to much to do once the others are asleep. Not to mention my brother whom I haven't seen in a while and I though could possible be dead is here again. I think its catching up time."

Thoughts

Not having heard anyone come in the barn, Bree's voice causes Trent to jerk to attention. Looking over at her, his eyes hold his surprise. Not only was he surprised anyone was out here, but he was doubly surprised it was her. He knew about her and why she was here, and he had probably exchanged all of three words with her this whole time. What could she possibly have to say to him?

Remaining quiet, Trent just lets her talk. It must have been quite obvious, the situation with Thirteen. For a stranger to pick up on what was going on. But then... what other conclusions could someone draw from seeing a father unwilling to recognize his daughter? The scene had spoken for itself. Realizing that Bree had figured out much of it left Trent with a more severe churning in his stomach. If it had been that obvious, he really must have done a bang up job on the whole thing.

His eyes fall to the floor, but he doesn't move to leave. By now, he felt pretty numb, so Bree's words didn't sting too much. It was apparent that Bree herself had had a rough upbringing and somehow could relate to not being loved. Is that really what Thirteen felt? Unloved? Father or not, Trent was a stranger to her. How could she expect love from a man who didn't even know her? Yet was that the small pang in his heart?

Trent leans his head back to rest against the wall. What did Thirteen want answers to? The past? He probably couldn't answer half of those questions anyway. What could be accomplished by digging it all up again? She'd had a bad past, his hadn't been great... why rehash it? Was it really that important like Bree was assuming? Trent could remember a time that he had wondered about his own parents. But he'd also seen the harsh reality that sometimes parents just don't care enough or have higher priorities than their children. He'd never want to go back and try to build a relationship with that. He'd never want to try just to be hurt again and again and again.

He'd seen it happen with kids who'd come to the ranch from bad family situations. No matter what, they'd always return to their mother or father, just to be hurt again. Trent had always wished he could get them to understand it wasn't worth it. But instead, everyone else who knew better could only stand back and wince as it happened all over again.

It didn't make much sense to him, and here was Thirteen, his own daughter, saying she loved him and wanted to be with him, when it was obvious he had intentionally kept her at arm's length. Didn't she know she was better off keeping her distance? Maybe she wanted answers and she had some romantic idea about what a father should be... but the truth of the matter was that he wasn't father material and there was nothing romantic about this whatsoever. It wasn't a storybook world and Prince Charmings didn't exist. It was reality. And the fact of the matter was that Trent felt in no way to be adequate enough to be a father.

Even so... he couldn't deny that little pang in his heart. He cared and he knew it. That's why he'd gone to her in the first place. That's why he'd sent Ryder money to make sure she was well taken care of. That's why he'd given her a nice Christmas gift. But she had a very childlike view of what a parent should be and Trent wasn't so sure he could live up to any expectations at all.

All of a sudden, Trent realizes that he's alone. For how long, he didn't even know. But Bree had disappeared as quietly as she'd appeared, her words still lingering in his mind.

Sighing, he stands up and wanders to the door. He was beginning to feel the cold and he couldn't remember when he'd felt so weary. Back outside, it's to his bunkhouse this time. Inside out of the wind, he lies down on his bed and pulls a blanket over himself, not bothering to undress.


JT is surprised when Bree excuses herself, but he lets her go, trusting she was safe and knew where she was going. Lost in thought for a while, it's not long before his niece is back again and he offers her a small smile, though again she'd become so quiet. He missed her perky mood.

"You okay?"


"Hey, hey, shhh." Ryder rocks Thirteen a little. "Nothing was your fault, okay? You didn't ruin anybody's evening. See?" He points to where Jason was starting to play his guitar again. "Everything is just fine and nobody blames you for anything." He kisses her head again, wanting her to just have a good time, but that was a lot to ask at this point. "You wanna stay here and sing a little more, or you want me to take you back to your bunk?"


Eric tries to give Rosetta a smile, though he did feel badly about his reaction. He shouldn't have hit Trent no matter how upset he was, and he knew he'd just added fuel to the fire whether his sister would say it or not.

"Thanks... I'm glad to be back...." He looks at her a bit ruefully. "Couldn't you tell?"

Sighing, he takes a sip of coffee, enjoying the warm drink. "Long night or short night, Sis?" He did wonder if they would be staying up late to talk later, or if Rosetta thought it best just to break up for the night.

...Like Me...

Walking the commotions from the quiet corner she had been sitting at Bree was silent. Her own sorrow, and problems seeming so far away now as she focused on someone else pain. She couldn't help but understand where Thirteen was coming from. Though for a much different reason she new what it was like to not have the love of a parent. And at the same time, she did feel a little bit bad for Trent too.

Looking to her Uncle Bree lets him know she would be back. Why she wanted to go after Trent she wasn't sure but after spending the last week maybe even longer here she had observed in her quiet hours of sitting. Everyone deserved love.

Slipping out of the dinning hall Bree scanned the ranch. Half looking for where Trent might have went, and half making sure it would be safe to go after him. Though the ranch was well lit with everyone still awake, Bree new she had to observe her surroundings anyways. Seeing the quick light from the one far barn as the door opened Bree new where Trent had gone.

Slowly making her way off the porch Bree could feel herself shake just a little. Why she was doing this, she still wasn't really sure but it felt like, like maybe she could help someone else so they didn't have to go through the heartache she did. Finally reaching the barn Bree quietly slips through the door and closes it behind her shutting out the bitter cold. Scanning the area she see Trent on the hay bail and walks to one of the stalls closest to him. Quiet for a long moment she just watches him as her words form in her mind. What she wanted to say she wasn't sure, and where the words came from she didn't know. Bree told herself she wouldn't stay long. Her Uncle would be worried, and she was without her jacket as well. She might be depressed but the last thing she wanted to to freeze to death.

"The love of a family is something we all want to have. To some its right in reach, and to others its so far away. I can see why Thirteen wants to know you so bad, all my life I wanted to know my parents, I wanted there love and I never got it, I know now I probably never will."

Letting out a sigh it was hard for Bree to admit that out loud. She'd never said those words before, not even to her Uncle. Now saying them to a stranger...it felt so odd. Leaning against the stall railing Bree picked at the wood.

"She loves you so much, and she hardly knows you but maybe deep down even if she cant remember, there is a link, a bond that she does know you and she just wants your love in return. She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't understand, she has questions only you can answer and there is nothing wrong with that. If anyone should ease her mind and answer them it should be you."

Bree finally looks up at Trent, her own eyes were dry, and her face held no real emotion. But if one looked deep enough into her eyes they could see the glossy glow, and the power that she really did believe in what she said. There also seemed to be an unknown wisdom there far beyond her years.

"If there was ever a time in your life to make things right again this is the time. Just don't abandon you daughter now that she knows you and deny her the one things she so desperately wants, and needs...if you do...she'll end up like me, and thats not entirely a good thing."

Giving the wood she had been picking at a gentile slap and looking around the barn for a moment. Her words had seemed so powerful that it even scared her a little never saying things like that to anyone before.

Pushing off the railing Bree didn't know what else could be said. She only hoped her words had touched Trent's heart, and he would reconsider getting to know his daughter. Every child needed there dad, every woman needed there father, and it would be horrible for another person to finish there life without.

Turning Bree makes her way out of the barn once again. This time taking in a long deep breath of air ans the wind stung her face. Though it was cold it felt good as a single treat rolled down her face. Taking a quick moment to look up at the stars Bree new Gunner was under the same ones, and it gave her a tiny bit of comfort thought he was far away, he was still with her.

Making her way back to the dinning hall Bree slips back in returning to the table she spend so much time at when she wasn't cooped up in the little room. Returning her gaze to the marks on the table Bree said nothing about where she went it wasn't a conversation that should be spread around.

Sitting so still close to Ryder at the table Thirteen can't help the tears that came from her eyes. She didn't care who was around and who was watching, She'd come so far, and now everything was a mess. She wanted it to happen so much differently.

Seeing her dad get slugged by Eric it had sent chills through her as she tryed to block it out of her mind. She wanted good memories of her family, and so far it hadn't gone at all like she hopped. Did she makes thing worse?

"I'm....sorry...I just..."

Thirteen sniffs between her tears.

"...I...ruined everyone's night."

Turned around and looking over the back of the couch Katie hated to be nosy but this had to do with her family too. Pulling on Jason's strained emotions Katie felt so bad for Thirteen and Trent. In a way she couldn't help this was a little bit of her own fault.

I can't even imagine how she feels right now J. I feel so bad for her.

Turning back around and slidding back down on the couch Katie gives a nod to Jason.

Come on lets try and lighten the mood a little.

Leaning into Jeff a little bit Rosetta felt so numb. She didnt know what to do and her heart ached for Trent, and for Thirteen. What was she to say to them? She didnt know how to fix this mess.

"Ok!"

Hanging Eric his coffee Rosetta lays a hand on her brothers shoulder. They would talk a little later over some more coffee once the other had gone to bed.

"Its ok Eric, I am still happy you home."

Temper

With every one of Thirteen's words, Trent feels like he's being kicked in the gut over and over. Each heartfelt phrase drove spikes into his heart... his wretched heart that had caused this mess. Oh, if only years ago he had been wiser.

His eyes stay on the floor and he makes no move. He doesn't look up at Thirteen, but stands as a beaten man, the only sign of life being the red heat crawling into his face. What could he possibly say? There was nothing... nothing at all that could even do justice. He had no reasons. He had no answers. He stood here as a man condemned for his ways, in front of the entire family. He had failed. Years ago, and today. And he had no idea how he could ever fix it again.

Seeing that Trent made no move to even respond to Thirteen, Eric gives Ryder a look and toss of his head to signal he should take Thirteen away. Ryder understands and gently takes Thirteen's arms, pulling her back from Trent.

"Come on," he prompts gently. "It's okay. Come with me." Guiding her away, he takes her back to where they'd been sitting, easing her down next to him. Putting his arm around her, he rubs her arm and kisses the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay. You didn't do anything wrong, alright?" He only wished he could take her pain away.

Once Thirteen has moved out of the way, Eric steps up to his brother. "So you're just gonna stand there, huh?" he hisses. "You're gonna stand there and say nothing to your own daughter. Hasn't she suffered enough? Isn't going through heck and back once enough?"

No response. "Look at me," Eric begs, but Trent would not. "You selfish-" Cutting his own words off, he hauls back with his right arm, coming in with a strong fist to Trent's mouth.

Trent's head jerks and he stumbles back a step, but he makes no move to retaliate. Emotions flood his eyes but he still does not look up to meet anyone's gaze. He could feel all of their stares and could feel the condemnation for secrets he had kept. Licking blood from his lip, his head is still bent as he slowly turns around. Not bothering to get his jacket from the other side of the room, he slowly goes out the door into the cold night air.

Eric's fists are still balled at his sides, his temper flaring. Once Trent is gone though, he lets out his breath, feeling stupid. He looks to Rosetta with a mix of sadness and guilt. "I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I just... couldn't take it." Retreating to his chair, he sits down again, pain shooting through his leg and he winces, trying to settle down again before he injured himself further.

Ryder had heard a continuing argument and had looked up in time to see Trent get slugged. Though a part of him cheered, another part of him felt pain for this man. How could someone live like he had? How far did someone have to let their heart go before denying their own blood?

Sometime amidst the whole episode, Jeff had wandered closer, and now puts an arm around Rosetta's shoulders. They all knew how hard she was trying to make this a good Christmas despite the bad, but it wasn't made easy when things like this happened. "Come on," he coaxes. "Let's sing some more songs and make the best of it, okay?"


By this time, the music had ceased and Jason's emotions were strained.

Well... that went poorly. I never thought Thirteen would come to any conclusions on her own, let alone the one she did about Eric. Crap, she must feel awful.


Clint's eyes were still wide as he looks to Wendy and blinks. Trent had a daughter? Thirteen was his daughter? The older generation didn't seem surprised... apparently they'd known about this? What really was going on? It looked as though Trent had kept everything a secret from Thirteen but it had apparently gone horribly wrong tonight. Clint looks down at Chase who was so tired he'd managed to fall asleep through the chaos. He couldn't imagine not claiming this child as his own. How had Trent done it?

He glances back to Wendy, sadness and confusion in his gaze. He'd thought secrets of the past were over. Apparently he'd been wrong.


Trent closes the door of the barn and leans back against it, holding his breath for longer than he should before letting it out slowly. He felt like he was gonna throw up and he was dizzy.

Wiping his lip again, his hand draws away just a little blood. He'd deserved the punch... he deserved more than that. If Eric had gone further, he probably wouldn't have fought back then either. If he'd been pummeled into the ground, it wouldn't have mattered. The shame he carried with him couldn't just be washed off with a few kind words. No... it was deeper than that. He'd brought disgrace to this family from day one, first by being with a woman in ways he shouldn't have, then by harming the family itself through the Agency, then by scarring the Pent name by being in prison, and now by turning away from his daughter.

Taking a shaky breath, Trent goes to a nearby straw bale to sit down, rest his elbows on his knees and bury his face in his hands. It was cold in here and he was without his jacket, but warmth was the farthest thing from his mind. All he could hope for by now was to leave quietly enough not to make any more disturbances.